ITT: POST YOUR SECRETS

ITT: POST YOUR SECRETS

im batman

I fucked Batman's mom

bruce go to bed, you are drunk

I once filmed Batman's mom having sex with a fat chubby bearded guy

was it santa??

Are you batman's dad?

I helped edit and produce a porno with batman's mom.

I'm Santa Clause and I fuck batman's mom

I fucked ops mom.

I'm batman's mom, I was batman's dad until the sex change surgery a couple years ago and now i do porn

Santa Clause once told me that he is necrophile

I had a fling with my wife's hot 16yo niece. Shit was cash.

my girlfriend broke up with me because of a pun I made.
normally, when people ask why we broke up, I make up some bullshit story about how she cheated on me or something. but no. it's because of a pun.

Seems legit. Well done user

i'm a pathological liar when im sober. i come up with these random stories for no real fucking reason. it fucking blows and it's annoying as fuck.

Played soccer with a newborn puppy

i sexted a 15 year old girl i met on Sup Forums

i went to my neighbors house when i was like 15 and i jizzed in my neighbor's daughters panties and rubbed my cock on her toothbrush.

I make something that other people say i shouldnt then give that thing to other people in exchange for money, services, and sexual favors.

At least one of you in that relationship was a douchewad. Probably her.

What pun was it?

I have a bottle that I'm filling with my own cum for no reason. At first it was convenience of not finishing in my hand but now I just do it out of habit. Everytime I open the bottle, the most putrid smell of fermented semen comes out.

I really should throw it out but I want to try and fill it. What should I do with it?

>Inb4 drink

Hate to break it to you. But that's a 45 year old man you've been talking to.

When I was 17 I fucked a 12yo girl i met in an aol chatroom

i am a crossdresser

i did the same but with my aunt's panties and jizzed my cousin's lipstick and jacked off thinking about she blowing me

she would send me stuff i asked for. i don't know why but i got extremely attached to her.

I can take over anybody as control them. I ran from the us government when I was young

I have PTSD after I got attacked with baseball bats by the brother and father of a 13 year old girl I was trying to get with in the good old MSN messenger days. I got her to go naked on cam, we had messenger sex and also phone sex and I made her send me a pair of worn panties. Her family found the chat logs (with my address on) and I got shit beaten out of me. I can barely leave house without panic attacks still and this was about 16 years ago

drink it cunt

I'm straight

I fucked a retarded chick in a porta-potty

I let a gay HS classmate fuck me for 3 years when I was 15

I fucked my friend's mom for years

I used to crush on my friend's sister and chew the crotch of her panties she left in the bathroom hamper. This was also while I was fucking their mom.

I fucked two hookers since i've been married.

leave it in the street in a bowl and watch as dogs and cats go and drink it

I gap to monster girl hentai

I'm in love with a girl I've never met in real life who lives 4 hours from me and is moving to Japan in a few months. Feels bad.

I will never. I gag just smelling it linger in my room after I open it to fill it. Call me a faggot all you want. There has to be something i can do with it that is worth doing

I stole nudes of my gf's 17yo sister from her iphone when she left it unattended.

i came in a girl by accident and im afraid ill be labeled a rapist

What's the pun? knowing that allows me to justify this. Puns are the shit.

I'm smoking black tar right now

I make my pet frog give me oral everyday

I never seed torrents, fuck that noise.

Just fucking stop lying then??

>accident
could you define that pls

MODS

How is it? How're the trips?

share?

set it on fire on someone's doorstep

Same.

We're all assholes.

I got my friend's mom pregnant. She miscarried though. She always let me cum in her pussy.

Jack?

It's practically a straight liquid, it won't burn.

I cheated on my wife with her best friend a few times. Also go with 2 hookers while she was having a girls night out. She's on vacation right now, and I'm thinking of fucking my coworker later this week. I'm probably a bad person.

It's good I'm in Colorado it's not bad out here haha

i unironically like dat boi

When I was around 10 and my best friend was the same age we used to play "girlfriend and boyfriend". We'd go into his fort and I'd rub his dick (we were both guys) and sometimes he'd rub mine. That was as far as it went but it happened multiple times.

Pretty interesting that he later ran for office several times (lost every time, too but not by much).

dump it out on someone's doorstep

Get into the bedroom of some fag you hate and squeeze it all under their bed sheets so they have to replace their rotten cum scented mattress.

I've cheated on my husband many times. Made me realize monogamy is not for me, but I still make it work.

Memes?

basically I drank from a bottle and mid-swig I recoiled and made a loud "UGH!" noise and looked at the bottle like I was disgusted.
when my girlfriend asked "JESUS, WHAT IS IT" i said "my water just told me a horrible joke...I thought it was tasteless"

she just stared at me blankly and said "I'm leaving you, user." I thought it was a joking reaction to a bad pun but nope, she actually got up and left. she's completely ignoring me now. I cried for a while, I'm not going to lie.

why the fuck would that be a secret

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

"No, your fat makes you look fat. Bammphhungi!"

I'm into traps and yes I'm a faggot

>want to cum
>try not to cum
>cum

I still have a crush on Nala.

LMFAO!!

nope

This is a lot more common than people think.

...

Hi, Carsten.

You're a whore, no secret in that.

I got kinfolk down in Alabama.

Finishing in your hand? Wtf is wrong with you? Jizz in the toilet or on an old towel. Anything else brah.

I regularly claim a loli in waifu threads, but I actually like boobs.

Are you literally retarded?

When I was 18 I had a crush on my sister's 12 year old friend. I feel so disgusting looking back at it. Oh well.

i sometimes get sexually aroused while thinking about pi

I mean, that's pretty harsh to leave someone like that but I feel like maybe she wanted to leave and just used that as an excuse. In all honesty, if she would leave you over such a great pun, then she's probably not worth having around, anyway. As much as it may have hurt to lose her like that.

Same thing happened to me kind of. My girlfriend broke up with me half way through sex. It made the sex intense as hell though.

10/10 would have beer with.
Your ex sounds like a fucking psycho.

Made my girlfriend cum three times, and at the end I had to think of her sister sucking my cock to finish. I like my gf but... that younger sister tho.

Fuck her a couple more times, then kill her.

screencapped

thats not that bad if you didn't act on it

Jesus, what did your parents do?

I jack it in bed, I'm not gonna walk up holding my dick while edging myself as I walk to the toilet. Old towels are gross too. I'm not gonna grow mushrooms

I was brought up a muslim but not practicing one now.

I wanted to make my psychiatrist, case worker and my father feel bad and as an act of revenge I talked about an incident with a masseuse that I had licked her asshole shit was on her asshole shit went into my mouth.

This traumatized me enough that now I have emotional flashbacks where I feel really embarassed and hide from the world.

You're fucking doomed with women if you think she dumped you over your fucking pun

When my sheltered nephews(8 & 10yo) who have conservative godfag parents stay with me, I let them shower with me and my gf. Doesnt matter if was just me and them, but I know their parents would freak out if they knew gf also joined us.

Mow them down, user
You will be rewarded in valhöll

And now that you're 24 and she's 18 it's not wrong any more, right?
I bet she was tight as FUCK when she was 12!

I know where you live faggot

3.14 ARGHFHJBCFHDSSGHB

sounds like she has no sense of humor

Of course I didn't act on it. But I still made me feel really bad because I really liked her. I thought I was turning into a pedo or something, but it never happened again.

I fucked a lovely 14yo girl. Shit was cash. Now she got really ugly for an 18yo.

pic rel, her now

I live alone. But I think of them I was jumped on a night out. The girls turned into a slut anyways. She was the instigator of the chats getting sexy all a lot of the time