>be American
>wake up at 5AM because my commute is 2.5 hours and I need to gobble up some Sugarflakes™ before I leave
>at least I have my radio™ to entertain me on the way there
>my favorite morning show, "Earwax and Buttslap in the morning on WTYQSSIOPRKER 103.9 FM sponsored by Audible™ and Stitcher™, Sticher - never miss an episode™" is on
>30 seconds of commercials for every 10 seconds of song. It's ok though they're a business right
>finally get to work, my boss yells at me for being 7 minutes late and says I'll never get my 9 year old daughter back from the child deposit boxtm sponsored by LootCrate™ - what was your loot today?™at this rate
>another wave of layoffs this year because a streetpooper in India is willing to do my job for $3 a day and free laxatives
>I've been feeling a sharp pain in my chest when I inhale but my $15k/year insurance barely covers cough medicine
>work my usual 10 hour shift, I might be back by 11 today, this is great
>I have 49 minutes to watch TV
>too bad by $70/month Comcast™ subscription only covers daytime telenovelas
>if I want to watch the game I need the $200/month sports package sponsored by ESPN™ - get your game on™
>well hopefully I can play some vidya at least
>console needs to download the daily 3GB update, it's gonna take 19 hours
>fuck it
>just before I got to bed I remember I'll have to ask my boss for the day off on Sunday, I'm running low on "cheese"™ and "veggies"™, sponsored by Monsanto™ - innovation, collaboration, speed™ and I need to buy some
>greatest country™
>good night
Be American
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I was going to ironically shitpost about muzzies but that's actually not too far of from the truth
>Be European
>Wake up
>Go outside
>Get trucked
Trademarks aren't a thing in Europe?
Europeans like to pretend that the bad things related to capitalism only exist in America and that no Europeans are depressed office drones who hate their boss just the same and don't have to get up early to slave away.
But work conditions are actually much better in Europe, you're not treated as an expendable cog who is threatened to get fired at the slightest fuckup, and cubicles aren't a thing.
> be finnish
> commute 20 km to work on a road,maybe seeing 2-3 cars on the way
> arrive 20 minutes early,brew some coffee
> shift starts,start shitposting to Sup Forums via proxies and walk about 3-4 km a day while doing rounds
> drive home
> sleep 12-18 hours
> repeat
pretty much my life
>t. never worked an actual American job
Why are Americans always so quick to bring up the 'lol Muslims' line when demographically they're 100 times more fucked than we'll ever be?
>63%
>be Hungarian
>wake up at 10AM and loiter outside
>look for tourists playing around with cameras like man children
>get offered to suck slav dick for 100 euros while being taped, says he is ceo of Hungirly™
>accept and get fucked in nearby forest or alleyway
>loop fake moaning sounds till he spergs out
>keep doing until 11pm
>get home at 2am because leg is sore from assfucking
>clean off spermgh with hot shower
>cry and write to penpal from czech on how men are all pigs
>repeat
This is quite literally how I view city life for the average person.
8/10 really though. Exaggerated, but not too far from the truth on most things.
It's a mixture, for some people in the city it's like this but I wouldn't say for most. It also depends on the city, some are more blue collar than others and their days mimic what OP posted.
I'll say that this is 100% accurate for suburbanites though, I don't know anyone that doesn't live like this in suburbia that's not retired or self employed.
You've never actually worked a Jon here have you? Getting threatened by your boss consistently is grounds for a lawsuit
I didn't mention muslims at all, its just a European tradition to die in droves to foreigners
I consider Suburbia around a major city to still be city life honestly.
I live in a fairly average sized University town, and from my somewhat limited time in other states, life seems best here for the average person.
>20+ traffic lanes
I don't think they have this here, even in LA
...
>I consider Suburbia around a major city to still be city life honestly.
It's hardly is, I've had a taste of all 3 lifestyles of urban, suburban, and rural and suburban life is much closer to rural when you compare it to actually living in a city.
What is this?! Usually I make the snide posts about America and its faults.
Well. At least you did a great job testvérem.
Thank you Hungary
I laughed fairly hard at this
Aside from the obvious exaggerations for keks, all of this is basically accurate
That's the odd thing though. I neither consider where I live to be rural, suburban, or urban.
My town is like 40k people with a university, plenty of opportunities for the people living here, and not a terrible commute unless you're going to the next city over.
There is certainly suburbs, but they are mainly a shit ton of housing projects on the outskirts of forested neighborhoods that are half full at best.
London is now 47% white
...
>I neither consider where I live to be rural, suburban, or urban
That's fair, you're living in a medium sized town.
Around my city those are still considered to be apart of suburbia though since they're apart of the surrounding counties. Funny enough it's where all of the hick shows take place, county and state fairs, horses races, bull riding, farm equipment selling etc...
>cities
AKA minority zones
In America poor people (largely minorities) live downtown and rich people (white) live in the suburbs.
That's how you wind up with graphs like that. We simply have a different social dynamic over here.
>In America poor people (largely minorities) live downtown
In pretty much every U.S. city living downtown is expensive, chic or trendy, minus the very few spots that haven't been gentrified.
Minorities live in the crappy abandoned pockets that surround the downtown and business sectors of the cities.
10/10 made me depressed
>all the white people don't actually live in the cities because minorities committing crime forced us all to flee to the suburbs see we don't have a demoraphic problem
I hope you realize that cities are minority zones everywhere and ours us just leaps and bounds worse because of how many more minorities we have
>be me, American
>European cousin coming to visit
>excited to show him what my country has to offer
>waiting for him at the train station
>he arrives, draped in a burned, feces-smeared American flag
>I greet him and ask about his clothing choice
>He replied
>”Murrifats. Culture.”
>”E-excuse me?”
>”Murrifats. White”
>I ask him what a Murrifat is.
>He begins obnoxiously clapping in my face, as if he’s referring to something I’m supposed to understand
>I shrug it off
>He asks where my mobility scooter is
>Inform him that I don’t use one
>A look of utter confusion comes across his face
>Take him on a tour of my hometown
>Entire time, he has a disgusted scowl on his face
>Asks me why there aren’t poor people dying in the streets and gunfights around every corner
>I tell him I don’t understand
>”Murrifats. In charge of speaking English”
>We get to war memorial at park
>He spits on it
>I tell him how rude that is
>He begins bleating on about American imperialism and how the Soviet Union were the true liberators of Europe and Asia
>He then starts clapping in my face obnoxiously again. I still don’t understand what he’s referring to, but he evidently thinks it’s hysterical
(to be continued...)
>Feeling uncomfortable, I decide to take him to get food
>Small sandwich shop everyone in town loves
>He orders first
>”Where are the burger?”
>Old lady behind counter looks confused
>I explain that he’s from Europe
>She asks which country and he reluctantly answers
>”Oh yes, that’s a beautiful country” she replies, “That’s where my family came from”
>I see blood vessels bulging on the back of his neck, beads of sweat forming at his hair line. He’s breathing heavily.
>He slowly leans into the old woman’s face and without warning screams “MUH HERITAGE!” at the top of his lungs
>Starts furiously clapping in her face
>I have to restrain and pull him back. I apologize to the old woman
>Visibly shaken, she meekly replies “H-have a nice d-day”
>This comment only seems to make him angrier
>Our food arrives and we initially eat in silence
>”Fatty” he says, ostensibly addressing me, despite my relatively low BMI, “where is Albania?”
>He has an incredibly smug look on his face
>”Albania? It’s a tiny country across the Adriatic sea from Italy, south of Serbia and Montenegro, north of Greece”
>The color drains from his face
>His expression is now one of extreme distress and paranoia
>”M-murrifats. Education” he replies, sheepishly
>I still don’t understand what a Murrifat is
(to be continued...)
>Decide to smooth things over, ask him if he’d like a beer afterwards
>”Murrifat beer. Pisswater. Pick both” he replies
>I continue
>”I know the stereotype about American pale lager, but things have changed a lot in the last 20 years. There’s an excellent ale I know of that’s produced by a local brewery just down the street”
>My cousin goes completely stoic
>I instantly realize that I must have crossed some sort of line
>He just sits there for a minute, occasionally twitching
>It’s almost as if his brain has been overloaded
>He drops to the floor and begins writhing
>I’m about to get help when suddenly he leaps back up to his feet and takes in the largest breath of air I’ve ever seen
>”MUUUUUUH MICROBREEEEEEEWS!”
>restaurant windows shatter
>my eardrums nearly rupture
>He is now ripping off his clothes and shrieking
>Old lady behind register is going for phone
>He promptly shits into his hand and chucks it at her, knocking her off of her feet
>He leaps out the window, still in the throes of defecation
>Police arrive
>Yell at him to surrender
>He lunges at them, grabbing one officer and mauling his face
>Grabs disabled officer’s gun and starts to raise it
>Other officer fires, hitting him in the chest
>My cousin falls to the ground
>I rush over
>He’s barely clinging to life
>I ask him why he did it
>He motions me closer
>”Be Murrifat…” he begins with his last dying breath, coughing up blood
>”…Get shot”
>Falls to the ground, dead
Butthurt is strong in you, my son
Your drunk paddy bastard self is so wasted you can't even recognize pasta
>”MUUUUUUH MICROBREEEEEEEWS!”
Every. Fucking. Time.
...
I'm dying
I listen to a lot of American radio programs and this is spot on
10/10 banter
20km drive is nice
Then again, its Funland, you don't have open forests
Good job, you reminded how my I hate my life and myself.
Heh.
good post
...
>amerianything
>muzzies
>here
...
yes it's surely nothing to do with the fact that your country as a whole is only 56% white
Pretty good, but none of those products are advertised on radio. You're thinking of podcasts, that would be spot on.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY THIS IS OUR LIFE
>tfw it's impossible to live in Europe as an American unless you work an exhausting wageslave job
pls don't make fun of us, we have to live with this
>thinks Office Space was a documentary
I saw like five black people when i was in london
All the asians that werent tourists were in chinatown.
All the arabs were working in a convenience store or one that one street above hyde park with lebanese restaurants.
Why do you keep dropping this number
I'm going to fucking enjoy the death of Europe when you can't stop the Africans from coming and the large numbers of Muslims already in your countries.
DELETE THIS
wow, did you actually type all that bullshit, retard?
your life maybe, you cuck
I wake up at 5:30 am and go to the job site. I'm a foreman so i just tell my apprentices what to do. Work til maybe 3 or 3:30, not a dickhead so i let my guys go home at a reasonable hour.
get payed weekly, far more than any subhuman living in eastern yurop could hope for.
my house is twice the size of any europoor house
feels good buds
...
>tfw this isn't too far off of my actual life
Morning freeway commutes during rush hour are absolutely soul crushing, especially in Southern California. There are too many fucking cars in this country.
>SoCal
>soul crushing
You are tool spoiled my friend.
What is truly soul crushing is a long ride in an overcrowded subway or in a fucking bus full of sweaty people somewhere in Europe or waiting for a bus in the cold dark street somewhere in Binland or Sweden. 9AM, pitch dark, -32C, next bus is in twenty minutes. Every single day.
because that is the number. Why don't you do something about it instead of getting butthurt when people on the internet point out what a brown shithole your country is turning into