Be me

>be me
>be 6 years old
>be best friends with neighbour girl
>did so much together over the course of 6 or 7 years
>after primary school i lost all contact with her
>didn't think much of it really
>she would have it better without me anyway cause i was and still am a total fucking loser
>got bullied from 5th grade till 9th grade and just ignored in 10th grade
>be 12-14 years later since we met
>she's still my neighbour
>found her on facebook the other day
>cutest fucking girl i've seen in a long time
>10/10 face
>8/10 body
>tfw i have social anxiety and can't talk to her

fuck me Sup Forums i fucking hate life

>inb4 kill yourself
>inb4 OP is a faggot

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i understand you i have social anxiety and my neighbour is a girl i am in love with but i just cant talk to her

feels like fucking shit

...

this is now a feels thread i guess

thanks Sup Forumsrother

if it makes you feel any better, someone that beautiful ,even if you got together she would have other people(friends and stuff) so she couldnt devote 100% to you as I know you would to her, still i understand why you would want to be with her

...

ofc i understand that, im not saying she should devote 100% to me

SCREW YOU ITS DUANE TIME!

i failed at killing ymsefl who up click like?

Posted this in previous thread but here it is again. There is a lot more to this story, but I'm going to cut it a shit ton short.
> Have best friend
> Both of us came from not so good homes
> He end up being homeless with his mom doing drugs all over the place (he's freshly 16)
> He was pretty much getting high all the time.
> Recently got in touch with old best-friend I hadn't seen in about 2-3 years due to him being "busy"
> Meet first girlfriend during this period really in love with this girl would do anything to make her happy
> break up
> don't see her either for a while either
> she gets pregnant (at 15)
> has her kid born 2 days after my birthday
> come back in touch with her
> start doing things for her like if we were dating except now it's watch her kid help her buy diapers cigs etc...
> About 2 days ago first girl I ever "loved" calls me asking to pick her up because blah blah her boyfriends being an asshole again
> Were talking at my table
> I make a joke about my friend finally being back
> she says to me "why do you hang around him"
> wutdoyoumean.gif
> starts telling me they used to hang out do drugs together etc...
> meanwhile I was discovering this horrid place Apparently he said all these things about me basically saying he wished i was dead i was a creep most likely a homo my favorite one was "hotspot" because he would only hang out with me because I had internet.
> confront him
> he admits it but says it was 3 years ago and says his opinions changed blah blah
> he asks and i tell him who told me
> he laughs.jpg
> he starts telling me about how my ex talked trash on me worse
> things like "why did i ever date him" "he's such a tool" "he'd be better off dead"
> confront her about these things
> ask her why
> "it was 3 years ago user it doesn't matter now"
> fine.dll
> hear them joking about how stupid and gullible I am for believing they liked me

I've just accepted I'm pretty much hated by anyone i come into contact with

>tfw your wife tells you to leave your ring on the counter before you leave

read it just now in the other thread.
i really feel sorry for you. sounds like complete and utter shit to discover that. im sorry

holy shit
i couldnt really read all of this but i love you user!

what happened?

wow that shit must hurt

>Hiding a porn addiction from her
(in before whatever opinion on whatever)
>got into some dark shit
(nothing illegal, but still)
>screwed around online
>she found out
>spilled my guts
>she couldn't take it
>kicked me out
>papers 6 weeks later
>no idea if she'll ever forgive me

We still talk every now and again, but she's fucked up from it. I've been in therapy for more than a few months to deal with it and to get a handle on my shit (what the fuck am I doing here, then?). I'm feeling better but I know I'm far from well. I'm hoping we can try some counseling when she's processed it, but I don't know.

I brought it on myself through my deceit and my cowardice. She's a 10/10 in every way and I just sabotaged my entire life, grievously injuring her in the process. No doubt I'm a flaming shitsack that deserves the horrid mess my life has become. But she didn't deserve it, not one bit.

I'm sorry if that post was looking for sympathy... take it as a lesson, a cautionary tale.

Hold on to what you have, cherish the people you love.

Be careful.

...

...

I got nice and drunk and now Im feeling good so I didnt kill myself
TEll me why you had a good night anons!
this took m,e way too long to type

Wait, what? She's still your neighbor yet you cut off all contact and only just now you see that she's cute?

Does she not come out of her fucking house or something?

>tfw you add it to every time I leave from seeing my son

I'm a fucking monster

What kind of shit did you get into watching, if you don't mind me asking. You know, for it to be bad enough for your wife to leave you.

i dont go out of my house

I'm still too entirely ashamed of what I witnessed to go into it, but it was the screwing around online and the deception that did it. Alternate email, online persona, chats, pic swaps. All progressed from pushing for more when typical porn wasn't enough anymore. And of course, you can imagine that our relationship became worse and worse as I continued to do this shit and became withdrawn and all of the other awful symptoms.

Irony is that the day she found out was the same day I started looking at therapists to try and get a handle on it because I knew I had to stop. Too little, too late.

I know I fucked my own life up. I hope no one does what I did.

This is me right now. You are not alone user

Whats up user?

I was going to kill myself but someone came on discord with me and kinda stopped me I guess

Why did you want to end it all?
Does Joosten just not make you smile anymore?

Its been a bad night, joosten hasnt pleased me tonight unfortunately

Well, if you need to talk it out
We're always here to listen

I was talking to the girl i like and something just set me off, im not gonna go anywhere in my life
So i downed a lot of vodka and was gonna wash it down with some panadol and typed up a quick note for whoever found me

What happened while you were talking?
Was it something you did or said?

Godspeed either way.

youtube.com/watch?v=D_P-v1BVQn8

I dunno, just kinda realised Im never gonna be able to get to anyone I like, and even if I do it wont last, so whats the point

Bob ross said it best

Did you ask her out?

fuck no,. i was only talking to her on facebook

Did she mention another guy (or did she change her relationship status).

If not, go for it.
Before you had a 100% chance of never being with her.

she mentioned that someone didnt know she had a boyfriend (which I also didnt) until she told them yesterday when they broke up
apparently they were already rocky and she was thinking about ending it
I dont think i could get her anyways, it would be impossible for someone like me
ill just end myself some other time and forget about it

Just use antidepressors, like 20% of americafag

>impossible
It may be improbable - but you've got to take that shot.

my god, im scared to, sorry im readlyl drunk

>well it all started when i was pretty much young ,my parents where divorced and i lived mostly with my mother she and my father always loved me but i developed a really bad relationship with them, my mother was always talking bad about him infront of me and lying so i didnt like him more than her, she really was an alcoholicc seeing her drunk everyday and crying in the bathroom at least once a week.
My father on the other hand was very strict he is a good person but one that cant really show his emotions so every constructive advice that he gave me i saw it as a look down on me like i wasnt worth of being a son of his, besides this i could manage to live with them some how with barely any trouble.
Everything turned worse when i started middle school, i was bullied constantly (im not mad at my bullies we were all kids there is no point in it and some even apollogized years later) because i was more quiet, i didnt like using bad words or insulting other people, and really fat, basically your stereotepycal bully target even worse i wasnt really in to sports and watch and speak more like a grownup that i was meant to in that stage of my life.
Because of that i developed really low selfsteam i couldnt understand why nobody likes me even though i havent done anything to them it was horrible all i wanted everyday was to get home, and when i got home my father or made me watch sports that i wasnt interested to or made me do all this things like put on braces, courses to learn how to speak, nutricionist appointments, doctor appointment because he thought that i had a weird foot (i know that he did this things to help me, but at that time i couldnt see it, it was like every place id go someone was trying to change me for someone else plus he always compare me to his friends sons who were more fit and into football)

kill yourself faggot

Being drunk helps - If anything you can blame it on that to avoid some embarrassment if she says no.

>i changed school and it was the same all around highschool even worse, i turned in to a very cynical person with almost 0 empathy, for me its horrible now to try to remember something because it is always in a shade of lonliness, im 20 years now and never celebrated any birthday since i was 7, at first i tried to conviced me that was because i though it was stupid but the reality is that i had nobody to invite
in my last year of highschool i had to prepare myself for college i battle through all the shame and started going to the gym, it was a realy big effort but after 9 months i was really fit, after that i met a girl (for some weird miracle im good with hooking up with girls dont ask me how) she was so beautifull and soo different from me fuck im crying as i write this, she had tattos loved to write and draw and was a waterfull of emotions compared to me that didnt even tried to remember things so i didnt have to feel
we dated about a year, at the same time i was going to my first year of college where i got on the good side of the "popular kids" and was part of the group so i had "friends" to hang out on a weekly bases for the first time in my life.
She was a really troubled girl she had a lot of issues economically and emocionally speaking ,and i made my life goal to make her happy in every aspect i could i was really in loved, i listened to her when she needed to , i tried to sell somethings and help her to got a job so she and her mother could be better but she refused, everytime i saw her she had a new cut in her wrist or thigs and after trying everything for her to stop i told her that for every new cut that i found on her i would make one on my arm after the first three she stopped.

>She was like a unicorn to me it was something i couldnt comprehend i remeber one time that we were watching tv and the video of the blind mother seeing her baby through a machine poped out, out of the blew she started crying because she was happy to see that, i was blown away by this my brain could never do the synapsis for that to happen she felt all around her so much and i envyed for that but never told her.
through the year i went to college and had to study no kidding almost 14 hours a day that stopped me from going to the gym and i got fat again.
3 months before the end of my first year of college my relationship with my parents went to shit for 2 issues that i dont want to discuss right now.
and one day after spending so much time together roles turned upside down i started to go through a flow of emotions and memories i blocked out and was not prepared to handle and she turned, worse i
and i hate me for that i turned her in what i was a really cynical and without empathy creature, one day she came up to me and told me that she wanted to see other people that i was good but she wanted to "live life"
i was devastated with this i worked so hard to make her happy and as soon as i solved a lot of her troubles even helped her in college she dump me for somebody else, it was the first time i felt loved and unreplaceble by somebody else and she told me that
because of that i didnt pay attention in college because of my saddnes i just didnt care anymore
everyone of my group of friends passed the test except me and i cant take any 2nd year class until next year

she already knows im drunk, i kinda almost let it slip that im depressed too haha kill me

>i dont see them anymore
im lonely fat and loveless one again
i would never commit suicide i believe its a stupid thing to do
but it is what i most want to do now

Then go for it.
If anything it allows you to move on.

too scary user, im quite literally a massive fucming coward
im still afraid of the dark and ants

Time to sever worse than a married feminist with scissors.

First step towards breaking those fears.

maybe anoin, maybe

...

oops

Good luck and godspeed.

fuck now my stress twitch is back again