Has anyone on Sup Forums ever cut a family member out of their life? I'm considering cutting off contact with my sister once I move out (various reasons that I feel would justify it) and I just want to know if anyone has any experiences to share for or against it.
I'd appreciate any stories/ advice, but I'm mainly interested in advice on cutting out family members specifically, versus, say, cutting out an ex or something.
pic unrelated
Bumping with wallpapers
bump
...
More context would be great, but it really depends on whether or not you depend on them emotionally, socially etc. If your sister is that much of a cunt just remember how much it can affect your circle and the rest of your family.
If you feel like it's safe and the right choice, go with your gut.
...
Thanks. That sort of what I'm looking for here. I want to know exactly how much it affects a person's family/ circle.
I don't depend on her for anything really. We barely even talk, even though we're living in the same house. She pretty much reinforces the decision everyday. I've given her multiple chances, but it almost seems like she's daring me to stop talking to her.
I don't really want to get into specifics, but I'll just say that she's basically everything I hate about humanity all rolled into one. Every time I interact with her, I feel like I'm worse for having done so.
...
I suppose this could also be a wallpaper thread. I just realized how shitty my collection actually is.
...
...
...
Dunno if cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents count, but I haven't had any contact with them in years, and don't intend to have one either. Not out of choise, it just sorta happened like that. Can't tell you I miss any of em, even tho some were closer to me than my immediate family. I don't really interact with one of my brothers as well, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on something. Out of sight , out of mind.
Does your brother ever try to contact you?
I'm out of wallpapers now. I don't know what else to dump because I don't really want this to be a porn thread.
Cutting people how of your life implies a connection to be cut. If there's no connect then literally no effort on your part is needed and you'll never hear from them again. Cutting someone out of your life would require them to care enough to be in it.
You'll wish you cared, especially when someone dies, but only out of principle and only because of some irrational, sentimental attachment to the concept of family, something you might consider part of your identity.
True freedom is simply to not care. If they change, they'll be there for you. If they get worse and try to impose on your existence that's when it's time to cut them out.
...
On some occasions. Mostly when he needs something from me. As for how I handle it- depends on what he wants. If I somehow can benefit from it, I'm game. If not, I tell him to piss off.
True words of wisdom
go into specifics, cant know if its justified if you dont tell us what she does
You know, I can't tell you if it is best for you. It just depends on how you, as a person, are. I cut ties with my mother, father, and my sister because they have treated me like I'm a piece of shit since I moved out and got married. So, instead of getting angry or upset and argue, I just told them to leave me alone and haven't spoke with them in close to a year now. Best decision that I've made.
As an adult, there comes a point where you may need too, and that's okay. You know why? Because you're an adult and you are the only one that makes the choices about your life.
Yeah, it probably doesn't help that I've been getting pretty disillusioned with the idea of "family" lately anyway. Honestly, at this point, that's the only thing holding me back, but I just want to know other peoples' experiences in case that could possibly inform my decision at all. I still have a few months to mull it over before I can move out. Maybe she'll have a radical change of heart and become a decent person and this won't be an issue, but I quite doubt it.
I've cut everyone out of my life except for one sort of friend. One of my sisters tries to keep in contact twice a year or so. I love her, but we're far apart. It might become a habit. Not sure why I cut people out. I'm very passive and a LOT of people take advantage till I drop the ax, then it's too late. I'm very despondent though. Kind of walking dead. NO sense of responsibility, etc.
Fuck it. She asked me to move out to Guam with her to help take care of her children and she's been treating me like shit since I got here. Won't let me eat any of the food. The bulk of my diet consists of the fruit I harvest from the trees behind her house. Won't give me rides to the places I need to get to. Talks shit about me to her kids. Yells at me when I discipline her kids. Yells at me when I don't discipline her kids. Yells whenever I say anything about how she could improve her parenting, even if it's just me asking her to stop yelling at/ threatening her kids.
There are a lot of other things that require too much backstory to explain here, but it's basically just more of the same.
She's also just a bad person in general. She's very manipulative and dishonest and I legitimately feel like I can't trust her at all.
My sister and her two kids.
Our parents are multimillionaires, I've paid back everything I have borrower, which hasn't been much, odd hundred here and there, once £10,000 to get me a car and started in a long-term job where I paid it back within two years.
But she is a money grabbing little bitch, two years older than me, a kid with learning disabilities and another kid who is a fucking genius, I mean she's going to schools where you need to pass an interview to get in, she's only 11.
I hate everything my sister is and stands for and the way she has gone about getting hat she wants without doing anything apart from sucking up and sucking money out of my parents.
I have to admit/con seed (forget the word I mean) she exists for my parents sake and for the family, but I refuse to speak to her or answer the phone when she calls.
Acknowledge, that's the word.
Why the fuck did you agree to move to Guam with her? Where are you from?
> Fuck it. She asked me to move out to Guam with her to help take care of her children and she's been treating me like shit since I got here. Won't let me eat any of the food. The bulk of my diet consists of the fruit I harvest from the trees behind her house. Won't give me rides to the places I need to get to. Talks shit about me to her kids. Yells at me when I discipline her kids. Yells at me when I don't discipline her kids. Yells whenever I say anything about how she could improve her parenting, even if it's just me asking her to stop yelling at/ threatening her kids.
Sounds like married life. Run like hell.
And you think that your despondency is a result of cutting off contact with these people.
FWIW, I've never really relied on my family for any sort of emotional support. I've always been somewhat distant from them anyway. I love my mom, but my sister and I were always doing separate things. At the best time in our relationship, I'd say we were basically on the level of really good roommates. There is literally no chance that she and I would ever have been friends if we weren't related, even assuming we would still have met.
The only friend I have left is a lot like your sister. She has this incredible side, so loving, so kind, and the other side manipulating, cruel, dominating, hypocritical, etc.
My old man was a sociopath. I never developed properly, so chicken or egg, i dunno.
well OP, all I ever dreamed about since I was a kid, was leaving my family and starting a new life. I moved out at 16, moved across the country. Calls became weekly, than monthly, than strained on holidays but I worked up on the estrangement. Sent a letter to my mother explaining some of my reasons, but that was the end of it. I have been estranged from them for ten years now. I live pretty much off grid so they can't contact me.. I don't regret it at all, had to be done for my own successful homestasis. I have since forged new relationships of my own and get along well the small tight knit family of my mate. He alone knows, but I have said I grew up an orphan to everyone else.
If you are planning to be estranged from just your sister, might be difficult of you intend to maintain relations with other members. I have no experience in that, just seems like you will have to juggle shit. There would fucking awkward silences, elephant in the room type situations. You'll have to consider your personal boundaries with the family that are still in your life. But hey man, make it work for you somehow. You're not stuck in the shit you are born into. You grow the fuck up and set your own course and the people you actually want in it. Good luck bro.
I'm from Nevada. She moved out here because her husband got stationed here(Navy). I came out here mainly because I'm an idiot and didn't think it would be this bad. Before I came out here, she was fine, but I've come to realize that she was basically just lying to me about everything all the time before I came out here. I don't even know how to describe it. She was treating me the same way I'd treat a woman on a first date. She would basically just lie about everything and agree with everything I said, but she was apparently just manipulating me the whole time to get me to do stuff for her. The worst part is that I don't even know when it started or if she's been manipulating me for all of our lives.
My sister is not loving (probably only to her kids), she is incredible at spending money she has not got and planning holidays and big days out, dragging my parents along and expecting them to pay, she is not kind.
She is not manipulating in a cleaver way, she uses blackmail, "come babysit my retarded son or you will never see the gran'kids again" or she is just blunt, get someone to give you a lift or catch two busses and two trains an waste 1 and a half hours of your life travelling here to look after my child, and no I won't give you a lift home, not even back to the train station; a childs love what more can you ask for?
I would do anything for my mother, but I refuse to take her to or from my sisters out of principle, I tell her to just say no, but she's a mother.
I could not say my sister is hypocritical, she's just a cunt.
Besides my mother, who I've already explained the situation to and who said she would support my decision if I chose to do this (though she told me she thinks I'd regret it), there are no other family members I maintain regular contact with. And I'll have even less interaction with them all after I leave here because I'll likely be moving to a different country.
>I don't even know how to describe it. She was treating me the same way I'd treat a woman on a first date. She would basically just lie about everything and agree with everything I said, but she was apparently just manipulating me the whole time to get me to do stuff for her. The worst part is that I don't even know when it started or if she's been manipulating me for all of our lives.
She might as well be your wife. Run like hell.
Go to San Diego, Happiness is Calling(TM)
different user here
bro what the fuck? thats your sister why the fuck is she being so aggressive with you and controlling your life? you need to take back the reigns and do whatever the fuck you want.
its her decision to be leaving nevada and go to shitty guam for her husband. you are NOT her husband.
you need to eject yourself out of that toxic situation right away im not even kidding.
this kinda shit pisses me off, emotional blackmail against the people who raised you for 18+ years should never occur its the devils work. as much as people hate their parents, you shouldn't grow up to treat them like shit because they dint treat you like shit.
ofc your mother would be like that, after all blood is blood and your sister will always be your sister. but if you feel that she is too toxic for life then get yourself out of there and do your own thing.
im pretty sure a few years or whatever time scale down the line your sister will either understand that she was stressing you out or will fuck off from your life as you wanted in the first place.
those are my cents bro.
personally i have a non fraternal female twin and no matter how much i hate her i will always love her as a brother so maybe thats why youre feeling guilt or whatever feeling it is.
but youll be fine, we're all human after all, we gotta do what we gotta do to et by.
hope this helped,
godspeed user, godspeed.
It sounds like the only difference between your sister and mine is that my sister is really charismatic, so it's harder for people to detect the manipulation. I pretty much raised my sister's kid for her for the first four years of her life. I watched her pretty much every night while she would go out and do god knows what. I developed a really strong bond with my niece, but now my sister just likes to pretend like that didn't happen. I got so depressed when they moved away, but my sister thought it was weird that I was so attached to her, because she wasn't my kid. I understand that cutting my sister out would also mean cutting out my niece and nephews, but I barely ever got to talk to them before I came out here anyway and they're all becoming more and more like their parents. It's still not something I want to do, but I just can't fathom being exposed to my sister for any longer than is absolutely necessary.
Sorry, I don't communicate well, I didn't mean to project those qualities onto your sister, whom I've never heard of till now. I meant to say those are my friend's qualities. I was commenting on how you implied that your sister does have some good qualities, (ie; she's all about your parents), although sounds like I misunderstood.
If there's nothing you'll miss in cutting ties with your sister, then just do it. Don't feel guilty. I don't miss most of the people I've lost.
Leaving Guam costs a thousand dollars that I don't have. Thanks, though. I'm definitely leaning towards cutting her out, I just wanted to know if others who have had similar experiences had any wisdom to share.
You communicated perfectly, I was just saying that our sisters are very similar. My sister also spends money like crazy, makes my mom waste money, withholds her kids from my mom if she doesn't like something my mom is doing.
I didn't see your comment as projections, more I just replied to a comment in wonderment of what my sister is.
I may miss my niece, I believe she will go on to be a great person in whatever she does, but she hardly knows me, I see her once every two months? and it's not like we talk, I just feel for her being stuck in a broken family and having no attention because of her retarded brother who gets it all.
I do not have children and never plan to, I plan on being single the rest of my life (i'm 33), I have money, a good job, an easy life yet still i lurk here.
I have not spoken to my sister in almost 5 years, even at family get-togethers.
If my sister shared/showed any caring towards my parents I may actually talk to her. I do not care what she thinks of me, she tries to talk to me but I just blank her, I do not even care if she knows why, but she has grown to understand, I do not talk to her.
This may seem like I'm the arsehole, but I do not have the time or space to layout everything she has done and the way she is and lives.
My sister would likely be the same way if our parents had any money.
I'm an idiot. I've been replying to someone who wasn't talking to me.
We seem to be in similar situations, though it seems like I might have bonded a lot more with my niece. How does your family feel about your decision not to speak to her? You said you come into contact with her at family gatherings, how does that usually go? That probably wouldn't be too big of an issue for me, but I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into if it ever were to happen.
I'm now just posting random pictures I've taken with my iPod.
...
...
Me not speaking to me sister is not spoken about.
My parents know my reasons, they also no my political views on eugenics and that my sister should have aborted the retarded kid, or given him up for adoption and even now at the age of 9 it is not to late to get rid of him. I do not go out on the street and shout about this shit or go around kicking retards, but I do believe in eugenics, so I think, that they think, if they confront me on it I will just come out with it and it aint what they want to hear and it aint what they want me to tell my sister, even though I believe my farther has somewhere along the same line of thought as me, but they know they are being used more than parents should, but again, I guess it's a mothering/parenting thing.
I completely blank her, I don't even have to try any more, it's natural.
If you do decide to, and it does not involve children, I would tell her the reasons you are doing what you are doing. This could go either way. She may change or accept it, she may try and turn other people against you.
The rest of my family kinda know why I do what I do, but won't tell my sister, therefore the problem of her being a cunt still exists.
That's a baby frog that I found while I was out running. It was getting stuck to my hand because it was so small and I was really sweaty.
Hmm. I can't see that being the way it plays out with my family, they really like to pry into other peoples' business. Like I said, though, I barely ever talk to any of them but my mother and it's not likely I'll start again soon. There is no way my sister would ever change anything about herself for anything I've said. It doesn't matter if it's completely accurate, she clearly doesn't respect me and therefore she puts no stock into any advice I give her. This has always been the case. I attribute it to my being younger than she, but I also know that she is just incredibly arrogant and obstinate, so it probably wouldn't matter if I were older anyway.
trying to cut most of my family out of my life, but I cant exactly not tell them where I'm moving too n shit
...
Why not? That's what I'm planning on doing with my sister. I'm going to move and just not tell her my address or phone number. I'm going to ask the rest of my family not to tell her either.
...
...
Has anyone on Sup Forums ever cut a family member out of their life?
My mom. She had no right using me for child support, forcing me to live with an asshole stepdad, and, the whole time, she ruined the family. I wish murder was legal since she deserves to die. She got a sexist legal system to help her.
If you ever are the child of a divorced marriage, don't think for one second that your mother doesn't deserve to be beaten half to death. Don't feel bad about cutting them out of your life. Women are cunts only given custody to encourage birth control and urbanism(since women love moving to big cities that ruin lives)
>I'm going to ask the rest of my family not to tell her either.
Women are trash so your mom will probably tell her.
>My parents know my reasons, they also no my political views on eugenics and that my sister should have aborted the retarded kid, or given him up for adoption and even now at the age of 9 it is not to late to get rid of him.
You should be shot
Fuck her then.
It's up to your niece when she is old enough to talk to you or make contact.
But don't expect it. I don't.
You shouldn't have to even be thinking about shit like this if your sister was good for you.
When I was 15 I woke up one day and thought, "fuck you world, I'm doing what makes me happy from now on." admittedly it was Christmas morning and probably not the best timing, but I didn't open any presents, two months later I saws my mum opening them and crying as she did. I knew she was hurting, but only for that one day, if people had listend to me "don't buy me anything, I don't do christmass, birthdays, new years", then there would not have been a problem.
Fuck people forcing their thoughts, culture, problems onto you. Live how you want to live, the only time my parents piss me off is; they still say happy birthday to me. I did not get anything from the age of 16, no presents on my bd, christmass or ANY other occasion, as they did not from me also. They respected my thoughts and life style, so we respected each other more. I still get presents from my sister and "the children", the only people in my whole family, and it's a big family, who still buy me something and get me a card. Which is surprising as it of course costs money.
Yes. I cut all contact with my sister for about a year. I was planning on it to be forever though.
She's abused me since I was about 6 years old. She threw a pot in my head when I was 8. And ever since I became physically stronger than her it's become more and more verbal. And you just can't argue with her. She starts screaming and hits our mom and then goes off, until everything's suddenly better and forgotten. Like nothing ever happened.
I do not have a problem with your thoughts or opinions.
But the whole family would be better off without him in it.
I know you know nothing of him or my family or its dynamics, but can you explain what your thoughts are?
Can you give one good reason this child who will need care for the rest of his life benefits our family?
And them i will explain why he does not benefit our family in anyway, shape or form, including morally, financially, mutually, ethically also how he does not fit into any situation beside making his presents know by being a fucking arsehole, and if not getting attention shitting himself and then undressing in the middle of the room. I could go on but I have work in 5 hours.
I know what you mean OP, feel the same about my sis and want to cut her off. I actually want to cut my whole family off because they annoy the shit out of me and I had my fill.
Had to take a step back from a parent various times due to inability to handle being told everything inside of me was wrong. Now she doesn't talk to me at all. Win.
Kind of fucked up but everyone is entitled to their own.views. I somewhat believe in eugenics but it is soley on the parents what they want to do. At 9, the kid is used to everyone, so why would they give him up now? That kid is already here and he has as much a right to a life as you or I. If thats how you feel, maybe its for the best you become estranged from them.
I haven't talked to my sister for 3 years.
I have enjoyed it since she only ever brought me distress when I did spoke to her.
I have seen her at family events but just don't make a big deal of it. She did scream at me at one dinner and I just said I didn't want to talk. Other than that she just tries to say hello and I don't really respond or just brush her off.
She has been in and out of mental hospitals for trying to kill herself (she could have actually killed herself but didn't) she lied about our dead father beating her, she has called the cops on me multiple times (all for extremely ridiculous made up reasons), she is a major pill popper and drinker.