Help get me laid Sup Forums

Help get me laid Sup Forums

its gonna be weird but would you fart into my face?

reroll

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So you tryna take all of these 3 inches or not

ask her what she likes to do for fun then ask her on a date to do one of those things

rape her

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Pokemon Trainer's School, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Team Rocket, and I have over 300 confirmed battles. I am trained in Pokemon dueling and I’m the top trainer in the entire Kanto armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another trainer. My Raichu will wipe you the fuck out with strength the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Wireless Union Room? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Kanto and your ID Number is being traced right now so you better prepare for the Thunder, maggot. The Thunder that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in 649 different ways, and that’s just with my Pokemon. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire Pokemon arsenal of the Kanto Army and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the region, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Don't mess with Lieutenant Fucking Surge. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

~Ludicolo

What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now, lad.

˙ʇı ןןɐɔ noʎ ɹǝʌǝʇɐɥʍ ɹo ,ɐʇǝq, pǝɹǝpısuoɔ buıǝq ɟo ʞɔıs ɯ,ı ˙ʇı ʇnoqɐ ʎɹɔ oʇ ǝɯ oʇ ʞןɐʇ ʎןuo puɐ ‘ʇıɥs ǝʞıן ɯǝɥʇ ʇɐǝɹʇ oɥʍ sʎnb bɐqǝɥɔnop ɹǝʇɟɐ ob sʎɐʍןɐ sןɹıb ǝsǝɥʇ puǝ ǝɥʇ uı ˙ʎpɐן,ɯ ɹoɟ buıɥʇʎuɐ op pןnoʍ puɐ ‘qoظ ǝɔıu ɐ ʞɹoʍ ‘ʎnb ǝɔıu ɐ ɯ,ı ˙ǝuoz puǝıɹɟ ǝɥʇ uı ʇnd buıǝq sʎɐʍןɐ ı ɯɐ ʎɥʍ

ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ғᴀᴍᴏᴜs ғᴀsᴄɪsᴛ ʟᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ᴀᴅᴏʟғ ʜɪᴛʟᴇʀɪɴᴏ. ᴡᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴄɪᴘᴀᴛᴇ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇᴡ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴀɢᴀɴᴅᴀ ғɪʟᴍ “sɪᴇɢ ʜᴇɪʟ ʟɪғᴇsᴛʏʟᴇ” ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʀᴀɪsᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs sᴀʏ ɴᴏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴀɴʜᴀᴍᴍᴇʀ.

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

I got a big dick too ;) its one 6 inches long

Hello. I am a 15 year old Rhinoceros. The only problem is that my horn on my head is soft and limp. As you may know this is very devastating to a rhino like myself. If there are any rhinos out there that can help me with my problem it would be appreciated. Please dont copy paste this. This is my story.

Winrar

Kys faggot

Roll

OP here. I never said to roll for anything so I'm what you faggots are doing

stop texting like you are, you're killing your chances. You see how the "girl" is texting short hand? you need to talk in slang too. Proper grammar tells the girl you don't want to text like a thug and thus no dick for you cucker

fuck man, you'll never believe what JUST happened

"i'm picking you up for drinks on friday at x:x. And we're cooking dinner"


you just got laid

I wanna fuck you hard on the sink

This is some pseudo level bullshit right here. don't give a fuck op as long as the content of your text is confident and affirmative. jesus fucking christ this kid

dwn2 fuck bich

how long is yours?

Cringy af OP, can already tell you have the social skills of an autist
>hey how are you haha
>good lol
>where are you from
>slutland, you?
>fagville haha
>cool
>yeah
>im gonna go fuck chad now
>oh ok haha

This. Nigger

Would do this but unfortunately I'm only 20 and an amerifag

No shit I have bad social skills. Why would I come to Sup Forums to get me laid if my social skills were good? Think, kid.

Good luck getting laid then you dweeb. You don't even have your own fucking place ? your parents need to be gone for anything to get down and even then there is more work because of well fuck yeah you're sharing living space with yo parnts.


But to comment on the way you text, nobody gives a fuck about how close something is to something. I can already tell she is fucking dried up from talking to you

"so where are you from"

fucking lmao

That little jest at your expense was to make you realize you should never open with that with a girl from tinder, show us her profile, then maybe we can save your sorry ass

So close that I can smell your asshole

complete opposite, the content doesn't nearly matter as much as how you say it (if irl, body language also), but I wouldn't expect you betas to understand

I didn't open with that though. The bio pretty much says "I'm a chubby loser with very little friends trying to get my high school diploma". Now I'm not the most charismatic guy but this bitch is pretty stale

The content matters over text.Irl i agree. You might wanna just off yourself you fucking redpill basement dweller

you have an android its too late

So she will probably have low standards and body image, try to turn her frase around and compliment her, girls like that are dying for an ego boost, dont do it too much though

xD found the kid reading /trp and now looks into everyones eye walking past him thinking he has become le alpha player. fucking pathetic haha

I have to tell you that I'm a registered sex offender

She said she was 18 but it turned out that she was 10

Roll