I don't have a dildo

I don't have a dildo.
What are some household things I can use to get my BP off?

a carrot

a sharpie

Spatula handle, brush handle, handles in general I guess

I've done this before. It's a bit too hard for my tastes.
I don't have any at the moment. Which side should go in first?

my dick

Idk about dilldoos but if you can snag a big fucking zucchini and churn up the insides your lookin at a good time/decent lunch.

both of our dicks at the same time

Ooohh...my hair brush has some rubbery thing. I'll try this. Thanks user.
But that's kind of gay.

kek

...

pics

>Source?

What's that pic from OP?

What's a BP?

British Petrol

souce? I know it's marco but is there a comic or something?

Cap side

>S-sauce?

DonĀ“t fucking do vegetables or fruits, if they break inside you will have a wonderful ride to hospital.

Sounds like you need a leaky pipe in the Gulf.

A toothbrush non bristle side...or bristle side if you feel adventurous