Almost dying experiences? I'll start

Almost dying experiences? I'll start.
>be me
>be 13 at the time
>during stressful times, I twiddle a pencil of any kind in my fingers
>doing that one day after getting off the bus
>bully who is easily 250+ lbs. had said shit as usual but this time it was worse (and annoying)
>was twiddling pencil
>pencil is launched from hand by physics
>lands behind bully
>andthatsthekicker.jpg
>I think nothing's wrong or he didn't notice
>go to my locker to put up books and stuff
>shutting locker, when suddenly
>Attack of the Landwhales
>I'm pinned against my locker by 300 lbs. of pure hatred
>pic related
>literally being choked
>eventually I push away (and run away)
>told on the kid, got the kid a week of alternative school
>almost died but whatever

Yours?

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypertensive_emergency
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Last year.
Was going to bed.
Had dentures out and was cleaning them.
Then I was on the floor puking my guts out.
Ambulance comes
Takes me 30 miles away to best hospital.
Had brainstem stroke.
9998 out of 10,000 die.
1 is locked in like Steven Hawking.
1 is me.
Lost some vision
Lost some balance.
Lost memory.
Still ok though.
No poop sack
No iron lung
Got a cane though.

Fell down a tree
>Fucking foot snappe a branch off below me
>Whole right side of my chest ripped skin, blood, the works
>Doc couldnt do anything about it bar painkillers
>Few cm to the left, the snapped branch would have caught my ribcage and I would be kill

Should've shoved that pencil up his ass.

>Be me
>dunno im young, around 4 i think
>walking around pool cause family are in
>dont know how to swim
>slip and fall in the pool
>a good 20 seconds before my father decides to jump in
>mother just sitting on chair watching me being pulled out (she denies that)
>dont really rememebr how it went, vision was getting darker while i was sinking
>still dont know how to swim to this day cause fuck that shit

>18 now

>today
>driving 100 dollar chineese illegal scooter on sandroad before real road starts
>suddenly car appears in front of me
>front brakes lock up since its fucking gravel and a piece of shit bike
>luckily I wasent going that fast so only got foot hurt a bit from landing on it

>be me, 18yo
>playing badminton with a friend
>suddenly falling to the ground
>diagnosis: sudden cardiac arrest
>getting reanimated by a person playing next to us
>paramedics and doctor arrive 5 mins later
>therapy: defibrillation
>return of own cardiac rhythm after 15 mins
>woke up 3 weeks after that in a hospital with artifical respiration
>spent another week in intensive care unit
>doctors don't know the cause (may have been a myocarditis)
>returned to the real world
>up until now everything is fine (happend 4 years ago)

Yo guys, OP here. I'll add more unfortunate stories l8r.

>be me
>walkin on the street
>slip on banana peel
>have an aneurysm
>in the hospital for 10 weeks

Yo guys, OP here. I'll add more unfortunate stories l8r. c:

Yo guys, OP here. I'll add more unfortunate stories l8r. c: :d

>ITT: some kid tells us what happened yesterday

yeah i'm sure you were in such danger , pencildick

>be me
>start reading this thread

>Be me on holidays on some island
>see sign "secret beach"
>yeah i need to go there
>go wring direction, end up on rocky coast
> decide to climb over rocks until secret beach
> see beach but first need to climb some other rocks, there is small distance of water inbetween
> only 2m max.
> get into water, want to climb out at other side
>suddenly wave gets me
> be in wave, see crabs and rocks around me
> thrown against rocks
> happens 3,4 times
> finally get out somehow
> bloddy and shocked
> fuck secret beach
> still regret not seeing it

My hero

>be 6 years old
>fucktard who can't swim yet
>almost drown in public pool cause i'm a stupid cunt
>pass out after a few secs under water
>wake up on bench, rescued by some random dude
>cry
>get over it

>be 6th grade
>double pneumonia
>if i get up and walk around, the vibration from my footfalls dulls the pain in my lungs but I feel like vomiting my spine up
>if i lay down my stomach settles by my lungs are stabbing each other with ice cubes
>everything is SO FUCKING LOUD
>hear doctor two rooms away tell mother I probably won't survive the night
>massaging showerhead dulls lung pain while letting me lay still
>realize i'm inhaling mist when I start coughing phlegm all over the bathtub
>mother brings me vibrating massager
>fall asleep (FINALLY) with it on my chest
>wake up in the morning it's half melted from running for hours under the blanket over my chest
>Oh, hey! I'm not dead!
>mom asks if I want anything
>ask for glass of milk
>two minutes later i projectile vomit cottage cheese
>pass out again

I was curious
>Be me 8-9
>Found a few batteries on the ground outside
At the time I thought "Whats inside a battery?
>Find a axe laying around
>Chop the fucker open
>Get fucking battery acid in my eye
>Run over to my mom crying about my eye
>Go to the hospital
>Have to get a cup put over my eye and flush it out
No medical bill tho because Canada

>be me naked
>squat
>insert jar in my ass
>it shatters
>blood flowing out of my ass
>no panic, i start taking the glass pieces out
>still can get it up the ass
>buy my mixtape

>be 12
>trick or treating with friends
>nigger shows up with flashlight
>starts robbing us for candy
>blow rape whistle and shine flash light at his face
>he actually stabs the kid right me and cuts the kid next to him
>grabs one kids hand and tries to take of
>he was blinded by my flashlight
>runs into a telephone pole and starts bleeding and cursing in dindu
>couple adults tackle him
>police show up same time parents show up
>ambulance shows up
>all parents are fucking chewed out by some police livid that we were let out without a chaperone at night
>adults give the remaining kids and i all the candy we had
>cop slips me a $20 for using the flashlight and rape whistle like a hero

>Be me
>Fucking OP's mother up the ass while >OP is at school. OP comes home 5 >hours >early because OP got kicked out >of school >for smoking scorpions OP's >mom get's up to get her belt to spank >him but forgets to take my dick out of her >ass. MFW half my Mark Magillicuddy is >ripped off.

>was about 10 or 11
>I'm in the boy scouts, I generally don't like it but some friends are being made to go thier by thier dads too so w/e just do it so I'm not a quitter
>we have been on a few camping trips before, generally shitty, something bad always happens
>first time got bit by a tick, dad tried burning it off and kept missing and burning me...
>second trip we are cleaning fish er caught and my dads gutting them and I'm holding the lantern.
> I get lazy and put It down on rocks, it becomes unstable, falls about to go in river my quick reflexes grab it and I grab the glass and burn the shit out of my hands. Second degree burns, no light, and I get my ass beat...
> all stupid shit like this, fuck boy scouts..


>so we go on a long camping trip for liek 3 days a state away
>we get there and our camp is on the other side of the river from the highway, takes a hike to get there and you cross a river canyon over a long suspension bridge.
>sheer walls on both sides of river atlesst 150 feet high
> so we make it to camp, there's a big mess hall maybe 300 feet away from cliff with the tall mountain side right directly behind it.
> there were also two other areas, to the north a field for tents with a small bridge, and to the south a small clearing at a lower elevation with a bridge as well.
> so were all having fun, chilling, doing outdoors shit.
>day 2 comes....
cont this story is long so I'll post again after finsih typing in like 5min

>be me
>im like 5 maybe 6
>first week of kindergarten is over and my mom wants me out or the house
>spending the night with my neighbors daughter who is also in kindergarten
>they have a rescue fighting dog
>"dont open the back door, the dog is out there"
>idgaf bitch
>open the door
>reach to pet the dog
>launches for my face and bites out my entire cheek
>im crying
>ends up missing my artery by an inch
>severe wound on the face, hand, and side
>"oh fuck lets put some ointment on this kid"
>turns out im allergic to dermabond
>my mom picks me up and drives me to the hospital and i look like a smashed watermelon
>still afraid of akitas

>almost died

You're retarded.

Got Tboned at an intersection and woke up 18 hours later.

Not really that bad, they had to remove my appendix, a little bit of my spleen and a shard of glass. I was out in a week.

Look both ways before going at a redlight right after it turns green.

>>get over it
years later still posts about it on Sup Forums

Moral of the story, if you play badminton you will die from faggotry

If this is true, how do you feel about being a fucking living joke?

>got dropped off in Saigon straight out of boot camp
>didn't know what the fuck I was doing
>was a terrible shot so they gave my a flame thrower
>they told me it doesn't actually work very well at killing and that it's just to intimidate charlies
>fucked up when reloading it for the first time
>it blew up in my face
>third degree burns all over my body
>medics saved my ass
>got sent home two days later

Is you kill?

>user is literally a badminton zombie

uh, look uh, would you mind givin us a selfie?

You can do that on a laptop? Show me how and you got it

Got in a crash about 9 years ago. Didn't have seat belt on so when I crashed and the airbag deployed and I bounced up over the top of it and hit the roof of my cab and split my head open wide enough that the EMTs said my brain was clearly visible. Doctors said there was 0 chance for me and my family should pull the plug, but they weren't ready and a few weeks later I woke up. Got a TBI, took a lot of recovery, but I'm doing good these days.

>have to travel across england
>get on train
>train passes through rochdale
>50 brown terrorists get on
>continues through dewsbury, bradford
>hundreds more paki terrorists getting on the train
>oh god this is it this is the end
>loads of them have backpacks
>some of them are fiddling with phones

never again

>visit my aunt in birmingham
>niggers as far as the eye can see
>go in tesco to pick up a cheap frying pan because aunt doesn't have one and i like fried breakfasts
>get to the aisle with pans
>they're right next to steak knives
>niggers are right there too
>at least 6 niggers in the same aisle with all those knives
>grab a frying pan and run to the checkout

never again

>day 2, same as day one, rains a little so we go get hot chocolate at mess hall and warm up before dinner
>food was generally shit so I didn't look forward to it, we eat then stay up for smores and go to sleep

>day 3 comes, its early morning and its started to rain again, pretty hard.
we continue out the day as best we can
>rain subsides again so we go to shoe some bows down at the south clearing
>we are there about 30 minutes and this is the funnest shit we got to do I want more of this.
> rains the hardest it has rained we get told we need to leave and head back to mess hall cause its to shitty out.
> so we head back there, dad wants to make sure he put the rain fly back on securely so he heads up and tells me he will be back Ina few.
>we all get in the mess hall and about 5 minutes later a tree flies through the back of the building into the kitchen and the cooks freak the duck out and start yelling at us to all get the fuck out and run for the main bridge.
>we all run for our lives like crazy children
>one boss as bitch stays inside and is the last one out and makes sure everyone is out safely before she runs. She was later given an award or some shit for saving lives, she totally deserved it too.
> so we are all running and as soon as we make it to the bridge I turn around and look and I see the whole entire fucking building being swept off the edge of the cliff by a land slide taking out the whole camp.
> I notice my dad isn't with me and remember he went to go fu k with the tent and I see the small bridge he crossed had been wiped out as well and I don't see him.
>during this pause I get picked up and forecfully moved with the rest if the people
> we get across the canyon and far away to safety
> everyone starts doing a head count and they come up with the right amount of people and I tell them that that are wrong and my dad isn't here
> they don't fucking listen and won't fucking have it. Just deny and deny
cont

>Instructor says do your first 15 second delay SKYDIVE
>for the first time I am cocky
>I wait like 18 seconds feelin bad ass.
>go to pull (handle, no pilot chute)
>handle will not fuckin budge!!!!!
>Pull arm out again to keep from spinning
>pull handle for second time, it is stuck
>15 seconds until I hit ground
> I AM GOING TO FUCKIN DIE
> not afraid just feeling like incredible failure
> look down and un-jam handle pull hande, chute opens

most laptops got cam (thx 4 service)

>Be me
>I'm 2
>Sick, coughing a lot, parents bring me in to the doctor
>Doctors figure out I have MRSA, not only that but it's already started making tiny holes in the tissue of my lungs, which are collapsing
>Lungs also surrounded by fluid, pressing in on them
>Transferred to hospital
>Have several chest tubes to keep the fluid from building up
>Need an oscillator to keep lungs inflated
>Doctors think I need ECMO to get the CO2 levels in my blood down
>They don't do it on children at the hospital I'm at
>Transferred (by helicopter, I was at a point where I could die any second) to another hospital that does do the procedure
>Turns out something else they changed at that hospital (forgot what it was) brought the CO2 levels down, ECMO wasn't needed
>Cool heli ride though
>Eventually recover
>Still have mild asthma though

> I get taken with this family a few hours away to a disaster shelter and they call my mom and tell her my dad is missing and presumed dead.
> he ended up making it to safety by running to the top of a waterfall that was up there and was found by a fire rescue helicopter.

shittiest day every, almost die, think my dads dead, get kidnapped.

oh and did I mention this group of people was 95% Mormon. Now I hate them to this day.

>13
>Hit by car and I get launched through a nearby house window..
>Old lady in the house fucking screams.
>Docs say all okay, no broken bones,just a nasty cuts from the glass, and some wicked bruising.
>alwaysdrinkyourmilkkids.avi

>be me
>be 12
>be boi
>after lessons
>teacher asks me to come to talk to him after school
>o shit waddup
>after school
>teacher puts my dick into her pussy
>nutted but she still sucked
>almost ded
30 years ago

>running up a hill towards a cliff edge
>happen to know this cliff edge doesn't drop right off but has a ledge about 2 feet over the edge
>people behind me running up
>lol gonna fucking make them scream and trick the shit out of them
>run up to edge and fake scream
>fall over expecting to land on ledge and hide
>ledge has disintegrated since my last visit
>keep falling
>bang head on rocks
>sleepytime.jpg
>wake up in life raft with broken legs
>cry

100 Bucks? Jesus did this shit come with an engine?

Fucking kek! Retard

I was installing the mounting rings/studs for the outside wheel of a caterpillar 797 haul truck. The operator holding the ring and mounting jig above me was nervous, he decided to squeeze it extra tight.

I was below it guiding him in, when he squeezed the metal on metal made it shoot out, in which it bounced off the final drive assembly and landed where I had been standing. I did a pretty knarly action hero dive to get out of the way, it took a giant gouge out of the hardened concrete floor where I was standing.

If it had not of hit the final drive assembly during the fall it would of landed directly on me. The ring/stud assembly plus the mounting jig combined probably weighed around 1500-2000 pounds, which would of hit me in the face.

Also.

In JLG man lift removing saddle block from Bucyrus 495 shovel, guy operating the man lift put us in line of fire to check the alignment of the shaft as it was being pulled out. We were about 40 feet in the air, at the same time the shaft popped out, saddle block was attached to rigging and a crane, which then swung out and smashed us while in the man basket. The saddle block without any grease in it weighs 31 000 pounds. We were shot backwards and smashed off the back of the man basket railing and the entire arm shook and almost sling shotted us out of the basket.

Good times as a heavy equipment mechanic.

>be me
>13 years old
>on bus
>kid throws pencil at me
>try to talk to him about it at school
>he flips out and runs away
>go home and cry because I have no friends

Are you genuinely autistic?

I saw OPs face

if thats true then id start buying lotto tickets if I were you

Why do you enjoy the blue-collar lifestyle so much?

You've been watching way too much TV, pal.

>be me
>12 or 13 at the time
>at a stadium with friend in bouncehouse
>doing frontflips and shit like a pro
>the bouncehouse was next to at least a 15 ft drop, but area was covered in fence
>suddenly everyone panics
>wtfishappening.jpg
>suddenly i lose my footing (only had socks on so i slipped)
>the fucking bouncehouse is deflating
>im in the far back
>fall back into fence
>wait what the fuck its loose
>welp this is it
>prepare to fall down this fucking drop
>suddenly mexican kid in my class jumps through the deflating bouncehouse and opens passage for me
>"cmon lets go!"
>he grabs my hand and we both get out
>do a frontflip as i get out
>thank you mexican kid

>be on bustrip to go on skiing holiday with highschool
>everyone asleep
>suddenly hear loud screech and sparks flying everywhere
>busdriver drove into the fucking crash barriers
>a huge metal plate is sticking out on the right side if the bus
>tfw the bus hit the barriers it was swining like crazy
>tfw this was on the autobahn

And yet, you don't hate wetbacks. Damn, you're weird.

that happened to me too, around the same age
>be learnin how to swim from ma
>she tells me that I need to wait to get in the pool until she gets back
>leaves me by the pool
>me, being an ignorant little shit, jump in the pool
>fuck mom, she doesn't know what she's talking about
>underwater looks weird, and I'm just kind of sinking a little at a time
>I don't move for a short while, just looking around
>can't breathe, but don't think this is a problem
>mom jumps in and frantically pulls me out
>yells at me for the first time ever, telling me not to ever scare her like that
>she held me close, I wasn't afraid but she was freaked out
>one of my first memories
>now I love swimming and going underwater
>I've almost drowned 5 times since that
>I'm still not afraid of pools, but I'm definitely afraid of the ocean

You sound like a nice man. Stay well grandannon.

I make a retarded amount of money.

Also I spent 3 years in college prior to taking a trade, I have an IT diploma. After getting the diploma I worked for 10 months in that field and decided I'm an idiot and hate sitting in offices for 8 hours a day.

Now I fix the largest mining equipment in the world.

>be me 16 and being sleepy
>it was hot as fuck so i have a great idea
>fill the hot tub with water and go in to relax
>listen to some progresive house and sleep
>father comes in and takes me out of water starts giving me mouth to mouth
>shit is weird so i just go with it
>they thought i was going to kill myself and tot his day they still give me crap about it and lectures

Pro tip: If you're going to kill yourself buy caffeine powder and snort it. Very fatal in easy to snort dosages, cheap, and easy to get.

Kek m8

Why don't you like using your brain?

>8
>Trying to hang Lego jet in window.
> Fall out of bedroom window from second floor.
>Legs hit concrete. Torso and head on grass.
>breaks pelvis, nearly tore femoral artery.

>be me
>drowned
>be revived

not trying to be funny, it really happened

years later i had a hypertensive crisis and it was way scarier than drowning

>Me being 8 or so
>End of swimming class
>Instructors bring lots of things to play in the water
>One of them is this big square of plastic or rubber that floats in the water
>Many kids in the swimming pool
>They throw this square and it lands on top of me
>Kids climb on it
>I'm underwater, and had to open my eyes to look for an exit
>Those seconds seemed like minutes to me
>No life movie btw

shit man

Something similar happened to me
>climb mountains as usual
>been doing this for years (professional)
>one day, the forecast says "possibility of light rain"
>go outside anyway
>only a couple of clouds in the sky
>arrive at location
>start climbing up the mountain
>an hour later, be high above the ground
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>suddenly feel a water drop land on head
>look up
>dark cloud
>oh shit
>start making my way down
>rain starts pouring down
>this is it
>this is how I die
>slip
>fall for I dunno how far
>land in tall tree and hit every branch before I hit the ground
>three broken ribs
>both legs broken
>both arms broken
>concussion
>ripped skin on back, stomach, legs and arms
Luckily a family on a biking trip found me.
2 years later, full recovery, still climbing.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypertensive_emergency

way worse than drowning, i rate drowning a 6 out of 10 by comparison

Survival Tip: your eyes can see in clean underwater without pain or discomfort. It's the chlorine used in pools that gets you.

>dumbass teenager hanging out in the forest
>get loaded on cheap hooch
>there's an abandoned factory not too far
>walking along girders ~70ft off the concrete
>nearly fall

I'd kick my own dumb ass if I could.

I have fucked up eyes then, cause it hurts like a fucking motherfucker just with normal tap water (Denmark, so good tap water here.)

Got hit by a train while being drunk, got away with only minor injuries.

>be me
>GCSEs exams 4 years ago
>used to have a pen with a deely bopper thing on it
>used to grip my thumb at the top of the pen and flick the spring during exams
>pretty good stress relief
>notice black dot on rist
>dont care, I have exams to do
>at home a week later
>black out
>wake up in hospital
>hand is in cast
>tubes up my nose
>doctor tells me crushed an artery in my wrist through trauma
>nearly died
>welp
>still have pen
>still flick pen
>good pen

he's talking about a story, not rehashing how he felt when he drowned
damn you're a dumb bitch

Go trouble shoot advance hydraulic systems and then come back to apologize about your current level of stupidity.

Google what a Hitachi EX8000 is, and then try to grasp the hydraulic operating principles. I currently work on those and the Bucyrus 495 shovels.

Formerly worked on Cat 797b haul trucks, cat D11 bulldozers, cat 24h and m graders. And all other smaller equipment such as excavators, loaders, dozers, and haul trucks.

Yeah people tend not to know. includes sea water too, I dive without goggles sometimes.

Not all cops are dicks. Good work user.

It's probably cold, keep them open past the initial shock. Fight the urge to shut them and it'll become normal

samefag posting stories about being afraid of niggers and sandniggers instead of being angry

>be about 8-9
>go to [spoiler]friends[/spoiler] party
>the idea is to sit in these ring inflatable looking things with steel bottoms and ride down a ski hill
>get to bottom and wait for friend
>rammed in the fucking head by a metal ring hurtling down a ski ramp
>wake up in a+e
>lucky to not have died, apparently.

youre probably right, cant say ive ever tried to do that.

pretty much this exact situation happened to me

This is poetry for the mind

>Be me
>Be 200 pound muscular black guy. at the time.
>receive facebook message by future waifu for the first time
>Whatthefuckishappening.jpg
>I can feel all of my veins and my heart beat
>I've felt this before in my sleep, it felt like i ripped myself from arms of death last time, but I cant do anything about this
>wake up in hospital
>heart attack
>fucking heart attack
>find out i have a heart arrhythmia

>can not stop calling myself a faggot for almost dying because of a message
>My closest friend had a heart arrhythmia too, he died not too long ago.
>The fucking faggot couldn't even walk his dog
>Cant stop thinking i'm going to die when/if I fuck waifu.
I dont want to die yet.

i think a lot of people have really close calls, it's the matter of a few feet to the right or the left is the reason a lot of us are still here, and that some unfortunate ones aren't (and then a gif of you taking a iron fence post up the ass gets posted in a rekt thread, nice legacy)

>driving down the highway, far left lane
>dumbass semi up ahead in front of me
>gaining on him fast
>i'm going a little fast maybe, not enough for a ticket even though
>decide to pass on the right, don't usually do that
>notice the semi looks far to the left side of the left lane, straddling the median
>blinker on, into the right lane
>hear a faint "pow"
>see this massive wooden stake get picked up and flung behind the semi
>would have flown right into my windshield

if i had done anything just a little differently there, i might have been wearing a wooden spike through my forehead, thanks for the good fortune god.

I've got 2 or 3 stories
>be me
>4 or 5 years old
>visiting family in Mexico
>mum asks me to put on bug spray
>dont know what the fuck it looks like
>look under sink
>see bottle with bug on lable
>can't figure out how to spray it, so I dump it's entire contents on my face
>mfw it was home pesticide
>mfw chemical burns on eyes ensue
>mfw run out of house and black out from pain
>wake up in hospital with pumps on my eyeballs
>get a lollipop
Cont.

Did you lose the ability to greentext too?

>be me and brother mid 90's
>parents go to harbour often, and take us with them
>being bored and there being a massive heatwave the fjord has dried out
>we get the idea to cross it on foot
>we get about halfway and notice theres more and more big waddles of water left, so we turn around

Apparently thats not entirely safe, we walked about 1-1.5km and went back

Really? stabing a kid for candy?
Even for a nigger this is low

Only important question ITT

Double Pneumonia guy here.
I feel ya. I'm a commercial/industrial electrician and I regularly unfuck OS on laptops that my coworkers bring me, so everyone asks me why I'm an electrician instead of an IT. I will never understand why people don't realize how easy reinstalling an OS is, or why people think my job isn't MATH as fuck.

That's like a retail worker describing the intricacies of keeping a store clean and ready for maximum shopping potential. There's probably a science in there somewhere, but it sounds retarded when it's actually brought up. The knowledge to learn is extremely light and superficial, especially if it was conveyed by a 30-year-old instructor in some sort of trade school.

Dunning-Kreiger in full swing.

I program PLCs for industrial machinery
If I've ever almost died I don't remember because I'm drunk half the time

Last december i was going down a road around 50-60 miles per hour, thenroad had no division from the other side, and it was a pretty busy route. I was approaching a curve and went for the breaks to begingg slowing down. They failed. I swerved to my right to avoid incoming traffic and my car lost control. I tried regaining it by steering left. The car swerved to a patch of wet grass, started doing sideways spins. I hit a light pole on my right rear amd the car took to the air, spun like three times in the air and landed upside down. My whole backseat was gone. No airbags deployed. The passenger side was completly caved in (if someone had been with me they would have died). I came to, tried to get out of the seatbelt, but it was locked. Luckily I'm a cook and had my knives, i reached for them and cut myself free, crawled from the wreckage as fast as I could. Not a scratch on me. Not even a cut from the glass. I honestly don't know how I'm here writing this.

Well not half
Just at home

Trade school for these jobs is 8 weeks per year. My trade is 3-4 years depending on wether you are specializing in on road equipment, off road equipment, or both.

All the instructors are ancient, injured, fucked up old men that are too fucked to do the job anymore. So their wealth of knowledge is retarded.

The curriculum itself is basic operating principles of engines, electrical, transmissions, hydraulics. If you did all 4 blocks of school you'd still be a fucking dumb ass.

You gain your knowledge through hands on experience, some equipment is easy, some is more complex. Especially if it's newer because there is more electrical involved vs more simple mechanical aspects of the older equipment.

The book/school knowledge isn't very extensive, but when you have know the ins and outs of specific equipment and their systems it's the equivalent of knowing everything there is to know about different OS systems or networks.

It's all a science just different kinds, also a lot more dangerous and fun.

When i was a kid i ate labernum seeds thinking they were pea pods.

''All parts of the plant are poisonous, and can be lethal if consumed in excess. Symptoms of laburnum poisoning may include intense sleepiness, vomiting, convulsive movements, coma, slight frothing at the mouth and unequally dilated pupils''