ITT: post things that has happened to you in real life that would fit into an episode of curb

ITT: post things that has happened to you in real life that would fit into an episode of curb

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youtube.com/watch?v=PLb49i7VKvw
youtube.com/watch?v=gyZDZCGQJf8
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I live in a world that is infected by self-hating leftism and an invasive recessive force of islam all perpetuated by jewish intellectuals. Dun dun dun doo doo do do do do doo.

>Have a shit day, contemplating suicide.
>Have a nice conversation with a stranger.
>Right as you're ending the conversation, they say something horribly racist in a casual manner.

>go to another city and shag a chinese girl I met in my class
>next day I tell her "HEY [name]!"
>we talk for 20 minutes, it's all cool
>mention the night before
>she slaps me
>it wasn't her
>turns out there were two chinese girls WITH THE SAME NAME attending that lesson

welp

My father raped me when I was five. Dun dun dun doo doo do do do do doo..

Jesus christ user

>Standing outside bar with friends
>Some white girl with hipster glasses and dyed hair knows everyone but me, says hello, makes small chat, goes inside
>Closing time, come outside drunk
>Some white girl with hipster glasses and dyed hair says "Hey!" to me
>We chat it up, she's super friendly this time. We hug and wish each other a good night.
>My friend says "Who was that?"
>"It's your friend from earlier, man."
>"No. That was a completely different woman. You realize that right?"
>I legitimately cannot tell the difference, got real familiar with a stranger.

It's drinking shit so not a big deal, but after that, I really do understand people who say they can't tell Asians apart.

arr rook same

> im a chinese girl studying in america
> go out with friends in a different city
> get drunk and sleep with this 2/10 from my class
> not even sure he's in fully whilst he clearly doesnt know what he's doing
> He talks awkwardly to me in class the next day angling for a relationship
> clearly whipped from his first sexual experience
> Chad who i actually like is behind him so pretend not to know what he's talking about
> Beta feels like he's just a racist
> Get absolutely slamboobled sideways by chad later

>slamboobled sideways

>Go Croatia with gf
>tell her about my amazing technique to avoid tourist people who want to talk
>"all you do is say you're from iceland or somewhere obscure so that they know they cant speal your language"
>do this successfully for most of holiday
>one day security guy tries talking to me before entering fort
>tell him im icelandic
>instead of moving me on he tells me wait
>comes back with hat that has the Icelandic flag on it
>"I LOVE ICELAND"
>JustMyLuck.gif
>I have to maintain a conversation about Iceland for 5 minutes before we can get away
>Then he says something in Icelandic to me
>I just smile and grab gf and get the fuck away from him
>tfw I didn't get to visit the fort

Kek'd

>I love Iceland

I have never heard of anything for cuck'd than that before.

How can anyone love a country where everyone is fucking related and they have a fucking penis museum

You'd like that, wouldn't you, Larry?
Posting the humorous, awkward moments of my life so you can co-opt them.

not american tbf, but

> go out with friends in a different city
> get drunk and sleep with this 2/10 from my class
> not even sure he's in fully whilst he clearly doesnt know what he's doing
> He talks awkwardly to me in class the next day angling for a relationship
> clearly whipped from his first sexual experience

this has actually happened to me

Literally don't believe a word

> gf

Come on, try harder

> be a slut

Dun dun dun doo doo do do do do doo.

Not everyone's a freak like you

this is michael scott right here

tip top kek

youtube.com/watch?v=PLb49i7VKvw

>have a favorite hoodie for like 6 years
>go to new years party and get a bit drunk
>before walking home I want to get some food
>meet some dude who is drunker than I
>it's pretty cold out so i let him borrow my hoodie
>we both chat and walk to a gas station
>say i'll buy him a sandwich and a drink
>he leaves with my hoodie
>walk back home and it's freezing now
>a bum gives me a scarf to help me keep warm
>bummed out for a week afterwards

fucking jerk.

>playing pool in pub with mates
>guy with one arm shows up
>literally one single arm
>other was amputated at the shoulder
>guy challenges us to game of pool (plays the winner of current game)
>plays by placing a "spider bridge" (pic related) on the table
>picks up cue
>aims using spider bridge, shoots then quickly picks both up off table
>actually potting balls
>everyone very impressed
>he's holding his pint, waiting for his shot with cue leaned against table
>cue falls over
>i pick up cue to save him putting down his pint etc
>as i do it, these words come out of me
Need a hand?

Dun dun dun dududoo do dududoo do doo do doooo

damn that homeless guy was a bro though

>at the club
>girl starts grinding on my bellend
>I'm not used to this
>start looking around
>put my hands on her waist but she doesn't want them
>I'm hard as granite now and she turns around and smiles
>REALLY don't know what to do with my hands
>eventually put them in my front pockets
>she asks me "WTF are you doing?"
>I don't answer and I just walk away with my throbbing erection

I game him my sandwich and some change and he gave me a nice spare scarf as i walked a mile home in the sleet. fuck the other guy though, as soon as I went in the gas station he probably fucked off so I hope he gets in a car wreck and loses his family someday.

Yea its pretty funny im 27 and havnt been happy since i was 18

I haven't been happy since I was born

youtube.com/watch?v=gyZDZCGQJf8

>cue Curb theme

One time I got into a really heated argument with someone I just met over something that didn't matter, then later that week I needed something and he was the only who could help me!

I was so embarrassed.

I have this one joke quoting the word "nigger" and I always look over my back to make sure no niggers are walking around

This is basically the theme for my existence.

...