Let's start a story...

Let's start a story. You decide to go on an adventure with nothing but your trusty backpack and the clothes on your back. What would you like to do?

An hero

nearest wood,

Fight ISIS

Look for people so that you can rape them

kill OP for doing this to me

Hike towards nearest human settlement while taking inventory of the contents of your backpack.

Not yet.
You frolick into the woods. You're near the edge now.

hang myself off the highest tree

You check the contents of your backpack. You have a flashlight, a bedroll, and your best friend and companion Mikey the tarantula.

Eat the tarantula.

You feel a mixture of shame and regret.

Mikey gives you AIDS

You knew he was messing around behind your back. You just couldn't prove it. You have AIDS now.

Set up camp in the woods and meditate on the shameful act of arachnibrocide you have committed. Fall into a deep sleep. Have a prophetic dream of a grand adventure.

bite your leg and drink the blood to wash down the spider

You decide you're thoroughly lost and build a teepee. The sounds of horns from the highway lull you to sleep as you remember your dear companion.

In your dream, you are a brave knight on a quest to slay the evil Wasp Boy. What would you like to do?

this

You know not of the consumption of spiders, for thou art a noble knight in this dream. You have no time for such silly imaginings.

Find wasp boy and kill him with your dream sword, but not before mumbling a Steven Seagal one-liner.

If dubs use the flashlight battery to start a fire and kill self

a big boi stops in your path, you say "oh shit whatddup!"

You find a map to wasp boy's location within your backpack! What now?

Rip up the map.

head towards church and then stab the pope

this

You destroy the map and head towards the church when you are suddenly stopped by Le Big Boi and his one-legged horse. You say, "oh shit whatddup!"

omg

that boi joins your party

Practice mumbling, "imma snatch every motherfucker birthday" as you head towards wasp boy's lair.

With dat Boi obviously.

Fuck dat boi in his ass.

Whip out my "sword" and "fight" him

Dat boi decides to become your friend! You continue your journey, quietly mumbling to yourself.

you finally get to the church. you approach the pope when dat boi starts seizing

You violate dat boi. He says, "o shit stop". You don't.

be manipulative to dat boi, clean him up, apologize, then hit him, play hard to get, then

make a mix tape and blast that shit, make your way to the church

You apologize.

Ask him to get you a drink

Find a time machine

You blast your mixtape all the way to the church.

Drink the holy water

Your mix tape is so hot it burns down the church

Tell dat boi that he is a dead meme. Proceed to impale him with your blade and desecrate the corpse with your mighty penis, which was forged by the gods.

You drink the holy water and suddenly feel empowered.

Wake up

chek't

Feeling invigorated and well-rested of course.

You double-penetrate dat boi and denounce him. You suddenly feel disjointed with reality.

With your new found emergy you decide to waste it all wanking

You rest at the nearest bonfire and spend Le Big Boi's souls on a level up

While you rest at the bonfire, you drift away into sleep and into another dream. This time you're a treasure hunter.

You wake up from the dream to only find yourself in the world of anime. A well endowed school girl collides into you with a peace of toast in her mouth.

You awake from the dream. It is now night. A chilly one at that.

You masturbate furiously to get warm

Things get a bit toasty.

Take out the batteries in your flashlight and throw them as far as you can into the woods

Take the batteries and shove them up your ass

Break the batteries open and drink the battery acid

As your masturbating, your also shitting and you shit out Mikey, who is still alive. He has mutated and has become bigger and stronger from the AIDS. Unfortunately, he feels betrayed and attacks you.

Hold your position in the camp until dawn. Pass the time by attempting to fashion a weapon out of a fallen tree branch.

...

For some reason, this doesn't make you feel great.

Go to the nearby highway and start flashing your flaccid penis in an attempt to get a ride

Feeling sick, you vomit back out Mikey who now has the burning desire for revenge

The batteries trigger a bowel movement. Oh my goodness! It's Mikey!

SHOE ON HEAD

this

hug mikey, say sorry

You eat Mikey again.

then bite your leg, drinking the blood to wash mikey down

You waggle your wongle in front of the passing cars. Nobody seems to stop. Mikey is getting anxious.

this then
this

Calm Mikey down with some soothing throat singing while rythmically waggling your wongle some more.

Toss mikey into the air to scope out the place

R.I.P. thread

You toss Mikey into the air. An owl swoops in and snatches him up.

Cook

Well, shit.

Go look for a cave to crawl into

SONIC SCREAM

QUADS WITNESSED

Become shitty kung fu master, then chuck leaf at owl.

projectile jizz at owl

Niggers in the night about to jump the white boi

You find a nice cave and light a fire. Hmm... something is making noise in here.

Nigger are making that noise
about to gang up on you

Dumbass fire crackles of course something is making noise

Just kidding OP you're doing great :)

A black man jumps from a shadows!

Step to the left and watch as he burns to a crisp like the fried chicken he gobbles

You try to use the fire to remove your pubic hair so that your penis is more presentable to the black man but end up setting your entire crotch on fire

Scream "ooga booga" in order to attempt to communicate

You step to your left.

this

Leave if I get dubs

He's already clean shaven.

sweet, then fuck the black man

Oh fuck I didn't know this place was 2 dimensional

Kick a hot log at the negro. And by log, I mean the shit that is rocketing out of your anus

Present your penis to the nigger as a peace offering