Meme relationship and humorous break up thread. broke up with my gf this morning

meme relationship and humorous break up thread. broke up with my gf this morning.
first, some backstory
>i own my own house since parents died when i was young and left it to me
>after dating for about 6 months gf moves in
>last month she asked if a friend of hers could stay for a while, had nowhere else to go etc. etc.
>sure why not
>friend is a mad man-hating lesbian
>always taking digs at me and shit talking to my gf about how men suck and whatnot
>this is while im letting her stay at my house rent free for a month
>since super dyke has been here gf and i have been arguing more than usual, and intimacy is gone
Anyway heres how it finally ended this morning
>cooking breakfast this morning
>making spaghetti because i feel like it, fuck you
>gf comes out and says it smells amazing
>"user, whats in it?"
>tomato, onion, carrot, capsicum, beef....
>"really? beef?"
>yeah what of it
>"you KNOW dyke is a vegan, why would you cook breakfast that isnt vegan? thats just inconsiderate"
>because i wanted beef in my spaghetti fuck you, you can cook her some vegan shit
>dyke comes out of her room to see what the commotion is
>"wow user, i always knew you were an asshole. see girlfriend, i told you that you shouldn't have someone like this in your life. men are all pigs"
>"gee dyke, youre right. user, maybe we should consider breaking up"
>epiphany
>this relationship has been retarded since we first got together
>never going to go anywhere
>im over it and dont give a fuck anymore
>yeah alright gf, i agree. i think we should break up. this whole thing has run its course, it would be best to just end it and get on with our lives.
>"w-w-w-what? i didnt mean it, i just wanted to scare you. i dont want to break up"
>cont

>well i do. we argue over stupid shit like this all the time, youre a financial burden and have made no attempt to help support us, youve shown no real interest in moving forward in our relationship at all, and you havent shown me any affection since she turned up. i dont think it will work out long term
>dyke pipes up with "urgh men" or some shit
>gf is stunned, but realises im serious
>starts crying
>"okay user. if thats what you really want"
>dyke:"oh girl its okay, you dont need a man like that anyway. ive been telling you that you guys should break up since i got here. hes a pig and i know you can do better"
>bitch i dont know what the fuck youre so happy about, if shes moving out so are you
>"what do you mean move out? im not moving out. you can move out"
>this is my house. get out of it
>"no it isnt, gf's name is on the lease, so you can stop lying and get out of here"
>what. there is no rent lease. i own this house. where the fuck did you get that
>"what? even if thats true, i still have tenants rights. you cant evict me for two weeks haha fag"
>youre not a tenant. you arent paying rent. get the fuck outta my house
>"what? i was giving my share of the rent to gf"
>she doesnt pay rent either, what the fuck
turns out my gf had been taking "rent money" and buying clothes and shit with it. meme.
>dyke starts threatening to smash my shit if i dont let her stay
>call buddy who is a lawyer to come over
>he arrives, announces that he is my lawyer and that any destruction of property will be taken seriously and basically youll get raped in court
>dyke starts crying as well, her and gf start yelling at each other while packing
>me and buddy play ps3 and eat spaghetti
>the girls start screaming at me that theyre leaving and theyll be back later with cops
>cool, ill box the rest of your shit up for you so its easy to carry
>they havent returned yet
>MFW this whole ordeal

ive got loads more stories about how stupid this relationship was if youre interested

keep going faggot, this pleases me.

Yes, keep going

agreed

Pretty gud cont

You sir are a champion, cheers to you, reminds me of my ex well at least the cold heart get out we are over part

"Urgh men"

Bumping to keep thread alive

Bumping

Cont please OP

I love stories where the guy doesn't get fucked over in court because the woman cries wolf
Gg user, gg

alright then.
>be about 4 weeks in to relationship
>throw parties at my house a fair bit because its my house i do what i want
>gf wants to throw a party at my house
>maybe, let me see guest list
>i dont know any of these people
>"haha yeah theyre my old friends from school"
>alright then, as long as its not a wild party thats fine
>"thanks user youre the best"
>day of party
>chillin
>"user i need to talk to you"
>what
>"well you know my friends"
>ye
>"i sort of told them we were married"
>wattafuc
>umm alright then,
>"youre so cool! thanks so much"
>later on first guest arrived
>before i answer the door gf grabs me
>"oh i also told them youre a lawyer, play along"
>what the genuine fuck
>okay
>party is boring as shit, its just gf trying to one up everyone about how rad her life is
>fuck you bitch
>get really drunk
>start giving legal advice to anyone who would listen
>really bad legal advice
>i know nothing of the law
>tell people i work at bergstein, schindler, and boroberg law firm
>come in and ill give you free legal advice
>a month later gf gets call from her friends
>"no such law firm exists, is your bf really a lawyer? darren says he saw him at uni"
>gf is so pissed at me for fucking up her illusion

Tfw OP doesent pretype other experiances

Fuck, I wish I was lucky enough to have a house left to me. Anyway, good show mate!

More! MORE!

Keep it coming lawyer. Type faster

Love me some greentext

Bump

Your girlfriend is retarded

mfw

giving out shitty legal advice, sounds like something I'd do smashed.

continue please you glorious faggot

This thread is actually cash. Keep em comin OP. Glad you dumped that cunt over spaghetti.

This thread pleases me. OP get a girl who can suck dick and cook.

>dumped that cunt over spaghetti

Holy kek

i didnt pre type anything fuck you cunt
>first week after gf moves in
>i go do my weekly shopping
>gf gets home from uni
>"ANOOOOOOOOON"
>what cunt im right here dont yell
>"why is there only skim milk"
>i only drink skim milk
>"well i only drink full cream, why didnt you buy any"
>because you didnt ask, and i didnt know
>"honestly user i swear you never listen to me"
>throw out th egood old "what" joke
>she goes mental
>haha im kidding relax
>there are no breaks on the ANGERY TRAIN
>she starts yelling about how i dont respect her
>shoves some clothes into her suitcase
>leaves
>stays at her parents house for the night
>returns the next morning tail between her legs
>tells me shes sorry, and that i do listen to her she was just mad
>what
>i start laughing at the audacity of my joke
>shes fucking furious
>which is even funnier
>"you cant even respect my apology user fuck you, i hate you!"
>goes back to her parents again
thats probably the top of the stupid arguments

Where you located OP? You sound chill

saved

and you stayed with her after this

not sure if retard or no fucks

Jesus Christ I swear me and my mom had this exact same conversation

OP are you a britbong or aussie?

Today OP was not a faggot.

...

no its because of fucks

Bump

I want more

Type faster OP, beddy bye time is approaching me.

Actually had a fight like this with my ex a couple times. It was even once about the time I rented movies and didn't bring any Harry Potter movies which she fucking adored but never told me. The memories tho. Top kek

Thank you OP, first greentext I have saved.

Damn I have to screencap this forever

>YOU NEVAR LISTEN 2 MEEE

>...
>"what?"

Holy fuck I love to do this to people their rage grants me sustenance.

Screencap under Revenge folder, also

>off by 1
>an hero

10/10 I'm glad your not a stupid beta fag like the rest of Sup Forums

straya mate
no fucks. the sex was pretty good, and she saw the funny side in it the next day, so i stuck around.

alright next one
>middle of summer
>working out in gym set up in garage because gotta keep that alpha physique
>shirtless because im a gross sweaty faggot
>running on treadmill doing high speed intervals
>gf comes down
>"user my friends are here........."
>her girlfriends are there
>oh hey what up, keep running because fuck bitches
>"well just letting you know theyre hear, put a shirt on for fucks sake"
>no you
>her slutty friend doesnt follow them back upstairs
>stop running
>can i help you miss
>"no, just enjoying the view"
>umm okay good bye im done now gotta get away from this slut
>go have shower
>chill in study doing uni work
>gf comes in once friends leave
>"user what the fuck did you do"
>nothing why
>"well slut kept asking really weird questions, like how big your dick is and if we wanted a threesome"
>cool, what did you tell her
>"WHAAAAT"
>what
>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN"
>i dunno, wat are you talking about. i didnt say i wanted to fuck her, because i dont, chill out
>"what"
>yeah the only bitch i wanna fuck is you, calm down
>"fucking hell i hate you user, but you can be cute sometimes"
>so we gon fuck now or what
>"haha youre so funny"
>for real if you aint down ta smash ima go whip my dick right now i dont give a fuck
>"oh user, youre hilarious"
>im serious
>pull dick out
>"OMG"
>shes down to bone
good times

Hurry you horny faggot keep this gold coming

>the ANGERY TRAIN
>ANGERY TRAIN
>ANGERY


I dont know why the fuck i laugh at words that are meme-ified like this but i love it

Okay my boys, I have a short story of how I broke up with my past gf

>be me in high school
>hangout with gf, few friends, one of which are in a couple
>one day I bring like a monster with me because thats what edgy kids drank at lunch
>girl in the couole asked if she could have some
>"yea sure why not"
>she drinks it and i slowly look over at gf pouting
>bishwhat.png
>shes genuinely upset for some reason
>lunch ends and once school gets out shes STILL upsetti
>find out through her friend that she thought of it as in indirect kiss
>jesuschristthiswomanisautistic.jpg
>try and cheer her up but nothing works
>suddenly, mine switches off
>blatantly say "well, at least im getting something more from her than i have with you recently"
>her face turns red with anger and the power of a thousand suns
>at this point im laughing but still in tard mode
>gf walks off in a pissed manner
>friend walks up and says "you know shes a cunt right"
>realize relationship is crap
>break up next day, and coincidentally so did the girl that I dhared a drink with
>2 weeks later, score with drink girl

Ex still hasn't talked to me since lmao

Those bitches deserved it tho

>What did you tell her
>my sides/10
>savage/10
Missed an oppurtunity there OP

What a beta fag

It is now my goal in life to be the boyfriend who gives no fucks just like this man

keep the stories coming faggot(s)

I've never had a friend that would hit me with the truth 0 fucks given. Now i'm envious

It's not that hard get cheated on a few times and you will stop caring about women's feelings

>about 9 month mark in our relationship
>she takes me to her sisters birthday party or something
>her dad is a loose unit, her mum hates me
>everything going smoothly, until...
>mid afternoon, gf tells me we need to get out of here
>why tho
>"because my parents want to kill you"
>why tho
>"because theyre horrible people"
>no theyre not, dont be an idiot
>"no really dont you think my whole family is bad"
>no, theyre pretty g, got no problems with em
>"dammit user! theyre not here you can tell me what you think"
>theyre alright. i get that they dont love me but i dont hold it against them
>her parents come around the corner
>"See we told you he didnt hate us, i dont know why you would lie about that. come on user, lets get you a beer"
turns out she told them i hated them so i wouldnt be invited to any more of her families functions, because my presence makes her feel weird around them. really all she had to do was say that and i would have made up excuses to not go, dont know why she liekd playin games

OP is a legend, thread better be here for after my fap.

I respect that you handled it calmly and rationally. And that you were able to go through with it. I hate when I see people unable to break ties even when they're being taken advantage of.

...

>she liekd playin games
Welcome to the wide world of women

MOAR PLX

Really? Hanging with the wrong crowd, user. I'd say every every other friend i have gives me their thoughts straight up.

>Be 23, live with male friend from work in split level apartment, I'm upstairs.
>Showering work, gf is visiting.
>Gf kicks opens bathroom door, rips open shower curtain. "I fuckin' caught you user! I fuckin' caught you! I knew you were cheating!.

>Me: wtf?
>gf: you fucking know. (This goes back and forth until I get pissed, we start yelling, I'm still showering.)
>Me: I have no fucking idea what you're taliking about!!!
>gf: I was on your computer, I saw everything, I caught you!
Me: (Speechless because I didn't cheat but I shoulda).
Gf: I saw everything, (in a loud, gruff and sarcastic voice) 'Asian Asian Lesbians', Big Wet Butts, Big Butts Like it Big ,Gaping Asses, I saw it all. All in a little folder right there in your Videos!
>Been downloading ALOT porn on UTorrent at the time;

I pulled the curtain back and finished my shower.
>She sat on the toilet and cried.
>My roommate only talked to me by text after that.

Don't put your dick in crazy.

>about 2 months into relationship
>gf asks why i own house
>my parents died when i was 18 and left me the house
>"haha good one user, really though"
>im serious m8
>"really user, telll me why"
>i am
>"this joke isnt funny dammit! why wont you tell me"
>i am tho
>she gets mad and huffs and goes away
>about 2 hours later she comes back
>"user i am SO sorry"
>its cool, i dont mind, its been 4 years
>"no my behaviour was not okay, ive been a real naughty girl"
>"to make it up to you, you can punish me however you want"
>cool
>put her on leash in room
>"user what are you going to do to me now teehee"
>youll see
>go get her food and drink
>bring it in
>"what, i dont understand...."
>you get to stay here, ive invited the boys around for a boys night
>"WHAT!"
>its cool, theyll be gone by like 12, then we can get started
>the boys come and go, ends up being a big night
>smashed, i enter our room
>try untie gf
>takes me about 5 minutes to undo a single knot
>shes super horny, apparently dogging her for the boys turned her on'
>slur about how im going to fuck her
>fall onto bed
>pass out
she was annoyed but thought that was pretty funny

Please be real. Even if its fake this shit's cathartic, please cont.

I have a story, not break up, but of my high school prom 2 years ago
>be me, 18, high school, 7/10
>take mutual friend, 5/10, to prom cause neither have dates
>I hate her friends, but stick around them to try to score brownie points
>all of them are at most 6/10 beta virgin white knights
>I'm driving prom date and her betas (like 4 more of them total) to eat at a restaurant 30 min away from home
>well call my prom date prommy
>" user you drive to slow"
>everyone starts pitching in
>"omg user I wanna make it there alive"
>"can you go any slower"
>"omg your going too fast, are you sure you have a real license "
>"lol user what's wrong don't you know how to drive"
>irritated as fuck
>prommy says "I'd rather walk there because at least I'll get there faster and alive"
>go to side of freeway
>go to shotgun seat where prommy was sitting in
>open door
>"then get the fuck outa my car and walk"
>oh shit I'm not kidding
>everyone tries to talk me out of this, that they were just joking
>ohfuckno.jpg
>everyone gets out of my car, drive home and leave them stranded
>hours later I see them at prom, giving Bitch face
>mfw I was able find a last second prom date and still get score

Bump

If someone gets upset at you for telling the truth, then it's someone you probably shouldn't associate with. That's how I look at it.
I don't lie to people, even to spare their feelings.

Can't tell if user is a nigger or from New Jersey.

Good work my boy

My man. Thats how its supposed to be imo. Keep it real

the very first thing he did in that post was say that he's from Australia

Life is too short for that kind of drama; especially when you're younger. No woman is worth it. You gotta choose the path of least resistance.

e x a c t l y

>Le resistance

This is an awesome story.

Can someone fucking cap these stories jesus christ

Testify

Gotcha mate

...

You'll find that when they are 1). super suspicious of you OR 2). Super descriptive about their plans or what they did they're likely cheating.

>If they're cheating they assume you are too and want to catch you to make you feel guilty so you're the bad guy in all this OR
>They've scripted their lie-story so much that they have so much detail 'just in case';

>this thread

Oh trust me dude I had moved a girl in took care of her and her kid she cheated I found out and some how I was the bad guy, told everyone I raped and beat her, Lucky my friends knew I wasn't the type no one believed her and she was just seen as a whore

neither, im a whit boy from straya. i was just shit talking in that scenario

new story
>out on a date
>take her to nice restaurant and everything
>shits going well
>shes giving me the bedroom eyes, i know she wants it
>get to end of our meal
>decide to have fun
>our waiter seems really cool, hes been dicking around all night and even got us some complementary drinks because he thinks we're cool
>at the end of the meal, i ask him how the bathrooms are
>"what"
>Are they clean, is there enough room for two, etc.
>"what"
>the gf is looking pretty good and i dont think i can wait to get back to the car, i reckon shed be keen for a go right now if you catch my drift
>waiter starts laughing
>gf is filthy dirty
>couple seated near us here, woman glares at us, her husband laughs, she glares at him, he starts skulling his drink and giggling
>waiter starts saying the bathrooms are "clean enough", and how there isnt much room, but im pretty thin so we should be able to make it work.
>"theres no condom machine either, so if you didnt come prepared you should get out of here, we dont like unsafe practices here"
>im dying
>give him a $100 tip
>he refuses because straya
>ask his name
>call up restaurant later, ask to speak to manager, tell him about how great our service was last night and how the waiter was a great guy
>manager is stoked to hear such compliments about his restaurant
>gf was mad and we didnt end up fuckin, but was still worth it

>>If they're cheating they assume you are too and want to catch you to make you feel guilty so you're the bad guy in all this OR
>>They've scripted their lie-story so much that they have so much detail 'just in case
so much right...this never fails, EVERY female does this shit, and its ridiculous

i figured it would fit, and that song popped into my head

Right on, here's some art. Enjoy.

When a women keeps her life segmented like that, be careful, because there's always room for another 'segment' that she's gonna keep separate from the other; usually a man.

> I hate when I see people unable to break ties even when they're being taken advantage of.

Oh boy can i relate to that. Let me spin the yarn of the time i dated a tumblrette.

>Be in high school
>Through a mutual friend find this shy but nerdy girl
>We start dating, we have little in common but we make it work
>We were both virgins, emphasis on were
>When we worked up the courage to fuck after like a year dat shit was C@$H MONEY Damn/10 perfect
>She developed into basically a nympho who was into chains and whips
>This caused me to have to go into sex stores with my older brother at age 17
>On an unrelated note that's when i learned my brother was gay. ANYWAYS,
>My literally perfect 10/10 gf discovered Tumblr.
>This was before i knew about how bad that drug was.
>She cut her hair to look butch (which i was kinda ok with) but also started having conversations with me that were just a bit too SJW
>2.5 years in at this point, the metamorphosis is complete. She changed from a 10/10 to a tumblrette
>Got kinda fat because she decided that all foods besides breaded chicken give her the equivalent of vietnam flashbacks (she was triggered by the textures or some shit)
>I actually love her for some fucking reason still
>We both graduate and go to different colleges but our homes are like a block away from each other so we still try to see each other like once or twice a week
>Every time it was the same thing, we'd go get food (at the same. fucking. place. every. time.), bring it back home, watch some shit on a screen then fuck for a bit.

If this is real You are absurdly chill and I want to buy you a beer.

thats some beta ass shit right there

>high school
>on and off again girlfriend
>realise i hate her after second breakup
>realise hate-fucking is the best thing in existence
>cheat on her constantly while together
>fuck her so hard every time we are alone together
>finally get too pissed at her to even fuck her and start talking shit on her
>she fucked one of her friends
>slept in bed with another one who liked her but she 'didn't do anything'
>we get in big argument
>final breakup
>i've been experimenting with mood stabalisers with my psychiatrist this whole time
>go into mania
>feels fire
>decide to end it once and for all
>take all physical photos and burn her out, take the ones in glass frames and smash them
>write her note about how she is a slut with a gaping vagina welcoming every dick that comes her way
>put it all in paper bag
>meet up with her in park
>throw bag at her and leave
>tell her never to talk to me again
>next day receive phone call from police
>tell them i never want to even see her again after what she did
>they're like cool
>fuckyeahMontanamisogyny
>she told everyone she got a restraining order
>mfw i could legally still show up at her place and say hi just for the fucks
>she's banging one of my old friends now
>saved all her Facebook pictures and still imagine hate-fucking her
She deleted the Facebook, but i didn't delete those pictures. Fucking hate her and her faggy boytoy
I still think of killing myself every day though

>asian asian lesbians

why not just "asian lesbians"?

CONTINUE PLOXX

'Straya' is to Australia what Nigger is to Nigger.

I guess I blame America for making this poor guy believe that his "ethnic posturing" is hip hop cool bro.

Bit of a rollercoaster, this one

post pics

I really like my Asians Asian.

>Was supposed to be 'Anal Asian'

If i ever get home to my laptop i will. Curvy blonde with big green eyes, literal Dutch farm girl, super bitchy personality and big nose to go with it

Ya got no clue

...

contd.

>3 years in she hits me with the fact that she's polyamorous
>Bitch what tumblr pages have you been browsing
>Poly amorous means she wants multiple partners like the mormons do
>Introduces me to her friends from college
>Ohh now i see, she's cheating on me with that one kid and doesn't know how to break it to me
>Realize that for basically the past year she's been using me for my car, my wallet, and my dick
>She started not giving a fuck about me except when she wanted to use me for one of those things.
>Her mom actually notices this before i did and tells me i deserve better- her mom was a bro.
>Devise a plan
>Call up an old lesbian friend of mine, lets call her sam, explain everything to her
>She agrees to help me expose my bitch girlfriend
>Start texting sam and leaving my phone open in clear view of my girlfriend
>Start liking every picture of sams on every social media
>Eventually gf catches on and confronts me about it
>Tell her that i've done a lot of thinking and i'm poly too, i'm in love with her and this other girl
>She goes apeshit
>Says she was only trying to make me jealous and "WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND WOMEN"
>"because women are fucking confusing"
>"FUCK U"
>Screams at me about how i sexually abused her and threatens to call the cops on me
>Oh boy how i've waited for those words
>Open up a video on my laptop of me chained to a bed while she whips me and insults me
>Yes, i find that shit hot.
>I asked her how a court room would react to this video
>She just cries and runs home
>I pack up all our sex toys in a box
>Write in big black sharpie "Girlfriends Shit"
>Drive over to her house
>Put box inside of her moms car
>Drove home and drank my first beer
>Then my second
>Then my third, then fourth, then there's a blur
>Woke up next morning with my first hangover
>Checked facebook: 2 new messages
>One from ex girlfriend "YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE
>One from her mom: "Lol"
>Never answered either of them

10/10