All right Sup Forums, the other day there was a thread about a certain user and his clumsy situation with a girl he screwed now getting married. Now it’s my turn. I’ve posted this story before on /r9k/ but to my knowledge it was never screen-capped, so I’m doing it again.
This is the story of all the shit that’s happened to me with women and my depression in general.
Also, general feels thread.
Let’s start with Kayla
>be young, 13 or 14 or some shit, maybe even a year younger
>brother plays football
>plays with this girl’s younger brothers
>one day in band
>get this massive hug from behind and a little folded up piece of paper
>it’s this girls number
>holyshitman.jpeg
>first girl’s number I ever got
>start talking
>get real close
>at her house at a party mostly with our two families and some people from football
>her brother lets slip that she likes me
>feelsgoodman.png
>pretty sure I’m in love with her
All right Sup Forums...
Other urls found in this thread:
>one problem
>she’s got a bf
>we get to the point that we start staying “I love you” and shit
>looking back, it should’ve been a red fucking flag but whatever
>says after she dumps her boyfriend in a short while, we’ll try going out
>sounds like a plan
>my fucking dumbass self fucks it up and we get into a massive argument about something
>stop talking
>she moves onto different dude in that span of time
>three months later contact her again
>still miss the shit out of her
>she responds
>this shit goes on fucking repeat for several years
>during this time my parents sorta split up
>I say sort of because they were still technically married but dad moved out for a year
>freshman in high school now
>mom makes me see school counselor
>don’t open up at all because that’s not who I am
>again, in retrospect, should’ve totally said something
>meet Ian
>he’ll come up later
>still in love with Kayla
>iffy relationship because we’re forced to see each other (I technically lived out of district but because my mom worked in district, I went to school there. I went to Kayla’s house every morning to catch a ride on the bus)
>another huge fight with her at the end of the year and we stop talking
>Happened over the course of three days, last bit over text while I was at my cousin’s wedding
>ffw a few years, we’ve sort of made up, she’s now engaged
>Here’s where Bad Haley steps in
>That’s what we call her now, though I’ll just call her H for short, as there’ll be another Haley
>Friend from 3rd grade Nathan goes to different school
>meets this crazy chick named Haley
>H wants to suck his dick like constantly
>he doesn’t want the crazy so he kinda passes it on to me
>sorry, I meant “her”, he passes “her” on to me
>start talking
>really first girl I’ve actually talked to after Kayla
>grow to like her, not love per se, but really like
>she still kinda wants to suck Nathan’s dick
>says she also wants to suck my dick
>have to prove I’m better for her than him
>tell her shit he’s said to me about her
>she tells him like a cunt
>we get into a fight (looking back on it, I think he started to like her and thought I would just back off)
>almost kills our friendship
>we both individually tell her on the same night (wasn’t planned) to fuck off
>rift in friendship for several years, now we’re like brothers and will never let another girl come between us
Now, my Sup Forumsro’s, we’ve arrived at the fucking big one.
Melanie
>high school sophomore now
>they opened up a new school with sophomores being the top dogs and adding a year on each year till we graduate
>dropped band in junior high but still needed creative arts
>joined theater (how I met Ian actually freshman year; we bonded over shitty comic book artists)
>qt in theater named Megan
>Megan is fucking hot as shit
>want to ask her out without spilling spaghetti
>talk to another girl about it
>fuckingMelanie.jpeg
>Melanie’s mom worked with my mom like a while ago so we two were aware of each other’s existence but that’s about it
>literally just became friends pretty much
>she helps me with this chick
>in a moment of weakness, I tell her about Kayla
>she realizes I’m just a hard-ass because I’m broken on the inside (her words, not wrong)
>start talking more and more
>find out Megan likes some other dude who turned out to be a cunt
>whateves, found me a new girl
>FuckingMelanie.png
>fall in love with Melanie
>falling is literally the best way to put it because when I finally hit the ground, I hit hard
>she thinks she’s a lesbian at this point
>dating some chick
>break up when she realizes she isn’t one (funny story actually: they were having sex for the first time and Melanie pretty much realized she didn’t like vagina)
>fuckyeah.png
>in the fall (this was in the summer) we go to the ren fair with a couple who we’re friends with
>this dude comes up dressed like Don Juan (if you don’t know who that is, he’s supposedly the greatest lover)
>gives the couple a card for one free kiss or some bullshit
>they kiss until he’s even sick of it
>sadasfuckwhiletypingthis
>gives one to me and Melanie
>Holy fuck, Batman
>Everyone is telling us to kiss
>we don’t
>but we do act like a couple the rest of the day
>say “fuck it” when I take her home
>give her the card and kiss her
>feelsgoodman…but it doesn’t
>something doesn’t really feel right
>wouldn’t pin-point it until later but this is when I realized she didn’t actually like me, just pretending like she did
If anyone is lurking, please bump.
>few days later we talk about it
>she doesn’t want a boyfriend
>starts dating this other asshole
>sad as fuck
>new year’s eve
>at my friend dylan’s house
>we’ve been friends since like kindergarten
>playing vidya
>get a text
>from Melanie
>”Need you to meet me at my house. Now.”
>fuck something’s wrong
>Head over there
>she had sex with the dude
>feels like shit since she’d know I’d disapprove
>she breaks down in my arms asking for forgiveness
>feeling resolve slip
>give in
>next day have to go buy plan B pill
>side note, like a week later I had to go get one with another friend because she was afraid her dad would find out and didn’t own a car. Both of them looked much younger than their age or me, so I got shot tons of dirty-ass looks
bumping
continue user
damn son.
youtube.com
>Try again with melanie
>go to her house
>tell her I love her
>had done this before
>she’s acting all weird
>lean in
>tell her if she wants me to stop, just say so
>she knows I’m pretty much done after this
>I kiss her
>she returns it
>pulls my hair
>brings me down on the bed with her
>bout to go further
>phone goes off
>its my friend I left in the car (this was literally an impulsive decision)
>fuckme.jpeg
>have to leave, its been over like an hour
Trips!
>eventually we all three talk (and his girlfriend too at one point)
>Melanie and I decide we want to have a relationship
>ask her to prom
>she says yes
>few days later
>we still ain’t official
>go to her house to drop some stuff off because she was sick
>go in for a kiss
>she says she doesn’t feel like it
>friends say that kind of shit happens
>still, something doesn’t sit right
>talk to my friend mat
>next day as we’re walking back from lunch to our respective classrooms he asks her what exactly we are
>it wasn’t in like a bad way, just a general question
>she just avoids the question like it’s the fucking plague
>find out she’s been with an ex behind my back
>this dude, if I’m remembering right, fucked her, knocked her up, then made her get rid of it
>or some shit
>not entirely sure but he was a cunt so anything goes
>she breaks it off with him
>not for me though
>oh no
>for this asswipe Chandler
>goes to prom in a group with him
>she thinks they’re on a date
>Chandler is so fucking stupid he doesn’t see that she likes him until too late
>prom was miserable for me but there was a chance to make it better (more on that later)
>Get super depressed
>Drink constantly with friends
>she was my first kiss
>I loved her
>and she never loved me
>I went to Alaska at one point with my family like a year before
>bought her a one of a kind necklace
>shit wasn’t cheap
>It had an eagle and a raven on it
>They’re known as the lovebirds to the Inuit/Eskimo (whatever you want to be called, I don’t know which one to use; some like Eskimo, others prefer Inuit)
>honestly would’ve married her
>she was a huge slut, with like 5-7 guys and some gals while I loved her
>didn’t care
I honestly thought I’d never love again then. It might not sound like much but she literally used and abused me constantly, not ever letting me go, and if I was, she’d up the ante so I couldn’t. She knew I loved her and made me run circles for her.
Anyway.
Remember how I said prom might not have sucked? Well, here comes Claire.
>friend Nathan that goes to different high school takes me out to try and meet women
>we fail horribly
>he is in this stupid art class at his school and sits with this girl Claire
>tells Claire about my failures
>she thinks it’s cute
>clicks in Nathan’s head after a year of sitting with her that she’s perfect for me
>Grew up in England but moved here young so she has a slight accent on things
>reads a shit ton of books
>my sense of humor (not as dark, I have gallows’ humor)
>asks her if he can give me her number
>she says yes
>calls me that night telling me how he’s helping me out here and my job is to not fuck this up, jokingly of course
>text her up
>have a fucking amazing conversation
>meet up in real life at a Starbucks (we both love coffee as well)
>supposed to be there for 45 minutes cause she had to do errands for her mom even though it was like the Monday after Easter
>talk for almost four hours
>was gonna ask her to prom but we’d only known each other a couple of weeks
>so prom sucks (see, it all comes back around)
>her prom is coming up though
>her best friend gets my number from Nathan
>tells me I need to ask Claire to their prom
>there’s no way she won’t say yes
>I do the cheesy thing with the pizza but with donuts instead (it was her favorite and she loves cheesy shit)
>shesaysfuckingyes.png
>we go with a group of her friends
>all pretty cool
>continue to hang out
>she tells me (can’t remember if it was before prom or after) that when she was younger she was raped
>not like tumblr rape but actual rape
>I’m the only person she had told at that point besides her therapist
>tell her about melanie
>about Kayla
>about my parents (who had moved back in together by the way and are now super strong as a couple in case you were wondering)
>Come clean about a lot of shit
>Realize I still love her
>realize I love her
>I love her
>ohshitman.jpeg
>this never ends well
>she says one day she feels the same but hates herself because she already accepted a good scholarship to go to a school at the far north of the country (we lived in fucking Texas)
>said later on she would’ve given it up for me
>I have to be supportive
>we decide to stay friends
>but we don’t, not really
>while she’s on vacation we get really close
>she playfully chewed me out for something, think it was spraying weed-be-gone at my grandpas without the proper mask
>ask her when did she become my wife
>when you started breathing in poisonous chemicals
>call each other husband and wife
>miss each other
>she cries about her leaving
To this day anons, I regret not doing anything. She’s happy now (more on that in a sec), but I could’ve been happy.
If anymore people than the first couple guys are lurking, please bump. Thread might be deleted soon and I still have a little bit more to go. Also feel free to post your own stories.
>Claire tells me at one point that she thinks I might have depression
>I should go see someone
>I don’t because I’m a moron
>She leaves
>My dad gives a good quote, will tell you guys if you want, might help some of you. It helped me
>talk on the phone every day
>one-day walking to class in community college
>she’s going on a date
>turn around, leave school, drive home
>text her back trying not to show anything
>It’s a dude named Dave
>Hide my feelings for her sake
>she starts dating him
>we talked about it much later, says she knew and will always appreciate that
Yesterday afternoon she told me she was getting married. I should have found out earlier but my facebook is dumb so it never came up on my feed. I feel happy for her, I honestly do, even if I do think they are a bit young and the relationship isn’t that old.
She opened my eyes though, showed me the world could have more after Melanie. I still think she is/was some kind of angel or someone I was supposed to meet to help me. She thinks the same of me.
One more though guys, one more big one.
Celine.
Free bump for ya op
>January or February of that year
>Got back from week-long vacation with a friend
>Uncle and Aunt are coming in town with Celine
>Celine is a foreign exchange student from Germany living with them
>They’ve had a foreign exchange student before from like Thailand or Taiwan or something
>Have two daughters but the older one, my age, moved out so they probably just wanted another
>ask my brother about Celine
>he met her like in November when the family was at the beach in Galveston (I know, gross)
>I had to work that weekend so I didn’t go
>he says she’s all right; thick accent and is average looking
>don’t dress up but have to go get little Christmas present for her and my cousins (it was like a gift card to Charming Charlies or what the fuck ever)
>come back home, maybe fifteen minutes later the doorbell rings
>It’s them
>open the door
>no dinosaur
>my family though
>say hi to uncle, ask aunt how she’s been
>they come in
>behind them is Celine
>Holy Mother of God, Celine
>Easily a 9/10 on a BAD day
>most beautiful woman I’ve ever met at that point
>still true
>she smiles at me all cutesy
>whythefuckdidntIwearbetterclothes.jpeg
>whythefuckdidIlistentomybrother.jpeg
>for those of you wondering on that, he doesn’t like Aryan girls, so in his mind she really was average. He wasn’t just being a cunt
>Talk to celine
>got to run to the bookstore to get something before that ran out (worked there at the time)
>ask celine if she wanted to go, figured she didn’t
>sure
>we go and come back
>she really opens up
>she’s fucking amazing
>beautiful, intelligent, funny as hell
>and that accent
>she still messes up English a bit and does it in her texts too
>it’s cute as fucking hell
>insta-boners everywhere
>eat Mexican food with family at a restaurant, my brother has a friend there too
>brother’s friend is seriously hitting on Celine
>she doesn’t pay attention to him at all
>only me
>after dinner, everyone is gonna go back to my grandma’s for awhile
>I decide I’ve had enough of the family and plan to go back home
>tell celine I’m gonna go and she can come with if she wants, shouldn’t feel obligated though
>she comes with, so does brother and friend
>go to Walmart and get ice cream really late
>eat it at the house
>everyone comes in eventually and goes to sleep
>celine and I still up watching weird tv
>she’s all huddled up in a blanket on the couch on one end, me on the other
>slowly comes over
>lays her head on my lap
>I want to kiss her so bad
>beta-the-fuck out
>We end up going to bed
>lay awake for five hours wondering what the fuck was wrong with me
>actually thought about going into her room (within the first thirty minutes) and trying again
>find out later uncle texted my dad that night asking if we should be left alone
>dad replied “Well, user wanted to be a priest at one point so it could’ve been someone worse”
Thanks dad.
We're near the end now guys, next post is the last of the pre-typed shit.
>Have a few more times with celine
>It’s extremely hard for me to remember this stuff though
>Not because I physically can’t
>Because I don’t want to
>we went to a crawfish boil at my grandpa’s marina
>came back early, just me and her
>family came back like ten minutes later
>uncle, once again, said to them before they got out of the truck “we should go in really loudly in case they’re not decent.”
>Wasn’t joking, he walks into the main room like he’s walking into a mine field
>we are decent
>similar thing happens that night when my dad comes home from work
>is in kitchen talking to me, pouring himself some brandy
>comes out, sees us all on each other, shuts up promptly and goes into his room
>eventually go to aunts and uncles
>last time I’ll get to see celine before she leaves
>pussy out of doing anything
>tell her to stay in touch, feel a bit sad, hug her, leave
>drive five hours home
>ten minutes from my house
>fucking break down
>that was our last goodbye
>fucking tears, man
>tears now
>text her, tell her I did like her, wanted to do something but didn’t
>no response
nevermind, its gonna be split up into two posts. Fucking limits.
I’ve tried to contact her a few times to little or no avail. She became close with my family so I still get messages from her for Christmas and stuff but nothing that matters. Eventually she gets a boyfriend while I’m still hung up on her. A couple of weeks later that comes back up into my facebook feed because my grandma commented on it, saying he looked like a nice boy. All my family acts like I lost someone, like giving me condolences without saying what for. I figured out it was that.
After Celine, I started seeing a therapist, free through my dad’s union. I got diagnosed pretty fast with major depression disorder, and it is genetic too an extent as I don’t produce enough serotonin. For those who don’t know, that’s the chemical released when you’re down to pick you back up, and my body doesn’t produce almost any of it, and it takes it back into the reuptake system before it can soak into neurons and cheer me up.
Thanks for your story m8
I know it may not seem like much, but it affects my whole life. I never feel like I will meet someone. I’ll never wake up to a woman who will smile at me and say “I love you, user.” I don’t believe in love; I don’t think it’s something everyone experiences. I’ve thought of killing myself every hour of every day for two years now. I haven’t told my therapist, don’t want to be put on some watch-list somewhere. The first person I told was the guy I’m moving in with in two months, Ian. While he’s covered it up with jokes, I do think he’s worried and I think he has the right to know at least. He’s convinced I’ll find someone at the university I’m transferring to, but I’m not so sure. A few others know about the suicidal stuff as well.
For those of you wondering, there were a few other girls and rejections, but they were rather minor compared to this. Still hurt, but nothing to talk about unless you guys want some stories.
Thank you all who sat through all of this, I wish you the best of luck. And seriously, don’t be like me.
Literally the best picture to accompany this shit.
What was your dad's quote, user?
That was fucking lame. I can't believe I read all that crap.
Dude, you're fucked. Help yourself. Better yourself before you dive into a relationship. Christ reading your novel was just...awful. I hope your still seeing that therapist. You atleast have friends who are there with you to help you along.
It only really works if you believe in like fate or a divine being but even if you don't, I think you'll get the gist.
"Maybe it's not such a bad thing she's leaving. I know it may not seem like that now, but the truth of it is, if you're supposed to be together, you're meant to be together. Nothing can change that, and you'll be stronger for it. But if not, then it might be better she's leaving now before you can make a bad decision. When I was your age I felt the same way, joined the army, married Tiffany (his ex) and had your bitch sister. So you could do worse."
I am still seeing him and I started taking SSRI's as well. On the relationship side, there's a girl seriously hitting me up but the issue is she's one of my good friend's ex's.
Probably none of your relationships end up working is because you are defeatist who hasn't even dealt with himself first. It just seems like you look/ed to relationships to fill a void in your heart and it only deepened it.
Speaking from personal experiences: You can't expect to have a meaningful relationship until you get your own personal issues squared away.
But, I have to admit, I admire your courage. Constant failures and you never once gave up; you never quit despite your past. Contrary to what you said...I'm sure you still believe in love...you have to.
I don't know, man. Maybe (to the love thing), but I'm just really angry with it all. I do think a lot of this stuff runs really deep, having people I care about leave me from a young age on, having people just use me, it makes a guy really untrusting. I honestly don't trust the majority of women I meet anymore, there's always that feeling that their just gonna use me. I honestly don't believe it either when people say they love me, whether they mean it as a friend, family, or romantically. To me, it always sends up red flags they're just gonna do the same shit. Though that's a more recent thing than anything in this story.
I don't know why but your story kinda got to me user. I've seen many of these threads before, but this one is different. You story is up and down, not just down. You had opportunity. That means you'll have it again.
Clinical mental illnesses are hard to deal with, but keep going to therapy and try to stay away from anti-depressants, they will make you want to kill yourself even more.
You'll find someone. And even if it's not soon, that's not important because you already have so much to do. Work hard in school, get a good job and build a life for yourself that you can be proud of. Become a metal smith or take up an instrument. Find a passion. Not only is a hobby attractive to women, but you might meet someone through it. I wish I could offer more advice to you buddy. We're all as scared as you on here.
Good luck user.
Thanks, man. I write and am actually getting something published here in the fall. I've kinda already planned out where I want to move and what I want to do, hopefully I get around to doing it. Just knowing I'll have to work through the depression shit for the rest of my life really just kills me. I honestly don't know how I'll make it another ten years.
On a side note, literally the only thing I don't have confidence in myself on is women. Everything else, I'm the most confident person you'll ever fucking meet, but here, not so much. If you knew me and my personality, you'd never expect it either.
Instead of just telling him to stay away from anti-depressives, how about you offer him an alternative. Ultimately, it's his life, but don't just say something like that so ignorantly.