/brit/

VERY special doggo edition

shit thread so far

rasheed

I deny jesus Christ

got a slightly below expected payrise

gonna go make toast in the bath

haven't seen a single good post so far today

started a pathetic-off in the last thread and forgot about sorry to anyone who replied

Really makes you think

got an urge to grab him by the handle and lob him, hammer-throw style, into orbit

Wish I could have another go at this life thing haha.

*wews*

been to 1 (one) party in my life am i a normie now

Spend 2 hours around town, got home and realised my top was on backwards
Might go take a long walk off a short pier

Anyone else here suffer from incontinence? Every time I finishing pissing there's always a little dribble that comes out a short while after.

the colonial oppression of englishmen, being ruled by absolutist scottish kings and all?

good post

>tfw so scared of failure i don't even try thus achieving the same end result as failure but without the official recognition of failure
>tfw i recognise this and still can't get myself to change my habits
hmm

>not knowing how to wee properly

you couldn't make it up

Yeah, didn't really know what I was doing the first time desu

sounds more like incompetence

I swear to give my mind, body and soul
Unreservedly
To the furtherance of our Lord
Our Lord Satan
Lord Satan designs

>academic mum talks about ripping down YES poster
>jokingly call her a colonist
>she flips out and storms off in the huff even after I explain I'm being facetious

Why can't English people hack it?

chronically tired

Paki-tier craic - fucking dreadful

half the livers didn't even know what they were living for!
second liferendum when?

I have poo incontinence because of how many times I've fisted my arse

Every time I feel a fart brewing I have to run to the toilet or else I'll shit myself.

Wish I was joking.

>there is a fetish for women pushing cars that are bogged down in mud
you learn something new every day

...

what defines a party
i went to a few so-called "gathos" but you might as well have just called them a party imho

people who are never born really are the lucky ones

tbf Stuart ascendency to the throne pretty much predates the concept of nationhood

plus monarchies are shit in general regardless of who's actually monarch

someone pointed out that I had a coffee stain on my jumper

time to slit my wrists, i guess

hope your gay degeneracy was worth it

LEL

fantastic post

stop being a cunt lad

I was a c section
I wasn't even born, I was removed like a tumour.
Shouldn't be alive.

least yer mam's fanny's still nice and tight, you can take some comfort from that

at least you can kill MacBeth

I'm not gay mate *starts a giant debate*

I just do it alone or pay an escort to do it to me

You ever use a hose ? Once you turn off the water a little always dribbles out
Its the same principle
What's the best way to avoid this cause sometimes when you tinkle little droplets of piss fly around everywhere

Good reference mate

Christmas Ball tonight lads

Can already tell I'll be waking up with the fear tomorrow

got called a cunt on an anonymous shitposting board

i suppose ill just stand on the train tracks

the yolk in my boiled egg wasn't runny

just booked a coach to beachy head

doing a poo

what makes you so ugly lad? are you obese, crippled, or just an ugly face?

got ring marks on my desk from my coffee cup

booking my flight to switzerland as we speak

A Scottish king who never returned after taking the throne.

And whose heir never even saw Scotland until he was in his 20s.

ps4 controller just ran out of battery

might kill myself

first bourbon in the pack was cracked

dialled in coordinates for a missile strike on my house

yes, yes you should

annoying but generally inconsequential thing happened to me

I'm now considering ending my life

same, but it's cause the doctor was going on holiday and he didn't want another doctor to handle it so he pulled me out a month early

didn't have correct change for the bus

cocking granddad's luger

Ugly, uneven face, also 177cm manlet
I'm not overweight or particularly skelly though

just burnt my toasted sandwich

might go prepare the rope

Ugly, uneven face, also 177cm manlet

gonna do a pogo-stick road trip in afghanistan

wifes son berated me gain

off to get a few helium canisters

the scots saw them as scottish and supported their absolutism lad

>5'10
>manlet
stop taking Sup Forums memes so seriously

i have phimosis

going to strip and hang myself in the middle of campus

it was green

my sub 170cm m8 is the biggest fucking normie ever, height really doesn't mean shit outside of memes

>177cm
>manlet

here we go...

getting waves of nausea

Angry manlet detected lmao

Short-medium term life plan: keep shagging the fwb and indulging my other vices and not getting a gf or a life until she gets bored of me and I eventually end up topping myself, intentionally or otherwise

...

are you going to kill yourself?

Ugly, uneven face, also 175cm manlet

might head to Peru and live the remainder of my sombre life as a bartender who only speaks Swahili and tongue clicks every time a person walks into my bar.

reddit: the post

im already dead

I was a good looking lad and had whores jumping at me but I was to autistic to notice
Now I'm a fat virgin

>dont get paid until the 23rd
>havnt started my christmas shopping

ruined it

76% of people won't get this joke

Like if you're in the educated 34% XD

thanks for reading it, """""mate"""""

reddit

Because they are incredibly neurotic and yet incredibly xenophobic.

They need the Union to be a fulfilling, friendly relationship between nations and as such they act like tyrants whenever anyone expresses that they don't like the English, or the Union or even that they are particularly different from the English because they feel psychologically threatened.

They want a relationship but they don't want to make an of the concessions that come with living in a relationship.

'ditt

Thanks me neither

>christmas shopping
ah yes, looks like the jews have got to this one

got 95% on my last exam


going to get the barbiturates

What's your earliest memory?

feels good being a muslim so i don't have to bother with christmas shopping

got my wheelie bin collection days mixed up

rigging tubes from my exhaust as i type this

not going out this weekend

preparing my katana for sudoku

who /keeps the nudes of their exes in a folder that they never open because it's too sad/ here?

could not even BEGIN to contemplate wanking to them again

*intervenes*

Sat in my nan's living room next to this horrid china statue she had. I know I was 2 but fuck knows what was going on

hmm

with my dad at the pub circa 1997

tubthumping by chumbawumba was playing on the radio and my dad and his friends were all smoking inside

genuinely don't remember anything before the age of about 12

don't know how people recall things from childhood, thought they were all taking the piss before i found out i just have a bad memory

i dont get it

font

I stuck a big chart on my fridge otherwise I would get them mixxed up like every week

sounds like you've been studying your face too often in the mirror or something desu, doubt your face is that uneven
if that's the biggest criticism you can come up with you're probably not that ugly, just a sperg

did she dump you?