I need your dirtiest jokes Sup Forums

I need your dirtiest jokes Sup Forums

Your life.

What's the difference between my grandma and a dead baby? My grandma won't let me fuck her in the ass.

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What breaks when you give it to an infant?
It's hips.

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one billion hindu's walk into a bar
they each order 6 curry and lemonade
the barman nervously asks after a while if they know where the restrooms are
they all say 'yes we are designated'

bumping for potential. also obligatory whats the difference between a baby and my refrigerator. my fridge doesnt scream when i pack my meat into it

Knock knock...

Bunch of gay guys are in a hot tub, all of a sudden a bunch of blood, semen, shit and a condom surface with bubbles. Then one of them says "who farted?"

Who's there?

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

well apparently more than 7 because I'm still fucking them in the dead.

Who der nigga??

Wut

tfw no one is ever there

Us

a guy just got married and his wife wanted to go to a whore house

the first one he goes to he asks asks for the biggest blackest woman they have, and was told that it was an upscale place and they dont have anything like that

the second one he goes to, he again asks for the biggest blackest woman they have, again he is told they have no women like that there

finally he goes to the one to the getto, and asks for the biggest blackest woman they have. this time they have a woman like he is looking for and is told what room to go to.

he goes into the room and there is a huge black woman weighing at least 400lbs. she asks what he wants and he says hes going to lay on the floor and he wants her to stand over him and squat down. She does this but before she gets near his face he tells her to stop. she replies what the hell do you want, and he tells her that he and his wife just bought a house and they wanted to know what it would look like with pink shutters.

God damn I love dead baby........... jokes

kek

Why did Obama get two terms
>black men always get a longer science

What's the worst part about being a black Jew
>you have to sit at the back of the oven

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew
>pizza doesn't scream in the oven

why did the baby cross the road
its stuck to my cock

Us who?

I can't stop laughing at that one.

Not particularly dirty but I liked it when I first found it.

>Two Italians on vacation in London get on a bus.
>They sit down and engage in an lively conversation.
>The lady sitting behind them doesn't register them until she hears one of he men say the following:
>"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
>"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
>"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm just tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

My ex wife couldn't reach orgasm no matter what I tried. Anal, giant dildo and I even ate her pussy for at least 5 hours last week. Nothing can make that bitch orgasm. I don't know if it's because she is frigid or 6 but she ruined my self-esteem

calm down islam

need =/= want.

learn the difference.

>Two nuns are riding their bikes through some old Roman streets.
>The younger says, "I've never come this way before."
>The older one replies, "It's the cobblestones."

Sometimes people need a laugh you commie.

see
use a dictionary if necessary.

whats the best part of having sex with twenty-one year olds?
theres twenty of them

I need you to kill yourself.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the road when they see a little boy. The priest says, "we should screw that little boy." The rabbi replies, "out of what?"

two muslim women are walking down the street. one looks at the other and says "does this bomb make me look fat?"

Why did Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she could moan with the other.

...

That would be funny if 6 year olds actually couldn't orgasm.

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he tells the dude at the front desk "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."

citation needed

People can be so judgemental. Just last week I was at a restaurant with my girlfriend and a guy I know saw some and called me a pervert, just because I'm 42 and my girlfriend is 20. Ruined our whole 10th anniversary.

>longer science

Your not trying hard enough. It's all about pressure and rhythm with the tongue.

Wow very original

...

that's 'sayso' not 'citation'

I went to the doctor the other day and asked if I could get the morning after pill for my 12 year old daughter.
"Oh, is she sexually active?" asked the doctor
"Nah, she just fucking lies there like her mother"

Prove me wrong. Conduct a twin study with 500 6 year olds. Sample size matters.

lil kid says: mommy I dont wanna play with grandpa anymore
the mother replies: ok, remember to put him back in his coffin then

mommy, I dont think I like grandpa
its ok, you can eat just the potatos then

mommy, I want a bike for christmas
shut up, you already got your wheelchair on your birthday

Trump and Cruz are sitting in a bar when the waiter comes over to take their drink order.

Curious in what they were talking about the waiter asks "What are you tow discussing tonight."

"World Peace" Trump exclaims "We are going to kill one million Muslims and 1 blond lady"

The waiter looked confused and asks "Why 1 blond lady"

With out a word Cruz slips a 100 dollar bill to Trump across the table. Trump looks at Cruz and says "See! i told you no one cares about one million Muslims."

>Hilarious and original

>Why is a hooker smarter then a drug dealer?
>Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

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>A woman with no arms and no legs is at the beach, laying on a towel enjoying herself.
>She isn't very good looking and being a cripple makes things complicated, but she wants to see if she can get some men to pity her.
>Along comes a man, and she she's feeling lucky so says out loud "I've never been hugged before", so the man feels sorry and comes up to her and gives her a hug.
>Along comes another man and she decides to try her luck again. She says "I've never been kissed before", and the man feels sorry and comes and gives her a kiss.
>When a third man comes along, she decides to try her luck a third time and says "I've never been fucked before", and the man comes to her, picks her up, takes her closer to the tide and buries her up to her neck within a few feet from the water. He calmly says "Now you're fucked".

Didn't realize this was an original jokes thread.

user. What the fuck is that?

Do you need more visuals?

how do you confuse a homosexual?

I could be wrong but I don't think mercy is laughing in that picture...

carefully

How to kill five hundred flies with one hit: kick a somali kid on the mouth.

Answer: 17

A little boy catches his dad masturbating. Having never seeb that before, he asks "Dad, what are you doing?"

His dad replies, "Don't worry son, you're going to do it soon!"

"Really? Why's that, dad?" asked the kid.

"Well, ya see son, my arm is getting tired..."

What's the difference between an Afghani military base and a Pakistani school?

Shit man, I don't know. I just fly the drone.

Why ;-;

A man runs into a sperm bank points a gun at the lady at the desk and throws a cup of semen on the desk and tells her to drink it. She does and the man reveals to be her husband and says "see its not so bad after all."

what the best part about fucking twenty three year olds? there are twenty of them

What do u get when u finger bang a gypsy on her period?

Your palm read

feels checked

In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter.

When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don't feel worried by this. The first nun steps forward
and tells the saint that she's ready.

"Who was the first woman?" Peter asks.

"That's easy!" exclaims the nun. "Eve!" Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.

The second nun, encouraged by her colleagues easy pass, steps forwards and tells Peter that she's ready, as well. "Who was the first man?" Peter asks. "Easy! That's Adam!" says the nun, excitedly. Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.

The third nun is now confident that she won't have any trouble, and steps up to face Peter's question. "What were Eve's first words to Adam?" he asks. "My, that's a hard one," the nun replies worriedly, but Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open...

I don't get it

Kek = LOL on world of warcraft.
Members of the horde (orcs) cant see what members of the alliance (humans) are typing because the game scrambles the texts of opposite factions.
But LOL always comes as KEK when players of enemy team types it.

A man has a his heart broken by a woman and decides he wants to go somewhere where he won't ever see a single woman again. So he joins the foreign legion and asks to be sent to the most desolate outpost there is. When he arrives it's everything he was hoping for. Out in the middle of the desert with sand dunes as far as the eye can see.

After ~six months he walks in the commander's office and says, "I sure would like to see a lady again, have any come to the base?" To which the commander replies, "No, but there is the camel out back that you could..." The soldier cuts him off and says, "No, no I'm not that desperate."

A since year passes by, and the soldier goes to see the commander again, again the commander mentions the camel, and the soldier cuts him off with a negative.

Finally after two and a half years of being in this desert outpost, the man goes into the commanders office and says "Alright, where is that fucking camel?" To which the commander replies,"Out back, where it always is."

After five minutes pass the commander hears shrieks coming from the back of the fort. It sounds like a camel is dying. He goes out to check on it and finds the soldier on a ladder behind the camel going to town.

Interrupting the soldier, the commander says, "That's an interesting way to do it. Most people just get on the camel and ride to the whore house two miles south."

Oh look it's a planet made out of gas let's call it jewpiter.

one million metric ton of human feces

Yeah I'm pretty sure he was talking about the Mercy orgasm face not the kek.

I WAS EATING THIS GIRL OUT RIGHT? AND THEN I TASTED HORSE SEMEN. THAT'S WHEN I HOLLERED DAMN GRANDMA THAT'S HOW YOU DIED

Holy kek

There are so many things wrong with this. I love it.

how do you know when you got a good sperm count?

she has to chew before she swallows.

What's the worst part about dating a japanese girl?

very noice

what is

She can't see you?

She needs two big hints to know when it's over. Something like that?

What's the best thing about fucning a 12 year old girl in the shower? You can slick her hair back and pretend its a 10 year old boy

What's the best thing about fucking an 77 year old? There's 70 of them

You have to drop the bomb twice to end the relationship with her.

Whar have a pizza and a mother in common?
If they're black you have nothing to eat.

You need to drop the bomb twice to let her know it's over.

Having to compete with her ex?

In 1938 the Führer tried to getting a call through Paris. Unfortunately it was occupied :(

Why do niggers only have nightmares?

We shot the ones with dreams

WEIRD JAV EVERY SEX

How do Ethiopians celebrate their child's first birthday?
By laying flowers on their graves

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Why are aspirins white? Cuz they work.

How do you get a jewish girls number?

Roll up her sleeves

How do you kill 1000 Ethiopians?
Throw a breadcrumb off a cliff

What is a pedo's favorite day of the year? Halloween. Free delivery.

How do you pick up a Jewish girl?
With a dustpan and brush

What's a bump in a gas pipe? A fleeing jew.

How do you kill 1000 flies?
Punch an Ethiopian in the face.

A white horse falls in the mud.

A man goes into a library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide.

The librarian says 'fuck off you won't bring it back'