Come up with a USEFUL power

come up with a USEFUL power,
anons give you a shitty side effect / condition

example
>the ability to come up with the dankest memes
another anons replies with
>you can only post to myspace.com

I have the power to masturbate.

>only in the heat of a fruitless courtship

>only when your mother is within 2 feet of you.

you are unable to shake the idea that abstaining from masturbating will give you cooler superpowers

the power to possess and recall any knowledge about the universe.

you can only recall information when you have a sharpie in pooper

the ability to breathe underwater and swim at amazing speeds

your power doesn't work on any information directly useful to your current situation

only works while swimming towards sharks

You are bounded to a desert

kek

You have Alzheimer's

okay anons how bout this

the power to negate all negative effects and conditions from any source.

I can teleport to any location.

every time you teleport, your clothes is left behind.

As you sit in silence and people start to worship you as a god, you realize that humanity will never be able to progress while you are still alive, so you end up sacrificing yourself for the greater good of humanity.

It only works at night

your perspective on what constitutes a negative effect or condition shifts rapidly and unpredictably

The ability to read someone's mind

Everyone hates you

that's a classic, you can hear everyone's weird-ass train of thought constantly without being able to turn it off

but only as they orgasm

the power to kill face rate/dick rate/roast me/ nudes you weren't suppose to share/porn webs threads by user ip

But only people who speak another language.

...as long as you had sex at that location.


good luck virgin

mods ban you 3ever

but your moms dirty sexual desires speak louder to you then anyone elses

but only those on

without these high-traffic threads, no one posts on Sup Forums anymore. this is actually a positive side effect

kekld

at the cost of an adequate thread dying as well

.....but they are replaced by fat acceptance and more trap threads

I can travel at any speed I want at any given time I want.

in return your father leaves

you can only do it barefoot and are vulnerable to all the damage caused by shitty surfaces.

wind shear will destroy your weak human body if you travel too fast

but more specifically, 1000 meters above said target

but only in Chernobyl

Requires you to tickle your sphincter wih a feather

shit u got me, that was a good one sir
i tip my forensics hat to you

a sphincter is any circular muscle.
could be his mouth.
be more specific.

But you can't escape from the pain

the power to know anyones history fears and goals just by looking at them.

you only go in a strait line and cannot stop

>the ability to turn water into wine

my body works in a way that converts all food and liquid intake into direct energy without making waste products of any kind what so ever. Effectively never having to shit or piss for the rest of my life.

But you're blind

You are blind

A guy kisses you and you are crucified

but you cannot tell anyone any of it or their head will explode

>white wine

wine is too fresh and needs two months to ferment

this is accomplished through reliving their life and circumstances, making the choices they made and ending up right where they are when you use the power. from an outside perspective it's instant, but for you it's a whole lifetime

Can get laid at any time by saying a simple phrase

You constantly feel like you are going to shit/piss yourself

but only fresh american wine

I have deadpools healing ability

your anus collapses into your pants consistently from no muscle usage
>redsock

Only works on animals

But not with anyone you feel attraction to

only works on people of the same gender as you.

by fat woman anytime you say kek. And it triggers whether you want it to or not

"Does this rag smell like chloroform"

All H2O you touch turns into alcohol and thus you immediately turn into a walking alcohol blob and die shortly afterwards.

meh, piece of cake side effect. i know I wouldn't actually have to so it's mind over matter

you become supreme leader of north korea.

Useless as you don't live in India

You are fatter than john candy

>i have the power to turn any regressive progressive, dyed hair, daddy issue faggot into a decent functioning member of society

every time you masturbate you grow more hair on your back

that's a classic, you are unable to use your knowledge to prevent bad shit happening to your loved ones because nobody believes you

your face turns into pepe

crippling depression, because instead of eternal happiness, the absence of negativity prevents you from feeling positivity

if you have to pass through minerals doing so, science mumbo-jumbo causes you to incorporate traces of them into your skin, making you look like a freak and possibly causing severe harm

simple phrase is daddies kisses taste like cigarettes

>what is a NEET

but the mind of a two year old

Not that bad

indigestible materials are incorporated into the body very crudely, serving no useful purpose but taking up space anyway. you slowly turn into a shapeless mass of garbage as you consume many times your original body weight in fiber over the course of a lifetime

So basically I'm deadpool?

Ability to push massive am out of weight

You can only do it in the push up position, making it seem like your doing push ups and not moving the fucking globe a whole foot and a half

>>i have the power to turn any regressive progressive, dyed hair, daddy issue faggot into a decent functioning member of society


they have to vote for Trump

society is in africa

You inherit their "traits"

The ability to buy everything I want without the need to pay for it

you no longer have lungs

their thoughts are translated in a random language you can not understand.

>already fat so doesn't bother me

This does not include anything over 5$

it only works on people you share a mutual, respectful, loving, and sexual relationship, and the phrase is "hey hon, wanna fuck?"

but you have no friends

With an iq of 50

i have the ability to bring video game characters to life for whatever reason you like. but only for a short period of time. (couple minutes to a day or two)

you have to give everything to Goodwill

>but you have no friends
None of do anyways, come up with something better

>every time you masturbate you grow more hair on your back


I want this power

from atari 2600

multiple super heros that have converted themselves into pure energy eventually over load and die
>your energy gives anyone near you terminal cancer

>proceed to buy a metric fuck ton of lotto cards at $5 a pop

>you have no friends
Even in reality, I would chose any material possession over my friends every day in the week

you can only keep what you buy for 5 mintues and they must be returned (if you used your power to get it)

u may only shop at street markets for the rest of your life

you must fight them

the society they function decently in is a communist utopia, your powers create enough proletarian consciousness to overthrow the government and trump is never elected. golden ending.

the ability to appear undeniably beautiful to anyone of your choosing.