Please state the nature of the medical emergency

Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

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I haven't had a decent blowjob in weeks

I have herpes all over my face.
help!

MY PEEPEE IS ON FIRE!

Head to either one of the Holodecks.

We'll need a dermal regenerator for that, but the virus will remain in your bloodstream. I'm sorry, Lieutenant.

My racist records are stuck in customs and im worried they get sent back to the seller
Tell the cbsa to send them thru please

My ass has been sore for a week and have a lump or two outside my asshole. No homo

I'm a victim of 21st century medicine.

plz help

>seller
>customs
I think you're in the wrong century.

Lie down on the bed over there. The third one. We'll need to run a bio-scan.

Well, you're in the 24th Century now. Welcome.

Get....get out.

Tom Paris wont check his white privilege on the bridge and keeps making vulcan jokes and triggering me!

I thought you were here to help
My anti-nigger and anti-jew records cost me $1500!! Im not loosing them to some asshole at the border

Oh c'mon, they're just jokes. Stop being such a wuss. I thought you Vulcans were supposed to be emotionless.

>border?
You mean the Romulan Border? You should probably speak to the captain.

Annoyed is not an emotion.
Now please leave my quarters mister Paris.

I'm here for my routine dose of hormone replacements.

Duude, I was never in your quarters.

I'll be seeing to that this time. Remove your clothes.

Oh fuck I just replicated spaghetti all over.

Weren't you in my quarters last night administering your routine cocksucking on my mighty vulcan dong?

Spaghetti is irrelevant, you must comply.

Jadzia is bleeding heavily from the anus, again.

Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Tuvok. That was me.

>Finally, another Klingon I can connect with.
Worf, uh....what a pleasure to see you here.

You're irrelevant, borg-tits. Go suck off your dirt worshiping commander, tattoo-face.

Computer, terminate the EMH program.

okay but only if you show me your
photon torpedo tits while you activate my manual
steering column.

Doc I keep wanting to finger sex 7of9 but she denies the inevitable pleasure, what do?

>Borg-tits
I resent that.

>photon-torpedo tits
I don't resent that....

COMPUTER, BELAY THAT ORDER.

You should probably not do it. Need I remind you, she could still assimilate you.

>you are my sunshine my only sunshine.
>you keep me happy when skies are gray.

GO FUCK A TARG, HALF-BREED.

lol jk you're okay I like 'em KLINGED like mai baby momma and all dem humans bitches btw did you have the doctor examine you to see if you contracted the augment virus lol jk you're alright

STOP IT!

Okay, well...I'll just...head back to my quarters then.

Doctor. I have been experiencing some dizziness and disorientation. I seem to be experiencing a memory that I do not recall. In every instance I seem to be on the precipice of ejaculating into the captain's wide open mouth.

I got food poisoning from Neelix's horrible food. Again. Seriosuly, why do we keep this guy around?

We'll certainly have to keep you here for observation overnight. Can't risk you living out these...'lost memories.'

>implying the borg didn't 'enhance' your tits
you were totally flat before you were, as chief o'brien would say, 'ass-humiliated'
>pic related

Oh come off it. My cooking's the best in the quadrant.

Doctor I can't stop sucking dick.

Not a medical emergency I just wanted to tell someone.

Seriously, why didn't we put him off the ship when Kes left? I told Tupac and Captain Freeway I wanted to do something for the ship... maybe I should murder him.

Well....whatever the Collective did, it was for the best...for the Collective.

You've gotten weird ever since Kes left.

Really? Tribbles and Bits? What were you thinking?

>maybe I should murder him
I would love to see you try.

Sorry for interrupting you're offline time doctor
but I wanted to ask you where do babies come from?

>mfw I actually typed this I thought I was just thinking it...
I think I need another mind-meld.

I was THINKING we could use some variety, I mean, apart from those replicator rations (if you'd even call it that).

neelix's food tastes like feet and piss

Hey, how are ya? Listen, the sickbay is no place for little girls, so why don't you uh...run along?

Doctor. If I may suggest. Perhaps it would be best if Seven and Lieutenant Torres we to stay for the sleep lab. There analysis of my nocturnal habits could provide further insight into this mystery.

Oh c'mon, it's not that bad. Btw guys, I'm back.

I got a fever
For more cowbell

The name's Tulak you faggy little beta-zoid.

Don't make me choke you out again, Dicklix.

doctor seven just assimilated my dick and sucked me off for 12 hours it was awesome but i dont want a borg dick fix this shit nigga.

mumm mummm mmumm

I object. I need to...regenerate in a slightly different way.

Ah, Mr. Tuvok. Glad you're here. I need you on the bridge. We seem to have stumbled across what appears to be an abandoned space station, but it's radiating theta waves.

Newfaggotry runs rampant in Sup Forums. And Sup Forums has cancer.

Who was that pointy eared bastard?

"Sup Forums" as in "Barclay?"

agreed romulan piss at that i think he needs to catch a beating.furry little faggot

What...who in the hell is THIS now?! He looks like Kirk, but...not as fat, and a bit younger.

Hey, Balana. Guess what I got you... give up? It's a French-Tickler. That's what they used to call it. Know what it's for...give up? lol btw what kind of name is Balalananana hahahaha did you mother have a stutter? hahaha jk btw don't eat in the mess hall today I want to eat your ass too.

Captain. Who are you speaking to. I have been in the sickbay for an overnight stay due to memories ejaculllll.........due to complications in my memories.

go back to Sup Forumseta-quadrant shitskin

Trust me sweetheart. I'm still fat where it counts.

>I want to eat your ass too
You said the magic words.

maybe its your stank pussy captain.reeks so fuckin bad i think it has turned into radiation.crew is calling it janewaves

No, finish what you were going to say at first....

Around the gut area?

I will have to apologize Lt. Paris. I have requested that Lt. Torres join me and Seven this even for research into my nocturnal emissio.....memories.

You....report to the Brig.

Doctor, I took your advice on utilizing the holodeck to aleviate some of my sexual frustrations, but now I've become addicted to a holonovel I wrote in which Seven and Torres beat me senselessly to near unconsciousness while shitting in my face. The sexual gratification is amazing, but I can't keep showing up for duty with bruises all over my body, let alone the shit smell.

wheres the fucking doctor my borg dick has now taken over engineering

Your program is creating a great strain on our power conduits. We'll have to delete it.

Anyone else reading these in the character's voices?

Captain. I have been experiencing uncomfortable memories of which you are a participant. Perhaps. If you would join Seven and Lt. Torres in sickbay, I will be able to demonstrate further.

*sigh* I'll take care of it.

yes, this is one of the greatest threads

NO!!!!

I can't, I'm needed on the bridge. Perhaps Mr. Chakotay would be happy to help.

This is by far the best episode of STV

just helpin you out cap'n janewaves but scuze me the smell in here is worse than andorian fish nettles.

I would be happy to help, captain.

Tuvok, how can I assist you?

Doctor, I have something stuck on my face

Alright, that's it. Janeway to security: escort this ensign to the Brig.

We may have to amputate.

I am afraid that the Commander does not have the right...instruments for this procedure. This is a delicate matter and your assistance would prevent further damage to my neurons.

I am sure the Doctor can explain the importance of this procedure more thoroughly.

>Attention all hands: clear the corridors...
GEORGE DA FORGE makin' it so. If Toyager had me in the engine room we would have got back in time for some DS9 cameos.
youtube.com/watch?v=I_izvAbhExY

You dare speak to me?
Kneel before your god!

Doctor, I had something bust out of my chest, what do?

No, it's okay; I've already agreed to it. Let's do it, Mr. Tuvok.

Can I interest you in some removal creams I made myself?

Your boats are made of valaryan steel and fly through the heavens? Please come with me. My queen would be interested in speaking with you.

this is kes,neelix,where is neelix i have his crystal meth.

I'll escort you to one of the torpedo bays. Just let me grab my holo-emitter.

Hmph, I have a sister.

"meanwhile in junction 16"............

Captain, I still can't see shit.

doctor, i have an ear ache