Screenplay Thread

Hows that script coming along Sup Forums?

Please give feedback mine please. Its the final scene of a shortfilm Ive been working on. Not sure where it needs tweaking.

Also, post yours.

Other urls found in this thread:

dropbox.com/s/9p89jk37yrp9mld/THE NEON DEMON(1).pdf?dl=0
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

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I'd cut out on the camera directions. They're annoying and nobody cares.

The main thing I'd fix is the action. The descriptions are pretty boring. I'd try to liven them up a bit- you still want to remain concise, of course, so make sure you don't get overdescriptive either.

You created some mirth right there buddy-dude.

not sure if im attracted to her or not. looks pretty but with a hint of downsyndrome

Lol... it comes off as a comedy?

WELL MAN I laughed at it. I'm pretty confident it wasn't serious, either. So yeah brofriend, I grokked it.

k

Christ, this sounds like a fantasy of some really lonely dude

The female is the main character.

a really lonely gender confused dude

k

Well this thread is DOA because OP keeps posting k.

only at shitposters.

you don't seem to understand how thread survival works. spitting in the face of trollbumps is a good way to speed your shit thread to the archive.

k is hardly spitting in their face. i asume youre one of them and "k' really made you upset.

k

confirmed

>Directing the movie in the script

Use a fucking storyboard m8

k

i like it mane good job

k

k

This.

Stop directing the actors

>asking fourchan for advice

Somewhere, some place there is a human being in a certain time that has a certain moment of insanity.
He or she believes that this godforsaken place could actually provide you with a sound response.

>not being a writer director

no older than the age of 19, JESS comes home with a shiner by his left eye. His MOM tries to tend to his wound but he’s reluctant when his DAD share’s his negative input to the situation. Distressed and irritated, Jess locks himself in his room to shoot heroin. He take’s a higher dosage than usual hoping to get higher than before. His BROTHER arrives an hour later, finding him OD’ing on the bedroom floor. An ambulance arrives minutes later, taking him away to the hospital. The next afternoon he awakes with his brother at bedside. He informs him that he’s not welcome home until he get’s himself clean.

OP is a faggot.
He posted the ending to Neon Demon.
dropbox.com/s/9p89jk37yrp9mld/THE NEON DEMON(1).pdf?dl=0

>mfw OP is Refn

D R O P P E D
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should be banned

No wonder its shit...

faggot

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k