Most embarrassing moments that make you grunt and slap yourself autistically each time you remember

Most embarrassing moments that make you grunt and slap yourself autistically each time you remember
ITT: things that actually happened edition

>be me
>12 years ago, high school
>have painfully long slide show presentation
>be nervous, didn't memorize it
>my turn
>bad luck user
>display middle finger out to friend in front of whole class
>start giving oral presentation
>teacher noticed that I was reading it, starts skipping the slides
>thefuck.jpg
>was over in less than two minutes
>sit besides friend
>"well I got the bad luck you wished"
>"what? I said good luck, user"
>"yeah" said some bitch
>cringed so hard I actually farted
>strange looks around me
>time to kill myself

good thing is you're the only one who probably remembers it! thats not that bad

I have no idea what the fuck happened in the latter half or why this was embarassing. What the fuck? You are the worst story teller ever jesus christ

>gf has emotional issues
>we've been together about 6 months when she tells me
>tearfully tells me about how her uncle sexually abused her
>I ask if it made her cum
>I thought it would lighten the mood

Did it tho

I never did find out.

>Be me
>20 yo
>First time voting
>The guy on the table says its my turn
>Reaches out his hand so i can give him my ID
>I shake his hand, and realise what the fuck i've just done
>He looks at me like, are you retarded?
>Everyone in the table is looking in laughts
>I give him my ID
>I vote with my face red
>I get the fuck out of there asap
>Dying in shame :(

user is my hero

I actually found that cutely retarded

Lol !

>be me
>autistic 6 year old
>it's night
>see kitty litter
>urge to take a dump
>squatted and pretended I was a cat
>in the middle of taking a dump when cat appears out of nowhere
>cat hisses and jumps on me
>I jump out of litter box
>shit everywhere
>mfw group of people saw me

>>Be 10
>>At sisters wedding. Reception held in local village hall
>>Go to toilet
>>Urinal is a long trough sunk into the floor
>>Finish pissing and turn to leave
>>Slip on wet floor, and fall backwards arse first into the piss filled trough.
>>Just then, the water jets come on and spray cold water on me
>>Run to tell parents in tears, get arse smacked and have to go home to shower/change.

Got back and EVERYONE knew what had happened. Man, I just wanted the earth to swallow me up there and then.

You got spanked for slipping on a wet floor? Damn nigger no wonder you're on Sup Forums

Reading comprehension must be hard

> get school counciling because I was that kid everyone gave shit to
>she does the usual like all the other ones
>she's a really hot counceller so I try getting in like some scene From a porno
>she asks me if there's anything going on at home, I turn to her a tilt my head forward and say "this ain't my first rodeo missey" and I wink
>she ignores that and I physically cringe every time I remember it

You deserve to be killed for that

Tell me the last time you flirted with a school counceller, faggot

This one time I zigged when I should have zagged. I cri evrytyme

>Be me, 25
>New in town and don't know anyone
>Go to bar on weekend to find cum dump
>Shit small town dive bar, just me and 3 grills
>7/10 and two 3/10s
>Legally blonde is on tv
>Chat up 7 about it, make fun of it
>It's her favorite movie
>Getting real fucked because failure
>Blackout
>Come to in 3/10s apartment, Supernatural playing on tv
>Don't want to fuck this whale
>Show is guilty pleasure, panic and have drunken idea
>Start roaring and speaking on tongues like I'm possessed
>Grill is obviously scared and grabs kitchen knife and salt
>Throws salt at me while I scream "ahhhh I'm a demon"
>I pour salt into my mouth yelling "you can't banish meeee"
>She starts advancing towards me with the knife
>Flee into the night and never return to that bar again

Full on retard mode.

Kind of funny imo

cringiest shit ever

Sounds pretty alpha. Like cringy but still alpha.

i can see why everyone gave you shit.

Thanks user

Top fucking kek

>be me 18
>at a party with my brother and his roommates
>chilling by the keg, music is going, people dancing, loud as fuck in here
>cute grill comes over to the keg and im kind of drunk so i make conversation.
>nothing flirty or whatever tbh cuz aspie af
>i ask where shes from and ironically shes from the same hometown in a totally different state
>trying to explain something to her, i forget what
>she gets it (whatever it was) and goes ohhhhhh okay!
>say "see now you're coming around to my way of thinking"
>its a really weird phrase i know but i heard it somewhere and used it for some damn reason
>she gets a disgusted look on her face and says "no dude i am not coming on to you." and leaves
>stand there by keg with loud ass music blasting holding my beer wondering wtf just happened
>mfw

>sophmore year at SUNY Oswego
>giving powerpoint about role of conspicuous consumption in society or some shit
>Im up first
>forgot flashdrive
>no biggie, got a bavk-up on my email
>open gmail
>dont notice teacher hooking PC to projector screen
>look up due to sudden silence
> 5'x5' display of last nights craigslist shame projected in front of class
> "RE: Cum-hungry cocksucker needs real man's dick NOW!"

A+ on the project though, I think the professor felt bad

>be me awkward little 8 year old faggot
>im really into jean shorts for some reason
>my zipper drops frequently for some fucking goddamn reason and i have gotten used to inconspicuously zipping it back up under my desk so that people don't notice
>siting in class one afternoon while our bitch teacher is talking about adverbs or some such trite garbage, i feel my zipper against my 8 year old penor so im like "fuck"
>reach down slyly to zip it back up
>teacher just happens to be calling me out to answer a question, sees me with both hands under desk
>"user, are you masturbating?"
>we are 8 years old so i dont think any of us even know what that means but people go "OOOOOOOH!!!" cuz the little assholes get off on conflict
>mfw

...

...

>Be 23, autism hidden well at this stage.
>Playing Rust (survival game like DayZ, Ark)
>Im a shit solo player
>Just raided my first base and have like 50HQ, 2 Ak47s and 2 bolts. heaps of loot.
>Running back to my base im so fucking nervous
>Im legit shaking irl. this is the first time i've had good guns in this game
>Some lad jumps from out of the bush and shoots me in the head
>Im down and out, the fucking loot is gone.
>I let out a thunderous "REEEEEEEE!" through the microphone since i was home alone
Or so i thought....
>See dog staring at the door
>i peak out the window
>see my cousin and his Gf awkwardly rushing back to his car on the street

Im sure they just left the oven on right guys?

Strange that thats the first thing she thought off what a slut

I always say stuff out loud when i remember embarrassing memories. I usually say "FUCK!" but it soon turned into "kill yourself".
>Sitting in class
>professor talking about something
>I'm day dreaming and suddenly remember an embarrassing memory
>"kill yourself"
>whole class turns to me, professor is wide eyed
>I'm instantly red in the face and in shock
>I Don't even hang around, i immediately got up and left
>I was sweating by the time i reached the door 10 meters away.

I'm thinking about sending an email saying i have tourettes.

maximum kek

Trynna play with an user?

>was 17
>was around 4-5 in the morning
>fap to some male on futa pics
>after I finished start playing some league
>my dad comes into the living room while I was mid game,he usually does this every night to watch some tv after taking a night piss before going back to bed
>we chat about some random shit
>game finishes
>close league
>for a split second image of some huge nigger raping futa apears
>ohshitiforgottoclosebrowser.jpg
>launcher covers it but hentai adds are all over the screen
>turn around to see my dad looking at the screen with the face of dissapointment
>no idea what to do or say
>pretend like I dont see anything and start looking at stats
>after about 10 seconds I close the browser
>hear my dad just going back to bedroom without saying a word
>when I remember that night I still cringe to this date

english is not my main language,hope u faggots underatood something

>high school
>play MtG
>shuffle deck under desk
>pretty much the same happened
>don't feel embarassed

My dad caught me masturbating once. He laughed and left the room and closed the door behind him. Still cringe to this day.

kek

>Walking through town heading to EB Games mega sale
>Walking to fast and sperging out already (doesn't help im 6'4 super sperg)
>see some girls looking at me and start giggling
>make confident eye contact with the ground and up my pace
>practically jogging at this point
>autism cant take it and i walk into the nearest shop
>Its some girls bra/undies shop
>Qt cashiers are all looking at me, im kicking it up to autism level 4.7/5 at this point
>"Hi what can we do for you today" one asks
>"Y..yeah im just looking for some undies for my girlfriend (Alpha as fuck)
>"Ok what does she like? what size?
>"ummm she like black velvet and size 16" (i dont even know my undie size)
>She comes back with some lacey undies that could fit a elephant
>"y..yep thats them, perfect"
>We come to the register and its a total of $39.99
>In to deep now, i swipe my card and enter my pin
>It comes up declined (perfect time to leave but no)
>Try again
>APPROVED
>Walk out the store with minus $40 and a pretty purple bag
>only had $50 to start and the girls are still giggling

>be me 5th grade puberty kicking in hard
>in new school havent seen anybody till today
>sees really hot grill qt3.14
>look at her
>teacher catches me
>continue to stare and the teacher tries making me face board and is trying to physically touching me
>continue staring
>mfw i get ignored by everybody in 5th grade because they think im a weirdo