OK Sup Forums tard story time!

OK Sup Forums tard story time!

>be me
>26 year old male
>job hunting
>so far nothing
>find out my local high school is looking for and hiring substitute teachers
>why not? 10.jpg
>sign up
>take course
>pass
>fuck yeah I'm finally going to be earning some green https///.jpg
>all I have to do is tell kids to sign in and sit down and do nothing
>next day
>first day
>office tells me I'll be filling in for a tard handler
>oh fuck
>office tells me an assistant tard handler will also be there
>shouldn't be to bad then..
>I was dead wrong
>find the tard building isolated 400 yards away from the highschool I shit you not
>go up front porch ramp
>open door and no one but assistant tard handler there we'll call him gym bro
>gym bro is your araverage guy who spends too much time at the gym
>"wassup man you user?"
>"yeah I'm user"
>"OK bro just take a seat, the kids still haven't arrived yet"
>" oh...uh OK.."
>20 mins go by and I hear the kids running up the porch ramp
>oh god

bump for interest

Cont.

cont pls

Cont

Cont. Please, I need this.

Cont cunt

pls cont.

cont. faggot

>tard kids bust down the door like the flood from halo
>"yup! lets Get ready user!"
>what..the fuck..
>help handler calm kids down with their usual breakfast of eggs, beans, and cheese taco
>they seem to only eat this and nothing els. For some reason they worship this simple breakfast taco
>taaauuuuccchhhooo ttaaaaaaauchhooooooo they chant
>overall they didn't seem that bad just your usual potatoes who just want their taco.
>"hey user I gotta go bring the rest of the kidsI seem to be missing few including Ramon

Cont please

Ayy limon

Plase comtinue

cont

dammit Ramon

Fucking Ramon noodles..

bump

Bump

>I was 12 years old
>I was the most hated kid in school
>The others called me faggot and retard every day
>I find a group of people who seem to not be stupid enough to bully me
>I sit with them and greet my new friends
>"Listen kid, you aren't our friend. You're nobody's friend."
>I said I would kill them all
>One of them laughs and says "Like you could even pic up the gun"
>I rush to the bathroom
>I'm crying, but i try to calm down
>I suddenly feel a strong urge to shit
>Shit tears through my cheap knock off clothing ruining it
>I ditch the clothes and sprint through the hallways
>I search rapidly for a room
>The music room is empty and the lights are off
>I rush in and hide behind the piano
>I sit there and sob for a bit
>I hear a noise
>It was the fattest kid in school and he too was sobbing and naked
>We began to talk
>The bell rings
>We return to our hiding spots
>The music teacher comes in as does the class
>I remain hidden, but the fat kid gets noticed
>He sprints out but falls in the door
>Everyone is laughing and staff are showing up to deal with it
>I see the kid who mocked me earlier
>I charge at him with a pencil and stab him, before running down the hall to an exit and then to the dumpster
>I hid there until 4am
>I walked home in shame

>fat yard kid enters the room first and sees me, shouts
>"heurj not mr jskon"
>he's angry and confused, the rest of the yards are gathering behind him
>"H-hi" I say, "I'm mr. user and I'll be your substitute today."
>"oker"
>tards go sit in their seats without incident, wrangler bro is taking control
>for a while I just sit there while wrangler bro handles everything
"Okay kids, time for recess!"
>too far away from main school so we don't get the bell, we have to watch the clocks instead
>tards run out into the field
>the big kid from earlier trips and falls on his face and then shits himself with his ass up in the air
>ah hell no.jpg
>"BRROMDMMDMDMMFFFFFF"

spaghetti everywhere....

Ramon should vote for Pedro

Interested

>"who is Ramon?" I asked
>"just your usual trouble maker I'll be back"
> handler goes out to find the rest of the kids
>comes back ten min later with 3 of the worst trouble makers in the whole highschool including Ramon
> Ramon sees the other kids having their breakfast and goes up to one of them " ggiiifmmme my ffffuffuuckibg food bbbbitch!!
>Ramon punches the kid in the arm and takes his taco away
>friendly potato kid just skreeeches and cries like a baby t-rex from lost world

Bampidy badumperino

What the hell is a tard handler?

ahahhahahahhahahahahahhahaa

Lurk moar. Many a greentext involve tard wranglers and handlers

Bump

Ping pong?

Finish story nigger

>handler just tells Ramon to quit it and be nice
>"ooooooh o o o OK...faggot" Ramon says
>look at gym bro with a shock face
>" yup just another day with this guy sucks you can't lay a finger on them"
>in the corner of my eye I see Ramon walking up to me and just... Stands there starring at me with a undescribable shit face look..
>I hear a pppffff noise
>Ramon shit him self
>gym bro takes him to go get changed
>30 min later gym bro returns with Ramon
>again Ramon walks up to me and stares with his shit look
>"hehhey..duuu youff hauf anyuh ccaccandy?"
>"n-no?? Sorry" I said softly
>"oooooooooh OK.....bitch"
>instantly wanted to best his ass up but couldn't.. Thanks Obama

>Be me. Around 5 or 6 years old
>Live in one of those oldschool concrete apartment buildings with my family
>Mom's friend that lives next door has a daughter(let's call her Maria) which was about 8 at the time
>Maria's mom was slavic (a russian) but since she moved to our country, she learned the language (altough had a really pronounced slavic accent). Maria also spoke in my language
>My Dad worked with computers and had one in our home with tetris, zek (or zeek which was like pacman or something), arcanoid installed so we play those few games togather and establish sort of a friendship after a while
>Mom and mom's friend think the computer will keep us busy and out of trouble and go out shopping, living us unattended for like 2-3 hours
Will cont.

Bruuuuuh

Bump

>ff its lunch time
>gym bro and me escort tards to the cafeteria
>tards have lunch after all the high school kids finish their lunch period
>so the yards have the whole cafeteria to them selves to even run around and shit
>but Ramon doesn't see it that way
> for some reason Ramon loves to wait till the kids are in line for their food , walks all the way in front and kick everyone in the nuts one by one wile in line, 3 of the other trouble makers start kicking each other in the nuts like a sick hippy moshpit. >potato's huddle in fear

Cont

...

>So me and Maria are alone and are getting kind of bored or the same few games
>Maria goes around my room, lookimg for something to do
>She casually chats with me while rummaging through my toybox
>"So hey user, what do you wanna be when you grow up?"
>"I wanna be a plane pilot or an astronaut or a soldier"
>"Well I wanna be a nurse or a doctor"
>"Uh...Okay..."
>"So user I'm bored. Do you wanna play doctor?"
>"Well...Okay"
>"Great. Lemme get my tools then!"
>She leaves to next door. A little later she comes back with this real old as hell, big brown leather handbag or a case. The leather is thick as hell as to this day I can remember the smell of old that old leather bag
>"Okay. So I'm gonna need you to strip"
>"Wait, why do I have to be the patient?"
>"Because I know what to do!"
>"Fine.."
>I strip down to my undies and the t-shirt
>"You silly! Strip all the way down!"
Will cont

I used to think most of these were fake, but after getting a job at a prison and working with "mental health" a lot of this seems tame.

>Working in mental health unit
>On suicide watch for some guy
>Sit in front of his cell for 8 hours
>He fucked himself up with meth, just lays on the floor playing with his shit laughing his ass off
>Kinda envy him, being able to enjoy yourself like that
>Bored, cant read or look at magazines in case he starts doing something to injure himself
>He has no water in his cell, so when he is thirsty we have to give him water through a wicket via dixie cups
>He has grabbed people with his shit stained hands in the past

yea yea we've heard it many times
like how many of us played doctors when we were kids?

>gym bro had to stop the madness
>Ramon just in the corner laughing
>"aaaiuunnnchachachacha fuckkikking faggots!"
> gym bro just tells everyone to go back the building
>ff back in the tard headquarters
>gym bro says at this hour Ramon likes to sit in the computer and listen to music
>only way to keep Ramon from causing more trouble
>" hhey faggits I wwwaunt my fffuccckin shong!"
>"I'll let you handle it user I gotta step out for a bit"
>"AAaaaaaahHHahahHHhahaha!!!" Ramon screaming " I whhant mmy dauumch shhcong!!!
>oh you'll get a song.jpf
>put on Chinese chanting music
>10 second pause
>aaaaaaasuuuuhhaaaaah!!!!!!!!! "Whauht the fughck is thish shiiiit!?!?
> I start laughing
>"I waunt my fuuching sung!!!"

>put on african/chanting/ambient music
> Ramon screaming like a 1000 golems
>lol you said a song
>"wuawuahwuapangos I whuant wapangos!"
>for thos of you who don't know what wapangos is, its just fucking Mexican polca music

cont

Hahaha tought luck pal :^)

>So I say fine and strip all the way down
>She opens the bag, pulls out a stetoscope (the thingy where they check the heart and lungs). After a while I found out Maria's mom was a doctor
>She lifts up my arm, examines me real thoroughly
>"Okay, now lay down on the bed"
>I do it
>She checks my heart with the stetoscope, then palpates my chest, belly
>My heart is freaking pounding (both of fear and excitement) as she palpates down to my pelvic area
>"Okay. Now turn over on your tummy"
>*oh shit what is she going to do but I do it*
>She picks something up from the bag again. It's a metal tube for some cream and an old thermomether. She puts some cream on the thermomether and some on her finger
>"Okay. Now you'll feel something cold"
>She spreads my butt and shoves her finger up there. I cry in pain but she puts her arm over me sort of restraining me and says "Stop fidgeting! I'm gonna hurt you"
>She holds the thermomether for a few minutes then takes it out
>"Okay...You're a little hot. You have the butt disease"
>"Waaaat? No I don't!"
>"I'm a doctor! I know!"
Willco

butt disease is no joke

Dude that's what she said!

dude I'm so sorry you have the butt disease, my cousin died from it

Bitch

faget has butt disease. did you get to check her as well? tell us moar

checkmate

Bump

kys faggot

>"Okay so what happens now?"
>"You're gonna die if I don't treat you!"
>"Wait what? Okay how then? Do I have to eat some pills or something?"
>"Just trust me, I'm a doctor"
>She leaves the room and gets back a minute or so later. She comes back with a piece of butter from the kitchen
>"Great am I going to have to eat that?"
>"Not exactly..."
>She puts my hand over my back sort of like restraining me and preventing me from moving
>And she fucking shoves the peace of butter in my squirming ass. No fucking joke.
>And then I've heard the door of our appartment unlocking
>I jump up like hell, get my clothes on in less than one second and Maria throws the bag under my bed
>We're safe, get on the computer and pretend we're playing

...

If that's the end I'm gonna be pissed

Neat

So... You're the retard in this story?

So yeah. That wasn't the last time we played doctor.
The thing is - I entered university this year. Turns out Maria attends the same University as me.
Guess what is she studying.
>It's fucking Nursing. She goes to nursing school.

I don't know what I expected.

Anyway. I got her facebook, messaged her. And then we shagged.

That was quite a nice flashback.

WHAT IS SHE DOING?!?

it's a known fact only certain types of butter will cure ass disease why some could make it worse

is she trying to get you killed? if she was a real doctor she would of known you're meant shove dirt up you're ass

66 the number of the butt disease refers to the sex position that transmits it

atleast they wont be able to breed

kek

so did she cure or treat your butt disease

so your parents walk in while your freaking out with your buttery ass disease and ask why does it smell like ass in here!? hahahaha

I don't think I had the butt disease
I think she tricked me and shoved a peace of butter up my ass
So yeah I was the tard of the story

keep going