Serious thread.
This is for all the people who have been abused as children and/or as adults.
How to help you? What did help you?
Can you heal?
I'd like to hear as many opinions as possible. Thank you.
Other questions:
- does it help to talk about it?
- do you think about it often?
- is there a point when that weight is lifted?
C'mon Sup Forums.
not a good ider to talk about this on Sup Forums. get help or a therapy, this is a very serious case. my girlfriend got abused by her brothers at 8, and it destroyed her life because she didnt got therapy in time.
and get the fuck out of here, this community is cancer anyways..
I should have specified that I have never been abused. I'm trying to know how to help a friend.
It's all in the past, but it's very serious stuff.
A lot of you millennial queers think you get abused when your parents tell you to take out the trash. I used to get my ass whooped when I was a kid. You're a generation of sensitive fags. You don't know what abuse is.
All right, chillax, but stick around. I have never been abused. I'm not a millennial, either, and the abuse I'm guessing my friend went through is heavy shit. I'm not talking about getting spanked, I'm talking about stuff that makes the law take you away from your parents and change your name.
If you have any actual insights, I'm all ears, tough guy.
bump
Been abused for 14 years by my mother who has a personality disorder. Got beaten up, tied to a chair, locked in the bathroom, was forced to eat stuff from the floor. Also molested by stepmother once. Luckily I beat up my mother when I was 14, gave me a place in a children's home.
So..cutting contact with the parents helps a lot, haven't been suicidal for almost three years now which is a great success. Doing therapy for almost a year now, it helps sometimes but not always. Bad thoughts come every day, also think about my childhood every day. Drawing or writing poems helps me a bit, words come to their limit very fast when it comes to describing horrors experienced as a child.
I hope my past won't be a burden anymore some day, but right now I still feel it every day but it is getting better I suppose.
Hang in there.
Suppose you find a great friend, someone who's like your soulmate, would it a problem for you that they didn't go through the same?
(I'll have other questions.)
Post proof of your molestation pls
>a personality disorder.
Psychopathy? I mean the clinical definition. I'm curious, because I suspect my friend had two parents like that.
Have you ever suffered from depression? (The clinical kind.) And was if yes, was it because of your past?
Suppose I was to help you, what would I do?
BUUUM,P
Not him but I'd make the person feel normal, never ask questions, just make them feel heard if he/she wants to talk about it
Psychopathy and personality disorders are not the same. My mom has a narcissist personality disorder, leading to psychotic episodes in a few cases where she was convinced our neighbors were practicing black magic or she was able to read everyone's thoughts.
Also, still suffering from depression and PTSD. I blame my past for pretty much everything what's not alright. Life right now is quite good but the shadows from the past don't let me enjoy it.
I've done that. The person expressed her sadness that I don't have the same past, that we can't connect on that level.
Was your mom ever cured? Is that possible?
What's the criterion that makes psychopathy not a personality disorder?
>Life right now is quite good but the shadows from the past don't let me enjoy it.
What do you think can be done?
Yes. People with abuse experiences divide humanity in two groups: Those who can relate and those who don't. I kind of can't connect to people who had nice childhoods, they all seem naive to me somehow. My girlfriend comes from a pretty normal family, never talk to her about the stuff I experienced because she would be shocked but could not understand because you only can understand if you have been through it yourself IMHO
My friend seems to think so too and it makes her sad that I'm not on the same team.
Does everyone amongst the abused believe the same?
My friend calls the non-abused the "spared".
Help with the bumping, thread is almost always about to die. Give me some bumps!
wat ? You try to help her she's jealous that you didn't have a shitty childhood ?
No, she's sad that she's alone in this. I think.
It's a common symptom of PTSD. So it's nice that you want to help your friend, but maybe she just doesn't want to talk about it. Never ask someone with abuse experiences about their past, when they want to talk about it they will. Tell your friend you will always be there to listen if she wants to talk but don't be intrusive. Send her to a therapists, these guys get paid for dealing with stuff like that.
I do that. I've known there had been abuse, but I never asked her anything, I only told her we could talk about it whenever she wanted. This has been never, so far.
She already sees a therapist.
My dad was an abusive drunk. Takes a lot of willpower not to knock him out sometimes, but he's changed somewhat and acts all innocent about it, claiming not to remember
It's not your problem then, as harsh as it sounds. Many things in life you have to sort out on your own, others can't do shit for you then.
Your friend needs to find out what does the trick for her, if it's singing or fucking chi gong or therapy. If you can't bear seeing her depressed, quit the friendship. Easy as that.
I've been abused 2 times, once when by my female cousin and once by my male neighbor, both happened when I was about 5. I don't really think about it that much because it hasn't affected me for some reason, I just keep on living, what happened, happened, I can't change it. It didn't really bother me much in the first place, I just cut all contact with both cousin and neighbour and pretended like it never happened. I never talked about it to anyone :/ hopefully you can overcome it if it's your burden, good luck user, much love ^^
We are close friends, her problems are mine.
Yea everyone is alone nothing new. You seems to do the right thing, maybe go to her therapist and ask what else you can do. But remember that you can't carry her burden for her and don't get yourself depressed over things that have nothing to do with you
Got raped when I was younger by step uncle, I'm not angered by it anymore, but it is annoying that he'd do that. He doesn't remember anymore, got caught by my dad and was nearly slaughtered. Had to have facial reconstruction surgery, went to prison for CP on his CP right afterwards. But idk. I'm emotionally disconnected from life, I feel for my girlfriend though, and am happy when I think about her. That's all that matters to me. Shit happens, and everyone dies. Can't live life pissed off and angry.
Thanks for sharing. I appreciate.
>he doesn't remember
I see a lot of cases of selective amnesia in this thread...
My uncle used to beat me a lot for the smallest things. He broke my arm by slowly bending it the wrong way. Stabbed my arm. Burned my leg with a hot spoon, made me sleep naked on the floor. Had me go without food for about a week. Shattered a xbox 360 on my head. Whipped me with belts and sticks. Broke my toys and took my books. Bought packs of a4's specially to make me write lines of text days after each other. Made me eat cat shit. Everytime my grandma cried he would hit me an additional 10 to 20 times. Sometimes I couldn't go to school for weeks. Couldn't recognize myself in the mirror. I can honestly say that I'm completely fucked up. I used to draw a lot but he beat me so senseless after a while I couldn't draw anymore because I couldn't see the purpose behind it. I have no purpose in life and besides school I have nothing else. But I'm still breathing and that's enough for me.
I was abused and shit, but it gave me ASPD, so I really don't care about anything anymore - I'm not really sad. Reminds me of Pink Guy's Fried Noodles chorus.
I'm not really depressed or anything. Just ASPD
Ever heard of Helper Syndrome? Maybe you should check if you have problems OP. Sometimes people are overly concerned about their friends problems to distract themselves from their own troubles.
>He broke my arm by slowly bending it the wrong way.
Fucking hell...
...
Man... That's heavy stuff.
>be me ages 2-9
>me only boy with 3 sisters
>oldest sis gets the idea of using me to lick puss
>other two sisters follow "trend"
>me too young to know whats going on
>>we get caught by parents when i was 4, maybe.
>oldest sis gets idea to blame me the 4 year old
>sure 4yr old is forcing himself on a 9yrold
>dad takes bait and beats me
>dad cuts deal with sisters that if i try it again he beats me
>every time i refused i get beaten
>every time i submitted my cock and balls would hurt (blue balls)
> age 9 i had enough. started beating the shit outa sisters at every proposition
>dad goes to beat me i fight back and lose.
>get sent to therapy for anger issues
> i dont say why i did it i just say through tears my sisters are bitches
>they, sisters, conveniently forget and wonder why i am resentful to my fam
>first time ever telling anyone
I don't know what my own troubles would be... (Case in point?) I always help people if possible, but it's not an obsession.
Holy shit, the arm breakage. Murder him
Man, you need to tell your parents the truth, and in a way that your sisters hear it too, as in an e-mail.
Blow that shit up. No matter what happens afterwards, you'll have dropped the truth.
Do it, user, you deserve to free yourself.
Sexually abused by friend of the family as a child, no idea if that's why I'm shit at maintaining relationships or not, but I suppose it could be part of my trust issues. Never been to a therapist.
It certainly gets better over time - until I was 27 or so I'd literally flinch / jump when anyone touched me, even if I saw the contact coming. Only people it didn't happen with were the two longest-term girlfriends I've had, but I managed to fuck those relationship up eventually. I'm pretty much past that now.
I certainly don't feel any better talking about it and don't want anyone in my life who doesn't know about it knowing. Do my best to not think about it at all, but it comes up now and then.
>tfw forced to have sex with a girl
>can't say shit because everyone will laugh you off
>can't into sex anymore
Understanding why I felt the way I did, rather than getting mad that I felt worse then I felt I should. Once I was able to come to terms that it did fuck me up (I never wanted to see myself as "week") I was able to analyze my actions and issues which allowed me to work through them. Took a few years, but I am pretty much normal now.
Sounds pretty fucked up user. More than you sisters though, your dad should kill himself. Do you still associate with them?
Im 31 now and I have "dropped" the issue because of the length of time spent. though to this day i wish i told the therapist more then just calling my sisters bitches. though she was a woman and i still dont trust women
Are you new or just way too cynical?
Sounds like things are looking up, though it's slow. Good luck user.
>though she was a woman and i still dont trust women
Good point. They should have asked you which you wanted, man or woman. It matters a lot.
>My friend calls the non-abused the "spared".
Your friend is a faggot.
This.
ages 10-23 needed parents to live/get on my feet. didn't talk to them while i was in the army from 23-28. parents went through channels to get ahold of my co to force me to talk to them. my mother crying when she finally got ahold of me was too much. and i think my dad is suspicious of what happened and now treats his grandson like a prince and his 2 granddaughters with a meh attitude
The worst part is he doesn't remember. He genuinely doesn't remember most of the shit he did to me.
...
Holy fuck. Why? How old were you? Also, I think you "win" this thread, so on that note I am so sorry user.
...
I'm not that kind of guy. As much as I despise him for letting his emotions run amok he also was there for me from the beginning and he still is. I'm sure he feels guilty and knowing that his life is a failure is enough for me.
same guy that doesnt trust women. i feel the same way about IVs. docs assumed i was right handed but i learned already to write left handed. thats the only thing i can do left handed now. i have no grace with my right hand but after a week with an IV in right hand things felt more comfortable to do it right handed
You think so? How can anyone forget this shit?
My dad acted shit a few times, nothing I'd consider abuse, but my mom confronted him about it and he said he didn't remember either.
>scarred by the forgetable actions of others
You really should let your dad know what he did to you before he dies.
I already thought so. I know a couple of people around me who also used to get hit every once a while. Seeing them run their mouths about how hard their life was made me feel so bad.
no he was baited by women. all fault lies on my sisters
I would get pissed, though never enough to share my story (if I had yours).
Oh, I was 11 when my mother died and went kiving with my grandmother and uncle. I couldn't take it anymore when I was 16 and went to school to tell them about it. They knew all along but they couldn't do anything.
Mom was bipolar/schizo, (depending on which therapist you ask) addicted to benzos, painkillers, muscle relaxers and eventually heroin. Sometimes would barely acknowledge us for weeks, sometimes would have a meltdown and scream like a maniac about how me and my sister were spoiled pieces of shit, terrible, ungrateful, because we left a sock on the couch or something. Got kicked out a few times, had to scramble to find places to live, had to break into her house for food.
Definitely gave me a "dismissive-avoidant" attachment style in relationships, but honestly I love who it made me into. I'd drink socially for a few years in college, but I won't touch booze at all now, I own two businesses, I channeled a lot of my anger into powerlifting and I've been pretty accomplished at that.
I have a decent social life but I tend to keep everyone at arms length, and I tend to get involved with emotionally fucked up women pretty often. I'm sure that has something to do with it. But overall I think it made me into a very independent well adjusted person because I've always had to be accountable for my own wellbeing.
To be fair, trusting a 9-year-old kid over a 4-year-old kid is a pretty shit thing to do. Especially in context. There's no way a kid this young can force a much older kid to do anything.
What are the chances your dad forced himself on your sisters and they used you to do the same thing but being the abuser instead of the abused?
Yeah, but his dad is supposed to be a father and protect him (you?) from shit like that. His incapability to be a good father allowed the abuse to continue. Hell he even helped it go on. Not that the sisters are without blame, but, imo, the father bears more of the blame due to his position.
You guys are actually the first people I've told about this. Even my psyciatrist back in the day didn't know the details.
Why couldn't they do anything?
One of the many benefits of this place. I've shared stuff here I've never told anyone (Including my wife of 15 years).
I think he just pished the memories in the back of his head. One time when I confronted him about it he looked flabbergasted and didn't talk for the rest of the day. He looked confused and scared.
not likely. sexually molested kids either block memories or have memories from a very early age. I remember being in germany when i was 1 and a half years old. that was around the time this started. (confirmed by parents) they however barely remember germany at all and two of them are older. since we are fam i can only assume they would be like me and remember not block
yay feminism
Interesting. Thanks for sharing.
I guess they needed me to tell them otherwise things could've gotten worse. You don't want to meddle in family affairs if you've got no stable platform (beat up kid) to work from.
It's funny how we don't speak to the people closest to us but speak to the most random people we've never seen.
>One time when I confronted him about it he looked flabbergasted and didn't talk for the rest of the day. He looked confused and scared.
>confused and scared
He remembers.
Abused people, what should one do to help you?
Not convinced there's anything a non-professional can do. Not convinced about therapists either, but someone with no training is probably better off not even trying. Appreciate that you're trying to help your friend, but it isn't really that easy.
I guess it could also be that I might run my mouth to our family in another country. As much as he ruined me, you are probably right about him remembering. But for the wrong reasons unfortunately.
OK.
What do therapists do? I'm really curious about that one.
This sisters were 9. He was not just an adult, but the father. This has nothing to do with feminism.
Don't know as I've never been, but I do know that if I wanted to try therapy, I'd definitely want it to be with someone I didn't otherwise know. Opening this shit up is pretty raw man - I'd never ever want to have that sort of conversation with a friend.
just be a good friend
For me its because I won't have to live with the knowledge that someone I know some that's really embarrassing to me. Here once the thread dies the people I told my story do as well, so I don't have to worry. If that makes sense.
and what side would you ick when you see three girls crying and a boy showing shame?
>girls learn to cry to get out of trouble
>boys learn to show shame when they find out what they are doing is wrong
>I need feminism because I want women under oppression to men for as long as men hve to women.
>check your history books again folks!
Depends. For me encouragement to do things I don't want to do because of what happened (without being overly pushy) helps. The rest of the time being treated normal helps. I don't really like pity. To put it another way, if I have a problem, I don't want help fixing the problem. I want help in being able to do it myself.
>I'd never ever want to have that sort of conversation with a friend.
Why not? I'm really curious.
That's one of my fave things about this place - I can be completely honest about ludicrous or strange things, and no one ever knows it's me. Even better, if you admit something strange, there's every chance someone else who has the same strange secret will see your post and feel a little less odd about it.
If one boy is fucking 4? The kidks. Hands down. Eventually I'd get pissed at my daughters, even id I did believe them. If the three of them can't hold off a 5-6 year old, they are going to get fucked up as adults when I'm not around. They need to "man up" so to speak.
What they did was wrong and they knew it yet still somehow less to blame. That's feminism
And by "the kidks" I obviously mean the boy.
>How to help you? Succ
What did help you? Nutting
>Can you heal? Probably
>Other questions:
>- does it help to talk about it? No
>- do you think about it often? Yes
>- is there a point when that weight is lifted? No
They are less to blame not because of their sex, but because of their position (siblings) and age (fucking kids). When a person takes on the role of a parent there are responsibilities. Being a parent is a choice. Being a sibling is not. That is why more blame should rest on the father. Why are you trying to make this about sex?
...
Two reasons I guess:
First, me and my friends don't talk about feelings unless we're drunk and bitching about women.
Second, whether it makes any sense or not there's a massive feeling of shame involved in being a man who was sexually abused, even if it was when I was like, 4. I don't even know how to explain it because it never occurred to me people might feel otherwise.
test
There's this girl that it's in love with me and I kinda abuse her
Am I the bad guy here?
No
Who's the bad guy then?
Not me
I understand. Although to be honest, as a man too, I really don't think anything negative about it, meaning, you were a kid, male or not, makes no difference to me; it actually just add to it, because I know exactly what you mean.
I got your back, bro.