Alright Sup Forums how good are you at masking your depression in real life?

Alright Sup Forums how good are you at masking your depression in real life?

Also general feels thread.

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youtube.com/watch?v=P1mC9hxnLyM
youtube.com/watch?v=xvA9mfz-8Ns
youtube.com/watch?v=3uGWtL-17y0
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Insanely good.
All my friends and family think I am pretty happy and confident.

In reality, I live in a very dark world where most things depress the fuck out of me and just getting out of bed is hard.

>be me
>18
>Still live with parents
>going to college this summer
>family shuns mental disabilities
>also, they claim depression is one
>I have to hide my depression everyday
>they are slowly catching on
>Can't tell my friends either, end up keeping everyone at a distance
>I cry myself to sleep a lot
>but all in all keep it hidden
>Can't an hero because I would feel guilty abandoning my family
>so I keep it hidden well I'd say

My depression used to keep me up at night and cause me to eat alot but over the last week I've changed. Feel tired all the time and find I'm not hungry, and only eat out of boredom

I feel you user.
I personally hide mine because I don't want the pity.

No offense but your family sound like cunts.

They are. Also they are the kind that don't go to church or read the Bible, but shun athiests. So more information to hide from them.

i'v kept my depression hidden for 5 years, family dont have a clue. always been a loner so they dont think its wierd that i stay inside all day.
my depression is at the worst its ever been. at night i cannot sleep cause i be depressed and trapped in my own mind of selfhatred.
i was suppose to end my life yesterday but i felt guilty and pussied out. one day i will be realised from this world and i am looking forward to it.
How would i explain myself in a suicide note?

ugh those are the worst.
The undedicated hypocritical christians.
If you are going to spout that shit, at least be true to it.

I feel you bro
But suicide is not the answer

You just need to slowly change you life into something that will make you happy. Slowly kill those demons inside of you. Day by day, little by little.

>10/10 gf breaks up with me for a different guy
>be me like 7/10
>about two months ago
>think about her 24/7
>tried to get her back multiple times
>she dosent want to get back
>don't know what to do with life anymore
>these two months have felt longer than the past 19 years of my life
>super depressed
>don't know how to fix it
>have tried fucking other girls ( 2 others)
>still not helping at all
>usually don't have problems getting girls so it's not the fact that I want a girl it's that I want her
>what the fuck do I do Sup Forums

problem is, i hate people. everytime im going to do something my mind races and think of every fucking scenario that han possible happend. like who will i meet. what would i stay. how shoiuld i stand, where should i look. everything goes trough my mind and its killing me and making me even more depressed. i cannot se how i can get a work and earn money

u should play more videogames

stop being a bitch

stop being a pussy and crawling at her feet go find someone else that will make you happy and show her off. -ex gf will get jealous and start trying to slide in your inbox. fuck her off and tell her how much of a cum bucket she is. stay with other girl and smash. Profit

sounds like AvPD

lol gtfo
This thread is about real, long term depression.

Not being upset about some girl. We have all been there, first few months will be hard but it will past. Especially at 19.

19 is mad young. im 28 and the gf dipped on me after 5 years about 6 monthd ago.... i went through similer at ur age but inwas with the girl for 3 years and i was 22 whenwe split.... u got ur best years comin bro. shake it off

Virgin detected

AvPD?

Thanks man

Yeah I use do that to. Had major social anxiety.
I slowly realized that people really arent paying that much attention to you, most are too involved in them selfs.

Its all in your head man, just learn to let it go.
I use to get really high before any major social event to make it easier, so you could try that.

fag detected

np dude. i lost my twin brother at 21. i learned to lose i guess

theres not easy to get pot where i live, live in a very smal town 20k people. and the second u buy shit the police knows about it cause people tend to snitch alot to the cops where i live. pot is looked upon heroin in my town aswell. people who smokes are doomed people say

and i have tought of getting professional help but i just avoid it at every turn

avoidant personality disorder, I assumed you could google.

"People with this condition may be extremely shy, fear ridicule, and be overly concerned with looking foolish."

Or it could be you have no confidence and no esteem. don't self diagnose that makes you look autistic.

Only person who can notice when I am depressed is my wife. Can fool everyone else easily.

suffer through the day and get really high, drunk or both at night

well thanks for tips and answers, getting sad and angry atmyself just talking about it so ill leave. but thanks

Ever thought about anti depressants?

I don't really mask it, if you look closely you can easily tell how depressed I am. My posture, the way I speak, my negativity. I guess I just make an attempt to hide it by calling out other people on their flaws and saying generally rude and insensitive things meant to shock people. I don't really see a point in pretending like I'm not depressed when I obviously am. I can barely eat, sleep, and establish new social connections. I have friends that I talk to here and there, and they all believe I'm pretty tough. And I guess I am. I don't ever look vulnerable or talk about my feelings, but that isn't a facade. I can't really feel anything, I basically just feel so numb on the inside. On the outside, too. I don't feel sorry for anyone and I can't have fun or relate to people like I used to. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

debating whether to come to terms with what is probably Dysthymia or something like that.

since I hit around 19 or 20 I hit a figurative wall and basically have been in a depressed state. I simply do not remember when the last time i felt joy for over more than a few hours at a time.

I've been trying to rebuild myself naturally by building confidence and self esteem, but nothing seems to be working.

I feel like taking SSRis would be like giving up, but I just want to be able to feel something other than emptiness.

This...

Also:

I make stupid jokes that people laugh at sometimes so the see me as happy person so eh

i do not understand the concept of depression, is it due to gravitational fields?

same. works pretty good

I tell suicide jokes to my friends to hide the fact that I think of suicide.

This.
Might kill myself after i receive my last paycheck. Will spend all of it on alcohol, cigars and sleeping pills.

kind of related, it doesn't get better

>be me, have love of my life secured since the 7th grade
>leave and come back sometimes because I think I'm hot shit
>knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but I was young and wanted to experience relationships with other girls
>told me she would always be there for me to come back no matter what
>ridiculous to expect but I was young and selfish
>be 16, leave again
>someone who I thought was a good friend started talking to her
>find out, 86 that shit and get back with her
>leave again because I'm so fucking stupid
>he starts back up
>realize I don't want what I thought I wanted
>justwanther.jpg
>end up talking every day and having sex very often before they're "officially" together
>promises me she's going to come back
>continues for 2 years, the latter being more on and off because of me not wanting to be in the situation
>speak every now and then after, sex on the occasion I can convince her to hang out
>fuck up drastically, say some hurtful things
>get blocked
>turned 19 yesterday, been a long time since she promised she would be back
>been in relationships and had casual sex in between, nothing is her
>still miss her, think of her just about every day
>the ride never ends

At least you got to be with her.

I am very depressed, its been this way for years, almost 10 years now.. I thought I was getting better lately, but instead I'm just becoming a bigger scum than the scum I used to be.

I think I'll end it soon, I'm not sure what I'm waiting for..

> be me, almost 30 years old
> Have gf of 6 years, many of these at long distance with visits and online talks in between
> Meet a girl locally who changes my world
> Soulmate level material
> She's smart, stunningly beautiful, we share the same humor and think in similar ways, a number of similar interests
> We "just click" and spend a lot of time together
> Confess feelings to her
> Rejected, she's emotionality unavailable (and in therapy for this)
> She wants to stay friends.
> There's a special tier of pain reserved for watching someone you love get willingly picked up by douchebag men at a club, even if you know it's only for sex.
> Two months with local girl were more meaningful to me than my entire existing relationship
> Scared that women exist who can turn my world on its head in an instant then shatter it completely

While not the cause of my depression this has really thrown me into the bottom of a deep, dark pit that I feel like I can't escape from. She was a once-in-a-lifetime to me. Don't know how to continue with life.

To be honest, what are the options you have left?
Do you have a steady job or something?

This sounds like something I would write. So I wrote out two separate responses to this and then decided not to post them because I couldn't find any reason to share my own experiences. It's at least interesting to know that I'm not alone in this reaction to existence.

bamp

I deeply relate to this. How do you cope with the fact that no one really cares? Pushing through and bottling up seems to be hitting a limit inside of me, which is odd since I feel I have been doing this my whole life.

Wrrrryyy?

yea it was for the wrong thread sorry user

Why not?
Some writers use these threads as inspiration.

I'm the other guy that responded to him. The only possible solution that's occurred to me would be to make a significant change in your life so that you have a chance to alter your behaviors more easily. It seems that ultimately, it's change or die.

very good. 36 now, absolutely no friends left, shitty part time job where no one cares. Relationships all fail because women are soulless egoistic whores. Come home after work, cuddle my loyal dog, be alone, feel empty inside.

The problem with depression is that the joy is sucked from everything. Nothing new that I try is enjoyable so my life remains empty.

D:

That's pretty alright.
I wish i were like you.

I'm the kiddo who made the original post you replied to. My answer to that question is, I don't cope. I don't have any specific coping methods, I just continue doing everything the way I've always done it. It feels like I could do it for a million years and not feel a thing. Bottling things up isn't a very smart thing to do, considering the fact that that method usually ends with someone reaching their breaking point and snapping. I suggest you don't bottle things up, but express them in a way that gives you some sort of relief. You don't have to come off as vulnerable. As someone else said, your life calls for change.

If only change was that easy.

dog helps, gives me basic structure, cares for me, i care for him. I gave up on humans. I can interact with them when i must but i dont care about them anymore.

Thank you
Also unexpected dubs

Every time i feel like shit.
Remember the life that never was...
youtube.com/watch?v=P1mC9hxnLyM

I hide it because I feel like a piece of shit when showing it

The least i want to be is an attention whore, that's the reason i don't show it....
Feel you.

what's your guys current favorite sad song?

here's mine
youtube.com/watch?v=xvA9mfz-8Ns

I am more of a cat lover, i would have a cat if my family didn't throw them out of the house.
But i know what you mean.

move out then dumbass. i honestly don't understand people who still live with their parents after hs...

That's why you need to make a drastic change. Move, get a new job, move in with different people, just something to get away from the stagnation. It may not work. I'm yet to try it. I've tries to sober up, work out, be productive, but ultimately, there's never enough motivation to maintain it like I use to. So a drastic change is my last idea.

I've had depression since I was 12. Through middle school and high school I was weird and a loner but I learned to blend and obtain the things I wanted. I got friends, a girlfriend, did fun things, got into a good college, got good grades. Nothing helped and frankly, I've only got a few ideas left but I'm losing my willpower worse than ever before.

Man, life sucks. Everybody needs to think long and hard about rolling the genetic dice and having children. Protip: Don't do it. It's not worth it if you might create life like us. The risk is always there, no matter how good your genetics are.

Any Sup Forumsro have good advice?

I've been in a relationship with this girl for a little more than half a year now. We're both really great together.
But it's been hard dealing with her anxiety and occasional depression.
She tends to act distant unintentionally and I try my best to assure myself that its just her anxiety making her act the way she does.
I talk to her about how I feel and how she makes me feel and she is quick to correct herself whenever she can. But it doesn't seem to last. She is going to see a therapist very soon.

How do i find the strength to keep living with her condition while still loving her?

Hey, in the lowest point I've ever been and see no way out. My masks slipping & people are seeing. Really been thinking about hitting up a psych. Anyone have any experience?

It's not sad, but at least is my mentality, lately.
youtube.com/watch?v=3uGWtL-17y0

I don't necessarily bottle it either. It just sort of washes over me if that makes sense.

im a robot so i just put on my happy mask on and pretend im happy

how old are you?

Feel this man.

20
Not old enough to say I've been around the block

I just saw a little white girl, with a big nigger who was obviously her stepfather and now I'm depressed again. Help me Sup Forums, I hate niggers and I feel bad for the little girl having to grow up knowing that her mum is a coalburner and having a nigger running around the house.

I'm not that kind of person, as soon as i dropped out college i moved out and worked for a couple of years, went from work on work.
Moved back to my parents house because quitted my las job, waiting for my last paycheck so i travel somewhere else or i just spend all of it on alcohol, cigars and sleeping pills.

Are psychiatrists a meme?

I have been depressed for about 15 years. I don't have the energy to fake it past a few hours. I stopped taking my anti depressants a few days ago in prep for finally succeeding in suicide. The plan is to go in July. I'm tired of the struggle of staying alive for other people's sake.

I would advice that you stick to her, most of the times company is what we need.
Try for a little longer.

A psychiatrist will only subscribe medication until you find the right one. It's very unlikely that he will actually sit down and listen to your problems if that is what you are looking for. If that is the case then you should consider seeing a counselor first.

If you are a college student sometimes your tuition will cover visits to school counselors.

I want to hear about your life and your problems user. Why is your life so shitty bro? I'm listening and curious.

This.

...

thanks, i think i have enough will to pull through

Feel you man, ill try on june, hope i don't fail.
Hope we succeed.

fuck of clippy you never have anything useful to say

Not sure really what I'm after just not to be like this any more as it stands can't stay like this and my efforts yield no results - UK fag free mental aid - Each of the three areas have a program of courses run by qualified therapists

Bob Ross does tho.

Guided self help, sign - posting and talking therapies (CBT) ---

Not sure if any of this is good been trying to call for a while but paranoia kicks in

"I wish you had believed me."
- JL

I'm only writing this because I feel a panic attack coming on and would rather not spend the night in the shower hyperventilating. Writing it out makes me calmer. This is multiple parts, if you actually care. I don't car e if anyone reads it, I just wanna write it.

Nobody has ever wanted me.

My Mother pretended to be seriously ill with a mystery disease since I was about 3. She kept me out of school since first grade and went on and on about how me and my brother were the only people she had. We rarely left the house, and when we did, maybe only for an hour at a time.

From age 5, my Mom told me horrible things about my Dad. What a bad person he was, how he didn't care about any of us, etc. I remember the day because I went from jumping on my Dad to wake him up every morning to avoiding him completely.

I spent all my days playing video games and when we got a computer (1999 or so) I spend all my time researching things I found interesting on the internet. Since I was never educated, this was my primary teacher. (I have a good job now and I got good grades in college, but the structure was too much for me to handle and I dropped out and got a professional certificate instead.)

When I was about 9, she cheated on my Dad with a 25 year old meth cook (She was probably about 36 at this time) and moved me and my brother in with him. I tried to fight him once and he took a swing at me. Locked him out of the house, etc. I remember our house being raided once too, he jumped out the back window. Oh, and he tried to kill us in our sleep by setting the oven as high as it went with a pizza in it and leaving it on all night. It was a small house and had my mother not woken us up, we'd have died of smoke inhalation.

When I was 16, my Mom magically got better. She was faking this 'mystery disease' the whole time. She divorced my Dad, demanded full custody, and since I 'hated' my Dad because he was 'a horrible person', I told them I wanted to stay with my Mom.

Also after going I believe I will be out on a mental list register.. will this affect me in the future with jobs etc ? Don't wana go then it not help and fuck up even more

anyone else get that weird sort of comfort from depression?

I've got the PTSD from growing up with my dad. He had this explosive, unpredictable anger. My brothers and I have been knocked out cold over and over. I spent my early childhood as a tradeable product for my dad's friends.
I dont have a job or car. I dont even have a damn keyboard. Im a useless government leech.
Ive done therapy, drugs, and institutions. Weed helps, but its just a bandaid.
I should have died already but i was a pussy. I'm ready to go now.

Continue

Found the 16 year old

I really enjoy it -- Um? But it has a nice feel about it , only problem is I don't / cant do anything which is a must in this world

You're giving someone the power to ruin your entire life with a decision.
If I were you, I wouldn't give them that pattern.

Me, but in the end it all returns to the need of company.

*power
Sorry

Even an eternity of darkness is better than this.

Good journey to you bro.

yeah exactly like it prevents me from doing things but it's also something that i sort of enjoy coming back to at the end of the day. like something about feeling that alone or whatever

but at this point it's hard to tell if i use it as an excuse to procrastinate and such because i don't know what life without depression is like, or if there's even a difference between me and "normal" people