See, this is one of the reasons JK rowling is a hack

See, this is one of the reasons JK rowling is a hack

If I was in the harry potter universe, i'd make my own business, since you know the only job prospects are

>teaching at hogwarts
>death eater
>shop owner
>ministry

Thats it. What i'd do is buy a bunch of house elves, since they're literally slaves, and i'd own a brothel. I'd build a monopoly on polyjuice potion and mass brew it, then my whorehouse would cater to every single taste you could ever want.

Hate umbridge? Steal her hair and hatefuck her.

Cute girl at your job? Steal one of the thousands of hairs she drops per day, and fuck the shit out of her.

Hell, I could probably replicate popular hairs like luna and hermione and charge whatever the fuck i'd like.

This is assuming you know, wizards wouldnt just use their magic love potions, or use a literal date rape spell that erases peoples memory.

What about the villages where wizards live around muggles? Does every wizarding village have the town rapist? Like oh yeah, thats Gregg. He steals off to london and rapes the shit out of any muggle he feels like and then just erases their memory.

Good ol' Weird Wizard Rapey Greg.

they probably had that in knockturn alley or something

Why didn't wizards stop holocaust?

You can't stop something that never took place.

wizards were fighting their own wwii at the same time, their hitler was grindelwald

Why didn't they just use a sniper rifle?

Grindelwald can control all vectors.

He's Accelerator? Does he have some sort of auto-deflect?

Already stale copypasta and it's only been a couple months.

This isn't a Ching chong cartoon.

Why didn't Voldermort build a suit of power armor made with magic during the final battle?

Why didn't the Death Eaters steal stuff from the military and enchant them with magic?

Why didn't the US or European Ministries send in a spec-ops team of wizards to take out Voldermort?

Why didn't Voldermort turn the Voyager space probe into a horocrux?

Whhhhhhhy

>grow up in a tiny cupboard
>always bullied by everyone
>practically a human house elf for his family
>yet harry is not completely fucked in his head

>grow up in a tiny cupboard
>manlet
Bravo

>Rupert Grint swapped his career for an ice cream truck

J U S T
U S T J
S T J U
T J U S

desu it seems comfy selling ice cream

>many wizards use wands for magic
>using your hands for magic is also a thing, but only very powerful wizards could do such a thing
>wizards shun muggle inventions, thinking they are less advanced but in reality they are much more advanced than them
>this guy is sitting in the pub, using hand magic to read a spoon while reading a book by stephen hawking

Is this guy the most powerful wizard in Harry Potter?

He is fucked in the head. That's why he thinks he's a wizard.
kek

Which movie is that? Cant recall.

Actually, that's a special effect.

3rd movie, when they are in the leaky cauldron.

He can't sell it. He has to give it away for free.

All that Muggle thinking is why you're not a wizard.

I'd just chill about. Conjure shit.

>yet harry is not completely fucked in his head

He has anger issues, he is incapable of having normal conversations with anyone in school other than Ron, he spent an entire year stalking Malfoy instead of porking every girl in school that wanted the chosen dick, he has a hero complex and he had gay thoughts for young Voldemort.

He's a teenager

>according to gamps 5 laws of blah blah in the books, you can create more of something you have e.g. you have a bottle of butterbeer, you can magically create a ton of butterbeer from that single bottle.

How does the economy exist in Harry Potter?
What stops people just buying one of something and using magic to replicate it?

Yes, just because it's Ian Brown

There's nothing wrong with being gay.

>Rowling is a hack because I would rape girls in the HP universe

They're just books for children and young adults, man.

I thought you couldn't replicate food.

>implying rupert grint isn't based af
>most based child star
>fuck hollywood i've got money time to live out my childhood dreams starting from when I was little

Jim, Jimmy, James

How can wizard families be poor?

>>Rowling is a hack because I would rape girls in the HP universe
perfect

>Love potion some rich hot heiress or close to death wealthy widow
>?????
>Profit

You can't replicate food but Malfoy could create a snake when he was 12? Couldn't you just conjure an animal and kill it for food?

If wands channel magic with a core in the Potter universe what would happen if you had a staff just filled with like, fifty phoenix feathers? Would you be the world's most powerful wizard?

Ginger retardation

Maybe that animal would have no calories or nutrients.

You can though, in the deathly hallows book, they catch and cook some shit-tasting fish and ron asks hermione to change it into something better.

she says she can only duplicate something that she already has, I.e. the shit tasting fish into more shit-tasting fish.

she

what do you think the elder wand consists of

A lack of focus on economics was a defanate problem in the books.

>mfw potter nerds try to defend the books
it's an enjoyable trashy flick version of fantasy. Nothing more

>reading a spoon

The real problem is that Voldemort was an idiot.

im p sure thats illegal

But Tom Marvolo Riddle was a genius.

Why didn't Voldemort send a Horcrux to space?

>What's happening is part of a phenomenon I wrote about a couple of years ago when I was asked to comment on Rowling. I went to the Yale University bookstore and bought and read a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." I suffered a great deal in the process. The writing was dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs." I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing.

>But when I wrote that in a newspaper, I was denounced. I was told that children would now read only J.K. Rowling, and I was asked whether that wasn't, after all, better than reading nothing at all? If Rowling was what it took to make them pick up a book, wasn't that a good thing?

>It is not. "Harry Potter" will not lead our children on to Kipling's "Just So Stories" or his "Jungle Book." It will not lead them to Thurber's "Thirteen Clocks" or Kenneth Grahame's "Wind in the Willows" or Lewis Carroll's "Alice."

>Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>become immortal
>get tortured into insanity
>spend all eternity at St Mungo
Bravo, Tom, bravo.

>implying young adults don't rape or get raped

wizards dont understand the concept of space and they think earth is flat

Is this true? I thought people knew the earth was flat since ancient times since ships slowly sank into the horizon rather than falling right off.

>Why didn't Voldermort turn the Voyager space probe into a horocrux?
That's the stupidest idea I can think of, binding your soul to something that's guaranteed to get fucked over in space.

>He is fucked in the head. That's why he thinks he's a wizard.
>yfw the whole story took place inside harry's head inside the little cupboard

>world's greatest wizard bested by an infant because his parents loved him

>stalking Malfoy instead of porking every girl that wanted the chosen dick

read every once in a while

Horcruxes can only be destroyed by magic. And space is big, the chances of it being destroyed are small.

How would Harry into space?

Well what did you expect? Harry Potter was easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>he had gay thoughts

notice something?

There are so many things about the books that you know it was absolutely written by a woman. Not saying women can't write in a neutral manner, but so many things about the Harry Potter universe and they way the characters are are such that they could only have been written by a woman.

Are you saying radiation, extremely high energy collisions and extreme fucking temperatures are less destructive than a basilisk fang? come on man

>the stranger
>god-tier

downvoted

It's not about power, it's about magic.

>dat chart

Is that bait?

/From what I read of Harry Potter, it seemed to me that even George RR Martin's prose was better than Rowlings

>God Tier
>Gatsby
>American "literature"

Stopped right there.

I dunno, she seems extremely uncomfortable writing romance and female on female conversations

>critiquing the greatest modern literature of our time based upon some shitty dubya-bee movie versions

>he had gay thoughts

citation needed

Most chapters are written from Harry's POV and the narrator can't stop mentioning how ridiculously good looking young Voldemort is

HP films done right:

1. actually stay true to the books (that infamous gambon goblet of fire scene comes to mind)
2. Rated 15+
3. Dark as fuck, as befitting a series where at least a third of the main named characters die
4. one director for every film. none of that wild thematic and imagery switching because you changed director
5. no rowling
6. written by a political conservative

are the voldemort sections not pensive memories of dumblefag?

childhood sections* also pensieve

Dead Dudley.avi

>actually stay true to the books
> Dark as fuck

The mother of all contradictions. The books are light and silly, making them dark would be such a fucking huge tonal clash that it wouldn't recover no matter who made it.

Let me remind you, this is a bookseries about a chosen one young adult battling an evil wizard called Voldemort. You're not basing it off a Dostoyevsky novel here, make it light.

What if you magically shrank like 50 of those staffs and put them all inside a wand?

i certainly didnt interpret the last 3 books as light and silly. shit gets dark from order of the phoenix mate

remember the systematic torture of students that went on for a whole YEAR

>he will never hug you
;__;

Fuck off, Bellatrix

looks like hes imperio'ing the shit outtta him. the way volde moves his want seems so deliberate

>dark as fuck
>written by a political conservative

Omg I know everything about you and I am sick.

i only added that (and no rowling) to prevent muslim harry, black hermionie and transgender rona weasley

...

In regard to the cold war, did the wizards just let that happen?

The prospect of a nuclear war didn't bother them, or is it just that they couldn't do anything to stop the stockpiling of nuclear weapons?

And the muggle governments, they're not bothered by the existence of all these wizards? Shouldn't there be like, anti-magic commandos or some shit hunting them down and water boarding them to learn their magical secrets.

answer to both is ignorance is bliss

>having this much autism over a fucking series of books made for children
just fucking stop. this is anime and mlp tier.

No surprise tho. It's was easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

wizards are not allowed to interfere with muggles anyway, so sayeth the Ministry of Magic. The MOM would probably have btfo any wizard who tried to either kill hitler, stop ww2, stop nuke development + production etc etc they are a proper statist dictatorship in the magic world

>that image
subtle bait

Depends what your definition of what "dark" is I suppose. the first 2 books are literal childrens books, aimed at like 12 and below. The latter is more young adult. But come on, they're still not "dark", they're still about a group of friends fighting against an evil wizard who wants to rule the world.

I mean fucking Game of Thrones is darker than that.

...

>implying his isn't casting a viagra spell so the other Death Eaters think Draco's a fag

Voldy was an absolute madman to the end.

What would they do if an asteroid was on a collision course with the earth?

Magic world = apartheid state run and maintained by racist government. Rowling is a pure leftist so its funny that she created a full authoritarian hardline government setup for her magical world (this setup isnt criticised at all, only some of the aspects are like some minor criticisms of azkhaban, form dumbledore + sirius.. the secrecy from muggle shit has been so propaganda'd into wizards they dont even question it)

...

probably leave and let muggles get btfo, or just keep on doing what they are doing but avoid the muggle world entirely.. will an asteroid destroy magically protected shit that isnt even visible to muggles

What would the alternative be though?

They don't really have much choice but to hide from the non-magical world.

Let Bruce Willis handle it

Alright, well what if it's a comet instead like in Deep Impact.