Dumbest things youve ever heard thread continuing from here >>685006318

dumbest things youve ever heard thread continuing from here pic unrelated

Hearing the news that Netflix banned the use of VPNs, my friend told me that Netflix had "hacked all VPNs" to stop people from using them on their website.

dumb nigger working under me was backing up a truck and slammed into a trailer at 10mph then when i brought it up the next day denied it up and down, as soon as i said i saw him do it all he could say was oh..

This is a youtube:
/watch?v=cVfBPMzlLSU
I have heard just about every single one of these more than once.

>>have you tried sucking dick yet? maybe you like it

A girl I dated once grew up in an extreme Christian compound. She believed that two HIV negative men could MAKE AIDS by fucking each other.

What? You've never made AIDS before? :^)

No I always buy mine at the store.

what the fucks a compound, sounds creepy

>:^)

kys

What's wrong?

"Refugees welcome"

Basically where a cult lives. One guy has a bunch of farmland with some cabins or whatever on it and encourages more believers to move onto the compound with him and praise the Jesus.
Like a hippie commune, but no drugs, just Jesus and lies.

"I'm getting married"

stupidity

Hey man you should go onto Sup Forums it's this really cool website.

...

LOL true

My xwife's boyfriend once asked her "Hey honey? Why don't the sun get wet when it rains?"

I was down picking my son up for his summer visit, and at SEVEN years old, my kid tells a grown ass man "You, are too stupid to breathe aren't you?" I have never been prouder of my boy as I was right then!

Top kek

That's just fucking great.
"Why don't da sun get weyut?!"

Friend back in high school once told me "I'd rather jerk off than get a blowjob" Let's just say the question of his sexuality became a major topic of rumor over the next few weeks.

Honestly, I had to walk away when he said that. I was actually rendered speechless by the magnitude of that man's stupidity. My only thought was "KILL HIM BEFORE HE BREEDS!" Thankfully gravity, and a poorly anchored deer blind took care of that problem for me about a year later.

i remember now reading about one where this girl was givem off in marriage at a super young age on cracked, fucked up sounding

"Obama is going to make an excellent president!"

Sociology chairman during my senior year of college

he didnt fuck up too bad for the people who acutally matter

Most ultra conservative religious groups, who congregate behind walls tend to be insanely fucked up. Read up on Jonestown if you want to see what those kinds of people are capable of.

i remember jonestown now that i think about it, fuck man id say im glaf you came out normal but you're on Sup Forums

>gravity, and a poorly anchored deer blind took care of that problem

Ok this I have to hear.

hes right, you brought it up, now you have to tell us

Not the same guy you were talking to. I just used to live like 2 miles away from a Mennonite compound. Those people are TRULY fucked in the head

TRUMP 2016

i'm not eng native speaker and i have to google it, but thx man you made my day, you or the things i took for the pain.

Apparently he went out and bought a $450 tree mounted deer blind. And when he put it up, (And this is just the story I got from my xwife, so it's not first hand knowledge) He forgot to bring a power drill to make sure the anchor screws were actually BITING into the tree. Opening day of deer season 2012 he climbs up into his redneck ivory tower, sits down, and 45 minutes later the whole fucking thing goes a little over 20 feet straight down. Fractured his skull in the fall, and bled to death from a brain hemorrhage on the way to the hospital.

Ironically his name was Johnathan Darwin

i still like jacking off more than getting a blowjob since most girls dont know how to suck dick and porn is fucking fake so stfu.

Faggot found. That was quick.

AHAHAHA, ahh... darwin

now i'm laughingh so i think i get out of here to get drunk at my club

"Bats are old rats"

I was CTFU at "Red Neck Ivory Tower" personally. The darwin thing was just gravy after that!

In physics class the Moon conspiracy comes up

>Who cares if we went to the Moon?

No pseudo intellectual bullshit, come the fuck on...who cares if we broke the mortal tether? Who cares if we achieved the greatest and most important feat of modern times?

"dumbest things youve ever heard thread continuing from here pic unrelated"

That's quite logic. Negative x negative = positive
(-1 x -1 = +1)
Religion wins

Microwavable Pizza Bagels > Moon Landing ijs...

Youre welcome guys. I love telling that story. It never fails to evoke some laughs.

DIE

And yet she doesn't believe in naturalistic abiogenesis?

Some fucking retard from brazil who thought the galapagos islands were in greece.

I never came from a blowjob. Fuck that shit.

...

>In physics class the Moon conspiracy comes up

Why would this be allowed to come up?

Though repeated headdesk in highschool Art History: teacher believed aliens built the pyramids and would talk about it every so often.

I think all the discoveries in medicine are a lot more important than landing on a shitty rock that isn't even that far away. Humans will be extinct before they have been able to get farther than our milky way.