Weirdest thing you've said to your significant other during sex?

Weirdest thing you've said to your significant other during sex?

>Pull the crib door down

Are you feeling it now mr krabz

ILL FUCK YOU BACK TO THE STONE AGE NIGGER

We talk constantly during sex and always say fucked up things, but my current girlfriend did get a little weirded out when I told her I wanted to knock her up so she could have a baby girl for me to rape. She laughed for a bit but then went with it, but it's the closest I've ever been to thinking I may have crossed a line...

Oh, also suggested we watch a video of her sister giving birth to her niece while we fucked. We did it.

She started to cum, I grab her hair and get near her ear

>YOU LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING RETARD?!

She moaned yes, didn't even comprehend until I brought it up the next day.

/thread

...

congrats dude, you stole a reddit meme

>her pussy is sore from me fucking her for a long time, and its the second time she has had sex
>doesn't want to fuck any more
>convince her ill go slow
>fuck her roughly
>she is almost crying
>i keep telling her to relax, but only so that her ass isn't flexed and i can fuck her deeper
pic unrelated

you are an idiot

So are you fucking her pussy or ass get your fucking bullshit story straight before posting it

>'getting fucked by a cock this big feels so fucking good user'
>'I know'

BALLLLLZZZ DEEEEEP

>YOU CAN'T FLIMFLAM THE ZIMZAM

kek

wrong kiddo, if her actual ass is flexed it sticks out more and you cant fuck as deep if fucking from the back.
i know

How do you even fuck up that monumentally

This happened a few nights ago

>wife is feeling horny
>sex it up like Champs
>she offers to finish me up with a handjob by saying "imma milk that cock"
>In the moment all sweaty and huffing I say "o dairy me"
>we both stop
>like full stop all sexual activity
>I hate puns why I say dis?

I would fuck my way through a fraternity of white niggers to get to you

Let daddy sneak into your bedroom and pet your soft little cunny

no, if she's pushing out it's much easier to fuck her ass. works for men too.

Had some pretty good dd/lg sex and I cant speak very eloquently when I'm fucking. "You like it when daddy touches you like that" came out as "like that, daddy?" had to take a break for a few seconds after that one

>27 year old virgin
>dated girl for 6 weeks
>finally about to do the deed
>before I put it in I say, "this is my first time"
>she gets up and gets dressed and says that this will be a waste of time
>beg her not to leave, tell her it will be worth it
>she tells me to call her back when I am more experienced and then leaves

welp, that was my last chance. Took me 8 years to find a gf and this is what I get.

well it's easy next time don't tell her...

hahahahaah faggot

>I'm gonna put a sharpie in your pooper

>tfw having sex for first time at 28 when girl asks if im a virgin

dude, she wasn't worth it then. she was definitely a cunt, and not someone you want to fuck anyways.

We found him, boys.