I know I'm at the wrong place to ask this

I know I'm at the wrong place to ask this.

How do I make some good friends.


I'm 28. In good shape. Decent looking. 6/10. I have no women in my life. No girlfriend. No friends.

I work. Go to the gym. Stay at home. I have depression and anxiety issues.

Help.

Just go to a bar, get lightly hammered, offer someone a cigarette become their mate. Simple, son.

No

I said good friends.

Not cancer ridden bar rats.

What he said

Get a hobby bruh

Do you have any hobbies? Anything you like?

This

Fuck off and die then?

lets start by being less of a picky bitch, that could help

Nah, no point in getting "friends" if you want friends. You have to be selective.

I enjoy power lifting. I work third shift so at times I'm at the gym there usually isn't many people. I don't socialize well. I'm so anxious I just am always uncomfortable.

And I don't connect well. No one ever tries to be my friend. I'd say 95% of the friends and girlfriends I've ever had has been me Being the aggressive one.

It's never like

>hey user let me get your number and we will get a beer

Or even
>hey user you got a Facebook?

There's never a connection

I would rather not have friends than shit ones.

I don't deal with people who do drugs. Drink all the time. People who don't have a job or a car.

I'm 28, almost 29. Not 16

Why would anyone want to be your friend? You have to be picky with your friends, right?

I like to get a cock up my ass

I'm kind of in the same boat. I've got a girlfriend (of 8 years) and a few close friends, but I have no real "bros." I just want some guy friends to screw around with, you know? I know it sounds dumb, but like, I don't do anything with anyone.

I'm a first-year teacher (I'm also 28 years old btw) and there are a couple of guy teachers around my age that seem like cool guys, but how the fuck do I befriend them without coming off creepy?

I hang out in the faculty room with them sometimes and they're always joking around with each other and shit while we get some work done, and I'll chime in every now and again, but it feels so forced and unnatural.

I used to make friends no problem, but it's like I'm retarded now or something. I don't know what happened.

Well just do that yourself then?
Life is not gonna wait for people to give you what you want. You need get it yourself.

Lol, good fucking fucking luck, you smug piece of shit

Use the meetup App to join some groups like Computer science in Melbourne or Linux User Group in berlin

That's good. Try to engage people with similar interests. Just start a chat, how do I X (better lift weights to build muscle, etc...)

I don't smoke and I don't drink. I don't go to bars or clubs.

Why the fuck would I want friends that do? So they can come to my house and bitch when I run them outside to smoke because I don't want my home ruined ?


Or so they can take me to a smoke filled club to watch them chase the same sluts that are there every week playing,the same music.

I did that shit in my early 20s

I would rather not have friends than shit ones

I don't deal with people that don't look further than "oh he smokes" or powerlift, instead of something useful like additional studies or hobbies that are actually interesting.
I'm 16, almost 17. not 28
>this is how you sound

well now we know why you don't have friends

Go to a place where a drink is expensive then, its not like your life has to be completely boring, just because your almost 30. +28 is really still a Party age for a lot.

Sup Forums extended the hand of friendship
You spat in their faces

Well then, have fun staying friendless.

Have a personality and find someone who's personality you like, hang out with them.

this

common interests op

So Sup Forums thinks it's either make friends in a bar or nothing at all?

Friends with co workers

Yes or no?

the problem isnt that you dont smoke or drink, a lot of people do that. the problem is that youre super judgemental of people who do. youre a bummer, learn to talk to people, in coffee shops, the gym, go join a book club for fucks sake and just talk to people and dont be a judgey bummer little prick

OP I have so many friends that I roll in like 3 different crews of friends. I don't understand why everyone here thinks it's so hard to make friends. In fact it requires you to do almost nothing. All you have to do is enjoy somebody's company and your fucking doing it.

Don't listen to these fags. That was terrible advice, you don't want some scum as a friend. Replace bar with ckib/meet up that does an activity you enjoy, say rock climbing for example. Gong to the activity first will help with the depression, and you can meet friends there.

Fuck I don't know, I met most of my friends during my 'I'm an art student so I may as well become a vegan and go to concerts for bands no ones ever heard of phase'. I never became a vegan but the rest still applies

this. i took up shooting.
found a wife have kids and i go on safari to africa once a year.

true story

Find people with common interests go camping with them and pile fuck

In my experience, no. Keep work and personal life separate.

Everyone is judgemental over everything.

I know it's 2016 and everyone is so enlightened. So progressive and excepting

> I don't judge man. Whatever it's cool. It doesn't affect me.

Everyone judges. And when I think of a friend. It isn't someone sitting in a smokey bar drinking. And on top of that being so unprepared for the night he's already out of cigs and I have to give him one. Fuck that guy

OK not wanting drug addict friends is one thing. Hell, I was a drug addict myself at one point with lots of drug addict friends, and I know just how immature, unreliable, and annoying we can be.

But to not want to be friends with someone because they drink occasionally and smoke? That's kind of an immature attitude. Lots of people drink and smoke, and they're not all drug addict wastes of space.

Eliminate the prospects with track marks and keep the others in the running. Otherwise, I don't know what to tell you. Join a church?

>going to the gym does nothing to improve anxiety and depression
Heh.
Frail little faggot like me probably gets more tail than you.

I would say you are a well adjusted individual considering most people are two faced back stabbing douche bags. Don't feel bad that you want to reach out and make a connection. Just don't cast your pearls before swine.

kek i see the problem now

just die alone you judgmental faggot

i've met a lot of people like you, and everyone hates being around you and everything about yourself

>Everyone is judgmental over everything.
I used to be like that because I was totally insecure and judging others made me feel less awkward somehow, like I would fixate on their social discrepancies until I just became annoyed, but that just turned me into a misanthrope.
Reserving judgment opens a lot of doors though. I mean yeah I judged your post to determine the best course of action to take, but I don't take it over-the-top by assuming a lot of other bullshit about your personality with little evidence.

So like whats the etiquette for making friends at a bar? Like is it common to just go on your own and like sit up at the actual bar and talk with people there?

wanker

I smell Eliot on you

It's like once anons see a post that has been replied to so much they also want to reply to it. Why is that?

I think it does help people. It helps me to an extent. Just not enough to not be miserable.

Most people go to bars with the exact same intentions as you, and drink because they're anxious too, so yes, strike up conversation with a random person and try to find common interests to make a solid connection with them. Eventually you'll get better at this because people as a whole will start to boil down to simple interactions.

After reading all your comments, i hope you die alone. You sound like a whiny, immature little bitch. The sad part is, you probably don't see it and you never will.

everyone calling op an asshole are the cancer ridden bar rats that hes avoiding lmao

have you tried asking a shrink instead of fucking Sup Forums?

i used to be like you until they pumped me full of cymbalta. now i'm a baller ass nigga, nigga

And you wonder why you don't have friends.

Because Sup Forums is trained. They automatically think because something has been responded to a lot it is worth responding to.


Go into a big thread and make a post. Wait 100 posts with it not being responded to.

The same fag it five times and watch others notice it.

That's not it. These fine anons clearly enjoy a drink and a smoke once in a while, which is completely fine, thus they are triggered by OP being very condescending about this activity.

Lmao user. Don't be an asshole. Replace Bar with any activity you like or just compliment others. People like it when you say nice things about them. Jk thats mostly women.

OP look up Dunning Kruger your answer will be there

No even women think that's insincere and creepy unless you genuinely mean it in the most platonic way possible, or if they already have a romantic attraction to you in the first place.

>bar rats
what the fuck is this, 1920s?

not everyone at a bar goes there everyday nor even every weekend. They're places for friends/acquaintances to meet up and shoot the shit. If you don't drink, that's cool. You don't need to judge people who like to do it socially. You sound like a 1st grader who just got told by some fucking tiger or eagle mascot motherfucker not to drink or do drugs because you'll die.

dude thats living the life idk whats bad about this

For example check his trips.

Hey OP i had a similar problem i eventually found out people felt intimidated by me especially guys when aroung girls

What happened to all the friends you used to have?


Setting out to make friends is like setting out to find a soulmate each day. You'll either find her or you won't.

Friendship is the same thing, you can't make it happen. If you click with someone then just keep it going, otherwise just try and enjoy your life. When you look happy then perhaps people will want to come talk to you.

If you blend into the background everywhere you go then no-one will notice you and you'll have to be aggressive as you were before to make any sort of connection.

Common interests, trust and respect are things to look for in yourself and offer to other people, if you click then maybe they'll reciprocate, few people set out to find friends these days, but you can make them easily by being more open, less judgemental and obviously less anxious.

Smile at people, make self deprecating but amusing comments with the two guys you seem to like, if you make a gaff then be embarrassed, but don't let it stop you doing it again..within limits obviously.

Be noticed because you're kind and generous of thought and heart. Be yourself, if you're looking for real friends then that's a must..and be comfortable with being yourself. That's why those two guys have a bond, they like each others real selves.

Needless to say, if you're a shallow, selfish, bigoted and arrogant prick. Then you'll need to change or you won't get many friends. Also see misery loves company. The friends you do get wont make you any happier than you are.

Happiness is an illusion, if you're content count yourself lucky.

I could say that because I'm 220. Have tattoos. Strong as fuck. I like kind of intimidating.

But I was just as friendless 40 pounds ago as a weak fuck.

It's the depression and anxiety. I have dark circles under my eyes. No one wants to be friends with some depressed fuck.

Plus I'm anxious and uncomfortable. No one likes that either.

No one will ever say this

>that guy was cool. I loved how he chewed on his finger nails, stuttered on words and his eyes darted around uncomfortably. We should hang out with him more

Stop being such a judgemental prick OP.

I've made friends with all different people and it's kept my life interesting. I'm a scrawny little shit with glasses; I like foreign movies and reading books and traveling and shit. One of my best friends is pretty much the exact opposite. He's a real manly man, works on cars, hates reading, loves smoking and drinking.

We're bros, though. Not sure why... I think -- and this might sound really gay if it doesn't already -- we kind of admire each other's traits, the ones we lack.

Anyway, you're counting people out before you've even GOT people to count out. Remember, you're the one without friends.

I am in similar situation. I move to study to Germany, meet a girl. We date for some years and we marry. I have no friends here, no my friends, just friends of her. It sucks..

you deserve to die alone
fucking do it already

>What happened to all the friends you used to have?

High school friends were all shit drug addicts. So I don't talk to them.

College friends have moved away. Gotten married. Had kids. Shit like that

join the nazi party. all the cool people are in the nazi party.

Depends where you live. I live in Bristol in the UK and people are still allowed to be charming without it being considered harassment.

Admittedly I'm a decade older and my outdoor persona is that of an older generation gentleman, including dress. So it doesn't come across as a con, or smarmy. Most sentences around here end with "my love", but then that's part of the charm of living here and not having the neo-feminists breathing down one's neck.

Bump

>we kind of admire each other's traits
So he's the dominant and you're the submissive in denial.

Listen bro, I'm basically you, been there, done that, here is the best thing that worked for me.

1- if you smoke weed, become friends with your dealer and other potheads, offer to smoke them up = instant friends

2- Get a Mcjob (any shitty part time job will do) people who work at those places are usually nice, I know it's crazy getting a job to get friends, but it helped me in college after working at the school cafe, plus meeting chicks.

3- it's hard, but DO approach other bros at the gym, say hi, introduce yourself, and ask if they can spot you. As for females you can say something like "hey is my back strait? I can't see from this angle" they'll tell you, thank them, introduce yourself. whenever you see them next time you can wave hello and it'll go ahead from there.

4- if you need a girl, OKcupid is the shit, make a cool profile, be honest, and message all the girls you like. OKcupid is 70% ugly bitches, 30% actually nice and cool girl (people like you, no friends or partners, but females). I've smashed many, many girls (and made friends, found weed connections this way)

5- recently I founds the app Whisper. you can make friends there too "I'm going to X gym anyone workout there too?" I responded to a post like that and now I have a professional trainer as my workout partner, gives me free workout sessions and I'm seeing mad gains.

6-Again, for girls, just approach them and introduce yourself, shake hands, and start a convo, if they're smiling you're in, ask them to grab a beer or some food, DO pay for it the first time at least.

I'm a sand nigger (Arab) who lives in a white ass area and I made a lot of friends, and smashed a lot of pussy, although I'm not really social, not really big, not rich, and my facial hair makes me look creepy, but girls like the "manly confidant man" so own it, most people around you are faggots anyway. and hell if I can do you, I'm sure as shit you can do it too.

Good luck Sup Forumsro.

I've had a dozen or more circles of friends in my lifetime, I could call any of them tomorrow and carry on where we left off.

People have telephones, even Internet for communicating. I still consider the vast majority of those people friends whether or not I've seen them for years. People don't really change much, as a general rule anyway.

Why not meet up, or at least talk to some old buddies? Remind you how it feels to be friends with people again. Then you'll know whether you've got a chance with anyone in your current life circles. I'm headed back to South London this weekend, where I grew up, for a dead friends 40th bday party.

That's what friendship is, even when your friend isn't there to be 40, you still turn up to take the piss that they hit 40 before you ;)

Lucky bastard then.

go to a local game shop like magic the gathering and stuff gt involved in a local tournament and usually people there are friendly

This.
Be sure to establish yourself as the alpha due to your physique even if you have absolutely no comprehension of how magic works.

You have to get involved and invite people out to do things. It helps if you have a place to entertain people, but it's definitely not easy to start.

Yeah, geeks are good buddies if you can live with the way INTP masterrace think ;)

A hobby of any sort is a good place to start. You're there by choice, there are no deadlines or stress..unless by choice. And you'll have a common interest with the other participants. I rarely speak to anyone first, but I'll usually have an answer if somebody asks a question. I tend to get in a lot of conversations like that.

Yep

No but seriously there's actually a really good, well-written article from like 1902 that Rafford Pyke wrote called "What Men Like in Other Men."

It sounds gay, especially to the insecure, but it's a really good read that sort of details manly friendships, how they work and what guys look for in their friends.

I like this. Whenever I go to the bar wasted I end up meeting people with no idea how it even happened. I'm beta af and socially awkward, but there have been nights where suddenly I have a hot woman sitting on my lap and the next day I have no idea how I got into that situation. Get numbers and meet up again.

Also, you've stated no friends if they don't have a car.

Cars make an already insular person more insular. You need human interaction. It sounds like the only people you talk to are your colleagues, who you dismiss for the most part.

If you got the bus home and stopped off at a burger bar/sushi stall then walked the rest of the way home, you'd have the opportunity for dozens of conversations, some of them leading to an exchange of numbers or names at some point.

You have to be exposed to people to make friends. Driving a steel box from a to b to c everyday is distancing yourself from the hustle and bustle of life, in who's crucible friendship is formed.

My friends wouldn't give a tin shit if I have a car, but that's why they're my friends not yours.

There is no Ikea for friends, for that is surely where you would shop for them. Ooh look, Scandinavian perfection and so clever too...

I prefer variety in life, most especially from friends. That's what gives your life all the experiences that you can't give it on your own.

Having one friend who's a hobo, living under a bush would be an improvement on what you have now.

It's your arrogance and judgementalness that makes you think you'd lose something in gaining that friendship.

It's nice to meet another secure user.

Especially with all the it's no longer a trap threads.

I like this and feel similarly. I have all different friends, and it's a good thing. I used to be such a judgemental prick until I got to college and realized that my roommates were actually good guys despite our differences.

I had one roommate who was sort of the quintessential "bro." Plaid shorts, Polo shirts, live strong bracelet, loved partying and shit, but he was actually really smart and sure he dressed like a douche, but he also liked watching foreign films, reading books and playing the violin. He was a cool guy.

My other roommate was this emofag but he was a cool bro too. Go figure.

If college taught me anything, it was to stop judging people.

...

I find everything is balance, you're never going to find perfection in any way. Everyone will have common interests and absolute diametrically opposed interests. It's about finding the overlap of chalk and cheese.

I find that having been well exposed socially throughout life I can find a common interest or a place to start with most people.

What I lack is the desire to be social now, but even so I'll talk to a dozen people a day outside of work or circle of friends just getting around in the day.

Good manners goes a long way to having people talk to you, when they could talk to anybody. Like I said, all those interactions and overlap means friends are there for the making.

I don't know what it is; it's like we can't talk openly and honestly about our friendships. We can't move beyond "well he's my friend because we both like beer and guns and stuff." Once you start talking about "well he's my friend because I really trust him, and he's interesting and funny..." It's like "whoa ok that's gay."

I get it because we usually talk about our wives and girlfriends in that way and in those terms, but a deep friendship is still an intimate thing regardless. I don't want to fuck my guy friends, but I'd be lying if I said I hang out with them only because we have "similar hobbies." There's more to a friendship than that, even friendships between guys

Haha, yeah, most westerners wouldn't consider a man bond as love. It's rare for it to be said by a Brit or Mercan, yet the hyper macho countries like Mexico, or most African cultures openly celebrate their bonds as brothers as deeply as their bond with their wife.

Still, could be worse, could be Japanese.

It might seem that its the other way around, but I think you have to get rid of your depression BEFORE you can make some friends. Go see a doctor, they can help, not being depressed can help you socialize.

And as a matter of record I'd give my life for a friend, out of love whether they were male or female. I wouldn't generally say it out loud, but I'm happy to say I love my guy buddies too. I know they feel the same way, but like you said, not something you talk about!

It's funny you should say that because I've found it easier to make friends with people from other countries and that may have something to do with it.

It's not like I meet up with my friends and tell them how much I love and trust them all the time or anything, but it's never said -- ever. Maybe when you're really drunk your friend might slap you on the back and go "I love you, man." There's just this real stifling homophobia no matter how obvious it is that you're not gay and your friend isn't gay.

But with people from other countries, I feel like it's a little easier and more comfortable. The idea that there might be some sexual attraction there never really comes up or crosses one's mind until your friend pops a boner or tries kissing you or something.

Yep! Same here, bro.

I have friends in the same situation, I understand their anxiety issues so when I met them we go out and just lay down and look at the sky, it helps to calm down and while we are doing this all the troubles seems to disappear. So be brave, take the risk and look for someone that will help you, also be patient and have empathy w/ ur futuro bros. About the girls, when you find your real friends the ladies will come naturally. Share things as movies, music and other things to intensifies the friendship. Hope that it helps you to live your life as you wish, you can do it, you dont have to be strong to go through this, you just have to feel strong. You can do it, bro, so do it and enjoy your fucking life.

Foreign gays tend to be more upfront, without being overtly faggy about it too. We're either repressed or flamboyant lol.

good disposition.

Friendship comes about through shared experiences.

That one time in band camp. or, do you remember.

If you don't do anything with anyone then it's hard to bond.

To start with, talk to one person a day that you don't actually have to talk to.

Then move it up until it's two, then three. Then just talk to people when it's not necessary, as long as you're not annoying them, you'll get used to approaching people and having conversation.

That's how most friendships start :)

How did you become less intimidating?

>smile more
>say hello, initiate conversation with people
>use eye contact properly

any other pointers for fellow anons?