Be me, 20

>be me, 20
>sister 18
>me super horny these days
>last gf 3-4 years a go
>really want blowjob
>parents going away in a few days
>home alone with her 3 days
>want blowjob from her
>how?
>need help

Suggest a game of touch football.

Go up to her. Ask her if she'll blow you because you're a worthless faggot. She says yes or no. Ask her not to tell anyone regarding either respond. The end. Stfu and grow some balls. It won't happen unless you just ask.

Get her drunk and slowly progress things but pretend your joking abou it

>be taking a shower
>wash ass with shower head
>little spray of hot water shoots up my hole
>feelsgoodman
>do it some more
>couple of wet farty bubbles squeak out
>get hard
>push shower head up my ass and spray boiling water on prostate
>balls starting to twitch
>suddenly I'm ejaculating semen and diarrhea
>boiling diarrhea shooting from my mouth and nose
>bathroom flooded with septic half-digested food and semen
>sister comes in, starts writhing on the floor massaging stinking semen mix into her vagina
>don't you ever knock?
>she starts giving birth to puppies
>every puppy has my face

>be 15 years old
>on school trip to a fucking zoo
>animals and so forth
>go in elephant house
>oh god it smells so fucking bad
>stench of elephant shit is burning the back of my throat
>feel something grab my waist
>elephant picks me up with its trunk
>srsly wtf
>forces me up another elephant's vagina
>for no good reason I get naked
>walking round inside elephant's womb
>holy shit my sister is in here too
>suddenly everything starts shaking
>look out of hole in cervix, see huge elephant penis thrusting in and out
>we both reach down elephant pee hole and massage it from inside
>feelsgoodman
>it's throbbing and pulsing
>hot steaming semen starts to erupt over our arms, flooding our womb prison
>I punch my sister in the tits for a laugh
>she is so turned on
>massaging elephant cum into each other while I punch her tits and kick her in the cunt
>we're still in there
>zookeepers push sandwiches up elephant's cunt for us
>we have wireless internet in here

>Didnt know sister was home
>In kitchen naked
>Sister comes in
>Im so shocked i just freeze
>Sister looks at my wood
>"I want to taste you"
>Im as hard as a rock with big meaty balls
>I lay down
>She puts her feet on my legs
>crouches over me
>No lube around
>Pours warm water on my dick
>Suddenly im soft WHAT THE FUCK
>She says its ok
>Starts sucking on my limp noodle cock
>Slurping it all sloppy like
>Trying to get me hard
>Dog walks into kitchen enticed by smell
>Starts sniffing my feet
>Starts whining
>Sister lets dog lick my right ball
>Feelsgoodman
>Suddenly i cum
>HOW DID I CUM?I WAS SOFT
>Cum everywhere
>All over my balls, my dog, my sisters legs
>OH SHIT OH SHIT MY CUM IS RED
>Dog bites off my left nut
>Sister bites off my cock
>Sister sticks fork in right ball
>Feelsgreatman
>Something isnt right
>Cum smells like tomato
>My penis is spaghetti
>I am a table

I just asked my sis when I wanted a bj from her and she said yes. Just say you were joking if she says no.

...

>fucking random girl I met in bar
>blond hair, white dress
>she tells me to put it in her ass
>fucking her good
>"I'm gonna cum!!!"
>she turns her head, looks at me
>it's Jesus

>be 15
>horny as fuck
>at home, chilling where i always am
>have a 10/10 gf
>shes my friend but we hang a lot
>she comes in, locks the door
>looks in the mirror, adjusts hair
>ohyes.jpg
>she drops her pants to the floor
>takes off panties
>im wet af
>she comes towards me, sits on my lap
>gets comfortable
>i cant talk
>she starts tensing up
>she shits all over me
>i realize i am a toilet

>be me
>be 15 or 23 or whatever
>be getting out of shower
>walk across to my room
>fall downstairs
>towel flies off
>land on my sister
>knock her unconcious
>all the blood rushes to my boner
>accidentally her bunghole
>beat her peepee to a bloody mess with a cactus
>she wakes up
>tell her she fell off her bike and hit her head
>I still sometimes fall downstairs onto her

>be me
>be 36
>have new baby sister
>rape her completely in half at the pelvis
>tell parents it wasn't me
>flawless victory
>alpha as ungodly fuck

>be me 14
>just finished school
>suddenly need to fap
>get naked
>photoshop sister's face into 100 boy CP pics
>print them all out
>arrange them all on the floor
>prop up a mirror so I could watch myself
>keep fapping and edging it for about thirty minutes
>moaning YOOU NASTY LITTLE WHORE GIVE ME YOUR HAIRLESS DICK I WANT TO BITE IT OFF
>ejaculate boiling hot jizz all over the pics
>collapse panting and sweating
>nearly black out from the joyful orgasm
>look up
>realize I'm in McDonalds

Oldest game in the book. I remember hotmail "hacking bots" in the limewire days.

ITT: Ingenious stories.

You never ask a girl for a blowjob, it's the biggest turn off in the world and makes you sound beta as shit. When you're kissing her, you need to get her in the mood and when she is put her hand on your dick and tell her you want her to suck your dick.

worthless tryhard faggot

>be me
>at home alone sitting on kitchen bench
>get a kick out of sitting on the cold bench bare-naked
>fapped to tile patterns
>hear the garage door open
>ohshit.jpg
>spilled my juice
>felt really panicky and put my clothes back on and ran the fuck out of there
>sister.. user, your cum is all over the kitchen bench. what the fuck is going on?
>mfw

Xyz

fucking hell, you are the unfunniest person i've ever seen. Your age is showing and its a single digit

Right bc i didn't fuck 7 chicks before I even hit 18 and don't currently have a hot ass gf who I fuck almost every day. Stfu. The reason girls don't blow you when you ask is bc you're a fucking neckbeard. Step 1: be attractive

Same

Found you

kek
kys

Virgin

Tell her you are going to play to Trebek & Connery

>be me, 18
>working in McDonalds
>area manager (playground)
>having to bring out all the days stupid people of the playgrounds for childrens
>see 3 pretty girls enter in the playground (+16)
>tell them they have to go down
>they do not care
>I go to try they get down
>start hearing strange sounds
>think that possibly some of them is traped or hurt (which was very common to happen)
>get where the girls are
>see that two of the girls were completely naked, and the other only had panties
>they see me and ask me if I want to join
>refuse, take them out of the playground
>call to 911