Useless Super Powers thread

Useless Super Powers thread.

Post a super power you would like, others can add caveats to it.

>the ability to instantly travel to France anytime I want

...

Don't know/can't learn French

Impervious to assault by Nerf weaponry

The power to wear womens clothing and suck dicks and get fucked up the ass

sounds like a pretty useful power if youre a woman

the ability to hear perfectly across 50m spherically around me

can only hear gay dudes fucking. but you can hear it flawlessly across 50m.

Kek

The power to control the size of your right testicle

Ability to shoot rainbows out of my hands and feet at will

Only when in presence of yhe sex you aren't attracted to

But every time you shoot them out, your eyes bleed

Instantly know how many rocks are near you.

Only when you have an erection

the rocks do not contain any valuable mineral/metal that exceeds 2$/kg

Double damage from boolet.

Flight.

Woah what

But only if you're gay.

But you can only hover 2ft above ground and a speed slower than walking

Nice, he could filter out worthless rocks from a pile

May only travel to the scene of terrorist attacks.

the ability to un-take a shit, but your colon cannot hold it as if there was no imminent hull breach.


it doesn't even have you be YOUR OWN shit you can un-take

Your power is granted fully, but a typo on a form leaves you being able to know how many cocks are around you.

The ability to levitate 1/64 of a inch

The ability to fly but only an inch of the ground

Ability to manipulate the growth rate and development of plants

So what you're talking about is the ability to un-take a shit but it has to go into someone else's body? I would never let my enemies be free. They'll take a shit, but now it's gone, but suddenly they have to take more shits. Endless torture and pain.

Pickle Man:The ability to open pickle jars in 3seconds

no, you can untake a shit but it goes into YOUR body.

>go to public bathroom
>someone didn't flush
>diarrhea fucking everywhere
>drop pants
>sit
>ACTIVATE
>shit enters your colon

Allergic to pickles

>buy some reggie
>get seeds
>plant them
>theweedwhisperer.webm
>plants grow immediately and are whatever strain you want
>????
>profit

People who like to poop would get off to this power.

I guess that could make for some good pranks. Can you get an infection from their shit? Like if they have hemorrhoids and aids and you have hemorrhoids too, could you get the hiv?

Lol that was exactly my thought behind those powers

I'd be able to read novels in a single night

Switch between genders at will

hemmorhoids no, AIDS, idk. Any typical disease one could pick up from contact with shit, like bacterial infections and food poisoning (because shit) yes

Someone draw this

Must permanently reside in Quebec

the abilty to leap to another place when in danger
but only to an isis stronghold in syria

the ability to fap 10 times in a row

dad is that you ?

I wish I was 22 again too...

but only to gay scat porn

The power to immediately acquire the exact amount of currency needed to pay for whatever I'm trying to buy in that moment.

but only for buying child sex slaves

>whatever

I don't think caveats can directly contradict what was stated in the first place...

Can only be used when he stimulates his prostate

Heat vision of 98.6 degree

Can only be used when rolls quints

The power to punch the walls of reality itself causing continuity errors such as Jason Todd's resurrection

98.6 is the arc degree - the temperature of the heat vision itself is only 1C above room temperature

Must wear retarded super mam suit to ise power

the ability to fling neurons into atoms

Once power is used, you grow another face

That's useful for filtering out traps.
Go to club
Find hot girl
Dick sense tingles...

no.
once power is used nothing else happens
you fling a neuron into atom

Become an atom once used

It always quantum tunnels through the atom

>Fling neuron
>Neuron hits an atom of a uranium isotope
>Nuclear explosion
>100's dead

pretty useful power

have a million dollars

The ability to seduce every woman who exists.

A new breed of suicide bomber

ability to make any woman fuck me. we have sexl without any risk of std/pregnancy. both of us can cum as we normally would without any restrictions, and are both left completely satisfied after it's all said and done

It was a small loan

Eyes bulge out and bleed during use of power

idk man i'm still ok with that

They like it with the lights off anyways.

>seducing women with bulging, bleeding eyes
Kek

I dun thee, Hepatitis Harry

bro i'm fit as fuck. they'd like it however i give it to them

I kek'd

I'm fit as fuck to, I'm the other guy. But I guarantee they won't want any after they see you turn into frogface and start bleeding.

...

...

you go to jail for life after 1 shag

>"Do you have any protection?"
>"Yeah, old on a sec."
>Eyes pop out and vigorously bleed
>"Lets do this"

...

Thanks for the bumping, but can you attack a furry thread?

China.

Useful with a gps, potato gun, and suicidal intent. Serve your country!

Become dolphin man but only on land

Can fuck any dolphin they desire

correction-could switch between being a real (trans) man and a real (trans) woman

The uncanny ability to become invisible at will

Clothes dont turn invis, so have to be naked

but your erections all turn inward into a pseudo-vagina when aroused. Cannot be used for gay sex purposes.

...

For fuck's sake, not this again.

The power to shape shift to anyone I wanna look like

>can fly and hear all sound
>can only heard all sound at the speed of light

Mangekyo Sharingan

the ability to never finish a sent-

But you have the strongest urge to tell everyone you talk to that you have shape shifted and your real identity

Eyes bleed when shape shifted

Non-stop xray vision

Eyes bleed with x ray vision

As long as I look like who I wanna look like, it won't be a problem + no one would believe that I was a hairy fat guy and suddenly I became this graceful qt.

Wouldn't mind keeping a handkerchief at all times for wiping them bloody tears.