Greentext/story time

greentext/story time

english is not my native language so please bare with me

>after several months of no gf, decide to buy a fleshlight online
>i talk about it to my close friend as kind of a joke, he laughs and says he would buy one aswell
>we order two pussies, but since i live with my parents we order to his house (he lives alone)
>the week after friend calls me that pussies have arrived
>go to his house that same evening to retrieve my pussy
>have to wait till late to return home so my parents are asleep and so i can sneak the pussy into the house undetected
>that same night, i decide to give it a try
>the pussy is very dry and can barely fit my dick into it, so i use some butter as lube
>had the fap of my life
>i cum inside, and proceed to silently clean the mess
>now the real struggle begins, need to think of a place to safely hide the pussy
>since im a musician i have two big speaker in my room, and they are place on top of two fake speakers(just the wooden box, hollow inside), the perfect place, nobody would look there
>wrap the pussy in a plastig bag and place it inside one of the hollow speakers
>weeks pass, fuck the pussy every night, having the time of my life
>one night, i fuck the pussy so hard it starts to tear up apart from the center
>it was a 25$ cheap rubber pussy replica, so i cannot really complain, it lasted longer than intended
>anyways, i didnt want to give up on the pussy just yet, so i managed to fix the two parts together with some duct tape
>fast forward one month
>the pussy is practically destroyed at this point and the two parts fall apart everytime even the duct tape cant hold up
>from now on, every time i fuck the pussy is a total fucking mess
>after some meditation, i decide its time to get rid of the pussy and move on
>this is where shit starts...

cont?

no

mh allright

Yes

Comon OP

Just give us the broad strokes. Pun absolutely intended

oh yes please cont.

>i can not just throw the pussy into the garbage can, because im paranoid that my dog smells it and pulls it out of the garbage and my parents see
>i have to take it out by myself and destroy any evidence
>later that day, i wait till parents go out, fuck the pussy one last time, put it back on its plastic bag and get into my car
>place the pussy in the glove compartment and start driving to the closest trash container
>i live in the middle of nowhere so its like a 2km ride
>the combined smell of butter, cum and the rubber itself was unbearable so i try to drive as fast as possible
>suddenly, a police checkpoint in the way
>they are stopping random cars to check for car papers and stuff
>they stop me and ask where im going
>i get very nervous every time and the police notices it, and tells me to park the car on the side of the road

cont...

I think I see where this is heading... please do continue...

>the week after friend calls me that pussies have arrived
Kekd

>after several months of no GF
REEEEEEEEEE
>using butter as lube
don't do that
it fucks most onaholes up
you should use only water-based lubricants

>they ask for my driving license and shit
>all my shit is in the glove compartment where the pussy is
>nervously open the glove container and the police notices the suspicious bag
>he asks whats inside
>i say "n-nothing just... just some food..."
>he isnt buying it and wants to check anyways
>i hand him the stinky plastic bag
>the smell is horrible
>he looks inside
>sees the broken rubber pussy with pieces of duct tape around it, and stains of butter and fresh cum
>on top of that, the plastic bag had a small hole i didnt noticed before and some cum was dripping from it
>he almost throws up on site and gives me the most disgusting look ive ever seen
>hands me back the plastic back in disgust, and keeps checking my car papers
>im totally paralized at this point
>after several minutes which felt like hours, they hand me my driving license back and tell me i can continue
>i slowly drive away, not looking back
>eventually reach the trash container
>throw the pussy inside in tears, and then proceed to drive back home in shame
>years have passed and im a totally different man now
>but will never forget all the memories and good moments that fucking piece of rubber gave me

Fuck it reeks of bullshit already. If you lived in the middle of nowhere you'd just walk a few metres from your house and pitch it into the scrub. Also, police checkpoint also in the middle of nowhere? Where do you live, Serbia in 1992?

>i beg him please
>he unzips his pants
>forcing my head to his crotch
>i open my mouth and recieve him fully

Napušiš mi se kurca majku ti ustašku jebem.

This.
>can barely fit my dick into it

OP's full of fucking bullshit.

this is what actually happened.

>2km

Couldn't you just walk you stupid shit?

>totally different man now

Why, you buy lube now?

Never laughed so hard in ages

Oh those sweet trips

more op

I'm racking my brain, i mean really spinning the shit out of those cogs, but i can't for the life of me figure out why someone would take the time to make up such a stupid story

because it's funny, fuckhead.

Butter user could've just walked it takes 20 minutes to walk 2km

Well it was a little funny, but now GTFO OP

It isn't even that! If you think this shit is funny, i have bad news; your funny is very broken. Possibly beyond repair.

Comedy is subjective, jackass.

No, finding something funny is subjective you moron.

I find the story funny, that would have sucked to happen