ITT: we share our most embarrassing/autism stories, I'll begin:

ITT: we share our most embarrassing/autism stories, I'll begin:
>be me, 9 years old
>saw a couple making out in a movie
>ask my mom about it
>she says people do that to who they share a very special bond
>on that very afternoon, it was my cousin's birthday
>she was my best friend for years
>i call the whole family table to watch as i show my gratitude
>made out with my cousin in front of everyone and smiled to my mom
>"we have a very special bond"

You guys turn

holy shit im hungry dude keep this thread alive ill be back with food

>i fucked my mom

bumping

>"we have a very special bond"

care to give us a backstory to this?

HERE IT GOES, BITCHES
>middle fucking school
>cutie in band class with me
>she plays the flute, bout to play the skin flute
>ask her out
>she complies
>loving life
>but her mom is a cunt and wont let us alone
>BRILLIANT FUCKING IDEA DOT JAYPEGG
>call gf
>tell her I love her and blah blah bullshit
>ask to talk to her mom
>she doesnt understand but agrees
>mom gets on phone
>profess my feelings for gf to her mother
>incoming atomic bomb of spaghetti
>tell her MOTHER that I dont plan to do anything physical with her daughter but I have CONDOMS just in case WE DO
>BIG FUCKING MISTAKE
>she gets in a world of trouble
>her dad flips the fuck out
>she is grounded forever because of me
>never talked to her again
>become MASSIVE emo faggot for two years

...

...

no. not really

What more is there?
>be me
>have mom
>fuck her

will you do it anyway?

what were you expecting bro?

Storytime

>Be me, around 13 years old.
>In school, the class are all being noisy fags except me
>Teacher brings in a guest
>I don't remember what the guest said but it had something to do with the internet
>Class is sent on a task to post a picture of ice cream on an image board
>Basically, Sup Forums but for underage faggots like me at the time.
>Class isn't taking any of this shit
>One guy in the class posts Thomas the Tank Engine
>The Class then erupts the board with memes
>Next day, the class gets shouted at.

That is my first time on an image board before Sup Forums. Not that embarrassing or that autistic but it makes me kek every time

I was expecting what any retarded 13 year old expects....pussy.

can you tell us how you came about getting into your mothers pants?

can you post a pic of your mom?

can you tell us what exactly made you want to fuck your own damn mother???

I'm not the actual mom guy, was just giving a short synopsis of what probably happened.

Literal autists the people that thought that they could leave an imageboard to 13 year olds.

???

OP here again, this one is more autism related

>my first crush said she liked brave men
>thisismytimetoshine.exe
>challenge myself to ride my bike down the street blindfolded to show her i'm really brave
>friends come to watch
>moment of truth
>bike surpasses the sound barrier
>not seeing it really but feeling a lot o air to my face
>smash front wheel to a bystander foot
>i fall obviously
>get a broken nose
>almost get a beating by the guy i had almost amputed his feet
>crush laughed

fucking girls

damn not even an otphj out of the situation? weak

#Iwasborn

>Sup Forums but for underage faggots
so... Sup Forums.

Well, she said brave not retarded.

c'mom guys, bumping with hot chix

I mean he is underage obviously. I didn't have memes in my school when I was 13

...

>>hot
nice meme

it seemed like a great fucking idea in my head

bump.

...

Underage summer fag. Ban this nigga.

>be youngling
>have thing for nipples wanting to constantly touch em
>hand down mom's shirt while watching tv was perfectly normal
>while sleeping hands would seek out nipples to pinch
>no one is safe
>not my mom, my dad, nor our pet dog
>sleepover at aunt
>she has daughters
>sleeping next to aunt
>woke up with hand on her breast
>sleeping next to one of cousins
>wake up alone on sofa outside cousin's locked room
I'm not proud of this

>no one is safe

top fucking kek

That is not brave that is stupid. Kek. But then again all of us are autists

>high with friend on weekend
>he's on insta showing me a girl he has a crush on
>likes one of her pics from 47 weeks ago
>we somehow convince each other that you can't unlike a photo
>he messages her and says that he didnt mean to like her photo and that he didn't want to have sex with her we both thought this was a great idea
>an hour or so passes and it's wore off and she messages him and says "what the fucks wrong with you user"
he had to block her I swear I laughed the entire day

I remember this one. Lol

>2nd grade
>math class about to end
>suddenly feel a fart coming
>try to make it as silent as possible
>it was a shart
>freeze in horror
>whole class starts smelling it and quietly asking each other who farted
>class ends
>run like crazy to the nearest bathroom
>big shitstain on my pants
>stay there and wait till a teacher comes in
>ask for help
>he brings me a towel, some spare PE clothes and tells me to go to the showers, this bathroom didn't have any
>would take me about 20 seconds of running to get there
>run
>everyone sees me and the big brown stain in my pants
18 years later I still get called doodoo dave.

thread is not kill yet, bumping

I've read all the stories about times where people have responded "You too" in situations where it isn't a correct response.
It finally happened to me a few weeks ago

>On vacation in Washington state
>There for 12 days
>Final day, arrive at the airport to leave
>Go to check in
>A guy is helping me check in
>Checks my bag and gives me my flight tickets
>Explains how I need to change flights here and here and recheck my bags
>Wishes me a good flight
>"You too"

I caught what I said immediately.

>doodoo dave
my sides,where are they ?

got kicked out of tesco for being sexist a few days ago

:(

story?

see kids, that's why we dont use drugs

got kicked out of tesco for being sexist

He was being sexist.

i was being sexist

Sexist, he was being it.

in tesco?

yea tesco

>9 years old or so
>go to a classmate's house over the weekend to play PS1 with him
>one thing led to the other and basically we rubbed our dicks with each other
>back then I believed that not confessing a deadly sin (lust) would mean that I'd go to hell when I died
>confess to the school's reverend the next day
>he has his hand up his chin and goes ''...uhuh''
>classmate moves to another state later that year
>have deathly fear that the reverend might have told anyone since

I don't follow whats sexist about tesco???

me

He's a white male and left the house

i guess most of us have a weird sex experience when we were kids
i used to visit my friend, we would watch porn and fap each other... not proud of it but oh well

satan is a feminist

>be 11
>first discover masturbation
>cousin of same age also discovers it at about the same time
>ff to family party
>we go up to my room
>i show him my playboys i stole from mi padre
>we both jerk off in the same room at the same time, looking at the same playboy magazine
>neither one of us thought it was weird at the time

>neither one of us thought it was weird at the time
so he could have told someone about it?

bump.

>be in school
>worst class the school had ever seen
>have assistant for a day or so
>assistant is a 9/10 asian babe
>class being nasty asking all kinds of sexual stuff
>suddenly breaks down letting us ask her one question each
>wtf.jackpot
>students gather around a single table to discuss the important matters at hand
>what do we ask?
>write on tiny notes to stay "anonymous"
>moment of truth
>reading our notes one by one she shares her secrets with us
>class over, we learnt about her dildo and sexlife
>following day all our parents are to be informed
>i attempt to bribe our teacher with my lunchmoney
>failed
>on my way home i plan my suicide so that my parents cant kill me
>asian step in had to step out and we never saw her again

Thats pretty gay

I have a similad story about 2 friends of mine.

They were 12 or 13 and both hang out and sit on the couch together and jerk off and laugh about it when they came on their hands and would say "SPIDERMAN" and continue laughing about it hysterically

>be 10-11
>me and my friend are on summer break
>when it hits night time we both get blankets and cover our self's up to jerk off on family pc
>watching a video of a redhead
>the video is so fucking funny cant stop laughing
>wake mom up she just ask what were doing
>we say nothing and she leaves
>go to bed

I vehemently desire death

>i attempt to bribe our teacher with my lunchmoney

it was 7 years ago i doubt he remembers it. he's pretty fucking stupid

Nice trips
>be me, 7
>at neighbours house because they're nice people
>have to shit
>don't like shitting in other people's houses
>it's starting to turtle
>ohshit.tiff
>huge log of shit in my underwear
>quickly say goodbye to ancient old man and old woman who smells of shit as well
>waddle across the street back home
>don't tell mom
>clean out shit log
>put on new undies
>pretend like it didn't happen

I could go on about stories like this. I had a bad problem with shitting my pants. I would find skid marks in my tighty whities until I was 10. Sometimes when I was younger and not as embarrassed by it, it would dry and scrape off into what I called "poop pellets"

Looking back I wish I drank Windex.

>Be 13 year old faggot
>Lunch break
>Crush saying how she likes guys who break rules
>nowsmychance.gif
>reach into bag and pull out apple sauce container
>throw sauce at principal's window
>feel like the fucking man
"user, are you fucking retarted?"
I was called sauce boy for the next 4 years

Shut up, sauce boy.

you deserve to shit your pants until the end of fucking time for still wearing tighty whities at 10 years old

This is all literally made up. There's no such thing as a teacher teaching their students how to post on image boards you retarded fucking nigger.

Moar!!

Lmao

Religion, not even once

>Be eight and apparently retarded
>Older cousin promised to take me and little sister swimming
>We pack our shit and get ready to go
>Little sister ended up not coming
>Think she got invited to go skating or some shit
>I say whatever and go with my cousin
>vroom vroom because he's sixteen
>Pay our way in and go to the locker room
>He tells me to undress and put my clothes in our locker
>I go full naked because I'm not ashamed of my body yet
>Lock my shit up with his and he leaves
>I go to shower before I change and get in the pool
>Actually following the rules
>I shower in a stall and look into my bag
>oh shit nigger
>Apparently I was responsible for packing my own trunks
>Only thing in bag is sunscreen and my sisters bikini
>She was three years younger but it was a two piece
>I freak out, can't go outside nude
>(There are girls out there)
>Look around for cousin but can't find him
>decide to embrace my inner granny
>Put on sisters bikini bottom
>awkwardly tie the sides
>Walk out into park
>probably obviously a boy
>Try covering myself at first but I can't find my cousin
>Decide to just act natural and swim
>Life guard calls me out of the water
>He talks to me, I'm spooked
>I piss myself but hope he doesn't notice
>I ignore the obvious issue and he takes me to the locker room
>Asks if he can fix it
>I'm a retard and ???
>He takes that as a yes and undoes my bikini, then retightens it
>I say thanks and run away
>Continue to be retarded around people
>Cousin eventually sees me and says what the fuck
>carriers me to the locker room and tells me to take it off
>I'm crying and it's tight so he has to do it for me
>He unlocks our shit and dresses me
>Ended up leaving early
>Never went back

I dunno what else I could have done, but this is my most cringe experience.

>2 friends of mine

Own up to your homoerotic experience, fagit

>be 12 years old badboy wannabe
>had to leave my old school because of parents wanting a better future for their child
>fuck this i want my friends
>first day in class
>maybe if i make small talk to the prettiest girl, she'd show me around
>approuch her like a alpha
>fail miserably
>forget the plan, if i make fun of her everybody will laugh and i'll be the funny guy
>she doesnt like it
>slaps me HARD across the face
>be known as the guy who got slapped by user for 2 months

after this my teacher made me apologize, and i got plenty of friends tho, the girl who slapped me inclused

Not Asda?

You can see the image decaying from how old this is.

>be 15
>I went to my aunts house for summer and shit
>she though i was a little bit fat so she started giving me vegetarian food and shit that makes me fart a lot
>next week or so
>i met this 10/10 girl at the beach
>we start flirting and shit
>man life's so good
>she says "hey user, you could come to a party tonight , it will be cool and shit"
>i prepare for the party
>aunt asks me if i will drink alcohol
>i say yes
>she says, then u should eat something so u can drink more without dying
>i love u
>i am at the party
>i say hello and i start talking to people
>the 10/10 girls arrives
>hi user
>a guy says, ok guys now we will play something
>we play thruth or dare or some shit like that with alcohol
>everybody is quiet as fuck
>my stomach begins to make weird songs
>i try to ignore it
>fucking vegetarian food, its becoming louder
>shit
>everybody is staring at me
>it sounds like a fart, but im not farting
>she's looking at me
>they all ignore me that night

Dying

Digital images actually decay?

Why would I lie?
The gayest thing ive ever done is touch dicks with my buddy when we were 10ish

Tough luck bro

>Be me, in like 3rd grade
>Reading class or whatever they called it
>Teacher is notorious for being really strict and downright mean sometimes
>On this particular day, the teacher has decided that we'll take turns about reading some boring story out loud
>I have to shit pretty bad
>Ask teacher if I can go, she says no since I haven't read aloud yet, guess she thought I was trying to get out of it even though I was one of the best readers in the class
>Whatever, take my turn reading while holding in my shit
>Very next kid is reading on like a preschool reading level, he has to take like 30 seconds sounding out each word
>Fuck this, I have to shit REALLY bad now, ask the teacher again if I can go
>She says not until everyone is done reading
>HereItComes.log
>Tactically shit my pants in class because the teacher wouldn't let me go
>Mom gets called, she has to bring me pants and underwear
>Somehow everyone seemed to have forgotten about it or something, never got called names or anything

Re-encoding JPEGs reduces image fidelity.

>be me, 5 or 6
>cool cousin Nathan is drivin me home from grandma's
>he has a truck and his brother is in with him (my other cousin)
>cousin's brother says somethin stupid, cousin smacks him and he cries like a bitch
>kek
>anyway
>half way home I shit myself
>fucking hell
>don't say anything
>go home
>overhear cousin say "I think he might have...pooped himself?" to mom
>goddamnit.png
>mom takes me to my room
>literally fucking cleans me up and makes me put on a pull-up

This was by far the worst.

what grade user?

Explains why all my old pics are looking worse than i remember them being

Not autistic or embarrassing, but still felt the need to post it. Will post autistic story later on (I have more than a few, this story is one of my only successes)
>be me
>late elementary school
>middle of lunch period
>suddenly have to shit really bad
>get up and run to the bathroom as fast as I can
>enter bathroom
>sign on stall door
>"out of order"
>made last minute decision to shit in urinal
>remember that the school installed cameras in the hallways
>ohfuck.png
>tard kid name Jeffery walks in out of nowhere
>expect his handler to walk in with him any second
>butterfliesinstomach.png
>after few seconds, realize handler nowhere to be seen
>Jeffrey walks past me, and starts pissing in the urinal next to me, completely unfazed by the shit next to him
>get brilliant idea
>run to principles office
>tell secretaries that I was in the bathroom peeing, when Jeffrey walked in and started shitting in urinal
>tell them he was still in there when I left
>walk back to bathroom with secretary
>Jeffrey is still there, staring at the mirror
>secretary see's urinal shit and gags
>grabs Jeffrey and hauls him down to office
>mfw Jeffrey was seen with a new wrangler afterwards
>mfw i got away

>Be me
>8 or 9 years
> middle of class sitting behind girl I like
>she is wearing a pony tail
>I begging rubbing it
>tap her shoulder and say
"Do you feel when I touch your tail?"
>keep in mind that tail also means butt in my country
>she slaps me
>all class sees
>friend sitting next to me begins to laugh
>Didn't comprehend what happened after 3 weeks.

As people screenshot it and share it and more people screenshot and share the quality won't be as high

>be me
>be in kindergarten
>art class
>art teacher was a total bitch
>had to take a piss really badly
>raised my hand to ask to go to the restroom
>she downright ignores me
>illshowyou.png
>unleash all of my bladder into the chair I'm sitting in
>went rest of the day in soaked shorts
>never told anyone
>never saw that teacher again
>never got in trouble
>mfw

PNGs are the way to go but no one fucking uses them.

i work as a valet/bellman at a hotel and i bait people all the time with "have a great stay". the amount of "you too. errr... uhhhh...." is hilarious

Dont remember exactly, maybe 7th or 8th

>6th grade, move states and schools
>Everyone has PE class every day
>Middle school in FL so it's hot as fuck
>Boys uniform is green ball shorts and grey shirt
>Girl's uniform is grey short-shorts and grey shirt
>Mom fucks up when she buys my uniform or something, gets me a boy's shirt but girl's shorts
>Apparently doesn't realize until too late
>I have to wear this for the entire school year now because my mom won't take the shorts back and exchange them, apparently she didn't see the problem here
>Forced to wear booty shorts in front of my entire class every day for the entire school year
>Pretty sure people talked behind my back, but never to my face about it
Felt and probably looked extremely awkward the entire time

I was bladder incontinent until I was almost ten if it makes you feel any better. Always wore diapers because pissing myself wasn't a great alternative.

You poor dumbass.
10/10 made me feel

WAT

Niice