ITT: we're in the office

ITT: we're in the office

>implying i have work

*answer phone*

*goes to the toilet and scratches ballsack for 2 hours*

*eats Karens special lunch*

Any updates on the Anderson account? Johnsons been breathing down my neck all week.

Uhm guys, why is there a N-I-G-N-O-G sitting at my desk?

Larry, can you give form 3 and a stapler?
I just thought i staple this fuckers papers all together with form 3 on top.

who the fuck took my stapler

>fapping

The new intern is here, Susan can you look after him please? I have a report to finish for tomorrow. However please try not to repeat last times incident.

I'm dirty dan

i think Johnson took it into the restroom

WHO THE FUCK DRANK MY MOUNTAIN DEW?! I SWEAR TO GOD KAREN IF IT WAS YOU I WILL COME DOWN ON YOUR PATHETIC LIFE LIKE THE HAMMER OF THOR

>opens up lunch brought from home
>smells of tuna and cheeze whiz engulf a 30ft radius from my workspace
>smacks lips
>farts and laughs about it.
>fat guy noises.

fucking Johnson
he reads the paper in the restroom for an hour then staples it together and leaves behind - every fucking time

i was DEHYDRATED DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, HOW IT FEELS JOHNSON. NO OF COURSE YOU DONT YOU PRIVILEGED FAT FUCK

look into the jelly

someone needs to do something about Johnson
is HR around??

who the fuck is downloading this dog pictures on my desk every fucking time when im going to toilet!? im gonna report this, you little fuckers

*sending passive aggressive email*

why the fuck half of you guys sit bottomless on the copy machines?

son of a bitch took my morning paper yesterday clean off my desk. said once and il say it again, i aint ever trust no black man with ny newspaper

I am
Sorry Miguel, I didn't know that was the janitorial department's desk

hahahaha, who placed this really really funny image on the bulletin board?

WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY LUNCH? I FUCKING LABEL IT! WAS IT YOU JIM?!

THIS IS WHY YOUR HUSBAND LEFT YOUR BITCH ASS. CANT EVEN KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY KNOCK OFF MOUNTAIN DEW YOU WHORE

what are you talking about, we don't hire negros

>deadpans

probably that bitch Karen. Damm succubus took my mountain dew

>from mamagers office
"Heyyyy congrats Johnson, youre gonna be joining me up here as part of the management team starting friday! Go ahead and start moving your belongings to your new desk!"

Sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays

emails IT: why is Sup Forums blocked on my pc?

That whore. She's probably the one who stole my lemons too, lemon-stealing whore

why do all my fucking pencils always smell like ass
Bob have you been massaging your prostate with my pencils again?

user, why don't you have a seat

>typing up email to allies in the office
>"Can you believe this... I'm going to resign"
>"Also nice 69"

who the fuck keeps eating my special lunch?
you know I'm on a strict diet guys
I WROTE MY NAME ON IT FFS

caught that bitch sucking off lemons in the janitors office the other day. that whore is ruining this office

I saw him doing it, all the other guys too. I didn't do it because i don't want Johnsons aids in my ass

oh.. didnt know youre still "working"..

We should gangbang her. She wouldn't stand a chance

Hey Dwight. Battle start Galactica

A dead man

Working hard or hardly working HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHDHSAKJFFSDFJKDVJKHVB ,MCVKJHKJV BNHFDSGIKJÖHSLTGIDOÖU53HE896Y54THK

wait a min Johnson is getting promoted? ive been working my ass off meanwhile he keeps scratching his ass with Garyd pencils and sucking lemon juice off Karens taint!

Anyone caught stealing lunches should be beaten to death in the parking lot.

...Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, OK? "Pepe Silvia," this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe's mail is getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia! Pepe Silvia! I look in the mail, and this whole box is Pepe Silvia! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands! Otherwise, he's never going to get it and he's going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Pepe's office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out?! There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Pepe Silvia? You gotta be kidding me! I got boxes full of Pepe! All right. So I start marchin' my way down to Carol in HR and I knock on her door and I say, "Carol! Carol! I gotta talk to you about Pepe." And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There...is...no...Carol in HR. Mac, half the employees in this building have been made up. This office is a goddamn ghost town.

>email
>"Attention all fellow employees, today is Phil's birthday. Everyone needs to chip in a food for the party and we will be passing around a card for everyone to sign before clock out today. Please email me back with what foods or snacks you will be bringing to the party so i can finish the plans. Thank you and have a great day"
>sent to all contacts

Did you go to reno and shoot him just to see him die?

How do I delete my interweb history?

Cowboy Curtis?

Why is there a van in front of our office?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH F9QH9HFQHAGIPAIGHFAGH9IAHGSODGHAISHGASHGGASGAGASG
>has stroke at desk

What the fuck i thought Phil offed himself? Not only are you telling me that cunt is alive but i gotta buy his ass a bjrthday cake?!

no

well it wasn't me, I never ate no one lunch

larry from IT said to just go on local disk c: and delete system 32

I'm bringing cheese pizza

i feel the same way
psst
don't come in tomorrow

Wow, thanks bud!

OHFUCKOHFUCKSHITSHITSHIT
>grabs hardrive and starts running out the office
YOU FUCKER WILL NEVER GET ME ALIVE

Yeah didn't he hang himself in the executive bathroom?

theres a child care on the first floor

it's for Phil's party obviously
see

yo Johnson, you're a fine dude, don't go to work tomorrow

WHERE IS THE CP???
MICROWAVE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

ok whos the asshole who taped my wifes nudes on the mens restroom door?!

Fuck you, I just got a promotion

have it your way

That's me. The will also be sent to the whole office

Hey guys. My daughter is in the band at her school, and they're doing this fund raising thing to help them pay for a trip to be in the rose bowl parade. Well anyway, long story short, she's selling cheese and sausages and stuff. I have a catalog if you'd like to look over it and place an order. This stuff tastes really good, honest. They did it last year, too, and I bought some.

i heard he jumped off the boss mans 10th story floor head first

Thanks man. You going to Phils birthday party tomorrow?

>Email to all contacts
>I apologize for the recent email, it has come to my attention that Phil passed away recently. He would found in the executive bathroom dead from auto erotic asphyxiation. The birthday party this evening will instead be a wake in memory of phil, i ask you all to still bring a food or snack and we will still be signing the card we purchased for his party this afternoon.

yeah, it's going to be a blast

Can I have your sausage instead?

ive met your daughter David. you woulda had a better chance asking for a bj from me than to give that little hell bitch money

I can give HER a sausage

Nah wait he fell off a guard tower in Auschwitz

Fucking hell IT. Still haven't fixed the goddamn computer bugs?

HOLY SHIT GUYS
theres this chick
tied up in the janitors closet
she's giving out blowjobs for lemons
HOLY SHIT
get in there guys!
shit was cash!!

>look at clock
>look at desk
>teso servers still down
>throw stapler in rage
>it bounces right into Karen's face. nosebleeding
>try to comfort her
"ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY, KAREN!?"

What is it Ted?

you hearing this? now i gotta tell the wife ima be late for diner cause Phil decided he wanted to be a pussy? even from the grave the old man is still fucking my shit

been wondering where Karen was!

You bringing any alcohol? I'm thinking about taking som booze with me

I sucked Karen's dick once

Goddammit, I just found these in the bathroom, We're having a drug test tomorrow

Who's the asshole that has been bogging down our servers with something called
"SweetTeenShitholes6"
There is at least 20TBs worth of porn saved to the servers...
who is responsible?

Will you fucking faggots quit hogging the bandwith with your porn downloading? That's it, I'm putting a limit on bandwith usage per user.

I'll bring shots

Daniel, that's highly inappropriate. You know, I don't care for the double standard around here. You're openly gay, and we're not even allowed to say anything about it, but you can say whatever you want, because nobody will fire a gay. That's just not right.

Yo guys boss man is gone for the day and Karen is tied up in the closet. I got Paul Blart mall cop on blue ray, conference room, 5 mins, lets go!

She's nosebleeding faggot
No bj from her ar the moment
But shes also vaginableeding
> nice lube
Vagina job from her Go Go

cool what drugs are we testing?

>hive mind
>my nigga

You know what, shut your fucking mouth, Alan.

You're a funny man, if you don't show up tomorrow, this day will be your last

Jesus Christ Fred destroyed the men's room again. It smells like death and, there is a squirt of shit on the back of the seat ; up the wall about 4 inches.