Hows it going tonight /b

Hows it going tonight /b

bad, there is not ylyl bread

Reroll

Winrar!

Good friend. How are you?

Things are not so good for me right now, friend. But I'm grateful that I'm here posting rather than talking to the voices in my head. Soon, the whiskey will overpower the screams in my head and I may be able to sleep. How is your night going?

Damn man maybe you should talk to someone

Stressful

My sister in law went fucking psycho because my father in law is giving us money for a house and she lives in a shit hole.
She went BALLISTIC
screaming and throwing shit

My aunt had a panic attack

It sucked user

Stay strong user things get better

It's alright I guess. Hoping to get some pussy later.

I got attacked on the street by thugs, managed to escape with all my shit intact and only minor injuries. Win!

I only rape the finest alpacas

Nice!

It's 03:42am, I can hear noises coming from downstairs like I can every night, I can't sleep like always and I just ripped off the scab I have on my back. Oh. And my girlfriends having a panic attack and is being sick everywhere.

Nah, all they do is scream at him.
I propose you buy a firearm, OP.

I would say you're right but talking about it doesn't solve the problem. I have had 14 different therapists and have found that Psychology as a whole has done more harm than good in treating me.
Lol it's funny to me that you say that. I went to buy a shotgun yesterday and the only reason that I'm still alive is because I recently moved and my address on my driver's license is different than my current resident address. I even exchanged cash with the guy and had the goods in my hand, but when he went to print the paperwork out there was an error because the information didn't match. God is a twisted fuck, and he is most certainly laughing at me

Story? I would love to hear about it if you're willing to share

Excuses never got me anywhere. Why don't you kill yourself with gravity or chemicals?
Not that I endorse suicide, I personally believe it's the only method of death that will ensure an empty, loveless eternity.

I agree. After my attempt in which I slit my wrist open with a scalpel, I don't want to leave any room for error. Medical science is advanced enough today that those pricks can bring you back from just about anything.
I choose not to use gravity because of a girl that I met in the psych ward. She lied her way out like we all did in order to try, try again but then I saw her again two weeks later in a full body cast. She had jumped from a bridge and broken nearly every bone in her body but those fucking sadists kept her alive in order to continue "helping" her. I don't trust gravity to finish the job. I don't use chemicals because I tried overdosing as well when I was younger, and that just led to me having an absurd regiment of anti-psychotics in the hospital for a few weeks and more treatment. At this point the only thing that I trust is a firearm, because I have seen first hand how effective they are at putting the brain matter on the outside of the skull. They can't stitch that shit back up.

Sure, I'm just going to bed but I'll share.
>Walking home, alone, unlit street
>See a group of 5 guys, one on a bike, heading down the road towards me
>Consider crossing the road but figure it's probably fine
>As I near them realise my mistake
>Bunch of 16-17 year old teens in shitty clothes
>Couple of them are wearing some sorta gloves (mma gloves maybe? just some shitty hand wraps? I dunno. Weird and dumb)
>Overhear them talking to one another and just about manage to catch "Yeah, this guy this guy, do it do it" before they're on me
>They start talking shit and randomly swinging at me
>I've had some martial arts training so I'm aware this is about as bad a situation as you can find yourself in
>If I fall I'm probably getting kicked and therefore cracked ribs at LEAST
>Meanwhile one of the little slimy bastards is trying to swipe my bag. He's clearly a hanger-on, not swinging at me, loving it though.
>I see my exit and I yank my bag out of his hands and quickly shove past him then run my ass down the street as fast as I can
I was absolutely furious that there was no chance to knock some teeth in but all I got was a black eye from some girly punch one of the gloved guys threw. I'm lucky I didn't both get my shit stolen and seriously injured given how bad the situation was.

Smartest decision you will ever make in your life. Dealing with the anger of being in a situation that was fucked and you had no hope in is much better than getting beaten to death. You made the right choice user. I'm not going to say "you were lucky" because that's bullshit, but you are smart as hell to trust your training

Those anti-depressants are fucky, man. Anecdotal evidence, but everybody I knew who took Prozac suddenly wanted to die.
Have you ever tried Psilocybin or LSD?

Now buy a gun like OP and team up to fight crime.

From my experience, the danger is strong with anti-depressants. The only way to get someone on them properly is under 24/7 watch, as giving someone who wants to die a drug which gives them enough energy to kill themselves long before taking away the urge to die is not the smartest choice.

I have tried both mushrooms and LSD yes. Some of my favorite things on this planet. Why do you ask? I imagine you wonder if they were helpful or provided some sort of insight into my mental health?

Thanks dude, makes me feel better. I know I did right but it still feels like shit to run from some scrawny kids any one of whom I could have broken over my leg, and it still feels like shit to take a few hits to the face and not throw any back. I'm a very calm person normally but as soon as I was out of the situation I was just boiling over. I'm beyond relieved I could keep my nerve when it counted and can sit here and shoot the shit rather than be typing this from the hospital right now.

Try sucking dicks
Its exhilarating

That's exactly why I was asking. I was secretly hoping LSD would be my end-all solution for life. Turns out I'm about the same as I started.

Why do you want to die?

pretty shit
>lost my job last week
>nothing good on youtube
>cant find anywhere to dumpster dive
yep

I encourage you to reflect over what you know, in my experience it has helped me. If you truly KNOW that you could have taken out any of those faggots then you would not be bothered by their pathetic need to take you on as a group. You've got a good perspective on the situation. At the end of the day you were unable to develop firepower superiority and so you popped smoke. Textbook on how to not die. If you ever encounter any of them again then you will have the opportunity to kill them slowly and savor their screams and begging for their life before taking it. Those who play the long game live long enough to know what real victory tastes like. Be well, user

Are you suggesting sucking a strangers cock? I sucked a cock once when I was 15, but those were extenuating circumstances because I was being sexually abused. It was fun, but I was drunk and mostly confused because I couldn't find the pussy.

What do you enjoy about sucking cocks? Is it the adrenaline rush from it being so taboo or do you like the taste of cum or?

I took LSD, laughable quantities of LSD, thinking that I too would find answers. After all of my experiences with the drug, I've come to realize that LSD doesn't give a person answers and peace of mind, but instead gives a person questions. The questions that it gives a person are important and are crucial to self-understanding, but the responsibility of finding a solution, as always, relies on the individual instead of the drug. The problem with LSD is that most of the crucial "insights" and "truths" that are discovered when you take the drug are personal in nature and don't mean anything to other people. Even though you may have had a life changing experience and are able to word what you thought about and how it felt perfectly, unless another person has a similar experience they will only be able to say "great..."
I liked that you said you were the same as you started. They call it a "trip" for a reason. You leave a certain point, go on an extensive and exhausting journey, and then all of a sudden you are back where you started in the first place, wondering if you gained anything from the experience.
Reasons for my seeking death to follow, wait one.

Eagerly awaiting more input.

I want to die for a number of reasons. I'll generate a list of things that I have experienced that have contributed most to my "I'm done" attitude
>Watched my brother murder my Mother in front of me when I was two years old
>Dad was never in the picture
>Adopted by wealthy Caucasians
>hoorayimsaved.jpg
>sexually abused by neighbor's father from 10-15
>from this experience I was done
>joined the military to try to make my life mean something
>fell in love with a girl
>abused in the military
>have been trying to kill myself since I was 15
>I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, this is diagnosed by a professional

I'm pretty drunk now so forgive me if the list is not super comprehensible/straight forward. My life reminds me of an awful television script more than anything else. People tell me that I'm dramatic but I always found that funny considering the rather insane and painful life that I've endured to this point.

Not great, plans got cancelled. Now I'm just sitting around

No, you're fine. Very concise. I'm experiencing INTERNET FEELS and I want nothing more than to reach out and pat you on the back. My life was 100x better than yours and I still think about ending my life all the time. I guess I'm a selfish person on both counts.
Why not just become a freaky artist? Are you funny? I sense intelligent, creative vibes from someone with a lot of experience. A lot of great people are tortured by their past and get by spreading joy.

I'm sure that you've had your struggles as well, no sense in measuring dicks over who has suffered the most. Pain is subjective anyhow, so I'm sure you've felt the same way that I have even if the physical manifestation of your challenges has been different. I appreciate the internet pats.

Hahaha I've thought about going the freaky artist route before. I am actually going to try to get into the adult entertainment industry before I kill myself. I have loved porn since I was a youngster and it was my only escape. A lot of people grew up with social heroes, but my heroes were guys that laid some fucking pipe for a living. I always loved to see grown ups not giving a shit and having a great time fucking. At the end of the day, that's about as good as life gets as far as I'm concerned.

As far as spreading joy, I have a hard time with that. I no longer am capable of feeling true joy, and since it doesn't exist in my world I have a much harder time bringing it about in other people's world. I used to be much better at being funny and charismatic but now that I can't find it within myself it's more difficult for me to identify how to make it happen for someone else.

Thank you for talking to me tonight, by the way. I'm very lonely. I am going to smoke a cigarette now but I'll be back shortly. I pray the thread stays alive

I'm the same way with sex. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a prostitute. I've always had a knack for rubbing people the right way.
Life feels a lot like stumbling around in the dark, I'm glad I'm not the only person with problems.
I'll wait a few minutes before I bump this.

S-A-F-E-T-Y
Do the safety bump

Sex is great. Since dreams and fantasy almost never happen in reality, I've always enjoyed making it happen for people sexually. It's the closest thing to intimacy I can achieve with another human being. I almost get off on the idea of being able to break people's mind and make their fantasies come true. It helps my sleep at night knowing that someone has had at least one experience that they will never forget, something that they didn't believe was possible and yet I was able to make them believe in something greater and be a part of that.

Does what I said make sense/do you relate to it at all?

Absolutely! I get off on getting people off. I've always been a chronic masturbator, and I edge for hours and sort of melt my brain. I go well out of my way to try and consolidate/accelerate orgasms for other people. I think it stems from a lack of approval as a child, now I want it in the form of squirts and screams.

That's probably a good read. If you're like me you probably have a hard time cumming with another person/need a lot of encouragement that it's okay to feel good and be the one that gets to have good feelings.

Also judging by what you said my guess is that you're also like me and can tell the difference between silly acting and genuine pleasure in pornography, with the former being an extreme turn off and the latter making you cum buckets

I did have that. I've never ejaculated from anything other than coitus. Oral sex never stimulates me enough and I usually just request that we stop. And yes, of course. You can't REALLY fake an orgasm.
Do you like traps/shemales? I've never, ever had a violent sexual fantasy. I'm very oriented towards consent and the pleasure of my partner.

I have only cum from oral sex a few times, and it has taken excessive effort on the part of the female to calm me down and help me open up and trust her enough to bust. Do you need to be in control of what's going on during sex in order to feel pleasure?
I enjoy traps yes, but imagine that it's only for the taboo aspect and the aesthetics of balance that get me off. I can say more on that if you wish.
I have many violent fantasies, but all of them involve consent. It makes no sense logically, but rape is extremely arousing. Luckily for me, I have found partners that agree. Roleplay for nonconsentual sex can be very stimulating. As long as you know your partner wants to have sex with you, the rest of the violence is just manipulating emotions to make the experience more intense. I have had the pleasure of working with girls that enjoy being abused in a controlled environment. There is a weird situation that arises where the girl is really the one in control even though you are "raping her. I recommend exploring it if you ever have the chance

Not really. Control has never been my thing. My fetish for traps is really, REALLY deep-rooted. It's like a sect of cuckoldry. Imagine, as a male, being completely replaced by a race of women with penises. I get off on being rendered completely obsolete.
I've never tried roleplay or consensual violence, bar a little choking. I'm a pretty vanilla dude. Still, that sounds like fun. But I've talked myself into a relationship from high school that's been with me for four years. I've only had one sexual partner. I feel some obligation to her even if I can't gauge my own happiness from the relationship.