See, this is one of the reasons JK rowling is a hack
If I was in the harry potter universe, i'd make my own business, since you know the only job prospects are
>teaching at hogwarts >death eater >shop owner >ministry
Thats it. What i'd do is buy a bunch of house elves, since they're literally slaves, and i'd own a brothel. I'd build a monopoly on polyjuice potion and mass brew it, then my whorehouse would cater to every single taste you could ever want.
Hate umbridge? Steal her hair and hatefuck her.
Cute girl at your job? Steal one of the thousands of hairs she drops per day, and fuck the shit out of her.
Hell, I could probably replicate popular hairs like luna and hermione and charge whatever the fuck i'd like.
This is assuming you know, wizards wouldnt just use their magic love potions, or use a literal date rape spell that erases peoples memory.
What about the villages where wizards live around muggles? Does every wizarding village have the town rapist? Like oh yeah, thats Gregg. He steals off to london and rapes the shit out of any muggle he feels like and then just erases their memory.
Good ol' Weird Wizard Rapey Greg.
Brayden Hernandez
they probably had that in knockturn alley or something
Austin Johnson
Why didn't wizards stop holocaust?
Joseph Cox
You can't stop something that never took place.
Jose Fisher
wizards were fighting their own wwii at the same time, their hitler was grindelwald
Logan Sullivan
Why didn't they just use a sniper rifle?
Dominic Hughes
Grindelwald can control all vectors.
Christian Wood
He's Accelerator? Does he have some sort of auto-deflect?
Leo Russell
Already stale copypasta and it's only been a couple months.
Isaac Nguyen
This isn't a Ching chong cartoon.
Eli Anderson
Why didn't Voldermort build a suit of power armor made with magic during the final battle?
Why didn't the Death Eaters steal stuff from the military and enchant them with magic?
Why didn't the US or European Ministries send in a spec-ops team of wizards to take out Voldermort?
Why didn't Voldermort turn the Voyager space probe into a horocrux?
Whhhhhhhy
Christopher Hernandez
>grow up in a tiny cupboard >always bullied by everyone >practically a human house elf for his family >yet harry is not completely fucked in his head
Levi Richardson
>grow up in a tiny cupboard >manlet Bravo
Zachary Scott
>Rupert Grint swapped his career for an ice cream truck
J U S T U S T J S T J U T J U S
Luke Cooper
desu it seems comfy selling ice cream
Carson Torres
>many wizards use wands for magic >using your hands for magic is also a thing, but only very powerful wizards could do such a thing >wizards shun muggle inventions, thinking they are less advanced but in reality they are much more advanced than them >this guy is sitting in the pub, using hand magic to read a spoon while reading a book by stephen hawking
Is this guy the most powerful wizard in Harry Potter?
Kevin Butler
He is fucked in the head. That's why he thinks he's a wizard. kek
Jace Lewis
Which movie is that? Cant recall.
Tyler Moore
Actually, that's a special effect.
Mason Roberts
3rd movie, when they are in the leaky cauldron.
Xavier White
He can't sell it. He has to give it away for free.
Justin Bell
All that Muggle thinking is why you're not a wizard.
I'd just chill about. Conjure shit.
Samuel Long
>yet harry is not completely fucked in his head
He has anger issues, he is incapable of having normal conversations with anyone in school other than Ron, he spent an entire year stalking Malfoy instead of porking every girl in school that wanted the chosen dick, he has a hero complex and he had gay thoughts for young Voldemort.
Jackson Scott
He's a teenager
Julian Mitchell
>according to gamps 5 laws of blah blah in the books, you can create more of something you have e.g. you have a bottle of butterbeer, you can magically create a ton of butterbeer from that single bottle.
How does the economy exist in Harry Potter? What stops people just buying one of something and using magic to replicate it?
Logan Robinson
Yes, just because it's Ian Brown
Grayson Barnes
There's nothing wrong with being gay.
Jeremiah Lopez
>Rowling is a hack because I would rape girls in the HP universe
They're just books for children and young adults, man.
Andrew Parker
I thought you couldn't replicate food.
Jace Perez
>implying rupert grint isn't based af >most based child star >fuck hollywood i've got money time to live out my childhood dreams starting from when I was little
Landon Nguyen
Jim, Jimmy, James
Jason Reed
How can wizard families be poor?
Kayden King
>>Rowling is a hack because I would rape girls in the HP universe perfect
Joshua Jackson
>Love potion some rich hot heiress or close to death wealthy widow >????? >Profit
Caleb Fisher
You can't replicate food but Malfoy could create a snake when he was 12? Couldn't you just conjure an animal and kill it for food?
Liam Cox
If wands channel magic with a core in the Potter universe what would happen if you had a staff just filled with like, fifty phoenix feathers? Would you be the world's most powerful wizard?
Luke Lee
Ginger retardation
Cameron Reed
Maybe that animal would have no calories or nutrients.
Leo Sanders
You can though, in the deathly hallows book, they catch and cook some shit-tasting fish and ron asks hermione to change it into something better.
she says she can only duplicate something that she already has, I.e. the shit tasting fish into more shit-tasting fish.
she
Alexander Moore
what do you think the elder wand consists of
Henry Campbell
A lack of focus on economics was a defanate problem in the books.
Asher Sanders
>mfw potter nerds try to defend the books it's an enjoyable trashy flick version of fantasy. Nothing more
Anthony Foster
>reading a spoon
Ryan Morgan
The real problem is that Voldemort was an idiot.
Ryan Thompson
im p sure thats illegal
Carson Rivera
But Tom Marvolo Riddle was a genius.
Kevin Hernandez
Why didn't Voldemort send a Horcrux to space?
Leo Gonzalez
>What's happening is part of a phenomenon I wrote about a couple of years ago when I was asked to comment on Rowling. I went to the Yale University bookstore and bought and read a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." I suffered a great deal in the process. The writing was dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs." I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing.
>But when I wrote that in a newspaper, I was denounced. I was told that children would now read only J.K. Rowling, and I was asked whether that wasn't, after all, better than reading nothing at all? If Rowling was what it took to make them pick up a book, wasn't that a good thing?
>It is not. "Harry Potter" will not lead our children on to Kipling's "Just So Stories" or his "Jungle Book." It will not lead them to Thurber's "Thirteen Clocks" or Kenneth Grahame's "Wind in the Willows" or Lewis Carroll's "Alice."
>Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
Jackson Hill
>become immortal >get tortured into insanity >spend all eternity at St Mungo Bravo, Tom, bravo.
Luke Murphy
>implying young adults don't rape or get raped
Christian Wilson
wizards dont understand the concept of space and they think earth is flat
Julian Miller
Is this true? I thought people knew the earth was flat since ancient times since ships slowly sank into the horizon rather than falling right off.
Aiden Thompson
>Why didn't Voldermort turn the Voyager space probe into a horocrux? That's the stupidest idea I can think of, binding your soul to something that's guaranteed to get fucked over in space.
Easton Thompson
>He is fucked in the head. That's why he thinks he's a wizard. >yfw the whole story took place inside harry's head inside the little cupboard
Anthony Lee
>world's greatest wizard bested by an infant because his parents loved him
Dominic Clark
>stalking Malfoy instead of porking every girl that wanted the chosen dick
read every once in a while
William King
Horcruxes can only be destroyed by magic. And space is big, the chances of it being destroyed are small.
David Scott
How would Harry into space?
Colton Sullivan
Well what did you expect? Harry Potter was easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though "No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
William Martin
>he had gay thoughts
notice something?
Dylan Rogers
There are so many things about the books that you know it was absolutely written by a woman. Not saying women can't write in a neutral manner, but so many things about the Harry Potter universe and they way the characters are are such that they could only have been written by a woman.
Andrew White
Are you saying radiation, extremely high energy collisions and extreme fucking temperatures are less destructive than a basilisk fang? come on man
Juan Price
>the stranger >god-tier
downvoted
Hudson Cooper
It's not about power, it's about magic.
Jose Howard
>dat chart
Is that bait?
Nolan Gonzalez
/From what I read of Harry Potter, it seemed to me that even George RR Martin's prose was better than Rowlings
Bentley Lee
>God Tier >Gatsby >American "literature"
Stopped right there.
Lincoln Morales
I dunno, she seems extremely uncomfortable writing romance and female on female conversations
Hudson Lopez
>critiquing the greatest modern literature of our time based upon some shitty dubya-bee movie versions
Nicholas Cook
>he had gay thoughts
citation needed
Kevin Martin
Most chapters are written from Harry's POV and the narrator can't stop mentioning how ridiculously good looking young Voldemort is
Nolan Hill
HP films done right:
1. actually stay true to the books (that infamous gambon goblet of fire scene comes to mind) 2. Rated 15+ 3. Dark as fuck, as befitting a series where at least a third of the main named characters die 4. one director for every film. none of that wild thematic and imagery switching because you changed director 5. no rowling 6. written by a political conservative
James Cooper
are the voldemort sections not pensive memories of dumblefag?
Angel Edwards
childhood sections* also pensieve
Andrew Rogers
Dead Dudley.avi
Angel Campbell
>actually stay true to the books > Dark as fuck
The mother of all contradictions. The books are light and silly, making them dark would be such a fucking huge tonal clash that it wouldn't recover no matter who made it.
Let me remind you, this is a bookseries about a chosen one young adult battling an evil wizard called Voldemort. You're not basing it off a Dostoyevsky novel here, make it light.
Blake Hernandez
What if you magically shrank like 50 of those staffs and put them all inside a wand?
Jordan Johnson
i certainly didnt interpret the last 3 books as light and silly. shit gets dark from order of the phoenix mate
remember the systematic torture of students that went on for a whole YEAR
Jace Cruz
>he will never hug you ;__;
Dylan Mitchell
Fuck off, Bellatrix
Adrian Scott
looks like hes imperio'ing the shit outtta him. the way volde moves his want seems so deliberate
Adrian Edwards
>dark as fuck >written by a political conservative
Omg I know everything about you and I am sick.
Logan Taylor
i only added that (and no rowling) to prevent muslim harry, black hermionie and transgender rona weasley
Jordan Flores
...
Michael Young
In regard to the cold war, did the wizards just let that happen?
The prospect of a nuclear war didn't bother them, or is it just that they couldn't do anything to stop the stockpiling of nuclear weapons?
And the muggle governments, they're not bothered by the existence of all these wizards? Shouldn't there be like, anti-magic commandos or some shit hunting them down and water boarding them to learn their magical secrets.
Julian Turner
answer to both is ignorance is bliss
Nolan Roberts
>having this much autism over a fucking series of books made for children just fucking stop. this is anime and mlp tier.
Carter Foster
No surprise tho. It's was easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though "No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
Cooper Mitchell
wizards are not allowed to interfere with muggles anyway, so sayeth the Ministry of Magic. The MOM would probably have btfo any wizard who tried to either kill hitler, stop ww2, stop nuke development + production etc etc they are a proper statist dictatorship in the magic world
Julian Wilson
>that image subtle bait
Jace Foster
Depends what your definition of what "dark" is I suppose. the first 2 books are literal childrens books, aimed at like 12 and below. The latter is more young adult. But come on, they're still not "dark", they're still about a group of friends fighting against an evil wizard who wants to rule the world.
I mean fucking Game of Thrones is darker than that.
Carter Cook
...
Josiah Hall
>implying his isn't casting a viagra spell so the other Death Eaters think Draco's a fag
Voldy was an absolute madman to the end.
Jaxon Edwards
What would they do if an asteroid was on a collision course with the earth?
Easton Richardson
Magic world = apartheid state run and maintained by racist government. Rowling is a pure leftist so its funny that she created a full authoritarian hardline government setup for her magical world (this setup isnt criticised at all, only some of the aspects are like some minor criticisms of azkhaban, form dumbledore + sirius.. the secrecy from muggle shit has been so propaganda'd into wizards they dont even question it)
Robert Sanchez
...
Bentley Parker
probably leave and let muggles get btfo, or just keep on doing what they are doing but avoid the muggle world entirely.. will an asteroid destroy magically protected shit that isnt even visible to muggles
Nolan Perez
What would the alternative be though?
They don't really have much choice but to hide from the non-magical world.
Ryan Morgan
Let Bruce Willis handle it
Jonathan Wood
Alright, well what if it's a comet instead like in Deep Impact.