Worst internet date stories thread, I'll start

worst internet date stories thread, I'll start


> I set up a date with decent looking girl
> go to pick her up at the intersection she told me (first red flag)
> drive past, see 3/10 landwhale
> pic related
> parked down the street and wondered if it was worth it to go on
> call friend and ask advice
> “you don’t have to do anything, just enjoy the day…also not my fault if this goes south”
>ugh okay
>pick her up
> she wanted to do netflix, asked her if she wanted to get a bite first
> she said she hadn't eaten anything yet today (3pm) so I was like yeah let's go downtown
> on the way she tells me she's been in and out of different mental institutions "but the last time it totally wasn't her fault"
> also she's 17 not 21
> we get downtown and she sees the burger king
> sign on the window says "CHICKEN FRIES ARE BACK"
> and she says "CHICKEN FRIES ARE BACK!"
> okay then, I guess we're going to BK
> buy her chicken fries
> talk for a bit
> nothing in common
> walk outside after, she pulls out a cig
> I ask if I can bum one and she says sure
> Jesse always has a lucky cig turned upside down and it was recently the pivotal moment in the final season
> she says she's never heard of it
> what you mean you haven't watched it
> no I don't know what that is
> you mean you're not at all familiar with the immensely popular emmy award television series breaking bad?
> no

cont...

> remember there's a little fun fest thing happening in my town
> don't wanna take her to my house so I offer to check it out instead
> "look at me, I'm not very active, I don't wanna go walk around anywhere"
> uhhh
> okay
> take her back to my house
> she sits down on my bed immediately
starts texting
> I'm trying to see what she wants to watch
she says she doesn't care
> turn on "the re-animator"
> thinking she likes quirky bad horror movies
> turns out that movie starts out really fucked up, heads asplode, etc
> she's creeped out
> "oh no, my boss just texted me! I've gotta go in"
> it's 4:30pm on sunday of labor day weekend and I know she's a receptionist at a dentist's office
> so willing to get her out of the house I buy the lie
> driving her back
> she gets a little shitty so I call her out on it
> something amazing happens
> we get to debrief this entire terrible encounter
laugh and joke about how much we dislike each other the entire way back to the intersection I picked her up at
> best conversation we had all day
> "at least I got free chicken fries out of it"
> “yeah, you sure did”
> she says she's gonna defriend me on okc right then and I'm like yes please do it
> she gets out of the car
> "well you seem like a nice guy so I won't say it wasn't nice to meet you"
> yeah sure, see you later
> oh wait
> no I won't
> peel off in my dad's buick

I wish I could say I never went on okc again, but sadly I have more stories...

this turned out ok
tell us your worst

That sounds almost as bad as the time I went out with a girl who had no teeth.

Bumping for interest.

I have a few...

>talk to girl on tinder
>she seems really cool, enjoy talking to her for a day or so and we decide to meet up
>meet up, she looks like her pictures
>relieved.swf
>notice immediately she has a ton of scars
>ok, probably DTF
>starts talking about feminism
>daddy issues... totally DTF
>i have to go do something but i ask her if she wants to hang later that night at my place
>tells me "well i took some random psychedelics before we met up and i'm gonna just go walk around and trip all night by myself"
>realize immediately she's not damaged goods by a bad father, she's basically trailer trash
>never talk to her again
>she messages me later asking if i want to do "something weird"
>ghost her

i guess it's not that bad when i write it out. i'll try again.

your story was bad and you should feel bad

>match with and talk to cute legal teen red head on tinder
>not overly chatty, so i'm pretty sure she isn't fat
>wants to meet up the next day
>says to come to her place to watch netflix
>my fatty-dar is going off
>get to her apartment, knock on the door
>door opens and all i see is a large floral pattern behind the frame of the door
>oh shit, it's her dress. she's fucking fat.
>knew it
>immediately she goes to hug me
>me: hey! i parked out front, do i need to have like a parking validation or something?
>oh no, you should probably move that's a tow zone
>oh ok! thanks! i'll do that then be right back
>just drove home
>get out of my car
>three texts from her
>"how far away did you have to park? haha"
>"did you get lost?"
>report her profile for "bad offline behavior"

not getting pictures before your date, terrible dude

Bumping for potential

top kek, I have a tinder date tomorrow and I really hope she isn't secretly fat, feel ya man

I have a penchant for redheads. I was willing to take the risk. Also sometimes you jut need a night off of fucking, it gets exhausting taking home a different slut every night without a few rest nights.

>report her profile for "bad offline behavior"

kek'd

Fuckkkkkk I just got a date with a cute german chick I met on Tinder and these stories have got me scared!

Please tell us more Mr user

German, as long as you don't mind getting pegged, or shit on and you're not a Jew, you'll be fine.

I love fucking red heads man, don't get me wrong, just wouldn't knock on the door of a hornless unicorn is all

>pof
>some 6/10 chubby blonde messages me
>chat for a couple days
>plans to meet at a mall
>arrive at the mall
>see a short, hunched, prematurely balding landwhale in a trenchcoat
>literal 0/10
>fucking catphished
>reluctantly go ahead with date
>maybe she's fun to be around
>spews nothing but cringeworthy shit you'd expect to hear from autistic high school kids
>3 agonizing hours later she's tired and wants to go home
>fuckingfinally.jpg

deleted my account as soon as I got home

continue

>on Plenty of Fish
>24 at the time
>29 year old hottie chats me up, wants to go for a date
>pick her up, she lives in a rich neighbourhood
maybemysugarmomma.jpeg
>she gets in my 2001 Chrysler Intrepid -"user, where is the car in your profile pic?"
>think back, I used a picture where I was in a convertible I borrowed from a buddy
>"oh, I don't own that car" (too beta to lie on the spot)
>realize car is a Lexus convertable
>Dammit she's a gold digger
>we are just about at the restaurant
I say "I'm just going to take you home"
>15 minutes of silence until we get to her house
>worse date ever

yeah could've been prevented. worth the 20 minute round trip drive to check her out I guess. I didn't put this in the story but, I got snacks on the way home and they were pretty dope so... good night over all.

you stayed with her for 3 hours?? I've been cat-fished before. I just left immediately or called them out for it and left.

snakcs are a pretty good score
was my story and I didn't get any snacks on the way home. bummer

>girl is surprised about something very different from your profile from you in real life
>better just cancel the date

...

no shit why the fuck would you go 3 hours.. 15 minutes tops, what the fuck 3 hours. Did she hold him as an emotional hostage

that's a good point user, I didn't realize that I could have gone ahead with the night and got laid

too beta to run

we never do, user

this is turning into a feels thread, lets get another story going

kek'd. What was the third text?

oh good question. it was "wow."

Can't you read? It was "report her for 'bad offline behavior' "

>okc
>t-girl
>maaaaybe 8/10 but all pictures from the same angle and facial expression
>pick "her" tall ass up
>it's a dude with long hair and makeup
>drive to a school parking lot and smoke a J
>walk around town smoking cigs
>kissed it for some reason
>"oh wow, I thought you weren't interested in me!"
>drive off
>txt it I'm not interested

I knew it was coming but I had to check anyway. It was also 17 when the profile said 18

see
Maybe you can't read nerd idk.

yeah sorry, typo from me. that wasn't her message. that was what i did when i got home haha.

No, I'm preeeetty sure it's you and other user who have things wrong.

user, don't try to cover up the fact that you were just embarrassed about how bad of a kisser you are

This is the first time i genuinly enjoyed something on Sup Forums thank OP!

literally this

betas run from bombshells but can't run from land whales topkek

Pretty damn sure she's not into that type of stuff

Bump

I once met a big fat bitch in college online that I had to go get her jack in the box while she was in my apt. She still ate and we still fucked, and her giant body still hid a tight shaved pussy. Drove her inbred ass home and never spoke to her again. Shits fucked.

Why did you make her jack off in a box?

I don't think I'm a very good kisser actually but I'm good at making out...with vaginas

The fact that you call it that shows me you're not ready

If you have stories please share them so this thread does not die

I'm too old to change the way I talk so that teenagers won't think i"m underage on this site. Have you ever made a girl orgasm with your face?

Oh boy here we go...

>6/10 match on Tinder
>dtf?
>dtf
>ezpz.jpg
>set time and date
>wants me to pick her up from her house and bring her back to mine after coffee
>k cool np
>get to her house
>nice ~3000sqft home in the suburbs
>girl is like 22 wow she must be doing well for herself
>knock
>she opens the door and greets me with an expression like a dog that just spotted a bird
>oh its just a super lazy eye
>must've missed it - all tinder photos taken from other side of face
>k I can deal
>asks me to sit in her kitchen she just has to grab some things
>an old man walks into the kitchen
>realise it must be her father and her fathers house
>"you must be user, its so nice to see femanon finally getting a date"
>uh...what are you saying
>"well you know shes had her troubles in life with the autism and all that and she cant find a guy to stick around."
>wtf why is this guy telling me this
>"you know, I took her to see so many doctors and none of them could help her you know? she tried so hard to pass high school but it never clicked and she was homeschooled dont you know?"
>im not even breathing at this point
>"shes gotten better as she gets older but she has her outbursts every once in a while. her dream is to open a cupcake store did you know that?"
>dude no I didnt know that I barely know your daughter
>she comes into the kitchen
>"okay user lets go!"
>scared as fuck
>maybe the old man was trying to guilt me into not pumping and dumping his daughter
>might not even do it now b/c I found out shes autism
>get her in the car
>she wants to go to Starbs like 15 mins away
>fuck that
>drive her to a mcdonalds like 5 mins away from her house
>tell her the coffee is better at mcdicks
>she believes me?
>walk her inside
>say I forgot my wallet in the car
>get in and drive away

Rough man!

hahhahahahhah bruh wtf

>meet girl on okc
>7/10, not drop dead gorgeous, but good enough by all means
>conversation is going alright and i'm pretty desperate so i agree to meet up
>she looks almost identical to her pics except for one tiny factor
>she has a giant scar on her face
>i'm desperate and i know i'm not much of a looker myself so i just kind of roll with it
>we go to some bar and talk about random shit, making up stories for the people around us and such
>we end up hitting it off, and she tells me i'm the first person she has had this much fun with in a while
>at this point i'm barely noticing the scar, am legit attracted
>we end up stumbling back to her place
>when we get there she starts crying and talking about how her ex cut her with a knife
>A FUCKING KNIFE
>i comfort her, as she tells me how she hasn't been able to trust anyone since but i seem ok
>suddenly, pounding on the door
>man's voice on other side:
"I TOLD YOU I'D KNOW IF YOU STARTED SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. YOU AND YOUR BOY TOY ARE DEAD."
>he starts pounding on the door and we start freaking the fuck out
>i about shit myself when he says:
"heh, i see you still keep a spare key out here"
>suddenly, i hear the lock turning
>i know in this moment i am going to die
>next thing i know he opens the door
>gets on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>Tinder match with solid 8/10
>Meet up
>Things go well
>Get invited back to hers
>As we get to her front door I notice that her back tattoo is actually an owl
>AUTISM ACTIVATE
>"TWIT TWOO ILL STAB YOUR POO"
>Awkward silence
>Get kissed goodnight
>Door is shut behind her

This must fucka right here

...

But you just said Mr. Manager...

>forgot wallet in car
Classic

>meet fat chick at Concert
>pretty nice person, Not that ugly, dig her tatoos
>chat on FB
>turns out she is really fucked up
>crying all the time, cutting herself etc
>help her out a bit, she gets better even manages to acquire friends
>half a year later decide to Visit her
>thinking: she lives Alone, has friends, pictures looked like she lost weight
>I'll loose my virginity tonight.txt
>arrive and a shock fucking hits: she has gotten even fatter
>Not even wearing clothes just some robe type thingy to Not make her Seem fat
>BE nice, maybe once you are drunk enough you will fuck her
>her place full of stuffed animalis (fucking psycho )
>hang out and Netflix
>She is a terrible conversation Partner, does not talk at all
>during the night I Kiss her
>feel so fucking disgusted that I decide to leave
>just say I will go now, so I can sleep i my own bed
>ride the train for 5 hours to get home, arrive at 8 am

No dating website, but still related.
Cringe to this day when I think back

Dear mother of god this sounds exactly like my ex and its only the first part

Best decision ever (to leave).

Yes it was for the best. I have terminated all contact since. She is propably still crying over it but wcyd.

That's a "worst internet date" story?

No dating site involved, but was definitely the weirdest/worst experience i've had

>in college
>wake up hungover as fuck
>OH SHIT IT'S BIOLOGY TIME
>hurry in
>only one other girl is in there
>check my email; class was cancelled
>fuck
>start talking to girl, she's pale and thin
mytype/10
>it's like she's hanging on my every word
>suggest we go back to my place
>we bone
>next morning wake up
>penis hurts like hell
>look down
BLOOD EVERYWHERE
>oh shit, what the fuck is going on
>look over at girl
>was skeleton the whole time
2spookt

How the fuck did you even manage to get that out of your dumb mouth!

I have an issue with finding myself hilarious at all times.

You don't even want to know how bad I am at funerals.

Finally someone that understands me

pt1/2
>be me, chat with random girl on hotornot
>6.7/10 get pictures and dirty talk. totally dtf
>she want's to have a netflix n chill weekend
>dtf confirmed. initiate mission pussydestroyer.
>meet this chick in a local mall, pretty good looking brunette. a little thick but definitely not fat
>she get's weird, can't breathe. turns out she's super shy and i'm the best looking guy she's been with
>ayylmao, derp around mall eating and chatting
>drive over to my house. girl immediately heads to the bedroom
''i was thinking i'd show you the place but okay let's roll baby''
>girl is unpacking while i turn on the tv and browse popcorn time (that shit still worked)
>put on corny horror movie and get in bed, it was late already
>after a bit of jabbing i decide to go for it, chick is into it
>about to take shirt off. doesn't want to, is insecure about her belly.
>pops out tits instead. laying there with panties and a shirt on, totally gonna fuck
>suck on deez for a while, rubbing her panties while girl moans
>she turns around and takes panties off.
>aww fucking yiss
>dick hard af put it in, girl is dripping wet
''NYAAA''
>excuse me wut.jpg
''i'm sorry i'm kind of into anime and it just came naturally.
>muh fetish muh dick
>cum instantly
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>skip to day 2
>been fucking around since last night. about to fall asleep.
>ded.
>wake up after a while, wake up with girl on me. fucking heavy af crushing my organs, grinds on my dick
>m'lady.jpg
>take her doggystyle again, girl goes into hentai mode.
>continue until day 3
>weekend is over. need to get you home
''i've been thinking, can i stay over for this week? i love you and my boyfriend doesn't want me home''
>uwotm8
>sorry got work, go to car while girl is sobbing ''i love you user pls''
>gives me a leash, ''i can be your kitty?''
''nah i'm good let's get you home''
>rant mode activated
>she wants to marry me, have my kids etc, ohgodno she's freaking me out

Heartily keked good one

i still miss her, user :(

As a hamplanet I've never catfished a guy. It's terrible for both parties, rejection and embarrassment. There are plenty of niches out in the world anyway. I've always set up profiles on sites for bbws, or always just honestly portrayed my mass in full aimed for the fattie inclined. Never been rejected on a nsa hook up date, always get spoiled. Weed, booze, food, a movie, etc. The rich older guys looking for a pillow princess are always fun. Or just a cool husky stoner my age that I can actually relate with and end up having as a fwb. Only have one story to share.

>Pof date with husky Brazilian stoner, we flirt and set up date. Has nice anaconda, sweet.
>Picks me up in some fancy lexus, I hop in. Chit chat as we drive to his place.
>Notice handles on wheel that look different. What?
>Roll into luxury condo garage, he shuts off car, leans over to kiss and says....
>"Hey I hope you're not too upset, bit I'm disabled, I use a wheelchair. Just that it seems to turn off most chicks."
>Oh....fuck ok whatever this dude seems cool I don't discriminate.
>"Well no worries dude, not a deal breaker obviously"
>Get out car as he swings himself into his chair, noticed his legs extremely emaciated looking. Try not to stare, but feeling a bit awkward.
>Head to his apartment, dank weed. Drinks, dinner, vidya games. Really funny sweet guy after all.
>Making out, I'm pretty tipsy so I feel for his massive hard on.
>Just feel boney thighs and squishy lump.
>He moves my hand away, feels up my chest.
>Confused, did he send me another dick pic or is he not hard or....
>I ask to move it into his bed, he hesitates.
>"Look, I just love pleasing a big woman and your tits are amazing. Let me just make you cum, I'll eat you out for hours"
>Oh shit, he doesn't have a functional penis. Got sent a false dick pic. Dang. Damn was looking forward to getting pounded by such a meaty porksword. Welp. I'm too drunk so whatever, give in. He's a sweet dude anyway.
>Give in

i wanna see how this plays out

pt2/2
>Pedal to the metal, driving to girl's bf's home
>what the fuck did i get into.
>arrive. mad kid comes out of house with a golf club. a fucking golf club.
>girl grabs her luggage and hops out while guy is screaming and coming down the driveway
>quick peek at backseat. girl took all her shit it's time to bail
>Drive off like a maniac thinking i was about to die
>get home, 5 unread messages.
'' i love you baby let's hang out again''
>that didn't happen or am i tripping balls?
>tell her that i will never see her again. good luck with your boyfriend
>block everything
>2 month's later check out her instagram
>she turned into a lesbian, stopped streaming on minecraft & CsGo etc.
>mfw i turned a woman lesbian
>oh yeah btw she designed our future home in minecraft...
>bruh
>get death threat from boyfriend, i'm the fifth guy she's been with.
>cucklord
>never again