/brit/

embarassing greentext stories of intimate encounters with females edition

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/hD00VxijWlo
youtube.com/watch?v=xgBq6q4x8Fw&t=330s
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

>de gay

/éire/

anime

Can a bong help anglicize a name?

youtu.be/hD00VxijWlo

raah this choons wavey bruv

plymouth is actually an alright place

>be me 1 year ago
>fat, ugly, socially awkward khhv
>start dieting and doing a bit of of excercise
>be me about 5 months ago
>still overweight, but feeling good about my self and very confident
>still khhv though
>begin making new friends, chatting up girls
>start talking with 7/10 girl at my bus stop
>eventually become great friends
>no longer handholdless
>get so close that i feel comfortable enough in asking her out
>no longer kissless
>we become a lowkey couple, only our group of friends know
>i get too cocky
>get a little too close with this 8/10 in one of my classes
>she's definitely into me (i do not know why, i might have lost weight but im still only a 4/10)
>i give in
>i begin seeing her
>she belongs to a different friend group, these groups aren't aware of eachother
>i dont worry, figuring its unlikely ill be found out
>both girls start telling me that we'll fuck soon
>im on top of the world
>BUT THEN
>one of my friends sees me with the girl he doesnt know about saturday
>i begin shitting myself
>beg him not to tell
>tells me to fuck off
>does it right in front of me on his phone
>absolute massive shitstorm ensues
>both gfs are mad af, promptly begin spreading how much of a cunt i am
>both friend groups abandon me
>LITERALLY everyone knows by monday
>today even one of my lecturers gave me banter

>still a virgin

Honestly the worst I've ever felt. I flew too close to the sun... and I was doing so good. I haven't even wallowed in this place for months now. I just did in a tub of Ben and Jerry's. I really don't think I could recover from this so long as I'm still in the same city.

youtube.com/watch?v=xgBq6q4x8Fw&t=330s

Fucking Yanks

Ah yes I remember freshers

I broke down crying at one point so a girl had sex with me to cheer me up

reppin' Marx

will not even give that dumb yank prick who just responded to me a (You)
but thanks for mine

doing a think

how often do you think the follow people masturbate

rosy
sara
aisha
beth

test

KEEP FUCKING LIFTING

Pondering whether you deserved it
Will get back to you after some quiet reflection

You got too greedy

>Weigh myself this morning
>BMI of 30.1
>Literally on the cusp of not being obese
>Going to head to gym
>Gym clothes are still wet
>See flyer for pizza hut that's been put through the flat door
>End up ordering a fucking garlic butter crust pizza

Fuck my life lads

The self-loathing is real right now

hahahahah fake greentext stories hahahah "erm--your moisturizer is really nice hahah ermmmm

>they're making HS2 longer

why do Tories hate nature?

>want to play some bf1
>2 GB update file

ah yes

Your friend is a faggot.

lol'd at your self control. r u homer simpson

nobody cares about your pathetic failures you pathetic failure

You deserved it
Just don't do it again

I've been waiting 2 hours now, still another 35 minutes

fuck off nimbycuck

This though, some fucking friend.

You deserved it but still, what a cunt.

Seem to alternate between decent will power and shit will power

I can fast for a day or go to the gym 5 days straight but then I end up binge eating or something fucking stupid

>election every 4 years
>2 year campaign period
>2 month transition
no wonder yanks never get anything done
lazy fucks
british empire 2.0 when

this

>le epik long winded dragged out completely untrue memetext with punchline faec

murder yourselves

mind if I save this reaction image?

me before getting groomed by some makeup wearing nonce

you've arrived in the northern powerhouse

if your willpower is inconsistent, you don't have willpower

if you were serious about losing weight you'd do it properly for half a year with no days where you failed
otherwise you have no right to say that you have good willpower at all

bit rude lad

Multiculturalism is a religion.

>be me
>be in uni
>gone to precisely 4 lectures this semester
>not a fucking clue on the modules


not the only one, r-right?

GOLUPTIOUS GIMMICKS!! GET YOUR FRESHLY TOASTED AND SALTED GOLUPTIOUS GIMMICKS! STEP RIGHT HERE FOLKS

please more EPICCCCCC GREENTEXT HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

>it's a 'people without a british flag telling others to leave' episode

England north of London genuinely makes Scotland look like an earthly paradise

That'll be 20 quid mate

How do you even get a job with 3 other applicants? That's still only a 1/4 chance of getting the job

How do people even get the jobs with 800 other applicants

Just be yourself

FOY

...

>its a 'Joe has another one of his meathead UFC/D-list 90s comedy circuit friends on the show' episode

>semester

foy

67452505
no you also join the likes of sara

by having ties with someone already working at that place

>need to get developed vetting (Top Secret clearance)
>have no friends for them to reference
>have no past partners and am a virgin
>have no social media or online presence

Am I fucked lads

Also I torrent A LOT, but I'm sure there's no way of checking my internet history

its alri lisicki third year sucks wang

be better than the others

Is that Sinead "Irish but Worship Nordic Gods" McCarthy?

*builds a wall*

Lost 3 stone before coming to uni over a month and a half but put that back on when I started drinking heavily and getting hangover food

I don't think inconsistency means poor willpower. There's studies about showing that willpower's effectively a finite resource, although over time you'll become more and more accustomed to doing what you've been using willpower to do with less willpower.

Trump is reddit personified.

this gave me a chill down my spine as it reminded me of a similar tale i went through when I was just about to enter my adolescence

>13
>meet a girl, 6/10, she's been around but i don't care, she's all over me, lowkey flirting, I'm 13 hormones are all there
>we were kissing and feeling, she's about two years older than me
>i was at the top of the fucking world
>we only shifted (made out) about 3 times
>i start to become interested in another girl as she started to flirt with me, a good 8/10
>i reached for the forbidden fruit by flirting with her and soon the house of cards starts tumbling down
>gf breaks up with me because of the flirting
>never got anywhere with the other girl
>this along with just entering secondary school and failing to get with yet another girl absolutely crushed my confidence going into secondary and I remained a kissless cunt throughout secondary till my final year

Lesson to be learnt is when you have it all don't get greedy

u home office or fco brah

yes

Army

>builds a ladder

>I don't think inconsistency means poor willpower
you lost 3 stone and a half and put it back on, so due to your inconsistent willpower it's as if you've done nothing at all

stop talking shit and prove me wrong fatass

100 people applied for my job
99 turned up for a small test
20 got interviews
me and 5 others got hired
the other 5 all had family within the company, not a clue how I blagged it

a bit proud of the execution of that gimmick tbqh, lads. heh

me and my man grandad (yes I'm adopted)

*lights the beacons*

didn't leave my room from friday to monday, was just playing vidya all day

The worse part of this is that you dress up like American Blacks.

>tfw dont have this problem because i have no social skills to speak of anyway
Conflicted feels.

I just eat 'cause I'm sad and sad 'cause I have low self esteem 'cause I'm such a fat fuck because I eat so much tbqh ;_;

why are you begging for sympathy? grow up

Janny ban me I don't care I just want some answers before I'm kicked out.

>17

>dick is barely 3" and that's being generous by pushing the ruler down and pulling back the flab

L A D S. IS THIS NORMAL?!

>paying 9k a year to not attend lectures

lol

nah bruv mans got our own swag

>paying 9k for uni

anyone here done a PhD?

starting one next september

basically just applied it so I can get another four years of uni but I've heard they're quite hard

If you're a fat cunt like you make out, then lose weight and your dick will look bigger.

>interested in girl
>begin messaging her
>get to know each other for a few days
>ask her out
>make plans for next week
>keep talking in the meantime
>question of past partners comes up
>tell her i dont care how many she's been with to make her more forthcoming
>find out she's dated 30 guys (including first dates and pre-adolescent crap, so it probably comes out to ~8 real relationships)
>thought she meant she's fucked 30 guys
>send her a lengthy message telling her i dont want to see her
>corrects me and says she's been with "8 or 9" guys, so 10 or 11 in female math
>still dont want to date her but i think i could fuck her
>she's extremely pissed that i lied to get her to tell me how many guys she's been with
>try to salvage it
>blocked at the week

i have a PhD in Science

reported him and shan't be giving him any answers

Nah, just reflecting for some reflecting on myself for some reason on an anonymous British thread on the international board of a Japanese/American anime website

I'm fat and depressed but desu I've probably got a better life than you

Nobody cares you fucking yank.

what kind of bloody fokin prick can be such a fokin lad cunt that has no bollocks mate
COCK UP YA RUBBISH WANKER

>i have a PhD in Science
>american university subjects

i have a PhD in Maths.

any job i want. 300k starting.

>the other 5 all had family within the company
fucking disgusting

are you a charming 10/10 or something

I have a PhD in Feminist Climate Studies.
AMA

my PhD in Science allowed me to foresee this exact reply

there's no chance you have a better life than me, i'm 6'2" and built like a sainsbury's self checkout

I have a PHD in fedora posting

have no idea what do people with a math degree actually do
teach math in uni?

>have no idea what do people with a math degree actually do

cant you read? they do anything they want.

thread said to give green text stories so i did

>master's in chemistry
>very few jobs
>£22k starting

*surreptitiously opens justeat.co.uk*

I'm pretty average in most aspects of life

They spend the rest of their lives looking for a job for their degree while working at McDonalds.