Stupidest things done while horny thread

Stupidest things done while horny thread

Let me doge lick up my jizz.

Came in my mouth with a highlighter in my ass.

Top kek

Tried to feel the knock and cum feeling now very nicely, yes?

I slathers a DS stylus in baby lotion and shoved it down my dickhole.

>in bathroom with morning wood pissing
>dribble of last couple drops and flop the shlop around a little bit
>notice Christmas cactus on back of toilet
>for some fucking reason I'd though it would be a good idea to slap my meat strap on it a couple of times.
>now the head of my dick looks like a plucked porcupine.

...

fucked a crossdresser from craigslist.

>came on own face
>hornyness subsides
>bigmistake.jpeg
>intense regret
>'why did I do this?'
am I gay now?

Had sex in the missonary position for the sole purpose of proceartion

Yea

you sick fuck.

Jacked off with slices of ham.

What the fuck

Story?

FUCKING MONSTER

Skype sex with girl. She thinks it would be hot to see me eat my own cum. Get super horny and all into it. After I came, lost all interest and go back to normal. Felt I had to do it so she could finish. Tasted, then immediately disconnected. Hung head in shame.

Carved a buttplug out of a potato and tried to shove it up my ass using moisturizer as lube. It didn't work.

>constantly get the urge to eat my own load, other gay shit
>always smarten up as the urge to bust builds
>never follow through on any of the horny thoughts

feels good to not be a disgusting degenerate who nuts on his face, eats it up and jams sharpies and stuff up his shitter

I fucked a really skanky girl with no rubber. Got chlamydia. The really stupid thing is I did the same thing a few months later with the same skank. She was an amazing fuck though.

Oh shit nigger, that made my day

Same.
And then had the dog lick it?

Jacked off in a graveyard. Still ashamed.

Starchy

Let's see...
Shoved sharpies up my ass
Shoved a thermomether up my ass
Shoved a hairbrush handle up my ass
Shoved a tall shot-glass up my ass
Fisted myself
>Still consider myself hetero

Are you me? Did the same fucking thing. Except the girl wasn't an amazing fuck. Just wanted to get my rocks off

came in both my eyes.

kek

I shoved my dick in a lamp and got a blister on my tip for a month

Mfw when ive done all of that

the brick tamland method

Bought some attachments and vac-u-lock dildos to attach to my reciprocating saw and used it on myself.

Same

suck my friend's dick

Downloaded a questionable torrent. Im scared that theyre comming for me.

fucked my 3 doggos
2 males
1 female

this was lon ago, they are all dead now.

i'd love to fuck a goth qt in a graveyard

nice, glad at least someone did it. heh.
They were actually really nice, and I'm pretty open minded, but i've never experienced such disgust with myself as i did immediately after i came. Luckily they were clearly used to "straight" guys feeling like that after. Still no plans to do that shit again.

The what?

When i was 13 or 14 I used to go to the bathroom at church during the service for a quick fap. Came back from bathroom with a weird feeling that everybody knew what I was doing.

This is my issue with all porn comics: right after the guy jizzes, he's horny and ready to go. REFRACTORY PERIOD DOESN'T EXIST IN PORN.

Went out to get a hooker, she bait and switched. She was 56 and nasty, got a handy and left.

Are you male or female?

Why a thermometer? That's a random thing to shove up one's ass

Yes friend

...

Feelsgoodman.jpeg

>male

Kek

Story?

Jesus knew what you were doing.

I had that happen with some older woman i met online years ago. Got there, it felt sketchy, she wasn't that cute, went with it anyhow because horny, and noticed right after cumming that the condom had fallen off.
She freaked out about getting cum in here, i left and got to enjoy chlamydia later. That sucked and was really fucking embarassing.
Not to anyone having weird casual fuck meetups: bring your own condoms and don't rely on some weird slut like i did.

murdered an animal

You disgusting pervert

Share?

na dont feel like looking for a proxy that works. It was Siberian Mouse videos. I was just looking for the kissing video, didn't know there was gonna be penetration. Deleated the torrent but not the files.

>Story?

Same thing here, but genital warts.
Would fuck her again.
And again.

Found girl on craigslist who was DTF. Get there, realized right away that it was a dude in drag. "She" cooked me burritos, gave me 2 blowjobs, then we played PS2 together. Not a bad night, never saw "her" again.

Got married... repeatedly.

...

Kek

Woah, you really love lamp.

Kek
Underrated post

Kek

You can train man, my refractory period is about 30 seconds now. If you're gonna be wanking that much might as well get a stopwatch and train that cock.

Fucked a watermelon

No way motherfucker post pic

Made out with a 4/10 in the hopes of getting some.
Didn't happen tho

How do you train when the desire leaks out with the rest of what comes out of my dick?

lol

YOU FILTHY DEVIANT PIECE OF SHIT, YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG MY MUH MERICA

haha, that's not that terrible.
I don't understand the "tricking dudes into coming over" thing. It would seem like they would get plenty of guys on craigslist even by being honest. I guess it's a turn on to lure straight guys maybe? I suppose I'm answering my own question.

Had my dick bleed inside some chick.

>implying killing an animal is murder

Contemplated having sex with a black chick.

Glad I jerked off instead

Off by one

I wan to fuck my ass but i don't have dildo lube or condoms what do?

Waitta beat me over the head with that joke
>summer is here

Was trying to remove sexual urges from my life, no fap/ no looking at porn all day for several months; had a cat, one day was petting cat, cat was purring on my lap, boner rips through my pants and flung the cat into the wall with the force of a car crash.
>cat is dead
have sad wank in tub

Yeah, I don't regret it. I just don't tell anyone. Honestly if he would have just said he was a dude that wanted to give a BJ, cook me dinner and play vidya I'd still have come over.

Cool story bro

Fell in love....

buy dildo, lube and condoms?

Nice

Are you me? I've also fell asleep with my laptop open on a search for bestiality. Woke up to find it shut and moved. [spoiler]I live with my parents

Fuck me.

Kek

Was going through a weird goth phase and shagged my girlfriend in a few different cemeteries, didn't feel weird then but oh god does it feel weird now

Shoved hot glue stick into my dickhole, hurt my prostate.

Ow

Quads

this is true, took a week before i could piss right

Fucking normie.

Reeeeee normies

Ate my own cum and it made me so horny I came again.

hahaha phases make you do weird shit man

My hero

Ex girl had a blood fetish so I let her try it on me, so we're getting into it and out comes the razor and before I know it she's carving into my chest and moving in to lick the blood, instinctively punched her out cold and needless to say we don't date anymore, miss her cooking tho