Tell me Sup Forums. What's your excuse for not fucking a fruit yet?

Tell me Sup Forums. What's your excuse for not fucking a fruit yet?

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I get pussy i don't need an excuse

fucking a watermelon sounds extremely unpleasant

I'm not that desperate... yet

/thread

I have a job, I bought a fleshlight.

I've simply not gotten one to say Yes yet.

i only fuck vegetables
>fruit plebs

I fucked several fruits but unfortunately they all got shot at a nightclub in Florida the other night.

I don't feel any need to jack off, let alone have sex.

Have you ever felt a sweet smelling watermelon on your dick? Unlike a vagina which smells mostly like a fish.
Fruits aren't free. You need to buy them. Once you shove a penis in it, it can't be cleaned, unlike a fleshlight.

It's sex, m8. You can never be not desperate.

Ow man. The feels are heavy.

Have you tried lurking around a farm or a fruit grocer?

>vagina smelling like fish

What kind of horror stories did you heard?

Asexual? Or given up on life?

watermelon isnt a fruit

It's not either of that. I've had sex a few times before and jack off from time to time but it's not like I couldn't live without either of them at the moment. I'm 19 by the way.

I once nailed a chick. My first tbh. All i had learned from the porn, i wanted to implement. Decided to go down on her. But to my horror, when i was about to stick my tongue in, this breeze that blew near my nose made me almost puke. Never went down on a girl since.

>mom bought watermelons
>decide why not put my dick in it
>feelsgood.jpg
>makes me come instantly
>mom enters my room
>"wtf user"
>throw a watermelon in her head
>she faints
>run away from home never come back

I prefer girls to Orlando night club victims.

I live in Africa.

tried it but pussy is way better. same with cock sleeves. its the inanimatcy. cunts got muscles that are interactive. melon aint ever gunna squeeze yur dick.

I'm not a retarded sicko.

i prefer fucking pussy

Topkek

I don't wanna know the kind of filthy ho' you fucked. I'm at my 4th and all were clean and nice. Oral was a pleasure

I've got this time on my hands, you are the one to abuse.

i'm a banana man myself

Only one's I bring home from the market. Are the farm ones sluttier?

They're definitely more naive, they haven't been around as much.

It won't make your cock grow. dumbass!

...

honestly just yesterday heard this was a trend to fuck watermelons, also im not into fruits if you know what I mean

once I fucked empty banana peel

No. But they are easier. Growing up on a farm. Being curious about all the things that people from cities do. They just give in easy.

This guy gets it

Bonus points if you slightly warm the peel as well

Some might be lesbians?

Don't they have fruits there?

Well, can't deny that. Melons have no muscles. I even tried on an imported indian mango.

Do you mean, you have experienced it with a fruit, and then decided it was not actually fun?

And how did it feel?

Warm banana peels are the best peels. Beats a vagina.

It doesn't work enough said

I see what you did there

It's not about being a psycho. It's about sheer pleasure.

You should be more open and be into fruits.

Have you tried?

I don't want my dick to get ants.

Can someone post the tale of user the watermelonfucker?

Shut the fuck up. I'm so tired of being disrespected on this goddamn website. All I wanted to do was post my opinion. MY OPINION. But no, you little bastards think it's "hilarious" to mock those with good opinions. My opinion. while not absolute, is definitely worth the respect to formulate an ACTUAL FUCKING RESPONSE AND NOT JUST A SHORT MEME OF A REPLY. I've been on this site for 6 months: 6 MONTHS and I have never felt this wronged. It boils me up that I could spend so much time thinking and putting effort into things while you shits sit around (probably jerking off to traps or whatever gay shit you like) and make fun of the intellectuals of this world. I've bored you? Good for fucking you. Literally no one cares that your little brain is to underdeveloped and rotted to comprehend my idea...MY GREAT GREAT IDEA. I could sit here all day whining, but I won't. I'm NOT a whiner. I'm a realist and an intellectual. I know when to call it quits and to leave the babybrains to themselves. I'm done with this goddamn site and you goddamn immature children. I have lived my life up until this point having to deal with memesters and idiots like you. I know how you work. I know that you all think you're "epik trolls" but you're not. You think you baited me? NAH. I've never taken any bait. This is my 100% real opinion divorced from anger. I'm calm, I'm serene. I LAUGH when people imply I'm intellectually low enough to take bait. I always choose to reply just to spite you. I won. I've always won. Losing is not in my skillset. So you're probably gonna reply "lol epik trolled" or "u mad bro" but once you've done that you've shown me I've won. I've tricked the trickster and conquered memery. I live everyday growing stronger to fight you plebs and low level trolls who are probably 11 (baby, you gotta be 18 to use Sup Forums). But whatever, I digress. It's just fucking annoying that I'm never taken serious on this site, goddamn

You can always wash it. Even semen attracts ants. But you never get ants in your peehole.

I fucked a cucumber, the inside of it, not like put it in my butt fucked it.

it was hard, my dick is too big for banana peel.
I only do some mess and ended with my hand

And how would you describe the experience?

I tried fuck a rotten gourd once I made the hole too small and ended up cutting my dick on the outer shell plus a minute in the microwave was too much not only did I cut my dick I burned it as well

>That feel when a girl starts to come and grabs your hair and pulls your face into her beaver then squeezes your head with her thighs so hard it feels like your skull will pop like a grape.

i fuck actual flesh and blood women (there so annoying)

How the fuck did you get your dick inside a closed microwave to burn it? Or do you mean you had microwaved the gourd before jamming yourself in it?

>never went down on a girl since

You've never gone down on a girl anyway you fucking faggot.

Trips for truth.

kek reminds me of this

I'm not a fucking fruit

A folded hot water bottle and a little bit of Vaseline works well be careful that the water you put inside is not too hot you will burn your dick best thing about this is you are tired afterwards and rinse it off and it's all clean

Yes they are. Perks of doing it with fruits are, no nagging, no pregnancy risk - no child support, fruits can't talk - no rape claim, doable only once - new fruit everytime.

Ok

It's a waste of fruit. I'd rather eat the watermelon. I'm sure not going to eat it after I fuck it.

i only fuck vegetables

That's pretty much similar. Respect for you.

You gay bro?

Really underrated post

Why can't you eat it, just like you would eat a woman out?

I don't have enough experience to bypass the guards

I'm not 13.

It felt pretty good. I'd cut one tip off of it, hollow out just enough for it to be tight on my dick. Then use an ice pick and poke a small hole in the other end deep enough to vent the inside cavity. Then I'd let it sit in warm water for ten to fifteen minutes. Then take it out and fuck it. You hold it sonone finger can easily cover the vent hole for out strokes and it gives you nice suction. Uncover the hole on in stokes to slid in easy. It feels pretty damn good. Real, real nice honestly.

13.5 isn't old enough either.

A watermelon is not a woman.

is that an epmty toiletpaper roll around it? how can ur penis fit in that?

Too soon dude!

Wonder if it would work whit the yellow smaller one to. Think they would be more moshy innside.

I am going to try it tomorrow. Then i'l post thread about it

It's better than a woman. It's naturally tasty.

>being on Sup Forums
>i get pussy
kek

You mean, the musk melon?

When I was like 12 or 13 I fapped to Fran's ass in FFXII using a pizza hut stuffed crust pizza crust as my fleshlight.

It was amazing. I ate the crust after I came.

No regrets.

Warm water must definitely soften the inner pulp. I will try a cucumber next time.

I know right
I tried sticking my dick in a toilet paper roll and it wouldn't fit what kind of micro dick do this guy have

...

these fuckers smell worse than hobo

You need to touch them to trigger the smell, right?

top fucking kek

/thread

I got fired for fucking a pumpin at the pumpkin patch i worked at.

Busy getting fucked by rubber.

xhamster.com/movies/5972680/riding_a_dildo_slightly_better.html

Hehehe

Sex at workplace. Must be kinky.

im not a pathetic loser

your mom's a vegetable

>these fuckers smell worse than hobo

Because hobos put these in their foreskin and mash them back and forth.

Scare/startle them, it's a defense mechanism

Why haven't we fucked fruits, OP? Because we're not fucking fruits.

I dare you to shove that melon up your ass, fagit.