What's a household item that's safe to stick up my ass?

What's a household item that's safe to stick up my ass?

Pic related: won't buy a dildo

bump for interest

knife

Anything plastic. And shaped like a cock.
Turkey baster. Just make sure clean

Refrigerator

cucumber, carrots, bananas.

anything you cant lost the grip off. A hairbrush handle.

A gun

how the fuck has no one said "sharpie"

what the fuck Sup Forums

Dude just go into your kitchen and get a spatula. Then procede to stick it horizontally into your ass then stick chicken nuggets. Feed them to your family. Profit???

Curling iron.

cause its small he wants to rip his asshole you fucking retard

>household item

Dildos are household items at my house. Your mileage may vary.

Sharpies provide no real distention.

Balancing eagle.

idk man i live with someone who has one so i just use it when no one is home, cucumber i guess

Subway.

Would vegetables need to be washed before insertion? Is there a risk of any infection or anything happening from the use of foods?

yeah i would wash em, ive never used veggies so i would to be safe

chek'd

90% of all vegetables have already been inside somebody's body before making it to the store, so you definitely want to wash it.

Balance on clit lol

>my well thought out post on Sup Forums gets no replies and dies within minutes
>a post about what item could be used to fuck oneself with gets a dozen replies instantly

fuck this place and fuck you

A hot curling iron.

...

Buy a dildo.
I used household shit. Then I got tired of it and bought an amazon dildo. Best fucking purchase of my life.
Good options are novelty baseball bats and fruits with condom over it.

newfriend

>safe to stick up my ass

If I put a hotdog in my ass, is it bestiality or necrophilia?

Both

beer bottle

A dumb idea because it will probably break off inside your rectum

Just hijack the thread with your blog post then

...

Bye bye, summerfag.

just do what the cucks do and keep making the same thread over and over again until it becomes a meme and gains popularity.

Realistically, anything is a dildo if you're brave enough. I once saw a video of a guy who got console controller (xbox 360 I think) and went on a game with unlimited ammo and got off to the vibration in his ass. No clue where I saw the video so no sauce.

your dads dick faggot

A keyboard.

But seriously, user, just buy one on Amazon.

this is my go to.

i wish it could hit my prostate though.

I would buy one, but I live with a roommate and I don't want him to find out that I stick things up my ass.

> tears cleanly
kek

go to home depot
buy a screwdriver
shove handle up ass
repeat
some are better than others

I'm dead.

You don't need anything, use your hand like a god damn man

How hard could it possibly be to poop out a hotdog

I have bought many sex toys from Amazon. They come in the standard box.

Let us know

your opinions