Help me. I hear really loud banging (like louder than a hammer banging) and it's coming right from my houses kitchen...

Help me. I hear really loud banging (like louder than a hammer banging) and it's coming right from my houses kitchen. I am in my room one floor above. I live with my parents and they are about 30 feet away from me right now, but they are heavy sleepers and probably don't hear this. What do I do? It's possible there is a robber.
>Pic unrelated

Run down the stairs bare ass naked and rape the intruders.

Update: The loud noise stopped. I hear footsteps now.

jack off in front of them

What are your resources?

act mentally disabled, and make them feel bad

bump

What do you mean my resources?

What do you have to defend yourself you retard.

A lamp, and I also have a small block of wood with 2 nails in it. Currently holding that right now.

Bump

What the hell do I do? The banging has started again, faster and louder.

Bump got trips, this thread will be popular

is your house old? you can get banging from the water pipes if you have a leaky toilet or hot water heater. valve opens and closes, the closing of the valve sends a shockwave back through the pipe. only in old houses though. like REALLY old houses

Hide in you closet

Perfect.

I'll give you instructions on how to defend yourself and you must follow them closely.

>Step 1
Use the wood to cut yourself.

>Step 2
Drip blood on your dick as a lubricant.

>Step 3
Use your flame to enrage you inner ape to run down stairs to rape your intruders.

>possible home intruder
>first thing that comes to mind: ask Sup Forums

>act

It's about 20 years old I'd say.

>shove plank up ass
>Run downstairs
> Swing hips rapidly and beat intruders to death with plank
>Kys

Sneak to your parent's room and try to wake them up.

def not pipes then. only times i hear of it happening are turn of the century houses and older. 1900s era

Holy fucking shit dude I almost burst out laughing, they would have heard me and I'd be dead. Still kek though
I had my shitty laptop, this is all I could do

You obviously go fuck the dude up. You just gonna let some random go walk around your house like he owns the place?>

The banging has changed to a loud scratching noise, not like chalk on a board. I don't know how to describe it.

just scream out "ARE YOU HERE FOR THE FORCED ANAL FISTING?"

bump of interest

Bump what's happening

The sound is still going. I have no idea what it is.

probably a good idea to turn on a hallway light and check it out

wake parents first