Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Fucked my older brothers girlfriend.

broke into a friend's apartment and came all over her panties

I jacked off with another dude... you'd be surprised, but another hard dick doesn't feel like your own.

Greentext nigga?

Bump

Shoved a vacuum hose up my ass. Had to go to emergency room because it sucked too hard and literally inverted my colon which clogged the hose. Had to have multiple surgeries to fix it and now can't eat spicy foods.

Didnt pull out.

Kek what did your family think?

My mom hasn't been the same around me since and now she locks the vacuum up like it's alcohol in a liquor cabinet or something.

how was that?

My fucking sides

Told a girl 'I love you'

it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be... not something i'd regularly do, but the guy was decent looking.

That feel......

sell my ass

feels

I know that too bros

try to eat some pussy, it smelled like crap and it was very salty

Was it hairy?

Bump dont die

Bump. Wanna hear more

nope, neither bald, but she's the only one that had that smell, the other 2 next smelled fine, still will never do it again

Fucked a crackwhore with no jimmy

Pleaze greentext

also another story, ripped my frenulum while trying to have shower sex, water dilutes natural lubrication and doesn't lubricate as I thought...

>Fucked a crackwhore with no jimmy

Fucked shemale

Thanks user

Like fish or fucking smegma?

Got a rub and tug at the local asian spa (I'm married)

You're mom doesn't count.

Jacked off while pissing all over room: on floor, in towel, on bed. That apartment room still smells like piss prolly.

not fish, not smegma, a different kind of stinky, wasn't rotten either, it was a bitter and strong smell

Always wanted to do this.

How was it? Any post orgasm guilt?

What the fuck man, didn't you realize that? Wasn't it hurting? That girl must have died

>Anytime

made out with an ugly gurl

Nothing.
Could've gotten some easy ass but was embarrassed of my boner..

fuck off faggot

of course I fucking jumped and she didn't realize what happened until it started bleeding and she saw it, had to clean all the blood and had to improvise a maxi pad with toilet paper to avoid ruining my underwear, also had to hide the bloody toilet paper because we were on a beach trip on summer with other couples

not married dude you responded to but

it was the best hj i've ever gotten, i lasted like 2.5 min. was lying down and got cum on my face, we thought it was hilarious. she cleaned me up with a hot towel. no guilt but i'm single

Whats wrong with your boner?

i woke up drunk at a party and the dude next to me was passed out on alcohol and drugs and i just fucked his ass without even hesitating

my gf was passed out in the next room

last time i ever did anything other than weed

i mean i'd never even seen the dude before and i hadn't fucked a guy since jr high and i was like 25 then

be true

>be me
>horny 18 and virgin
> get hook up/dating app
>find girl, she was a 3/10 but man did I just want to get laid
>talk for a few months, send nudes, etc
>finally get the courage to go visit her while her grandparents (who she lived with) were up north for the weekend
>finally the night come
>drive to her grandparents house
>get there and have small talk, didn't really care I just wanted to finally get my dick wet
>finally she wants to go to bed
>but not her bed, it's was her grandparents bed cause it was bigger
>that's right, HER GRANDPARENTS BED
>anyways I finally get my dick wet and i lasted quite some time
>blow my load all over her belly and her grandparents sheets, then fall alseep
>wake up a few times in the night to fuck again
>wake up for good, shower, sit in her living room while she is still naked and covered in my now crusty jizz,
>stare for a while
>say "when that was fun, but I got to go"
>she hugged me and then I left>
>and guess who i haven't talked to for 2 years, hahaha

>penis is bleeding profusely
>cares more about ruining his underwear

obviously I stopped the bleeding first

How do you know user is a mom?

A little bit after. Although I went there looking for the obvious, it was actually a good massage. I was actually enjoying it so much that I didn't mind if I didn't get the happy ending.
After I flipped over on my back though, she started juggling my balls (fucking ridiculously talented ball juggler) and tweaking my nips. I was pretty drunk at the time, so I had to get myself erect. A few seconds after full mast, she basically just held my dick and I let loose. Didn't feel explicitly sexual, which was kind of weird.

At any rate, don't do it. Just jack off and go on with your life.

>mid cow girl
>reach back and start stretching her butthole with thumbs
>she wasnt ready
>still finish
>last time we have sex or convs
>notevenmad.jpg

sex with my sister

Got my dick sucked by a fat black hooker. Shit was cash.

>locks the vacuum up like it's alcohol
steveosmile.jpg

Fucked on the front lawn at 2 in the morning... I KNOW some of my neighbors heard/saw.

A girl made me cum so hard, I was mad at her for a minute. Not the best emotional response.

I "expose" people as child molesters and call them sex offenders when i get hot and bothered. OH, btw, My name is keemstar. U fucking NIGGER

Used a latex glove filled with sunscreen to jack off. I'm ashamed to have stooped down to that level, but it actually works great, the gloves can stretch a ton without breaking.

Greentext?

I made a homemade fleshlight with some sponges, plastic wrap, and a coffee mug. Fucked the shit out of it and emptied my balls into the mug. No regrets.

Like a really tall coffee mug, or just a regular sized one?

Regualr size. Filled it with lube and went to town. I just needed to fuck something, it got the job done.

Tried to fuck a fat Virgin in a hostel shower in Amsterdam once.

Came to in a private room in the basement of a Czech strip club once

I too have done this.

>be me, 22yo
>working at car dealership
>frequent arguments with gf, didnt like her anymore
>girl gets hired at dealership
>find out crack whore with 2 kids no baby daddy
>fuck her twice while she high
>got close female friend to tell her she'll kick her ass if she ever contacts me again

fin ( 7 years ago)