Tard stories? tard stories

tard stories? tard stories

>be me
>17
>hottest summer of my life
>work as a lifeguard at local swimming pool
>every fucking wednesday local tard club comes to swim
>worst day of the week
>every wednesday its usually just me working with this other guy
>lets call him Max
>every fucking wednesday the tard club shows up, shits in the pool, and basically fucks over mine and max's day
>there is one main tard, we'll call him Megatard
>Megatard is by far the loudest, smelliest, apeish tard to exist
>the tard wranglers can barely contain the tardbeast
>fast forward mid july
>hottest day by far
>noon rolls around and the tard brigade arrives right on schedule
>they do their thing, flop around in the water and howl like usual
>i get a bright idea to mess with megatard
>the fat fuck runs by with his tard friends
>i tweet the shit out of my fucking whistle
>stops running and looks at me with his empty tard eyes
>"no running by the pool"
>tard brain processes this and he moves along with his day
>10 minutes later, starts to run again
>tweet tweet bitch
>"no running this is your last warning"
>tard lets out a grunt of acknowledgement before moving along
>of course megatard starts to run again
>tweet.mov
>"thats the third warning, youre gonna have to sit out of the pool for fifteen minutes"
>tard doesnt process it and goes in to swim again
>i blow my whistle and put the little fuck in his place
>he starts to get frustrated and starts to get red faced and grunty
>tard wranglers ask me to let him swim
>"rules are rules"
>wranglers direct him to a solitary chair
>he is fighting it, howling, red faced, the whole lot
>max is trying not to laugh his ass off from the other side of the pool
>deep down in megatard the shitstorm was brewing

should i continue?

Yes, sounds intriguing

Go on..

Do it faggot

Moar

I demand more

Bump

I like it continue

Dubs and trips have spoken.. Deliver op

...

MOAR

top kek

Keep going but dont make it so fucking long

Come on dude!!

bump for interest.

sounds promising, please cont.

Continue but hurry up. If you take too long we will lose interest

Keep going mang

bump...

OP better fucking deliver

The dankest dreamers are the hardest memers
> now hurry u cunt

Hurry the fuck up!

Do go on

contributing.
>Be me
>5th grade faggot
>Play MTG during recess with friends like the beta fags we were
>School recently put in a "buddy bench"
>Faggots with no friends would sit and wait for other people to sit with them
>Essentially social suicide
>Tard, let's call him gaylord sits down on the fucking bench
>teachers are looking for some stupid shits to play with him
Shall I continue?

op got killed by megatard boys

cont... will cap if good enough

dubs of truth

everybody continue please just want to read something amusing before i go sleeep just hurry its 3 am already

hasnt been that long, he doesnt got it pretyped prob

yea why not op is being a fag right now

Rip op
Never forgetti

Here is a screen cap while we wait

Why would you not just finish the story
What kind of faggot splits it into two parts for no reason

will dump my tard stories, not mine but stuff i capped

Don't bother asking if you already started the story. People need to remember that this is Sup Forums; a glorious place where we shove our opinions and stories down each others throats. Just do it don't ask, because that's some shit a woman does when telling a story.

I got megatard alone
>Where i wanted him
Made sure no one was looking and put his down syndrome cock in my ass

alright faggots more is coming

>Megatard is dragged to his perch
>he is howling and squealing like a pig being raped
>i walk over and ask them to politely keep him down, he is disturbing other swimmers
>tard begins wailing about how he wants "swimmies"
>kek
>"please be quiet, or ill extend your wait time"
>that sets the little fucker off
>screams ensue, swimmies being demanded
>he is flailing uncontrollably
>tard wranglers struggle to hold him in place
>max walks over and asks if there is a problem
>the tard lets out a "REEEEEE" and then falls silent
>he stops flailing and just stiffens up
>tards face grows red
>you could visibly see him forcing it out
>ohgodalmighty.wav
>another loud grunt and he tension is relieved
>tard wranglers stumble back in horror as putrid odor emits from Megatard
>other tards have gathered to watch their overlord at work
>the foul smell was burning my nostrils, max was trying not to shit himself laughing
>Megatard reaches into his swim trunks and pulls out an eight inch long shit stick
>the wranglers are too shocked at first to stop him
>one final REEE before the shit stick was launched in the air, hitting a femtard and then splattering in little pellets on other tardlings
>the screams were ear shattering
>tears flowed and arms were flailing
>i couldnt even help but laugh at this point
>wranglers struggling to grab onto the tards as an all out tard warfare broke out
>tards tackling other tards, crying and wailing filled the air
>megatard just screaming in pleasure

grand finale coming up

>Playing Magic
>Format exactly the same as OP
>Let's call him gaylord

No, don't continue

to smol
cant read

seems fake

...

Fucking kek

ok. I'll continue mine.
>We look as antisocial as possible
>Teacher fucking walks to us and asks us to be gaylord's "buddies"
>Basically no choice
>We walk over to gaylord
>Says hi and flails his arms around, trying to wave
>He thrusts his arm towards the soccer field, saying "tag"
>we tell him we can't play tag, there's soccer
>He throws a fit and runs to the field
>Teacher tells us to go play with him anyway
>He goes to the middle of the field and starts hitting people telling them they're it
>We are forced to join in
>Kids are screaming at us
>Teachers are screaming at us
>We all try leading him away
>He pushes us down
For the record, this kid had been held back 2 years and was fucking huge.
>Kicks us in the face and runs
>tfw I get detention for having poor judgement and not stopping him
>tfw he broke my nose

top kek

...

Yes, just yes

Contributing
>be me 16 yo fag
>got high first time that day decided to do it again at night
>go outside while mom is asleep
>smoke it and Yada yada
>sit in grass for 15 mins
>high has really kicked in
>walk down my dirt road wandering
>not really realizing where I am
>it's pitch black but I can see clear as day some how
>the high dies down and I come to
>I notice I have no idea where I am
>I look around really confused and I'm exhausted from walking for about two hours
>wellfuck.jpg
>I find a patch of grass in the middle of a field and lay in it to nap
>wake up next day
>where the fuck am i
>remember what happened, and start walking and towards the sun, since my farm had the sun rise behind it
>walk for ten minutes
>sees my house
>"what the fuck"
>goes inside
>thinks for a minute and realized i laid in the grass for an hour and half

I was expecting something a little less fake.

this thread is good thread. keep it up, Sup Forumsros

...

>walked around in the dark but it wasn't dark
>slept in some grass but I didn't
>was high but I wasn't
>wake up next day but I didn't
>but who was phone?
wat

still dump

bump

the megatard finale

>tard chaos surrounding max and i
>we cannot contain our sides
>simultaneously being yelled at by wranglers as they try to control the tard battle
>right when they think they have it subdued, Megatard gets hit by a flailing tard arm
>he immediately REEEs with all the force in his downy lungs
>tard wranglers cant even assess the situation
>i look over at megatard
>the ogre like creature has pulled out his 10 inch rock hard tard cock
>its absolutely fucking massive
>hes just fucking going to town
>his arm is pumping so fast you can just see the blur of his massive retard cock
>screams from other tards erupt, causing more havoc than before
>the wranglers turn the focus onto megatard, who is absolutely obliterating the top layer of skin on his uncircumcised dong
>they dont want to touch the beast for obvious reasons but it must be done
>they reach and grab at the tard overlord, pulling him down and trying to pull away him arms
>they cant make the 300 pound lug budge
>tards screaming so loud i nearly lost my fucking hearing
>max has reached a point where he tries to help subdue him
>terrible timing max
>tard lets out a final roar and blows his chromaload everywhere
>tard semen spews through the air in what felt like slow motion
>tard cum is fucking everywhere
>max gets most of it on him, some lands on me
>other surrounding tards are victims to his golden shower
>megatard goes limp and sits down on the chair
>his grunts have subsided
>max has spritzes of tard semen on his cheek
>im laughing so hard my sides have erupted
>the wranglers remove tards from the premises, surprised they didn't airlift the massive post-orgasm tardbeast
>the tard club doesnt come back to the pool all summer
>never see Megatard again

i have more megatard stories that are less funny from early summer but that was the highlight of his episodes

Roemer will forever be my favorite tard stories

can someone cap all three parts of this?

...

Fake as fuck, OP is a fag.

>chromaload
This makes up for the entire thing being fake.

my name is jared too m8

We had this one tard back in high school, his name was Solomon. I think he had autism or something, don't remember his exact issue.

Any rate, one of his "things" was if you made the finger gun motion at him and said "bang!" he'd fall over and pretend he was dead like he'd been shot. We used to abuse the shit out of that. We'd do it when he was late for a class and running down the hall. He'd just drop mid-stride. It was pretty amazing.

So, one day, one of my buddy Jordan decides to take this to the next level. He brings a cap gun to school (this was pre-Columbine, and in Canada), and starts "shooting" at Solomon.

Solomon flips his shit, starts screeching, kicks a massive fucking hole in a wall, then runs down the hall, out the door, and down the street.

The principal had to chase him down in her car.

Alright,My turn.

>Be me
>Niece's birthday is coming up
>Decide to get her an MLP Toys,Little girls like that shit right?
>Head over to walmart and examine the pink isle
>As usual,Some MLP Toys were there.
>Suddenly,a fat hairy gorilla looking fuck comes over to me with a disabled guy
>he is wearing a button up shirt,sandals,and a fedora
>His tard friend has blue hair,drool on his chin
>"Oh,Another great fan I see?"
>"...What?"
>"URHUBUHUHRUHGUHBUBUBUB" his retard friend chants
>"Hmm,Indeed chester,indeed."
>I take a toy and try to go away
>"Oh,Are you sure you want THAT one?"
>"Its for my niece's birthday,man."
>"Thats the limited edition twilight sparkle..."
>"UUGHURHGUHRUGHUHBBB" the tard sputters
>"Indeed we should,Chester.Indeed we should"
>wot
>he grabs the edge of his fedora and slowly tips it over and over again
>He then starts to tip it faster
>It sounds like a motor starting up
>he goes faster
>spaghetti flies out of his pockets and his tard friend turns into spaghetti
>wot
>the spaghetti wraps around his body
>He turns into a giant spaghetti tard monster
>He sputters out a tard moan and flings a meatball at me
>I dodge the meat and run for my life
>I took the toy without paying and head back to my car
>then I was spaghetti

fucking twist endings always get me.

its fake but made me laugh

The most humorous thing about this story is trying to picture that we are made to believe this is true.

>be me
>see fluffy thread on Sup Forums
>post 79 pictures of shit and shitty toilets from ever expanding collection
>thatwillshowthem.jpgif
>take a dump while I jerk off
>smear my chest, face and balls with my ass' products
>cum in my own mouth then google "shit in toilet" as I swallow

fake

Someone needs a Watson, don't they?

...

Fake and gay, in fact, so fake and gay that it contaminantes every surrounding post with it's fakeandgayness.

that meme was SOOOO 2 years ago.