Weirdest/funniest stories from when you were baked?

Weirdest/funniest stories from when you were baked?

Also general stoner thread

Rolled a bunch of joints then lost them

I know a guy who got really baked and rolled a tab afterwards, then almost smoked the strip of filters instead

No stories from me yet. Excuse the obvious bait but where can I buy weed from safely in the UK? I've always wanted to get high, my old friends do to this date but I recently had to move away.

>Me and my buddy got high
>Go to sauna
>Draw a dickbutt on the steamy window
>Dickbutt's dick coming from its butt provokes thoughts about the universe and creation of life, etc.
>The dick is coming from his butt so is he pooping dicks, thus giving life to all dicks in the universe, and at some point the dick finds an owner and lives on it as a parasite.
>Conclusion: Dicks are parasites that attach themselves to people turning the host into "male". Then they leech off of the host until they die.
>We continue thinking about all creation
>Dickbutt's dickshitting butt brings us to another aspect of being.
>Thought of everyone's asses containing a small universe comes.
>Every ass contains some kind of a universe creating something
>Conclusion: Dinosaurs were not killed by a meteor, but a dick destroying someone's universe.
>mfw we got high

what part of the UK are you in?

is it worth it to smoke weed in a hookah? does this work? does it get you high?

Leeds, preferably looking at something I can get to in the city centre. I'm a massive pussy, not going to lie so I'm not scouting my local area.

>be me
>15
>last day of school
>me and my buds make plans to smoke by the pond near our school once it lets out
>we smoke 3 grams
>having a fun time until one of us starts having an asthma attack
>he left his inhaler at his house which is around 7 blocks away from the pond
>2 guys from our group run to his house to get his inhaler
>im left behind to watch the dude
>2 minutes pass and he tells me that he is going to die
>i start crying and call the ambulance
>i cant talk for shit when im high so i get the dude to tell the operator where we are
>3 minutes pass and the guys come back with his inhaler
>thankfuck.jpg
>the dude proceeds to goe home but falls over on the ground from another astha attack
>the ambulance came right on time
>they dont question us and take the guy home
>we go to chipotle stoned asf and act like one of our friends didnt almost die today
>the end

I could help you out if you were in London but I recommend you go around estates... Never the safest way but weed is weed

I'll link you in Bristol user

Ah shit, I don't see many people around to be honest but I've seen plenty of shops selling bongs and vape stuff, would it be worth asking there? Pretty sure I saw a guy buy some today but wasn't sure.

Another Leeds user here looking to buy but can't find a source

probably funny for u guys:
I get paranoid as fuck I'm gonna die each time, like every little thing could kill me.
I'm a vegan & sometimes eat shit semi-raw because i just can't wait
then i freak out that i'm gonna get sick
or MIXING COFFEE WITH WEED'LL KILL o shit wut did i do?!

Fucking crazy vegans

can help you out around the south east

I do it, it works. I mixed it with apple flavoured shisha so the weed couldn't be tasted. Gave it to my girlfriend who doesn't smoke weed. She was stoned and didn't know it. She craved hard for slices of dry bread then fell asleep

i don't get it, cigareets r better than marijuana but e-cigs don't give a buzz

> be me, 14-15
> smoking w/sis and her bf
> chilling in garage, middle of night, hot boxing
> we each face a blunt after smoking a reg/loud combo
> we decide to have a bong ripping contest
> never done one before, still kinda new to smoking
> they both go, cough their lungs to shit
> my turn, here we go
> biggesthitofmylife.jpg
> start coughing non stop
> can't stop, this is awful
> eventually start gagging along with coughing
> end up vomiting everywhere while sister and her boyfriend laugh their asses off
> try my best to mop up my vomit while stoned as fuck
> spend rest of night playing black ops 2 zombies, continuously die because I'm too stoned

Best night ever

not good at piano
take a rip
master

Preferably, as a first time, I'm not up for private areas or such hence why I was wondering about city centre. Thanks for the reply though. Question, how much would £20 get me of just something average?

Order a pizza and ask the delivery guys

That's a brilliant idea, where have you tried this method?

>Be 17
>Thinks smoking on the roof will not get you caught.
>Hear police car "woopwoop"
>Stand up.
>Fall and break ankle.
>MFW younger brother made the sound with a app.

Spent 5 minutes trying to get a pizza out of the pizza without oven mitts with my friend.

Ran for 5 minutes through a thunder/lightning storm to get snacks from the store.

Played lightsabers in his living room for about 15 minutes while star wars the clone wars was on in the background.

Spent 10-20 minutes discussing the fastest route to Detroit from his apartment even though we've been there a thousand times, I don't remember why or what caused it.

Probably some more but I can't remember.

what a weird reaction to an ankle break

Pizza out of pizza. Hah

>pizza out of the pizza

I'm not stoned right now I swear.

Meant oven.

Also got cross faded last weekend and watched a friend drink an entire glass of 50/50 bacardi pepsi.
Thought he was gonna puke but he walked it off like a man.

I've perfected the method. First pack half the bowl of shisha, then sprinkle in a layer of weed, finally top with a thin layer of shisha.

If you just mix in ground nug, you waste the weed at the bottom of the bowl

>be me
>dead of winter
>smoking bud with best friend
>smoking room in unfinished basement
>room is studding with vapor barrier
>hear loud thump against tin
>thump becomes scratching
>paranoid.bat
>scratching gets more frantic
>scratching stops
>silence except wind blowing outside
>suddenly something black slams against vapor barrier
>nope the fuck out and upstairs
>get brave and investigate
>see bird panic flying around basement
>grab friends cat and towel
>throw cat at bird
>cover both with towel and remove cat
>release bird unharmed, smoke more bud

...

I've posted this before. But here we go.

>be me at start of summer break after another year of college
>brother (16) finds my weed one day
>no shame I tell him I smoke
>he's like me too
>"wanna go on a car ride?"
>"I would love to"
>drive around smoking, I tell him about college
>fat obese aunt calls, she's too morbidly obese to walk, drive, work, or do anything a normal functioning person can do
>"user I need you come over, grab my card, and get me a salad from wendys and you can get whatever you want too"
>lol ok
>she gets a shit ton of disability money and never checks her balance
>we come over, she talks for about an hour (she used to be an executive chef, sad how she decided to spend her retirement) we're very stoned still
>get back in the car, turn to brother
>"we gon fuck up Wendy's, bro and we gon fuck up this card"
>get to Wendy's
>"yo can we get an Asian salad and a vanilla frosty?"
>"sure will that be all?"
>naw what's ur biggest burger?
>"our triple cheeseburger"
>this will not suffice. I ask "can I get extra patties on it?"
>"just one extra patty?"
>what's the limit??
>everyone in the store is aware of this goin on and some guy says "just name a number."
>I blurt out 8 and this guy is rollin
>an older bitch says "come on we can't do that. Be reasonable"
>k then I want 2 extra patties
>"All right will that be all?"
>.........can I get two of them?
>"you want two of them!?"
>yea. One for my bro I can't leave him hangin. I'll pay for it. Srs.
>"okay one Asian salad, one vanilla frosty, and 2 triple cheeseburgers both add 2 patties. That'll be 25 dollars"
>daaayyyuuummm
>they pull us up for the burgers, me and bro smoke a cig outside while waiting
>hot high schooler, too young for me, walks outside with food
>asks me and bro for snapchats to send her pics of it
>he gives snapchat
>apparently my brother hit it off with her a week later
>she sends him nudes
All for some quintuple amerifat burgers
They tasted like shit btw I had like one bite of it.

>funniest stories
Ur a piece of shit lmao

>Me
>Blaze with a friend one night.
>As he leaves to sleep with his girlfriend, I crawl behind my computer for some TF2
>Enter random attack/defence server
>Get placed in a random Dustbowl server

>POOTISSPENCERHERESPENCERPOOTISSPENCERHEREENGIEISSPY

>WTF is this?

>Entire server full of heavies wearing the holiday punch, using holiday punch laugh-crits and killtaunts to kill eachother
>Everyone not playing heavy and using the holiday punch gets votekicked off
>Chat full of pootisspencer-themed jokes. Everyone spamming the pootis spencer soundbiy.

I don't know what the hell was going on on that server, but I went along with it happily and couldnt stop laughing.

Not a stoned story but eh
>Recently bought a mini drone
>me and my friend is tripping balls and i get a great idea
>lets fly the drone!
>my friend gets really weird after the drone lifts off saying stuff like ''hes here!''
>I fly the drone after him, he yells ''HES COMING''
>the drone crashes
>we both fall down laughing
>we go outside and smoke a joint while contemplating life
>this is stupid lmao
>yeah dude
>proceed to try to sleep for 2 hours then just give up and watch a movie while eating frozen grapes
>these grapes looks like radishes lmao

Very good trip 10/10

>My cousin, my brother and I, have some week cookies.
>Get high as fuck walking around town, having a good laugh about everything.
>Meet up with some friends at my cousins house. Have a thousand different conversations.
>Lights turned off, cousin has some retainer thing that flashes random lights. We're all cracking up laughing.
>Night comes around, we start walking home.
>Little brother is paranoid as fuck.
>Yells at us to be quiet, sprints ahead, looks around like crazy.
>He does this over and over for a mile.
>Get closer to home, going to take a short cut through some woods.
>We see one of those burning balloon things in the sky, that they use as a vigil.
>Little brother freaks the fuck out, sprints towards the woods, runs straight into a fence.
>He falls over, and starts army crawling under the fence and continues to army crawl through the woods.
>Cousin and I are cracking up laughing.
>To this day, my little bro won't admit to any of the day.

>be me 16
>smoking bong at pond with friend
>take about 4 tips
>flying
>have cigarettes and get idea
>put cig into bong piece
>let it rip
> it's a big one
>get huge nicotine rush and start to get dizzy
>fall over into pond
Mfw

underrated kek

>pizza
>find man homeless is asleep
>eat the parts off him
>go for the shirt
>I take mine and do it in a blend
>mixing inside jar
>eating in public
>why isn't does everyone does this?
>cash was shit

Huh never though of it that way

>be me 19
>Britfag
>happend a week ago
>me and anons go bowling
>I ask if they wanna smeeeeoke a doooob
> anons are down
> pick up 20 bag that's like a 30
> mfw bargin
> after 1 hour driving to find an non bait spot we park up in mates car
> hot box the shit out of this bitch
> can't even see out side
> are we in a desert
> or space
> hit 3rd packed joint and sheeeeet
> MF real life is just like civ 5
> spend 1 hour silent while civ 5 life encompasses me
> come out to find 2 anons shaking and scared while the 3rd is like "this some promo kush"

so would you believe the ugly guys losers when the ugly guys losers say is better then the popular people that is ugly as shit and smell like shit like beyonce well thats what the ugly guys losers and the ugly people losers do that is ugly as shit and is lame as shit and smell like shit like beyonce and is ugly and try to be better then everybody and the popular people and thats another proof the popular people proved the ugly people losers like the ugly guys losers that smell like shit like beyonce is pathatic and got rejected by the popular people and is ugly as shit with there ugly as shit faces and is lame and is ugly
and the ugly people losers like the ugly guys losers piss off the popular people actors and the ugly guys losers is ugly as shit plus smell like shit like beyonce and try to be better then everybody and the popular people
so fuck the ugly people losers club with the ugly as shit ugly guys losers that think is better then everybody but is ugly and smell like dog poop like beyonce
and the ugly people losers smell like shit like beyonce and bothers people and is lame and bothers people even tho smell like shit like beyonce and is ugly and got rejected by women and guys but the ugly people losers like the ugly guys losers is smart and ugly and try to act like there not ugly n smell like shit like beyonce thats why the ugly guys losers and the ugly people losers is ugly and is a pz of shit and is ugly and lame thats why fuck the ugly people people losers and dont talk to the ugly people losers and the ugly guys losers that try to be better then everybody and the popular people but is too ugly to hurt popular people with looks and smell like shit like beyonce and is selfish and smell like dog poop like beyonce

>first time using gas mask.
>loving it
>finally take it off
>friends tell me last person to use it puked in it before he could take it off