Hi Sup Forums, i come to you for some advice

hi Sup Forums, i come to you for some advice.

I'm not going to go into details because I don't want to float evidence out there, but suffice it to say I found a bag full of folded and banded cash. $136,XXX USD. A few hunded-odd more than that. Pic is NOT the money. No, I'm not going to timestamp it.

The good news:
>I found it in a place where there are no cameras and no record of me being there
>The bills aren't sequential and the bills aren't crisp, so I know its not bank money.
>some of its really filthy and some of it is newish

The bad news
>there's some oily film on some of the money. Like maybe 20K of it. its very recognizable.
>the bag is plastic, not cloth, so there's probably fingerprints.
>based on the town, location of the bag, type of people that live around here, etc, I;d say it was certainly involved in some kind of illicit activity, and the people who are missing it will want it back.

What the hell do I do, Sup Forums? How do i keep this money and not put myself at risk? Also there is the question of randomly having a hundred plus thousands dollars - how do i hide the revenue. Its not like a 24 year old kid can suddenly buy a car wash like breaking bad and launder it.

>wat do, Sup Forums

Well for starters, you dont want to get caught with it all, so you should give some to me. I'll help you burden this illicit money user.

Seriously though, go turn it in to the cops. Most of it anyways. They're going to assume you kept/spent some but just tell them you were afraid touching it would make you am accessory and then hand whats left over.

Kys on cam

quit being a faggot that makes up stories and get a life

cuz were not all fucking faggots

Plan on spending it over a lifetime, OP. Every once in a while so a grocery store trip or a gas run in cash. Things like birthday presents- stuff the IRS doesn't look for.

Also make a couple casino runs. Buy chips. Lots of them. Come back months later and cash them back out and declare that cashed out money as a gambling winning. Then you can put some of the $ toward big purchases like a car

Keep it for a few months before spending it. Only spend a couple hundred dollars at a time and don't buy anything fancy use it for normal day to day things. If no one saw you then no one knows you have it. If it was some sort of illegal money drop someone was probably watching it and watched you walk off with it. If someone comes asking for it give it to them. People will kill you over that much money.

says the guy who makes "wreck it ralph" threads.

Keep it. Hide it inside of something inconspicuous but not overly hidden. Make a budget and spend accordingly. Clean off the ectoplasm covered bills immediately. I wouldn't spend the aforementioned ≈ 20ks if it were me, but hey, it's up to you. You could exchange the bills, but that would be a little risky. Give it a while (a few months) before even considering exchanging the bills at any bank. You might want to use a middleman for that also. Or two.

if they were watching it it was through a telephoto lens. There was nobody close, that much i can know for sure.

yeah I'm kind of leaning towards pocketing like 20K and giving the rest to the cops. I'm not really interested in getting killed. does this make me a huge faggot?

Wash dirty money in cold cycle in washer

hm. this casino chip cashing idea is an interesting way to launder money. Anyone here work at a casino? how much is the magic number to stay under to not make them raise an eyebrow? $1k $5k?

YOU ARE LIVING MY PERSONAL DREAM
DO NOT TURN THE MONEY IN
TRANSFER THE MONEY INTO A DIFFERENT CONTAINER
GO THROUGH ALL THE BILLS FOR ANYTHING INSIDE
HIDE THE MONEY
SPEND SLOWLY
LAUNDER THROUGH CASINO
PLEASE LET THIS BE REAL

seriously man, i daydreamed about this before. then it actually happened and i took it without thinking. Now I'm kind of shitting my pants. I keep expecting there to be a knock at the door. I'm even kind of thinking about leaving town. just letting my lease go and moving 30 miles away or something.

OP, are you retard? Be smart:
>find bag of money
>contains 136k
>probably illegal
>Steal 30k-90k
>turn in rest to police saying you found it
>owner is probably some shady fgt so noone will suspect
>Hide money
>stealthfully leave town and insert money into hidden bank account
>Wait a few days, make a BS excuse
>leave town buy new house + new car +new wife
>noone will ever know
>rest of money invest into Wall Street
>????
>profit

your a fuckin retard that you think this could be real. if this is real the thread starter put himself at gr8 risk of being found out. I bet cops and IRS are reading this bread right fuckin now retarded OP gonna get murked or incarcerated

we know who you are

we will see you soon

lol fagg who is he then

>136k
>buy new house + new car +new wife

not very high aspirations in life, eh?

dont listen to these faggots
go with your instinct
leave town for a while
maybe forever
DO NOT GIVE THAT MONEY BACK

Motherfucker did you not see Fargo?

>new house, car and wife with 30-90K
do you live in west baltimore or something?

...

Keep it for a month or two. Hide it. Don't touch it or spend it. Act like nothing happened and you never came across it. Then in a little while you'll be good.

even if i leave town though.. won't that make people suspicious? like I'm thinking about randomly applying for colleges far away so i have a reason.

Then the whole giving "some" of the money back. is that public record? could they bribe the cops and get my ID and then come ask for the rest and/or kill me? fuck. idk. I'm shitting my pants.

omg fuck you i hate you. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. shitting fucking bricks.

You cant just take the chips home with you and bring them to cash in like a savings coupon.

Say nothing, move the fuck away, wait a few months and enjoy

This is probably your best bed. Hide the money, check the news occasionally, dont get cocky/greedy. When you do spend it after a couple of months, do it slowly.

Hide the bag temporarily in your house. Have a drink and sit quietly while you focus on nothing but your breathing. When you're calm, imagine how you'd react to individual situations that worry you if you never knew that money existed.

Separate the oily bills, and bury them inside a glass jar somewhere safe.

Implement the casino/trickling scheme as above. Don't gamble with it though, you'll draw attention. Never the same casino twice. Never more than 10k on anything and separate near 10k transactions by months.

Be two versions of yourself. One that never found the money, never knew of it and one that manages it.

You can buy and sell small farm equipment for profit also if you can get to a rural area to live.

Just pay your bills and have some fun.
Baby wipes will clean oily substances without residue

huh? yes you can. I have about 7k in 100$ poker chips in my safe deposit box RN. Thats how i do my poker bankroll - when i go i bring 100$ black chips, buy in, then color up my winnings and leave with more black chips.

listen to me very carefully
do not give back one single penny
post on your facebook that you are traveling to hawaii on vacation
now you are going to go to alaska and smoke some legal weed there
grow a beard if you dont have one
shave if you do
change the style of clothes you wear
buy a burner phone and throw it out after a few days
bring nothing with you that tracks where you are NOTHING

Will the airline not ask about the zillion dollars in his backpack?

Go on a camping trip. Hide in in a secret compartment in your car.

Take it to the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere and dig a hole and put it in a box.

Leave it there for a year, then go check if it's still there.

By then the people looking for it would've moved on and if it's still there it's not bugged.

You are kind of living my dream. I sit on the shitter at night and imagine gold bars and stacks of money appearing in my bathroom. It helps me drop my turds.

But I live in Hawaii ._.

I've already googled this. you have to declare more than 10K in cash if you fly with it. If i travel, its going to have to be on Megabus.

Keep a low profile, if anyone ever questions you, give them back immediately. Use them for things like fuel, don't buy anything big and become a casino regular. In a couple of years you'll be able to cash them in, for now don't give in to temptations. Don't tell this to anyone, friends, family, none must know, even trusted people because they might reveal it by accident. Don't use the oiled money for at least a couple years. You'll be good, good things come to those who can wait.

What the fuck. DO YOU LIVE IN EWA BEACH? THAT MIGHT BE MY MONEY.

You realize that you'd have to pay anyone who really knew how to handle your situation right? No one who can deal with your cash will do it for free.

why not put it in a safe deposit box for a few years? This way they will have to keep you alive while you pick up the money in a public place.

goddamnit
now you HAVE to leave because you just said where you are
hide the money in vacuum sealed bags and hide it where nobody will ever find it
get the fuck out from where you are and dont come back for the money for a few months
no matter what

I need to pay some student loans OP. I would be glad to help you if you help me.

are you on oahu? if so what side of the island are you on?

Also, two more things. Dispose of the bag asap, cut it to shreds and throw it away in a thrash can in a nearby town. And don't move away, do not change house or go abroad, that'll make you a prime suspect and changning nation has never stopper criminals from chasing you.

haha mahu, cokaroach da kine haha hou!

The magic number in general is $10,000, because at that point there's mandatory IRS reporting.

RUN OP! RUN!!!!

Go and see if it ain't counterfeit first. Then ask a professional to dust for finger prints. If you find no match, keep the money.

...

I would just deposit it to my bank via ATM little by little over the next year or so.

cool story bro

oh fuck i never thought of this. what if its not actual cash.
>double dubs make me wonder.

Fuck off OP

>putting everything in one hole

damn nigger, dig ten holes put 36,000 in each hole. that way if there is tracking or you lose one you don't lose everything.

> Pic is NOT the money

>Pic is NOT the money

He said the picture was not the money you dumbell

wow, sherlock, op said right in his opening post that picture is not of his money.
>your skills of deduction are rivaled only by your ability to master the obvious

OP said that isn't his money in the pic
>it isn't his money in the bag either

also OP is dead by now, or at least missing his toenails

Dig a hole in somewhere. Only dig it back up to take what you need out at a time then bury it back. Risk free.

check if there is some gps device between the bills
not sure how this works tbh, but if i had this cash. then i would put something hidden to be able to find it

>Pic is NOT the money
OP did try pretty hard to seem real

Dubbed dubs don't lie bro

shut the fuck up micronesian fuck. Don't call me a cockroach ever again. Noones uses the word mahu anymore. Only fob ass niggas use that word in hawaii now.

I already did this. There's no device. I've handled and sorted every bill. I've seen No Country for Old Men. Still shitting my pants

not burying it in holes. that just seems stupid

still alive, but I'm a little worried mahu gonna come for da kine

i said its not the money, dipshit. I'm not retarded

yeah now I'm worried about it being counterfeit. I'm holding some right now.. feels pretty real.

Also, if the pic is NOT the money
why is the money described as the pic?

Pics or it didn't happen

if you give this money to the police you're an idiot and you don't deserve it. you're naive if you dont think a lot of it is going in to a cops personal pocket. giving it to them will be wasting a once in a lifetime oppurtunity.
burn the oily money, dont be greedy

stash the money where, if found it cannot be linked to you and dont go there alot, take alot with you each time, dont flash the money dont buy a sick car like an idiot just invest.

thank me in 10 years

>I sit on the shitter at night and imagine gold bars and stacks of money appearing in my bathroom
i thought i was the only one

ok you caught me. OP here. the pic is the actual pic of the money. i stashed it on the internet 4 years ago to throw off the real killers.
>the fuck are you talking about

this is retardedly basic buddy, the IRS will definitely come after you and as a matter of fact you're bank itself would probably have someone call you

dude idgaf if you think its real or not. frankly i hope you all think I'm full of shit because i don't want some nigger knocking on my door looking for cash.

>also check'd

ok so there is no gps and nobody saw you, no cameras
so nobody could know where the money is, so chill

if its stolen, then dont spend any of it, the cops might be looking for it

if its drug money, then you are in the clear, but dont spend too much at once, or the feds might get you

my advice is to hide it and wait 3 months before spending even 1 dollar from it

if somebody finds out you stole his money, then give it all back and hope they dont shoot you in the face (or worse...)

dont go to the police, there might be some corrupt cops that will rat you out, then you will have no money, and the people you stole it from will come for you anyway

I'd say you can pocket like 20k, then turn the rest of it into the police. Moreover, with that money, DO NOT cash it in all at once. Considering you'd be the one that turned in the cash, it will look very suspicious if you suddenly just put in 20k in your bank account. Just a suggestion though, and you could probably pocket like 30k if you want to.

oh..i dont know...maybe because....OP IS FULL OF SHIT AND DOESNT HAVE ANY FOUND MONEY YOU FUCKING DUNCE

this guy is 12 or something. that plan will get you killed in so many ways
you have good instincts. involving the police is the most stupid thing you can do in these situations

What a dumb ass
You think a druglordwill be less likely to kill u since u gave it to the cops?
Kill yourself

lmao dude the feds monitor this site at least ever since the fappening, you're right fucked m8

First: Any bills with the oily stuff; Burn them. Burn the bag you found them in, also. Burn them INSIDE your house, in as small of portions as you need to; Nobody can know what you're burning or why, or that you're burning them.

Second: Store the money as discreetly as possible, inside your house. You sit on that money, and do not touch it for as long as possible. Not even for $5. The longer that money "doesn't exist" for, the better. As time goes on, fewer and fewer people will be looking for that money. So, sit on it. DO NOT SPEND A DIME OF IT. Trust me.

Wait a couple years, maybe more - then start using small amounts, if you need to*. If you don't need to, then use the money to invest - but not ALL of the money, only about half. Stick the rest in a retirement fund.

Okay OP...,
In order for us to properly help you, it is necessary that you provide us with the following:
1. Your full street address including apartment/unit number, if any.
2. Your mobile telephone number & the name of your mobile provider.
3. The make/model of your car & the license tag number.

We don't want to tell you what to do next in an open forum like Sup Forums for your protection.
So wait patiently at home & a few of us will be there soon to fill you in on the plan.
Trust us..., we're Sup Forums.

I am on the same situation OP. I recently found a bag with 300 grams of paste coke with a balance (like 900 grams of pure coke). I hidden all the shit.

You can't even speak pidgeon correctly you dumb faka. So shut the fuck up and stop tryna act like you local. Also, if you found that money in Ewa beach, kalihi, kapolei. You're probably fucked.

Bravo my son

pics

>trust
>Sup Forums

Watch the news for any reported bank robberies or lost money. If nothing then it was probably a criminals and you're good if no one saw you take it.

Don't put it in the bank. Spend $1000 or less a month. Look at it as a supplementary income.

OP here, this thread was just a joke I didnt find any money. I had a dream last night that I found this money and I wanted some cool ideas about what people would do if they found something like this. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

no one actually buries money in the woods its just what people see in the movies

public storage, investing (only do this if you have reliable connections) rented storage in other name etc.

You're not OP

Just fucking go to Mexico, spend it all on bitches and party, no one will never know

Not a huge faggot. Just stupid.

it is hidden dude, why would i lie?

That buys a lot in some places and not even a parking spot in others.

Found the guy that lost 136k

kek.
>underrated post.

thats what someone who found a lot of cash and needed help would say

We are never the only ones, friend.

eh I've dealt with public storage in a few jobs I've had. Last place on earth to keep money.

so easy to get a local's jimmys all rustled up.

just kidding feds

I will tell you all this - the number one illicit trade around here isn't drugs. its sex slaves at AMPs. the FBI have been raiding the AMPs (thats asian massage parlor) pretty regularly. My theory is that some gook got a tip from a dirty cop that they were going to get raided so he stashed all his cash. as it turned out, he stashed it in a place where i can find it. not sure what the oily stuff is. Thats my theory, anyway. Thats probably too much info already.

that's not what he's saying, he's saying you could go do cool shit around the world instead of cucking out and doing marriage and kids like every other faggot