ITT: The autistic stories of our life. I'll start

ITT: The autistic stories of our life. I'll start.

>Be me, 11
>Meet blonde qt
>Always knew her, it was a small school
>Get put beside her for a semester
>Really get to know each other
>Start to really like her, the first girl I ever liked
>She starts to like me too, I think.
>Friends tell me to try and seal the deal with her, decline because I'm a pussy
>Summer comes, we stay super close and friendly
>Hear rumour another boy is trying to catch her eye
>The battle is on.
>Spend the whole summer researching flirting techniques
>Telling jokes, being friendly, looking her in the eye
>Too autistic to realise this is what I've been doing anyway
>Somehow conclude that acting aloof is a good strategy
Fast forward to September
>School starts again
>She runs up to me and hugs me
>Asks how my summer was
>"It was cool, I guess."
>She asks if I want to come over at the weekend
>Autism.exe
>"This isn't last year. I am a man. You're still a slut."

Today she is married to the other guy. He stole my future. I never asked for this fucking feel.

I'm just gonna keep posting this built up autism, idgaf

>Be me, 4
>Run around the school with my dick hanging out
>Think I am the most hilarious creature to ever roam these halls
>Teachers pissed
>I get slapped in the face by the principal
>Parents called
>Serious questions thrown at me
>mfw they thought an older student made me do it.
>mfw when my 4 year old pecker convinced the teacher there was a paedophile in the school
>mfw none of my classmates have ever referenced this to me since.

...

>Be me, 9
>Seriously depressed, to this day I have no idea why
>One day start crying late at night
>Parents ask me whats wrong, I legit have no idea myself.
>They keep asking
>MakingAMurderer.mp4
>Have to make something up
>Tell them my best friend is bullying me.
>Make up a load of shit about him hitting me
>He gets moved to a different school
>Never see him again

Nowadays I just cry silently. Is anybody even reading these?

>he stole my future
>i never asked for this

you called her a slut when she could have liked you, you definitely asked for that

>Aged 10
>doing a relay race at school
>4 teams, each with a baton
>I'm on a good team for once.
>A few sporty people run beofre me, our lead is unbelievable.
>Not even I can fuck this one up
>Halfway around my lap, running reasonably fast.
>Look at the baton in my hand.
>wonder is it see through
>Hold it to my eye like a telescope
>Hmm. Not see through.
>The race is over.
>I fucking blew it.
>Expect to be beaten up, or shunned.
> mfw nobody's even fucking surprised.

I'm listening

>Be on school tour
>Have disposable camera
>Taking pictures of everything
>Take picture of friends with bathroom in the background
>Loud milf teacher "NO PICTURES OF THE BATHROOM user"
>Everyone knows me as that kid for the rest of the year
>The kid who tried to take pictures in the bathroom

Well at least this is a good thread starter, this is way up on the autism scale... Why the fuck went through your mind that made you think this was even remotely a good idea?

wut?

>be me, senior year high school
>go to locker to get things for next class
>see 9/10 friend friends
>she's relatively chatty
>stand awkwardly as i wait for her to get things out of her locker
>"uhm you can go through if you want"
>locker situation was more autistic than i am fairly close together
>decide it's better to wait
>"i'll wait"
>she looks at me
>eye contact
>oh shit look away
>it'd be quicker for both of us
>she points to locker and smiles
>stare at her for five seconds dumfounded
>"uhm user"
>... ... ... "that's true"
>awkward silence
>never talks to me again for the rest of the year

>Be 10 years old
>New craze in school
>Not pokemon, or pogz or some shit, I took that in my stride.
>Dead Legs
>Dead legs were when you kicked someone in just the right spot, so that their leg felt dead.
>Pretty stupid, but annoying too.
>I couldn't do it for shit, but my friend was the fucking master
>One day, I see him walking in front of me
>Decide its my chance
>I allow him to walk in front of me
>There is now considerable distance between us
>Bear in mind, I had no idea how to administer a dead leg. Still don't
> I begin running at him. Sloly at first, then quickly.
>I approach speeds I have not reached since
>Jump as I come close to him
>Extend my leg, and my heel connects right at the back of the knee.
>He falls to the ground crying
>Shout "Who's the master now??"
>Stand over him, flexing my muscles until the teachers come.
He never spoke to me since

friend of friends*** sorry

I must clarify. I stopped running. For whatever reason, I didn't judge myself capable of running and looking at a baton at the same time. In the time that elapsed as I looked down the baton, the race was over. Go me.

I was trying to be wolverine. He was always slightly pissed and he got all the chicks. I thought it would translate to real life.

>age 7
>playing outside
>mom tells me that if I come into the house again I wont be allowed to go back outside
>have to shit
> go behind tree
>Shit in front of screen door
>Mom see's and starts screaming
>gets mad at me for not coming in to use the bathroom

Dumb Bitch

Fuck me, that always annoyed me. Jfc make your rules clear mom.

Good start user.

I can't tell is that scarastic or not. The autism is real here.

Lost

Lost what. This isn't YLYL nigger.

I remember saying lost in every thread I went into the first day I started coming to 4cancerchan

How sad.

Not exactly autistic but I'll share with you anyway.

>be me about 9
>good friend at the time was having his birthday party
>staying over at his place
>fast forward to the night
>we're all just doing kids shit, telling kids jokes etc

Additional information, when I was a kid, I used to find it hard to control my bladder, especially when laughing hysterically.

>friend had a younger brother like 6 years old
>he comes into the room and hangs out with us
>whatever
>night progresses all laughing a lot, playing some vidya
>one of the kids there tells (in my opinion at the time) the funniest joke ever known to mankind
>ohshit.jpeg
>I can feel it
>as my sides begin to leave orbit
>urine begins to leave my bladder
>no one knows yet
>everyone leaves for a bit
>i stay behind and change my pants
>mission complete
>leave the room
>soon after everyone comes back
>i make sure to sit somewhere else, piss still on the carpet and blankets where I was
>the little 6 year old sits where I was sitting
>all according to plan
>not long after one of the kids notice the smell
>everyone blames the kid
>even me
>he starts crying, denying that he pissed himself
>the dad comes in
>pulls the kid from the room, screaming at him in the hall
>crying intensifies
>gets sent to his room, crying like no boy I have ever heard since

>mfw no one suspected it was me
>mfw my friend told me at school that the younger brother got grounded for weeks because of it

...

Bumping for more autism

...

Let's keep this thread going.

>age 6
>neighbor is friends with my older bro
>he comes into our house to play vidya
>brings that new crash bandicoot game with him
>tells me and my bro that he wants to show me something in my closet
>i tell him no
>brother says do it or he'll leave
>go in closet so my bro can keep playing Crash
long story short
>i end up kissing this faggot and sucking his dick so my brother can defeat Doctor neo cortex

>be me, 16
>at a local house party, all my friends are there
>girl i was really into is there as well
>everytime we spoke we flirted like crazy, although i didn't realize it at the time
>party goes on for some time
>i'm pretty buzzed at this point
>lock eyes with said girl from across the room
>she walks over to me, grabs my hand and takes me out on the dancefloor
>we dance for maybe 20 min until a slow song comes on
>i pull her close
>we look in eachothers eyes for maybe 10 minutes
at this point she was practically begging me to kiss her
>get a text all of a sudden from my mom asking when i'm coming home
>i look at the girl, kiss her and tell her I have to go
>she's asking me not to leave etc
>i'm just telling her, "I really gotta go"
>leave the party
>remember feeling proud as shit cuz i got a kiss while walking home

worst part is I don't even remember why I left, I had no reason to kek

...

that went on for several months with different games until faggot boy moved away

>4 years old
>Visiting my grandparents
>Taking a bath there for whatever reason
>Suddenly has to shit badly
>I thought about getting up to go to the toilet, but then I'd get water everywhere
>So I shit in the bathtub instead
>Wonders why my Grandma is mad

You fucking idiot.

Did you ever tell your bro?

Chuckled

no didnt see a reason to plus we were both pretty homophobic back then

oh the irony

funny thing is, i woke up the next morning immediately realizing how much i fucked up. i fucked her 3 weeks later at an afterparty though, so shit sorted itself out.

>me 8yo
>over at mates place
>his 6yo old sister enters bathroom while im pissing
>stand up naked and tell her that I wanna her right now
>runs away crying
>mother throws me out

>mother throws me out
like the dog you are

Good ending to a funny story. Nice one, user.

Ahahaha. Fair enough.

He didn't steal your future, you shit the bed and sealed your own fate.

you used to piss sitting down?

sorry to hear that.

Yeah because no man ever piss sitting down, especially at 8yo

i almost always have to piss sitting down since i'm so fucking tall that it's really fucking hard to aim properly.

i bet you like boipucci too

I bet you kiss proustites

i never sat when pissing

"He stole my future"
No OP, you fucked it up and lost it. Stop blaming others for your stupidity.

This was pretty DEVILISH my man.

single mom huh.

My turn
>Be 16 years old
>Have to go to this 8/10 chick I've been talking to's 16th party
>Normal stuff
>about 2 hours in she asks me to dance
>Slow music was playing.
>I was sitting at the table with my friend, who isn't very social
>I was just taking a break from dancing and was eating
>I turn her offer down thinking I still have to eat, and I won't abandon my friend
>She has a puzzled look on her face.
>She comes back 5 Mina later, and asks again.
>I turn Her down for a 2nd time
However, after about 30 mins, I realized my mistake, and asked her to dance, we dated for after that, so it wasn't a perminant autistic moment.

femnazi mother

>be me 12
>family cat just died
>sister and mum are very upset
>feelsbad I loved him
>we're going to bury him in the garden
>about to put him in the ground
>sister and mum both crying
>i say "at least I'm still alive"
>no idea why
>sister goes up to her room
>didn't speak to me for a week

pissing is for faggots real men shit

zozzle

What if I can do both?
Am I a man-faggot?

At the time, I thought I was slick as a fuck for thinking on my feet like that but to be honest, doesn't take a fucking genius to work out how to avoid embarrassment like that.

the real question you should ask yourself is "are traps gay?"

...

You don't piss when you shit?

what's wrong with you?
couldnt you look at the fucking baton after the race?

I hate the word, an asshole is an asshole no matter who has it.
Prostitutes? No i'm to cheap for that
I Really don't see the link here and no
(well this is entertaining)

Lost

its not gay if she has a cute dick

OK my turn

>Be me
>14 yr old fag
>waiting on bus stop for bus
>girl and some guy from same school come near me
>guy says "hey man this girl is interested in you"
>turn to them
>"wat?"
>"she wants to know your name, whats you're name user ?"
>I drop the noodles from my pockets, make a retarded and say
>"Cock" (literally cock in my language, but in english it's the same as saying FUCK YOU)
>dude says "wat ?"
>My voice grows even manlier nd I say "COCK"
>Girl and dude laugh and then leave
>I realised how fucking retarded I acted
>I look behind and they are still walking away laughing at me

FML

>be me 15
>had gf for like 4 months
>says she'll give me a bj
>fuck yes
>get to it
>nervous as fuck for some reason
>she says "you ready?"
>i say "nah, I'm good"
>she leaves, I spend the rest of the day playing vidya and ignoring her texts
>break up a couple of weeks later

Why did I do that?

too small

autist or sadist idk but i lost my only friend

>be me, about 6yrs old
>no friends, make friends with a local girl
>shes fucking weird man
>doing normal shit, playing dr who, pissing up walls
>see huge ants nest in her back garden
>mfw
>tell her to look over there
>thisissparta.mp4
>she freaks the fuck out, standing staring in silence
>continues to freak until her mom comes out
>fucking covered in ants
>her mom takes her clothes off because theyre filthy and covered in bugs
>still staring, idgaf
>her mom shouts at me to leave so she can hose down weird naked girl
>first sadistic b0ner achieved (many moar happened soon after)

>about 6 months after
>see this bitch i hate
>stalk into girls toilets
>heard people talking about a nasty shit left in a toilet
>she sees me
>oshit
>tell her i came to see 'the poo'
>tell her to go in first
>thisissparta2.0.jpg
>screams
>run out
>she comes out crying with shit on her white scarf and in hair
>pissing myself

>be me, 22 god damn years old
>at work
>phone rings, hope someone else will get it
>no one's getting it
>shit
>answer phone
>'Workaderp, this is user'
>"This is Gruffy Mcdruff. I need to place an order for a pack of Depends."
>wut
>'Wut'
>(annoyed) "Adult incontinence pants."
>wut we fix computers
>it's okay, user, just calmly explain that he's got the wrong number
>'O-okay. How many do you need?'
>what? user, no
>(even more annoyed) "It's the same order every month. Are you new or something?"
>fucking bail, user. Hang up now, you're in too deep
>'Y-yes. Um. C-could I have your order details?'
>user please stop
>Gruffy lists full details. Is now muttering curses under breath
>why are you doing this, user? Just stop...
>Gruffy demands that I read back his details
>blubber like a drowning fool
>Gruffy rages for a while and then lists details again
>write them down this time and read them back.
>"You'd better not fuck this up, you incompetent little shit"
>his fears are well founded
>assure him that everything will be fine and wait until he hangs up
>never hear from Gruffy again. Feel bad for whoever ends up getting blamed for this mess

I am so fucking bad at being a fully grown human.

>loyal to your friend

Not autistic.

Actually pretty manly. Good job, user.

...

Poor Mcdruff really shit his own bed by calling the wrong number.

>Be me
>11
>Really Anti social
>only really have one friend who's equally antisocial
>This is around the time we discovered porn and we talked all the time about it
>both of us are curious as to what a BJ feels like
>Joke about giving each other BJs
>actually start to seriously consider it
>Then My family announces we'll be moving several states over
>now's our chance
>Both ride our bikes to the school Playground
>Go under the roofed area
>Pull out our dicks
>One of his balls is bigger than the other
>wtf.exe
>He sucks me off first
>I suck him off
>both agree it feelsgoodman
>That was the last time I saw him before I moved
>Mfw the last thing I did with my friend before I never saw him again was suck him off
>mfw we never talked about it again

...

>she
I think u mean HE

This meme

Nice one mate

well why else would you deny head

You fucking moron

haha cuck

I was like, nervous or some shit. Size is irrelevant.

ok so on a scale from 1-10 how nervous and whats your dick size

Hot

Cause you're acutally gay

8 and now at age 22 dick size is 7.5"

...

fair enough

Bumping for more autism

>grade 5 or 6
>ask teacher if they weed as a joke
>get call home
>grounded

More autism

>be me, 13
>a little chubby with low self-esteem
>my classmates invite me to the pool with them
>finally have the guts to agree
>the day comes
>i go to the pool
>"im here with a reservation for 6 people"
>the bitch tells me there's no such thing
>panic.exe
>I say brb and run home
>cry in the toilet because im a little pussy
>realize they were at the other pool
>Iwannakillmyself.jpg

>be me, 18
>have 8.5/10 fuck buddy slut from work
>get a motel across from our work
>she comes over for fuck
>fucking and i slip finger in her ass
>she weirds out and says she has to leave
>i beg her not to, im hard as fuck and need to blow it in her
>she leaves and doesnt come back
>i wasted $100 and didnt even cum

>age 4 or 5 in school
>assembly time
>need to pee
>for some reason I think I cant ask teacher to go pee
>decide if I pee myself nobody will notice
>pee begins forming puddle
>continue peeing as if nothing has happened
>puddle spreads to some kids leg
>he starts freaking out
>got sent out of assembly to change and had to wear gym shorts home

How was juvy?

You can easily find people on Facebook nowadays? Just send him a cock shot and ask 'remember this?'

...

>grill of my dreams moves in next door
>girlnextdoor.divx
>hang out always. Like every day
>go to swimming pool. Hang out like always
>get home and friends says. user, i think qt3.14 jas a crush on you
>mfw. Be cool ce cool be cool
>YOU FUCKIN WOT M8!
>LITTERAL 10/10 goddess
>i would commit genocide of the entire human race for a kiss on the cheek from this godess
>mfw. I am so autistic i litterally never did shit about it
>she grew up, got married, has kids
>some Chad got my girl.
>i'm maybe 5/10 on a good day
>always just thought she was being polite by not treating me like the faggot i am
>probably the most autistic thing i've done
>for fuck sure the most life ruining one...