How do I fake a mental disorder?

How do I fake a mental disorder?
Which is easiest to fake?
How much retard bux can I get from it?

What are you aiming to gain from it?

Tourettes
"Cunt shit fuck black dick"

Social anxiety and depression get you the most perks, until you graduate you edgy cunt.

Roll'ed

Money. Can't find a job with sufficient hours due to immigration into my area. Living like a pleb atm.
I'm sure I have these problems already but how do I ensure I get diagnnosed? I'vve only beenn given different types of medication until now which is actually costing my money instead.

Nigglet that won't fucking work. Swearing is the rarest form of Tourettes and you can't exactly fake tics convincingly.

Step 1. Say you're Genderfluid polysexual genderqueer foxkin ladyboy trans man
Step 2. Get popular on Tumblr
Step 3. Set up a GoFundMe account for your surgery to get a Fox Tail and Ears attached
Step 4. ???
Step 5. Profit

White male. Won't work.

Easiest to fake is homosexuality. Plus you can claim discrimination for anything.

Say you were born White but inside you're Muslim. Easy.

Yeah but I can't get government bux for being a homo fam.

>doesnt look up symptoms
>being this retarded

Just wait. If trump somehow loses you'll get that government cheese!

How do I fake symptoms? This is what I'm asking, which are easiest to fake?

>underrated
>this will work

Autism prob. Just act totallt detached fron life. Show little to no emotion and make unfunny jokes. Or maybe schizophrenia. Just talk to yourself out loud like things are talking back.

Just tell a psychiatrist that you hear a voice in your head say "thud" otherwise just act normal. They will assign you a disorder.

Aren't the symptoms more complex than that?

depression probably

schizophrenia is pretty easy. search up the symptoms and act as if you have grand delusions about certain stuff, discoherent thoughts and speech, say you hear voices and they tell you that you can´t do shit, that they get in the way of working etc. just do your research first

Thud?

Autism is also something hard to fake. It's not just having little to no emotions and unfunny jokes.

you moron every mediine sucks, you get no money it is atleast its minimal. you cant fake it because when you notice it sucks and it tiresome they will find out you faked it all along

and then the medication comes along

My nieceis a Schizo. All she does different than a normal kid is she talks to items on shelfs in stores and shit. Just pick up stuff in the psychiatrist's office and hold conversations with them. She also has a speech impediment and repeats phrases that were said around her. When we visited Pennsylvania for example, my sister told her that we're going to "Eerie, PA" and she repeats that anytime she's in a car.

Extremely

Aspie.

Just stay away from people. Don't talk. Avoid conversation at any cost.

"Non-binary gender" just put on lipstick and scream any time anyone mentions it. You can go where you please, say what you please, and everyone will have to lo e you.

Just be yourself.

You can't.

This seems doable.

This. It is doable to fake schizophrenia but impossible to convince people later that you were faking crazy. A psychology study actually had a group of people fake delusions to see if it could be done and they didnt have too much trouble. What they didnt expect was that once they were institutionalized it was very hard to get out even with the researcher vouching for them that they were faking all along. Once people think you are crazy they will never trust you again.

snickers bar in pooper 30 mins befor doc appointment
half way through, lock eyes with doc put hand in trousers and put out a lump of "shit" and eat with the force of a thousand suns

Go a few weeks without showering, go into the ER rambling, practice this for a week or so before you go in. The rambling needs to be nonsensical, but interwoven with short periods of sense where it seems like you're REALLY struggling to get out the sensical words, which must be along the lines of "don't want to kill myself", "I have to kill myself."

In most states, they will be obligated by law to hold you involuntarily for at least 72 hours unless they know for sure that you're faking it and are willing to defend themselves in court if you're not.

Once in the psych unit, you will be forcibly administered a neuroleptic drug, possibly a time-released depot one. Haldol and prolixin are the most common, since these psych units normally don't get paid by insurance money or people who can pay out of pocket.

Once the drugs have knocked you for a loop for a day or so, pretend that you're doing better because they're working. Talk to the social worker about getting on SSI.

It's a measly 700 some dollars a month, and you'll be forced or coerced into losing all your rights if you try to receive other services, E.G. they'll force you to receive depot injections to get subsidized housing, cut off your food benefits if you don't go to all your appts, etc.

>prolixin
it even says retard right on the box

I wish my government just cared about it's own people enough not to willingly overpopulate the country with immigrants so that I could work like a normal person and not have to even consider stuff like this. Feelsnotgoodatallbuddy.

That's so the nurses know who it's for

I've faked skits before, that was super easy just broke down one day and said I was hearing things

Technology should have replaced about half the jobs in this country already anyway.

It's time for a new economic system. Let the computers and machines do most of the work.

You don't need to fake the amount of Autism you already have.

you are a foreigner. GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY BEFORE I ROCK YOU!

Good idea! While I wait I'll just STARVE TO FUCKING DEATH.

If you like the guy in this picture then I will have sympathy for you. If you don't then I will not.

also, re-captcha asked me to select all the pictures with juice, and one of them I had to select was soda... :facepalm:

Why would I like that person? He looks weak.

I like his chicken neck. Would be very good for strangling.

no they then diagnose you as psychopath and they will never let you leave. manipulativeness gets you label a different crazy.

Faking mental illness only detracts from the amount of help that can be given to people who actually have it. Quit being a faggot and go do something with your life.

...

I get about 700-800 a month plus food stamps for pretending to be incapable of working. Therapist are super easy to manipulate.

All psychiatric diagnoses are subjective, based on self reports and observed behavior. There's no way to prove if someone "has" or doesn't "have" any one of them.

And what that other guy said is true, that once you're diagnosed, it's impossible to prove to anyone that you're not mentally ill, for the same reason it is impossible to prove to begin with.

It will follow you on your medical chart for the rest of your life and nowadays the police have access to that knowledge as well because of all these mass-shooter response legislation's.

It's only a matter of time before landlords, employers, etc all have that information as well.

I'm not sure I care about that at all.
Incapable how?

Whatever you do, just make sure you look like this guy first.

actually, they really will label you a psychopath and keep you locked up, because faking a mental illness is what a psychopath would do, especially if it is for personal gain, so if you gonna fake it, be very careful and just go with adhd.

Just run around being a faggot doing faggoty things. Pretty sure b4 long people will start saying there's that faggot something must be wrong with him. Won't be long before your dr has you on all sorts of meds.

I'm not a psychopath I just want money.

First of all, they don't diagnose sociopathy in psych units or mental hospitals anymore, they haven't in generations. Those are a personality disorder and belong to the so-called neuroses, which were removed from the DSM in 1980 with the DSM-3.

But most importantly, they wont be able to know you're faking it anyway. I've worked as a mental health tech in a psych unit for the last 11 years. The psychiatrists line people up down the hallway and only see them for 1-2 minutes, our job on the staff is to write daily behavior reports. That's it. That's all that goes into a diagnosis and treatment plan for mental illness at a hospitals psych unit.

if you don't care you're probably already a sociopath or at the very least a narcissist so congrats

So all I'd havve to do is go in and list off a number of symptoms that correlate with the illness I want to fake and I'll likely be diagnosed?

That seems really presumtive. A lot of people don't care about people they don't know.

>this cuck here
It's really this simple. Once you get past the ER and manage to get forwarded to the psych unit, just continue being agitated and mumbling to yourself until you see the psychiatrist. At that point you'll be asked a barrage of quick and simple questions. When "do you hear voices" and "are you having thoughts of hurting or killing yourself" come up, just say yes.

I have to warn though, you will be forced to take powerful, brain damaging, neurologically impairing neuroleptic drugs and this will follow you for the rest of your life. Once you're on SSI you'll be given medicaid too and the psychiatric system is designed to trap people on medicaid in it as their cash cows.

If I had a dollar for every time an empty bed got filled by a patient claiming their doctor/social worker/case manager, etc lied and said they said something that they didn't to get them involuntarily committed there...

That has nothing to do with cuckoldery. It's not even sexual. Are you retarded?

you dont get shit for being depressed

that would make you a psychopath then, conning and manipulative behaviour, if you fake an illness too well and get locked up, you will stay there, it has happened to people before, never try and fuck with the health system, they have legal power over you.

Oh and I forgot to mention that the SSI doesn't just automatically come with the diagnosis or hospitalization. It takes at least 3 months for a SSI case to be reviewed and 80% of them are rejected and need to be appealed, it's a process that normally takes a year and you virtually guarantee it will eventually be accepted you'll have to go through several hospitalizations at least, police arrests, forced druggings, 4-point restraints...

Sounds like the kind of thing a cuck would say. Are you sure you're not a cuck OP?

Good point.
>everyone who is manipulative is a psychopath
I came here to find out how to pretend to be retarded, I didn't ask to speak to retards.

>and you virtually guarantee it
and to*

I just read this and it describes me to a T....
>>feels man

xDD
Get help

you sir are a faggot

Just lie

kek
that actually means the pill doesn't have an immediate effect

the tests are designed to be unbreakable, but the fact you are eagerly seeking advice on how to fake ~broken~ might be evidence of the former

go with it

sure, but they're all a bunch of self-absorbed little narcissists too. it's not even about giving a shit about randos on the street; you're talking about taking advantage of a system that helps extremely disadvantaged people. having a mental illness sucks. don't fuck with those people any more than they've already been fucked with by their own lives.

Here's a thought OP why don't you get an education, work hard and build a career so that you can be employable? Instead of sponging off of hard working migrants. Alternatively, come to terms with the fact that you are a worthless shitstain and do the same kind of jobs that immigrants do, for slightly less pay. Problem solved

I cant over-emphasize enough just how miserable a life it is to be on SSI for mental illness. As a long time psych unit employee, I've long been convinced that the high suicide rates in the mentally ill population have far more to do with the treatment than it does with the illness.

I get unconditional disability benefits on top of the unemployment insurance I paid for when I still could work. It ain't much and you wouldn't believe the hoops they made me jump through. I sincerely believe that you cannot bullshit your way through the system. You may bullshit your general practitioner, but when it comes to state benefits they bring out the big boy specialists.

Why not?
I have 10 years work experience and sufficient education, that should be enough to get a stable job. I don't think you understand the circumstances I explained. Why are you so mad about this?

Oooo... I had assumed you were a lot younger. You're not going to convince them you have a "serious mental illness" at your age, or at least it will be astronomically difficult. It's very rare that SMI's occur after the early twenties, and considered impossible to conceal for very long... especially when you have a long work history.

If your job is being done better by someone else for less money, what the fuck do you expect? Make yourself valuable. You can just say "oh, I've been a shitty employee all my life but now it's the government's responsibility to force people into hiring me". Its a competitive market, and right now, you're selling a lame horse. Pic yourself up, dust yourself off and evolve beyond this challenge, you insufferable manchild

No if trump loses there won't be any cheese left