Okay lads, fuck it, this happened two years ago
Never done a thread before, so bear with me here (also general greentext thread)
Here's the tale of Aaron the Athiest Autist
>be me
>be 19
>have small family
>me, twin sister, mom and dog
>basically been the man of the house since dad died
>extremely protective of my sister
>one night mention to mom that I might have friends over for dinner later in the week
>mom says "oh that's wonderful, and Hanna can have her boyfriend over too"
>herwhat.webm
>look at Hanna with the intensity of 1000 suns
>looks really embarrased
>my sister has trouble getting boyfriends, or even friends at all for that matter, considering she's a mute, so this almost blew me off my fucking chair
>the day comes
>my friends and I are drinking and playing vidya, having a great time
>suddenly, a ring at the doorbell
>get up and open door
>get on the floor
>no
>when I open the door, a scrawny NEET stands before me
Cont?
Okay lads, fuck it, this happened two years ago
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Solitary user here, yes please cont
Will do bruv
>"hello dude, is this Hannas house?"
>"yes?"
>"wonderful, I accidentally knocked on your neighbors door before this" he says as he lets himself in
>my friends stare in awe
>the fucker towers over me (which is saying something because I'm 5'11) yet is half my weight
>Hanna runs down and signs for him to hold on for 5 minutes
>he nods
>this fucker can sign
>"may I use your facilities?"
>"upstairs, straight down the hall"
>"thank you"
>fucking facilities
>as I'm playing vidya, he comes down and settles himself next to my friend
>"I washed my hands, see?" as he thrusts his hands in my friends face
>friend is now completely weirded out
>as I take a sip, he says "ah, is that an alcoholic beverage? I don't consume them as I have no need, and they would worsen my intelligence quota"
>Jesus fucking Christ
>he looks at the screen and says "Hmm, Halo I see? I have no taste for the game, as I believe video games are obsolete"
>I just play for dem Cortana tiddies
>he decides to move seats to my part of the couch
>asks me if I've ever heard of Creepypastas
>oh fuck
>he begins to rattle on about Creepypastas for the next 10 minutes
>where the fuck is Hanna
>at the end he asks who my favorite is
>"favorite what?"
>"SCP! Weren't you listening to me?!" he half shouts
>"no I zoned out"
>"same here thank god" says my friend
>and so he says "uh, could you please not say that? Some people in this room have differing opinions and beliefs to yours and would appreciate it if you kept the preaching to a minimum thanks"
>"I'm not preaching, it's just a saying"
>"sayings can still be preaching, so just keep it to yourself thanks"
>I don't know why but right there I wanted to punch that little shit head in the face so fucking hard
>mom shouts from the kitchen that dinner is ready
>and thus he meets my mother
2/3
Dude i need to hear the rest, cont you cunt
The next one is the last one, are you sure you want to read it?
Calm your tits nigger.
I'm cringing and lol over this. He sounds like /r9k/ or something.
>as he waltzes into the kitchen, my mother says "and so you must be Hanna's friend, right?"
>"ahem, boyfriend actually" he says snobbishly
>"well, for tonight we are having lasagna!"
>"oh my, I can't eat that"
>oh for fucks sake
>"for you see I have an intolerance to lactose"
>"well maybe you could just have vegetables?" my mom says
>"if I must" he sighs
>as Hanna comes down and sits next to him, she asks why he doesn't have any lasagna
>he explains his lactose intolerance
>you think this fucker would have said something before being over for dinner
>Hanna signs sorry about 5 times, and he just says "you'll know for next time, Goldielocks"
>Goldielocks is my nickname for her
>I begin to see red
>my mom seats herself and we all hold hands, preparing to say grace
>this fuck exclaims "wow, I don't share ANY of your beliefs, and yet I'm still dating you!" to my sister
>I snap
>"if you don't share any of our beliefs then maybe you should leave"
>he sits, smackjawed for about 20 seconds, then gets up and says "fuck you guys, I didn't even want to be here anyway"
>that fucking did it
>as he slams the door, I get up and begin to follow
>my sister begs me not to, but fuck that
>I go outside and see this shitrat on the phone, asking his mom to pick him up
>I shove him and begin to ground and pound before he knows what hit him (literally)
>I do this for about a minute before my friend comes out to stop me
>he runs home crying
>trips about 100 feet away
>go inside and enjoy a sperg-free dinner
>afterwards Hanna signs "thank you"
>tl;dr autist come to my house, acts like an autist, gets beat on
Gimme more!
yes man just no walking the dino
I'm no ape
U wot
So you beat up a guy for challenging the norms of drinking alcohol and bible thumping. Excellent tale.
but he didnt have to be a tard about it.
ITT:
>Op has crush on sister
>chad visit her sister and fuck her
>OP stay at basement fapping to furries >chad leave the house and smile
>OP start a thread about how badass he is to impress his internet friends
Trust me, you guys aren't my friends
Imagine if someone came into your house and talked shit about everything you like and then spoke over grace if that's something you care about. You tell him he can leave if everything is that bad and then he tells you to fuck yourself. He shouldn't have made it to the door.
Don't forget. You're here forever.
Now thats great m8
>you are not my friends
>let me post my shitty history in 4chins to bust my beta ego
Kek
Why didnt you kill only fist?
So you would say everyone on here are your friends? That's pathetic
i feel like you are the autist
Im not the one sharing my family dinner experience in an imageboard
Because I'm the first one to share a story on Sup Forums
Just stop kid, you've lost
Just let op stroke his e-peen and get it over with
I just really like hotdogs, guys
>Just stop kid, you've lost
Life doesn't work that way, fam