Story thread. Can be funny, weird, sad whatever heres mine

Story thread. Can be funny, weird, sad whatever heres mine

>be me, 16
>watching documentary about columbine
>finish watching my documentary and go to bed
>next day, walking to school
>think about how all the kids went to school that day thinking it would just be a normal day
>think that nothing eventful will happen today
>get to school
>entire year gathered in school library
>school teacher says one of our classmates was involved in a critical incident, slang for your friend was just killed
>everyone in tears, school shaken by what happened
>his girlfriend in counseling all day
>counselors and therapists all over school
>his house strewn with police tape

Never assume its just a normal day Sup Forums

>be me ,preschool
>field trip to road safety 0lace called Think!
>sit in auditorium
>this fucking dummy comes out
>looks like the thing from dead silence mixed with alfred e neuman
>HEY KIDS
>scared out of my skin
>it looks at me and says "WHOS THIS."
>Im wesley" i reply to the hellspawn infront of me
>recently moved from glasgow to wales so accent is still thick
>it talks to me in a shitty glaswegian accent
>sounds like an evil dead creature
>still think about it every so often

OP just keeping the thread alive

>at primary school
>in charge of teaching tard maths because his wrangler is a lazy bitch
>"right whats 2 x 6"
>he answers 9
>fuck me
>all of a sudden he perks up
>"hey wes are you gay?"
>"why the fuck would you ask that?" I
>wrangler tells me I need to be more sensitive
>same day tard peeks into girls changing room
>teachers do nothing

Lurking

So what incident was it

OP again heres another story about the tard, lets call him Mike.

>first time meeting mike
>final day of year 4, grade 4 for merics
>mike at table colouring in power ranger
>go over and say hi because he looks lonely
>he says hi, pretty normal
>bell goes, run out for the summer holidays
>mike starts running towards other tard
>starts caressing other tard
>they feel up each others dicks over clothes
>teachers do nothing

Not an incident that gained much media attention outside our town, but he died in a car crash that police thought was intentional

Mike story
>tired of mikes shit
>assembly
>teacher going on about jesus
>mike grind his teeth really loud, slurping and whatever other disgusting thing he could do
>lean over and tell him to stop it
>way back his wrangler tells me to be more understanding
>mike clings to me so he asks me what she wanted
>decide to have some fun, say the wrangler was trying to kill me
>he believes it
>Spends rest of year giving wrangler the evil eye

>history assignment for vehicles in the 1950s
>wrangler puts mike in my group
>fuckme.iso
>decide to do a film
>have to find a role for him
>decide he can control camera
>mike wabbles it around and nearly breaks it on the floor
>decide to make him act
>he runs away immediately when we turn the camera on
>comes back 15 minutes later
>girl in my group gets a post it note and cuts off the sticy bit, putting the corner back on with glut too make it one of those snapboard things
>tell mike to say action and clip it down
>film the shoot
>mike says action and we begin
>every 15 seconds he yells ACTION
>have to hand it in
>teacher gives me bad marks for not controlling him

Mike again
>school talent show for children in need event
>for non britfags children in need day is an event in november where theres a telephon and schools do fundraising activities for children who are abused or homeless in the UK
>I play piano for the talent show after the school made me to get the numbers up
>sit back down in the performers row
>holy shit mikes here
>he starts pointing out all the things in the room
>had enoughof this
>finally its his turn
>he sprints onto stage
>stops dead centre
>"wat did the bird say when it sandpapered?"
>silence
>"ruff!"
>im fucking dying and his wrangler is giving me the evil eye
>his tard friend climbs on stage
>they start talking, audience assumes its part of the act
>its not, they just have a conversation for 10 minutes
>teachers slowly edge them off
>george carries on telling jokes throughout the show

>be me
>senior Year
>teacher is telling us about san bernardino shooting
>tells us about a charity for one of the victims' families
>last name was wetzel
>autist weeb chick raises her hand
>"Wetzel?" "Like Wetzel's Pretzels?"
>mfw

>school play
>went to christian school so it was nativity
>Nobody in the school believed in god so nobody really cared, except of scourse for mike
>roles handed out randomly
>I get role of one of the 3 wise men, not many lines so Im happy
>mike is a sheep
>my friend gets mikes script
>writes "baa" all over it
>play starts
>BAAAA BAAA BAAA BAAA
>1 hour of this shit
>his parents look really pleased
>teachers congratulate him

>be me
>be 14
>only one in my grade that can play guitar
>"Hey user wanna help me teach guitar ? "
>i answer "sure"
>class is full of tards
>fucking hitting eachother with fender guitars, yelling, and breaking strings
>one tard says he's been playing for a while
>mfw he can't even hold a pick properly
>alright tard let me help and show you how it's done
>"no fuck you i know what I'm doing"
>i go to test him
>30/100 was his final grade
>i kek

bumping

>one of my friends found out that mike was attached to me
>he tells mike to go up and hump my leg
>talking about a movie I was going to see with one of my friends
>turn around
>mike literally millimeters away from my face
>he smells of cat piss and has smears all over his face
>"whats that on your face"
>ATS OREOS he says spitting some in my eye
>how i didnt get pink eye ill never know
>mike starts humping my leg
>i try to wrestle out of it but he is too strong
>teachers take him away
>see him in classroom watching lion king and screaming at the top of his lungs
>mfw

>our class in the hall for geography
>two indian students from the local university came in to teach us about what its like in a different country
> mike tells them im foreign even though scotland is still part of the UK
>one of the students brings out a sari
>they start to dress teachermin it
>Mike starts crying
>"NO MISS DONT GO"
>wtf
>"ILL NEVER FORGET YOU MISS"
>The foreign students look at the teachers uneasily
>the teachers look at me as if I know what the fuck to make of it
>he starts screaming hysterically
>teacher takes sari off
>he throws up all over the floor
>i die laughing while the foreign students start to panick

>sister is a sjw fuck
>stereotypical white girl, drinks starbucks, uses macs and wastes my parents money
>buy a new gpu
>she criticizes me for spending money on pc parts
>pics up her mac in a huff
>drops it
>it doesnt start up
>spends 1k getting new shittier mac

Actually made me kek

>be me
>just starting 7th grade
>gets assigned a desk in front of this betafag that failed twice. We'll call him Rick.
>desks are arranged in a face to face way
>Rick constantly annoys me with talking and nonsense when trying to work.
>starts calling me gay
>hellno.jpg
>call Rick a faggot and that he should kill him self for failing so much.
>Teacher hears and doesn't care, probably had enough of his shit to.
>mfw realize i got a free ticket to insulting this cunt
>pik related
>couple of days later
>rick and his friend talking about some weeb shit
>he tells his friend to go home and look up "cartoon porn"
>walk over to rick and his weeb friend and call them gay virgins for watching cartoon porn
>rick and weeb friend get Aggressive
>oh fuck.gif
>yell "KYS"
>teacher sees and sends them and me to the office
>principle asks what happened
>"I walked over to join in on the conversation and to try and be friends and they tried to fight me."
>"ok go back to class user i take care of this"
>calls teacher in the office
>ohgodnopls.bat
>get ready to face the consequences of being suspended and moved to another class
>next day comes by
>don't see rick and his gay friend in class
>asks teacher where they were
>"They're suspended user, and will be in Mrs. user's class from now on."
>mfw teacher lied for my sins

Topkek

Heh, here's a long one.

>be me, 14 and a few months
>we're going on year 9 camp
>it's a shit-tier camp
>first night was torture
>room was stuffy
>woke up at 2am oxygen-deprived and needed to piss
>there were eight of us packed into one tiny room
>went out to the toilets, explained to the security guard that I just needed the toilet and I'd be back soon
>come back to room feeling much better
>walk in, realise there's like no oxygen left in the air
>wake up one of the guys to ask if we should open the window
>mozzies attack so I start spraying mozzie spray
>everyone wakes up
>our cabin got fucked over because the gay autistic kid in the year was forced into our cabin even though I asked a few times to have him removed
>we all find it hard to get back to sleep except for one guy who didn't wake up yet
>we're quietly talking
>one of the guys starts exercising in order to be tired enough to sleep
>gay autist gets turned on by the dude working out
>he starts screaming and wailing about how he wants to be straight
>he sings to one of the girls' Pokemon plushies that she gave to him to sedate him for the camp
>he's shit at singing
>the resident Chaotic Neutral in my friend group starts egging the kid on, trying to get a reaction out of him
>he can't do anything to make it worse, the idiot's too far deep and shut out most outside stimuli
>the last guy finally wakes up
>we're all pissed at the gay autistic kid for keeping us up at 2am
>the guys in the cabins near us heard everything, it was that loud
>security guard comes in
>she automatically assumes we caused the screaming
>luckily Autismo Supreme starts blubbering about how he scares himself
>she quickly softens up
>tells us not to participate in the morning activities the next day because apparently we'd be too tired
>fuckingmakemebitch.avi
>at 6am camp staff come around and wake everyone up including us
>we're all groggier than usual
>and we're all pissed off

Cont:

>be me 5 years ago
>15 years old
>talking to this girl who was a 6/10
>7/10 on a good day
>She says she's interested in me a while back
>I was interested in her as well
>too little self confidence to try to start a relationship
>over time friends start asking if we're a couple because we're together so often
>I enjoy the idea of being asked if we're a couple
>we get along almost perfectly for like a year
>finally get the balls to ask her out
>she thought I was joking and came over to my house because I lived slightly down the road from her
>comes and tries to console my feelings or something
>she never gives me a clear response
>over the next week or 2 tensions are a bit high between us
>she comes over to my house again
>says she made up her mind
>says that she will never feel the same way back for me and that I should just give up these feelings
>heartbroken for a few days
>a perfect friend is mostly lost because she just gives up talking to me
>we talk now but the tension from before is still there
>honestly should just give up this friendship but she's one of the few people that still talk to me

same shit happened to me, but it went like this:
>be me a couple months ago
>prom coming up
> 8/10 girl i used to like and that used to like me moved but not that far away
>still talk to her here and there
>decide to ask her to prom cause had no one else i liked
>she says yes
>a week before prom and we haven't even spoken
>even after i try to text her i get no response
>ask friend to ask her if she is still going to prom so i know what color to wear
>she says shes not going
>gg no re i no longer talk to her and she has only contacted me once upon me not replying
>junior year ends greatly.sarcasm

why you no write it in advance

>be sixth grade
>In math class
>Joking around with friends and being my obnoxious sixth grade self
>Fat teacher Mr. Kelly points at me and says that's what happens when you take too many drugs.
>Makes me angry cuz my parents had just put me on Ritalin and I didn't want to be.
>Respond Mr. Kelly you're what happens when you eat too many cheeseburgers.
>Entire class erupts in laughter
>could visibly see this grown man brought close to tears
>HFW

Cont from above

>the day passes
>it's now night, and we're doing the commando game
>basically MGS in a dark forest at night in the rain, with teachers patrolling and there are "hostages"
>my friends and I sneak around the forest going "Snake! SNAKE! SNAAAAKE!"
>before going out we were warned that if we got caught by security guards near the activity equipment we'd be sent home that night
>we wander into a gravel clearing
>we thought we reached the hostage place because we found a wooden structure
>we saw torchlight and hid back in the woods
>we whisper about what we found out and realise that we were at an activity area, and the torch we saw wasn't a teacher, it was a security guard
>we're all shitting ourselves
>it felt too easy to get out like that
>spend another ten minutes sneaking through the rainy forest
>see two torch beams and hear the voices of teachers
>the torch beams converge on our general location
>one of my friends stayed down and hidden like me, but the other one gave up and stood up, revealing our position
>mfw teachers are better security guards than security guards
>we go back in for another round, got nowhere near the hostage area
>we all go back to our cabins
>play Cards Against Humanity with the Sonic 2 OST playing in the background
>mfw I managed to get my Sonic-hating friends to actually like the soundtrack of a Sonic game
>we use the Cards Against Gallifrey expansion pack
>mfw Chaotic Neutral friend who doesn't watch Doctor Who is kicking our arses at Cards Against Gallifrey
>we're having a good time
>we try and drown out the shitty mainstream music that the normies are blasting through the cabin walls
>teachers start sending everyone off to their rooms
>Autismo Supreme shows up, tells us that all the girls broke down crying
>we put away the deck and all start talking
>I mention I saw one of the girls up and leave earlier, but still stuck around
>it goes to story time
Cont:

Bump

>be me, about 13yo
>going to German equivalent of high school
>hear rumors about there being a new kid
>get to class
>there he is, it's a black kid
>teacher asks him to introduce himself
>"My name is [user] Weißmann" (= literally translates to "Whiteman")
>I burst into laughter
>"HAHA THAT'S FUNNY, CAUSE HE'S BLACK!"
>everyone looks at me with disgust
>become friends with Weißmann later

>get bj from girl
>decide it would be fun to tickle her during
>she starts laughing
>chokes
>blueballed
>worth it

>got drunk as fuck
>walking down the street
>wet cement
>decide to stick dick in cement
>pull down pants, get hard and slap it down
>dick mark stays there
>mfw they fixed it after 2 years

Cont from above:

>tell story about my two childhood best friends and how our friendship changed over the course of our lives
>my friends kept butting in saying "and then they had mad sex"
>I denied it until I reached the point in the story where I realised they were almost correct
>kek
>two of the guys fell asleep during my story
>more stories from other friends
>eventually everyone falls asleep except best friend and I
>we stayed up until midnight firing a stream of insults at the sleeping Chaotic Neutral, talking about what happened with the girls etc
>we eventually decided to make sure they're all ok
>friend falls asleep
>I succumb to the darkness
>the next day was relatively uneventful, although some of my friends and I sang along to the bus radio
>friend who spent entire camp with cabin to himself told me I should've just moved to his cabin when the shit hit the fan
>mfw the gay autistic kid kept us up at 2am because he wanted to be straight
>mfw my bros and I were peacefully playing Cards Against Gallifrey while the girls were all breaking down crying
>mfw my friends and I successfully avoided detection by a security guard
>mfw my long winding story of my childhood bored people to sleep but engaged the others
>mfw I realised there was an easy way out of the fiasco

Alright my story's over now. For now.

>be me, just now
>at hot hippy chicks place having some sneaky joinys
>her friends kept hinting at leaving us alone
>get mad boner
>wait for sexual tension to build up at right moment.
>kamasutra.exe
>sexual tension in there air but perfect moment never arrives
>end up watching The Office UK
>funny af
>end up getting nightbus home a 23 yr old virgin
>gonna kill myself

Rip

>decide to get Pizza Hut one day w/ bf bc we're lazy
>find decent parking spot, go in and eat
>come back out to discover giant fucking van blocking our spot
>is pissed
>walks over to driver's side to bitch about shitty driver
>mfw driver has no legs & apologizes profusely
>mfw walk of shame to car w/ bf laughing ass off

>in class during the morning
>watching movie due to it being class where not much is actually taught
>hears loud explosion in chemistry lab right next to our class
>people running out of room past classroom
>we go look in the classroom and there is glass and blood everywhere
>class is evacuated and we get to burn some time that was supposed to for another class
>find out what happened
>apparently the class was making a potato gun like they always do at the end of the year
>some idiot put to much gun powder in a glass container and it exploded in his hand