This man walks into your restaurant

>this man walks into your restaurant
Wat do?

i tell him to get the fuck out because he ignored the "No Jews" sign on the front

>Our people are very misunderstood, we don't actually hate Americans, we welcome them!

>yeah I'd like my restaurant to be subjected to media scrutiny and ultimately go backrupt, that'll teach them!

Serve him leftovers and say its freshly prepared Armadillo rectum, my family's closely guarded secret recipe and a specialty he could find nowhere else, and watch him rave about it.

He gets the same service as any other patron unless he has the camera crew with him

>He likes my food
>Start clapping

Me? I'd serve crab legs.

Enjoy listening to him narrate his culinary experience as he dines with some local writer or celebrity because even though he's kind of a smug bastard I really like his shows.

used to watch his show, but he strikes me as an insufferable asshole

he is and would never say otherwise. But at the sam etime he isn't a bad dude

Shit right on his plate and tell him that that's what he gets for being such a smug son of a bitch. Then light him on fire.

It's not real retard.

Tell him to watch his fucking edgy little mouth, he curses all the time for absolutely no reason

Give him free booze and listen to him tell stories.

that last part made me laugh loudly, cheers user

Break out the rectums, intestines, and scrap parts, grind it all up, and pour it into a sausage casing. Poor blood all over it. Tell him this recipe has been passed down in my family for generations.

He's just kind of two-faced, he'll shit talk a certain way of life in some episode, then be drinking,eating, and enjoying their company in another.

he's hip
he's cool
he's 60

Point a gun at him and threaten his life

Hand him a knife and go out back to get a live chicken for him to slaughter

Feed him boiled tripe and a lite beer and he'll fellate me for being "real".

It's called having respect for your hosts. He's always shitting on something. It's funny to hear him wax some hate he's really entertaining to listen to when he's talking shit.

Tell him the food is pretty bad here and refer him to a nice place. If he doesn't leave, serve him a beer and a bowl of Chicken Tika Masala, Pakorah, Naan and rice.

>not indian, just tired of eating at dirty indian food places.

I too, am a fan of the Kids in the Hall.

underrated

Break out some heroin and watch him squirm like the fucking junky his is and always will be

> tfw you will never have Anthony Bourdain's luxuriously comfy lifestyle

JDIMSA

restaurant owner here.

tell him I don't want to be on the show but he's welcome to come in. Serve him like anybody else.

I've done it before and I'll do it again. Been in business and in the black for 20 years now.

ask him how it feels to become the exact type of lazy bourgeois dickbag that he used to make fun of

suck the shit out of his dick

I would probably freak the fuck out and call my Uncle or something to come to the restaurant with his friends and make a loud ruckus like he's a flamboyant local and act like the place is all multicultural and has the best local shit and blah blah blah

>this man walks into your restaurant
What do?

...

suck his dick harder than Bordain's.

...

Same here. If I was actually worried about his opinion I'd make sure to liquor him up.

Serve him the highest calorie menu item with poison.

>DUDE I USED TO DO COCAINE LMAO
>DUDE I'M A HARDENED CYNIC BUT I STILL SEE THE BEAUTY IN THE MINUTIAE OF LIFE LMAO
>DUDE I WISH I WAS STILL IN MY 20's LMAO
>DUDE I'M THE MARC MARON OF THE FOOD WORLD LMAO

Fuck you, I almost had a heart attack thanks to that gif

I'd tell him that Iggy Pop cancelled his reservation, and the only thing left on the menu is Albanian sheep face.

tell that miserable fuck to get out. I don't need his smug, self-promoting bullshit.

Tell him it isn't a massage parlour and to fuck off. Right along with his gay fucking thumb ring.