ITT times we were alpha as almighty fuck, I'll start
>be stroking neighbor's cat
>fucking bitch animal scratches me
>kick the little fucker
>run inside
>see neighbor later
>she tells me they had to have the cat euthanized
>thinks a car hit it
>lol fatality
>flawless victory
>alpha
>as
>fuck
>kills a pet
>im alpha as fuckkkk XDDDD
>promise
>treat everyone with kindness and compassion
>pray to jesus every night
>go to church every Sunday
>abstain from drugs and alcohol
>alpha
>as
>fuck
I'd like to see you do any better 12 year old fucking faggot
...
Summer already.
>flawless victory
>lol fatality
>killing a cat
You sad nigger
>ITT: betas tell fictional stories to feel better about their own autistic life
Calling yourself alpha isn't alpha. You wormy little faggot
christianity-being alpha
pick one
>playing WoW
>really need to pee
>run to bathroom
>start peeing
>cropspray errywhere
>run back to computer
>mom goes in bathroom
>shouts at me for peeing on floor, tells me to wipe it up
>I say no I'm busy
>bitch
>she mops up my pee
>I'm a level 72 druid
>I got epic items
>alpha as fuck
>newfags not knowing what alpha REALLY is
get cucked you chucked fuck
>Starts a shit-tier thread on 4chin
>half-ass story is beta-cuck at best
>nobody likes what I took the 30 seconds to type out
>sob quietly in the corner while inserting sharpie in pooper
>alpha
>as
>fuck
Also, a sage on your garbage thread, nigger.
Alpha and omega
>hear wife crying and moaning for god everynight while praying with tyrone on my bed
>she doesnt let me in because i will "disturb" her religious life
>have gf
>meet her hot friend
>gf is annoying
>break up with her
>keep talking with hot friend
>"best friends"
>shes a virgin
>fak her
>have trisome with her and other girl few weeks later
God is the alpha and omega. It is only by following in the path He has laid out we can hope to ever come close to what He is.
I hope you too can see the light, some day. I shall pray for you.
>she tells me they had to have the cat euthanized
>they
>neighbor
>alphalfa as fung
op claims victory. all he did was kick a cat
Do you even know what alpha means? Kicking small animals is some beta shit.
that's christianity for you kek
>mom be giving me a lift to the mall
>I'm eating a bacon roll in the car
>we take a detour through Jew Town
>girl waiting at bus stop outside kike elementary school
>I flick a piece of bacon gristle at her
>alpha as all fuck
It's not a flawless victory if you took damage, dummy.
Sounds like you've been sparing the rod a little too much. God gave us the ability to take control of our lives, and you whine about Tyrone.
>be me
>15yo sister in her room dancing to Miley Cyrus songs
>go in there, tell her to shut the fuck up
>she turns volume up and keeps on dancing
>I punch her really hard in the tit
>she starts crying immediately
>I unplug her speakers
>eject CD and throw it across room
>tell her I hope she gets tit cancer
>back to my room
>play My Chemical Romance really loud
>alpha as fuck
Take your pretentious "holier than thou" shit elsewhere. This is hell.
>phone up nigger church from payphone
>hello, pentecostal church of
>NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER
>slam phone down
>run off before FBI trace the call
>alpha as fuck and a half
>kills tiny animal
>ooooh so alpha
As you wish. But at least I'm not the one getting cucked to death.
>be me , 12yo summerfag
>go online to anyonmous image board
>tell everyone I'm Alpha as fuck
That's alpha as fuck bro
This happened 2 months ago
This is also my virginity story
>Party at dude's house
>Don't really know him
>sausage fest
>4 girls there
>2 are lesbian couple
>1 is interested in one guy
>1 oddball
>everyone knows this
>Girl is cute, Chubby, and obviously looking to get with a guy
>after a while to party starts to die down
>Girl talk to me while Im playin good ol' smash bros
>Get to talking about shit
>I apparently become smooth alpha among these Chads and fags
>Drink more
>Both drunk
>People fall asleep
>Friend falls asleep about 3 feet away from where I decide to sleep
>Girl sticks around and chills in bed with me
>Everyone (or so we thought) falls asleep
>fuck right next to sleeping guy
>People upstairs
>Other girl who was interested in certain guy wakes up
>Girl im fucking is a screamer
>Im also 8 inches
>she is incredibly tight
Lost my virginity and won the girl at a crazy party. I would never change a thing
I might also date this girl. But so far we are just fucking
I've had sex around 7 times now
im 18
>be waiting to use ATM
>some fucking cripple in a wheelchair in line ahead of me
>presses the wrong fucking buttons
>gets his card back, goes to put it back in the machine
>I tell him to get to the back of the line because it's my turn at the ATM now
>alpha as fuck
Are you sure? Sounds like the issues seem to be on your end.
>be hanging out with gf
>gf has major hygiene ocd
>realize my armpit stinks
>smell again
>tell her it smells EXACTLY like her pussy
>lost her three years ago and basement dwell on Sup Forums every day
>alpha
>as
>cuck
>be me
>have pretty fat dad
>friends all know, make fun of me
>one friend (we'll call him Sam) puts his arms in his pants, leans back pretends he's fat
>"hahahaha hey look I'm user's dad"
>I'm actually offended
>I have enough of this
>I go:"hey look, I'm Sam's dad"
>casually walk away
>his parents are divorced
Causing the uneeded suffering and death of animals is wrong you horrible fucking asshole. It was probably your fault the cat scratched you and you most likely deserved it.
Alpha? Fucking faggot loser. That's as beta as you can get.
God gave us the staff with which to lead. He also gave us the rod with which to beat niggers like Tyrone to death for even looking at our women. It's not my fault he's more of a man than you are.
Kek
7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Eat shit, by your own logic.
these are the only ones even close to alpha. the rest of you are fucking pathetic
>newfags replying to bait as old as this alpha/beta garbage
>beta
>as
>fuck
>be me
>be riding the bus
>see cute girl on bus
>she stands up to get off the bus
>I get off the bus at her stop
>go up to her and shout you're nice, chase me
>run off
>run about half a mile, close to complete exhaustion
>she couldn't keep up with me
>alpha as fuck
It's not a flawless victory if it scratched you first you retard.
kek
ikr, I'm OP and I fucking invesnted that copypasta years ago
and it still works, every time
...
>alone at night in flat
> wake up when someone mashed the glass by the door as someone's trying to break in
> get up and stand out of site of the door
>cough and in my best Phil Mitchell voice start shouting at this guy any hard man bullshit I can think off 'do you know who the fuck i am?' , 'last warning I'll fucking murder you' ect..
Scared him the fuck off, and only been robbed once since when I was out the flat and I've got nothing worth stealing anyway
...
Ive killed men with my bare hands faggot
one time I killed a cow just by shouting at it
dovahkiin??
>Bars closing
>Gf suggests after hours club in the ghetto
>Fuck it i aint scuurd
>Only white man there
>everyone checkin out my girl
>Dancing
>short manlet black guy starts grinding on my girl
>She looks at me and with fear
>I laugh and givehim thumbs up
>we alk go bck to my place
>Short dude has 8 inch cock
>Totally destroys her pussy
>He leaves
>we cuddle
I killed a chicken, and the entire town tried to kill me.
confirmed by quads, alpha male detected
kek
That webm got me hard
oldfag here,
you think this is what makes you alpha:
>fuck right next to sleeping guy
But actually that was what makes you alpha
>Girl talk to me while Im playin good ol' smash bros
The day you understand this, is the day you win.
edgy
Ex gf's cousin hates me and wants to fight. So I fuck his gf and now he leaves me alone. I am alpha
you're ready for this then
im in
...why.. do you have these user?
that makes no sense. This is either complete BS or your ex-gfs cousin is the definition of a beta faggot. Either way, you're not alpha.
>be me, night out, clubbing and shit
>Get wasted
>Be completely destroyed outside of club sitting on the ground
>Hottest chick of the club comes to me ask if im cold/need a jacket
>Tell her to fuck off
Alpha as fuck
Edgelord
>be me
>be every night of the week
>go in my room and beat off to animals sucking things
>alpha as fuck
>be me
>tired af(holding in a shit will stress me out if it big enough, which exhausts me of all energy supply)
>im only 5 minutes from house and i just had the seats vacuumed and ass sweat nullified
>see an old lady exit phone booth
>pull over, get out of car and enter booth
>pull down pants and aim my glutes to the corner away from seeing eyes
>im sweating as my body takes up 92% of the booth space and heats up the air immediately
>with flash thinking i grab phone behind my head and pretend im having a convo with my gf
>the time i took for positioning with the little space i had just barely paid off
>anus has lost all strength, the gates have fallen
>a glistening stream of diarrhea splurts out a shape resembling an eagles tail span
>i hold posture the whole time
>my face red and expressing a passionate mood of sweet sex talking
>jealous plebs are walking by and noticing everything but what i dont want them to see
>once i finished, i wipe with phone, pull up pants, and get out
>still very tired but i manage to get into an army crawl which takes me 13 minutes to huff and puff my way back to car
>i manage to heft myself onto my knees and pull door handle, but im too exhausted to pull myself in
>people starting to suspect the yellow brick road of shit and piss leading to me
>my flash thinking kicks in yet again
>WHYYYYY!!! VALERIE MY LOVE!!!!!(i reach into air)
>WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET PREGNANT AND LOSE THE CHILD!!! AND WHY DID YOU WAIT TO TELL ME DURING PHONE SEX!!!
>people are aghast at my amazing acting, distracted, one guy even pulls out a phone to capture the majesty that his eyes can behold (i practice in front of a mirror sometimes)
>in the excitement i muster enough strength and willpower to enter my car
>drove away and entered my house
>i crawl in bed to pass out from my rough day
>nobody knew what happened in the booth until it was too late
>a mysterious man shit in the telephone booth and got away unnoticed
>alpha af
Haha yeah man you are such a tough guy I really like the part where you managed to critically hurt something smaller than you by kicking it who would have thought that was going to happen?
message for everyone who's gotten upset at OP
you have completely utterly missed the fucking point of the thread
please kill yourselves immediately
...
fucking moron
>be me 15 at party
>pretty shit party
>having a good time drunk on the dancefloor
>random qt starts talking to me
>remember my friend (host) likes her
>try to wingman him - to no avail
>keep chatting
>she takes me out to start doin the smooch
>after doin the smooch we decide to bang
>bang on host's bed
>return
>host asks qt to go to the movies
>no.jpg
>alpha
>as
>fuck
You're fucking retarded.
My dad did something alpha, kind of:
>My dad is sleeping
>My mom hears a smash
>mom goes stiff and wakes dad
>my dad hears some rustling and the odd creek
>thinks it's the dog
>I'm fast asleep when this is happening
>dad keeps mom I and brother up stairs so that there is no way they would be on their own
>dad walks downstairs
>points shotgun at kitchen
>sticks head in
>sees guy peering at him from behind the island counter in the kitchen
>shouts at him "I'm armed" and "get the fuck out"
>this wakes me up
>guy must be on drugs or is retarded or something
>the robber gets up and walks towards my dad
>dad sees he has something in his hands
>just fires his shotgun in the mans direction in the adrenaline rush
>the robber falls back
>the robber has clearly been shot across the shoulder arm and chest, turns out some buckshot went in the mans face too
>the guy gets up and starts screeming
>my dad is in shock, he shouts at the guy to fuck off
>the guy gets up and stumbles towards the window while groaning
>I am awake now and I am agitated because my mum isn't letting me see whats going on and is keeping me in my bed.
>the guy then drags himself back out through the window
>my dad watches as the guy limp-runs off into the bushes
>turns out that the guy died of blood loss on the pavement in our sub-division
>my dad composes himself and checks the kitchen
>blood is on the counters, cupboard doors and the floor
>my mum comes down stairs and my dad tells her to call the police
>my dad just puts the shotgun on the counter and when I look downstairs the lights are still off and he is slumped in the doorway
>the police come over and are actually quite understanding, tells us everything is going to be okay
>few people come over, take the gun and clean up the kitchen which way bloody as fuck
>there was a knife outside the window apparently and the guy was a career criminal
>my dad is fine though.
>be chatting to girl on omegle
>arrange to meet up
>sit in cafe for two hours
>go home
>alpha as fuck
>Choked my girlfriend during sex
>Joke's on you! I was only pretending to be retarded!
I could fucking kick you to death any day of the week fucking fagballs
/thread
Dude...you got scared by a cat.
The question not asked yet: Why did the cat scratch the OP? Petting the cat. But where?
Short answer: OP had is dick in the cat's anus, got scratched, and subsequently killed the cat.
Yeah, you're alpha as fuck, bro.
he gets more pussy than you do faggot
Summer fags feed the troll and eat the copy pasta
...
I see what you did thar
>sharpie in proper
Word, alpha dog
Wow, you guys even have your own secret code words. 'Copy pasta' 'summerfags' I only hope I can learn to be as cool as you guys.
>never played guitar in my life
>be headbanging to Metallica in my friend's room
>pick up his guitar
>play solo from Master of puppets perfectly, better than the version on the album
>smash his guitar to pieces
>he is so impressed he sucks my penis
>alpha as fuck
not sure if newfag or just a faggot in general
Story?
>be at friends' kid's bday party
>they have me tell stories
>6 yr old little bitch keeps interrupting me
>knee her in the head "by accident" while walking by
>little bitch starts crying
>too distraught to articulate wtf happened
>go have a beer with her dad
>alpha as fuck
yesss
>be me in art class
>blue hair tumblr girl awkwardly flirting with me
>asks for my number in a really awkward way
>turn away and pretend I didn't hear her
alpha
as
fuck
>19 y.o. me at home, spending time on facebook (a year ago)
>hear my mom at the window
>"user, the neighbour's dog is fighting with our dog, I think he's gonna kill ours"
>our dog is only half amstaff
>I'm a manlet
>I don't think
>run out of the house, grab an iron pitchfork
>they're in the garden
>start stabbing the other dog and shout at it
>that dog has fucking kevlar in it's skin
>neighbours hear
>they come and call it
>shit's over
>what the fuck did I just do?
pic related, it's the neighbour's dog
>masturbated into my sock.
>twice.
>alpha
>as
>fuck
fuck me, that's is prime alpha silverback gorilla behavior right there
>out alpha'd by a dog
ohshitnigger
>pitchfork
>666
satan's here, guys
also, checked
>be at the mall
>be walking into a store
>woman be walking out of the store
>I hold the door open for her
>perfect gentleman as fuck
Just how much neckbeard do you have under that fedora?