ITT: surreal experiences while traveling abroad

ITT: surreal experiences while traveling abroad

>be in Lisbon this past August
>be hungry, decide to get lunch
>find a café in the Baixa which looks authentic enough (no english on the signs)
>Order my bifana and beer, all in Portuguese
>old dude next to me at the counter just starts talking to me
>"Tu és francês?"
>"Não, sou Americano."
>he starts speaking to me in a weird mix of PT and French
>I ask him if he's Portuguese
>He says yes and shows me his PNR (far right party) membership card
>He goes into this incoherent rant about muslims and chinese and starts bragging about how he fought in the colonial wars
>Doesn't seem to mind me, an obvious foreign tourist

>Walking through shopping center
>Turn the corner
>See a midget pushing a wheelbarrow full of bread rolls
>I smile at him
>He turns to me and says "No croissants today, boss"
>wat

Which cunt was this?

>be in britain
>everyone is driving in the wrong side of the road
>we rent a Ford Focus to try it too
>do ok in the road, completely forget in a roundabout
>see like 5 guys putting their hands in their head
>smile at them and wave

USA

I am Greek

It's my grandpa, sorry.

Something tells me there are other insane war veteran PNR supporters in Lisbon.

This is an old one.

>how he fought in the colonial wars
>Anyone alive from the days of the colonies

Lad....

Are you serious?

African countries don't count.

There were still colonial wars, mate. And people who fought in them are still alive (about 65-80 y.o.)

Plot twist: we won.

>Fighting against malnourished Africans
>A Victory

hehe usa china and ussr team up on portugal

Armed/sheltered by the US, the USSR, China and most of their African neighbours.

It was basically Vietnam, except we actually won. I don't think anyone but us ever really won against guerrilla warfare.

Typical global superpower bantz.

>be in Ameriba
>go in Walmart to find if memes are real
>most people are fat but no one seems to poop themselves
>go outside and get shot
>go back netherland

boring

>be American intellectual in Russia
>scruffy, bald dude approaches me and says "would you like go to the zone"
>"s-sure"
>not sure what to make of it

ive never left australia never ucking will fucking hhopefuly i never have to go to the fuckign eastern states

did you shart in the zone

that's classified

>Be in Canada
>Completely unable to have fun at all
Really makes you think...

>went to italy
>try and be nice
>90 of% all people are utterly rude
>eat nice pasta
>nice beach

what is up with them? not my fault that I am more better looking than them. is it insecuirty?

>Africans supported by both the soviets and the americans
wat

r9k

Murrika
At a party
Grill in the group ask where I'm from (British surname with obvious accent)
I say chile
She ask if my dad was murrikan
Told her that my dad's family was from ireland
She replies that I totally got the black Irish look
I went into a drunk rant about how all niggers in Chile were killed, my ancestry, used the word mongrel, say something about the Jews, and that I don't look like the singer of thin lizzy
my murrikan friends are laughing
The girls are shocked
And I felt like a total retard when I remember what a black Irish is.

I went to Italy and found it to be the other way around, most of the Italians I've met were surprisingly nice. The only people who were rude were the pakistani/indian immigrants.

I was shocked when I took a cab in Uruguay, they have this meme partition between the passager sits and the driver, it was bizzare, didn't knew Montevideo was so dangerous

It's to prevent the accidental transmission of gayness from the driver to the passenger(s)

>latvia
>jump fence of strawberry farm to steal some
>head towards the greenhouse
>in the distance theres a shed in the far corner of the farm
>continue to the strawberries and fill a small shopping bag full of them
>speed walking back towards the part of the fence i jumped over
>see legs on the ground near the shed that i couldnt see before
>change my course slightly to get a closer look
>looks like someone's taking a nap?
>got a closer look and the see the colour of the skin on his hands were like purple
>he ded
>cold chills run down my body
>nope
>run off with my strawberries

>be in Itaaaaliaaano mammimmatti Monte bellucosmosos
>Strolling through a tomato farm
>See a 9.97/10 walking by
>Have to wank, had to wank, wanked
>End up jizzing on a tomato vine
>See qt coming back from afar and falling near the vine I wanked
>She ends up pregnant from my jizz and still doesn't know who is the father

Mamma Mia!

kek