Well Sup Forums im fucked.. I have no option but to move... srs long life fear has come true... fuck..
long story short..
I had to take a shit
Went to bathroom
Put toilet seat down
BOOM, giant spider of death..
Try to murder it
It gets away
Now its angry and under my toilet basin..
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What the hell do I do....
this is the beasts lair.. in the pic
lure it into your anus
I feel your arachnophobic pain bee rother.
shit in the sink for the rest of your life, worked for me.
BABOUK
No other option but to burn your house down
Deodorant + lighter
spray that area with some shit to lure it out then smack it with something.
Kill it you dumb fuck
Try to ask the spider its name.
go to your mom's room. grab her hitachi. shove it up your ass then turn it on.
This
>literally no reason to have an irrational fear of all spiders
Gender
why would you try and kill a spiderbro? they eat bugs and keep us safe.
let. it. be.
It's just a wolf spider. Even if it bit you it would just mean localized irritation.
Unless you're one of a small percentage of people who are allergic to their venom. If that happens, you'll develop necrotic dermatitis and any slight cut or abrasion you get will turn into a festering ulcer that will probably never heal. For life.
Seriously though, it's a super small chance.
I didn't make that up to be a dick, BTW. They're generally harmless but to a small subset of the population... It's bad.
DO IT OP
Lure it out by non-lethal means, put a cup over it (upside down obviously), slide a card under the cup, and release the spider outside
>easy
If you absolutely have to kill it but can't quite get to it, release centipedes in your house
>kill everything but you or your pets, leave after they're done
>easy
/thread
>spiders aren't scary, and if you think all of them are then you're a candy-ass faggot
This
I like the cut of your jib, sir.
OP here.. The bathroom is under Quarentine until the situation is neutralized.
It is a battle of patience now. See who slips up first.
I named my spooder Susan
Bruh. You dont understand.. This is not a fucking this I can chance. I TRIED TO KILL IT. It hasn't and wont forget that.
This one is Bert.
He likes the rose bush out front.
Is it better to live in fear than to die in rage?
Cats eat spiders, just an fyi
Leave it flowers and an apology letter
>>BOOM, giant spider of death
That's a tiny, insignificant, eight-legged pest control specialist
>no harm can ever be caused by that little cutie to you or even your smallest pets
>it's still nothing compared to the lumbering behemoth whose home it resides in
>a spider will never be a "giant spider of death" to any human as we are the deadliest creature alive and only the Brazilian wandering spider would attack something like us unprevoked
Fearing this docile little bugger only shows women how pathetic you are and prevents you from getting laid
>fuck you
Well arent they fuckin cute.. At least they stay outside where they belong
Meanwhile im on a code 3 fuckin lock down here
...
This is fluffy, it lives in the shed.
No you dumb fucks. That will only scare the spider and draw it deeper into his toilet.
OP your only option is to take a bottle of rubbing alcohol, that strong peroxide shit. Douse the whole toilet, light a match and pray your insurance believes it was all an accident.
You won't get killed by a spider, most of them are harmless and the rest don't want to get crushed by a giant faggot
>spiders won't do shit to you
>you won't "die in rage," you'll live like a rational human being
What do I tell the insurance company???
Russians firebombed you. If you live in a majority immigrant area that excuse is solid.
Just bug spray or pic related.
Also hope the spider isn't gay.
You did see this thing move user, it looked into my eyes. I swear i heard it hissing as it ran under that basin.
This complex is mostly Mexicans...
That's just cruel, a man by the name of Adolf Hitler once tried to burn evil spiders and destroy the evidence
>you're also acting like the Jewish oppressors he fought against
i tried this at my cousins house in spain, she was fearless and grabbed it with a tissue, threw it outside. I would flush the toilet, then stand ready with something huge to wack it with.
I saw the whole thing, and i think this should be fine bro.
Have you shat yet OP?
Are you calling Hitler cruel?
Grease fire?
They're called tegenaria domeatica / domestic house spider.
Leave it be, it won't hurt you
No, Im holding it in until nightfall.
I will go outside and use the bushes on the side of the building.
this thread is fucking 9gag tier
Your mom is ninedick gag tier gtfo
Spiders don't hiss very loudly, it was probably your faulty plumbing.
>it probably look at you out of fear because to it you're a hundred-story-tall death machine who can lift the seat (it's fucking house) in one swift motion without much effort
This. Then suffocate it to death. Literally the only non autistic way to handle this.
I had a spidersis called Olivia. Thanks for eating mosquitos for me Olivia. RIP
No, he only killed evil spiders and housed evil Jews
>he killed the spiders so that they wouldn't kill the live responsible for the typhus that killed most holohoax "victims"
It wouldnt be so bad if this nigga didnt decide to make my fucking shitter! where I come to shit in peace! Its fucking home.. little cunt. I like privacy too when I drop a deuce.
How about you lure the spider out,catch and become what you dreamt about since your childhood?A POKEMON TRAINER?
Then we will help you train your newly acquired pokemon but i am pretty sure it will end up in a space program.
*lice
Maybe I can forgo the shitting in bushes and just shit in plastic bags for now...
Catch it in a cup, with a playing card
>then you can put it outside and make it fight other spiders
*or make it fight other spiders
There were no spider pokemon.
>inb4 anything that came out past Red and Blue
Everyone says just catch it.. kill it...
You see where it is right? Its deep in there. I couldn't if I wanted to.
just fucking whack it you cunt that shit is tiny
i'm scared of spiders too (literally all insects actually) but come on man
I agree.
i didn't play anything except red and blue actually and i didn't even think about any existing spider pokemons.
We can still create our own pokemon.
Go catch it op,you don't even need a pokeball for this low level spider.
lmfao wd40 that spiders gonna be harder to stomp with it sliding around everywere
What is routine pesticide?
Aparently the common house spider can live up to two years... fml.. I have a long term fucking Squatter apparently.
What if it hatches its god damn brood in my apartment.
I'd say set the house on fire... but that's probably just me.... nah,
just get a cup and a piece of paper and throw it out the window (that's what I do most of the time)
That looked so huge in the first pic ... ahahah
Spiders appear in houses more prominently around august, there will definately be more
what if it comes in you sleep,walk through your ear and hatch on your fucking brain?
Just burn the house man,the surgery to remove spider eggs from your head is the worst thing.
...
expanding foam into the gap
let it starve
drop a fucking nuke on that whole area jesus christ
xDD
OP here..
Sitting at my computer desk.. and every time I THINK I feel anything on me im freakin out.
Almost knocked over my desk and shit.
it wont be able to climb because its hairs will be wet
>not owning a goliath bird-eater
maximum hyperpleb.
Draw it out, catch it and but it into an arena and make it kill smaller insects for sport. Maybe even record it.
wow that fucking thing is tiny. dude you're such a pussy
It won't
>spiders don't lay eggs in people
>most spiders carry their eggs
>ever kill a spider and see thousands of babies spew out? That's why.
Op return to us
if you don't mind the clean up, hook your hose up (or if you have a detachable showerhead) and just douse the shit out of your toilet until it drowns
your walls might suffer, though
or maybe get one of those CO2 compressor things people use to clean their computers and blast that little nigger out of his lair
Dude wtf is wrong with spiders? Pic is my friend Cindy met her at work.
Cindy watchiny her kids
Cindy seeing why I was bothering her
dont worry, im sure it has already layed some eggs somehwere in your toilet.
So from now on you will never be alone when u take a dumb. They will crawl out of the water, jump onto your arse and have some nice spayder gangbang parties on and in your body.
I bet there are alllready hatchlings in your head, feasting on your yummy little brain while the mother spider is watching her children from a safe place. Under your bed. Inside your mattress. Between your clothes.
AT YOUR BACK RIGHT NOW.
Sleep well user :^)
Black widows are the only spider chicks I don't fuck with. Serious death much pain
the average american has eaten 5 spiders in their lifetime, spideys like to drink water from our faces/mouths while we sleep.
Actually they are very docile for being venomous. The chances of being bit with enough venom to have a serious reaction are slim. Just dont mess with a protective mother like in my pictures
Why would centipedes kill spiders?
such a caring mother.
It's simple, some people fear spiders as you fear socialize with other people
Black widows are really beautiful spiders. this picture makes her look like A rubber spider.
Tomato fire*
That's cute. Trolling once was an art my friend.
This.
Yea. It was moving, was in a better position before I snapped the photo
This has potential. Look into it op
centipedes creep me the fuck out