This motherfucker just knocked on your bedroom door and wants to kill you...

This motherfucker just knocked on your bedroom door and wants to kill you. You have 10 seconds before he charges in and you can only use items in your bedroom to defend yourself.

Do you survive?

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Probably not, no. I guess I have a heavy coat rack but he'd probably grab it off me and ram it up my ass.

Yes. I have a Katana.

Good thing my wife leaves her dildos just lying around. GREAT AMERICAN CHALLENGE TO THE RESCUE. First I'll knock him out with it then I'll fuck him with it to show dominance. After this display I will become alpha and he will be my gorilla butler.

considdering their strengh, you probably could even survive with a sword, you would probably need a shot to the head to get out of it.

yes i am also steroid gorilla

...

Have a loaded AK and shotgun at the foot of my bed. Yeah, I survive.

holy fuck look at this motherfucker

Mag dump with an ak, hopefully I don't shit the bed and miss all of them

Don't know about you fucks. But I'm ready.

Two 12 gauge shotguns an ar15 and a couple 9mm pistols. I think I'm good.

i give me 50/50 odds

10 seconds
>user shoulders AR15 and crouches behind bed for gorilla ambush
Gorilla charges through door
>user aims and pulls trigger... CLICK...
Ooooh noooo gotta charge the charging handle
>Gorilla tears you limb from limb before you can get a round off from that jamming piece of shit

i got some dresses/boots and a windowsmasher and a small bat lying around.

it won't help shit but at least i look pretty when he assrapes me with the bat

Is that gorilla flexin'?
Sauce

Hmm yeah I'd say so. This Bowie knife cuts through bone like butter. Go fuck yourself Harambe Jr.

Glock at hand at all times, I'll be fine except for cleaning up all the death fluids.

.38 revolver
7 rounds
Pretty sure I can land 3 right off the bat. And then two to the head for good measure. I think I'll live.

I would hope you'd understand how to use the weapons you own

Packin'

Trusting your life to a .38? You need to upgrade user.

battleaxe. My time has come.

Gorilla dicks are like 3 inches. What you are packing naturally would intimidate him

What if I already have a gorilla in my room?

Poorfag can't afford an upgrade. Poorfag can barely afford ammo.

Shit, he knows I'm fucking his wife.

youtu.be/3T0z1CT-nR8?t=33
GORILLA FIGHT

A 38 is a 9mm with more powder behind it, and in a revolver with no chance to jam and instant solution to a dud round to boot.

He'll be fine.

what the fuck is this, Dougal Dixon's wet dreams?

1060 carbon steel katana, 30-30 winchester repeater, 30.06, .357 magnum, .380 auto

Fuck that nigger, I will survive

Thank you /k/, I'm finally ready.

Comparing dicksizes isn't the important part. It's letting him know that at anytime I can fuck his anus up beyond repair.

.38 special with five shots. I'll probably just piss him off.

Bro, she's your mom show some respect.

>Shit, he knows I'm fucking his wife.
Which Kardasian is he married to?

>not having a bedside gun

.38 has less pressure than a 9mm, the longer case means jack. Heavier grain might be ok, Buffalo Bore ammo might be ok, but .357 is the better answer. Hopefully enough to punch a gorilla's skull plate though.

Only way to stop a gorilla is with a good guy with a gorilla.

.44 magnum revolver in dresser.
12 gauge at bedside.

I guess the better question to be asking, is how safe is bushmeat to eat?

>tfw I live in baltimore
>tfw my gorilla blaster is always locked and loaded

also, the ever watchful Bernard will protect me

Roofied bananas on the dresser and Barry White on the stereo..
Bring it!

snowflake!

Wtf do you think is this? Jumanji?

bump

Haha damn Daniel!

When he says gorilla he's referring to the Niggers, and possibly sand people, newfriend

>offer that nigger a banana & the next bong, packed

I understood that. I was talking about the bolt action elephant gun, newfag.

>not living in Murica

>jamming piece of shit
Wew, still spouting outdated memes I see.

>10:41 in the morning, just waking up
>Hear a knock on the door
>No one is home but me
>What the fuck
>Open the door
>Do not get on the floor or walk the dinosaur
>It's a motherfucking silver back gorilla
>Close the door
>Call 911 on my phone while climbing out the window
>What the fuck just happened

top kek

The gun was cheap and the ammo is also pretty cheap.
The bolt action is smooth and I am proficient with it.
And when some one get hit by this round, they ain't geting up.
>pic related

as long as your room is big enough to roll around and do the upward strike

>Glock at hand at all times

how does it feel to have a paranoia or some other fucked up mental disorder?

I have my Gerber knife.

the only weapon I have is a 3 inch pocket knife...

the fucker will shatter me before the blade even gets near it

...

nice trips

won't make the knife any more effective against the tree nigger

Since it's not a nigger, it can probably be logically reasoned with

>And when some one get hit by this round, they ain't geting up.
If they are that effective why did you buy the gun, couldn't you just throw the rounds at them?

I second this

> In other news, an escaped gorilla broke into a man's house today
>user grabbed a knife and attempted to defend himself
>before he could even touch the gorilla, it snapped both of his arms like twigs and suplexed his fatass.
>He will be forgotten
Back to you Kerry. More at 11.

summon the spirit of harambe to calm him

first I would be thinking where did this Gorilla come from and second is how did it get in my house with out me hearing it?

When he slam the door just say "so you're the one looking for this job"
Nigger will run away not to lose wellfare

The gun is 1d8 bludgeoning damage for when I run out of my thrown weapon

idiot , if he doesnt move for 10s i just stab him with my knife

It only takes me 4 seconds to get out my .38 Special... I choose that.

whoa...whoa... probably not...it must be a ninja gorilla (ninjarilla?)coming downstairs this old and noisy wooden stairs without making a sound....
but it'll be fun... bunch of x-actos and swiss army knives - of course not for melee, but i can throw them quiet accurate...
for melee I'd get that old way to heavy world atlas or may start kind a tavern brawl with several of the glass bottles...
but probably I'd ust throw some snacks at him and use that to escape trough the window :/
(probably I'd escape the moment I see him... windows to the inside of the house ftw)

hmm good think my ak-47 is always loaded with my now non compliant 32 round mag

holy shit user you must have been raped a few times

almost looks like my lee enfiled no4 mk 2. what isdat?

think i'm screwed xD

What kind of scary monkey is this?

I would die unless my dagger would do much damage but id have to be lucky

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

I live.