Can we have a feels thread?

Can we have a feels thread?

My grandmother died a few days back from Leukaemia and her funeral was yesterday. Or the day before, I'm finding it hard to keep time. She was one of only 2 people I am close to, the other person being my friend from University. I don't have anyone else. I live with my parents but we aren't close.

I've been hearing voices telling me it was my fault she died. How do I make them be quiet? I just want to die. My friend is coming to see me tomorrow to take my mind off things, but I'm sick of being a burden.

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I've been in a similar situation with you after my girlfriend killed herself. I can promise if you want it to get better, it will. I know that sounds weird but I understand that sometimes you don't actually want to get better

I don't know what you're going through. I can't say it's going to get better, but you are not the reason of your grandmas death. Everyone has their time, it's inevitable. You need to keep her with you in your heart and to not regret anything. Don't be sad because it's over, be happy because it happened. She's the reason you are you, so act on it.

grandma died on the 8th on may.
i feel you bro..
stay strong, please

My perspective on my own willingness to pick at emotional scabs is that lingering emotional pain feels familiar eventually. Efforts to change might feel as though you're asking yourself to betray your own personality and the person you loved. user is correct that it gets better in that pain will diminish over time. That's the way grief is, and there are millions of lonely, tortured people like you, mourning a spouse, a child, a marriage. Live sucks, but stick around and find out what happens next.

Thank you all, I feel slightly less alone tonight.

>be me
>orphan
>raised by alcoholic and abusive foster parents
>grow up abused and witnessing violence in family
>get diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder
>attempt suicide 2 times
>gets hospitalized and I have to take 5 different medication, nothing for anxiety
>i can't leave the house without having a full blown panic attack
>cry every night to sleep
>i caught first bf cheating on me
>second one beat me up then left me, it's been a very while and I still cry thinking of him and I'm not recovered yet
>he immediately get a new boyfriend, I was shocked and disgusted, I still am.
>nobody to date
>i only wish to have a boyfriend to love and cherish for life
>drop out of college
>come out as fag to mom
>she threatens to kick me out of the house
>nobody to love and take care of me
>i cry everywhere due to intense emotional pain and i tell other people that I'm okay
>i hate myself for allowing me to live till this point because the emotional suffering is so intense
>i don't care about my family since it's their fault
>i hope i rot in hell as I'll suicide within a month, I just wait for the perfect trigger

I consider suicide daily, you Sup Forumsros is all I have and I post this in every feels thread :(

Everybody in this thread have problems, Everybody in this thread fights with ourself,
Everybody in this thread just wants to be happy,
Everybody in this thread CAN AND WILL BE HAPPY. It's possible. Just fight until you win.

Hey user. I recognise you from the last thread. I also deal with suicidal thoughts pretty much every waking moment and intend to do go through with it within the next few weeks. I have MDD and Anxiety also, alongside other things. I would get panic attacks daily, often multiple times a day. I dropped out of my first college course and I'm failing out of my second one because I'm a piece of shit. I am not close with my family either, though my parents themselves were not alcoholic.

I know it doesn't mean much coming from a stranger and perhaps even hypocritical of me to say so, but I'd like to think we'll both be alright at some point user.

Best wishes.

Aww, thanks for the adivice, user, well appreciated ^^

>that feel when you can't trust women anymore
>all you see is just vaginas tits and asses
>I know how men think like cause I'm one, so wont turn gay

TIME TO GET A DOG

>maybe a cat is fine too

Anyone else gave up on finding the "one"?

Same here, user, and I'm a gay guy....

>Loss
youtube.com/watch?v=tcLJP3evnHI
>Love
youtube.com/watch?v=T1hfaRJ1EU8

Sorry to hear that man, there is nothing I could do to repair what others have done to you, there is no way I could turn time back and be there to defend you, all I can do is tell you to stay strong.

We must stay strong.

Should i even try anymore

>21 virgin
>nolife with social problems
>Live with parents
>Never been working
>Don't understand that world
>Decided to leave from my cave
>Met a girl,and fell in love
>Spent a lot of time with her
>Fucked up everything because of zero experience with women
>Got friendzoned
>Think about her everyday and cry
>Feel lonely
>Have nobody to live for
>See myself as a 40 yo fat virgin nolife fapping to cp found in the darknet
>Have no reasons to live

I stopped after a while, no one understands you, you don't understand them, you feel pain they "haha" about it, they joke about something stupid and you "haha" about it.

Gave up long ago.

Honestly, they can fucking text and if they truly care they would text you first.

If they go with ''omg, but i was busy I couldnt text'' just tell them you dont wanna bother and you want a sign first

keep trying, dont give up and what you want will come. just keep your fears in mind and try to steer yourself away from heading into what you don't want

>have no reason to live
>thinks about his future as a person that is alive
chill out man, i know it's hard but stick by her side as a friend and she will eventually turn back and into your arms

you know something user ?
maybe some of us are not mentioned to have this kind of relations with people,
and i am a perfect example for that, i don't like people to get too close to me, i get scared of being involved in relations with women, and i can't handle being in huge crowd, and i like being lonley more than any thing else, in fact lonliness doesn't bother me as long i have everything i need in the same room with me
i just can't imagine my self living with another human, i am selfish and arrogant i don't think i will ever find a girl who can accept that and live with that.
i tried to get in relations before, and i didn't make progress at all

Yep
Thanks for the advice

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I just found out my birthday is next week. Some people would be ecstatic to know that. The thought of receiving presents from the company of loved ones. And I can't blame them, who else wouldn't love being next to his girlfriend or wife blowing out candles and eating cake and getting pictures from their parents after surviving another year on this shit hole we call Earth, once more feeding our livelihoods to the people we envy.

Of course I'd love to celebrate another year of my life. But as soon as I remembered that it would be within a week, I remembered that I wouldn't receive any gifts from family members. And I can't celebrate with a girlfriend because I don't have one. But it's alright, I don't expect much anyways. I've started to expect less every year, and at every event. It's a sad thing to do, yes, I know, but in my opinion it's the best way to prevent disappointment. I prefer to just ignore and continue my days as normal instead of doing something that makes me expect something from people I know they wouldn't care for doing.

And this brings me to here. To Sup Forums, it's strange, to have a moment of realization, a slight depressive state then continue on to complete numbness as if nothing happened. But that's a different thing. Sorry that this was so long, didn't mean to make a fucking novel, just wanted to get a little bit of something off my chest.

This was good i seem to feel the same way less and less people seem to care about you as you age.

Yeah, thanks, I've started to really prefer to continue my day as if nothing happened. I knew my birthday was near, but not within a week. Maybe because I haven't been paying attention to the dates much.

>I've been hearing voices telling me it was my fault she died. How do I make them be quiet?

You get yourself a bowl of icecream. You sit down. You listen to the voices. You let them tell their full story. You hear what they have to say, and honestly, genuinely (for just a moment) see it from their perspective. Then you decide for yourself if what The Voice~eeess have to say resonates with your version of truth, and move on with your life.

How to keep The Voice-eees whispering in your ear forever: ignore them, and get super stressed out every time it happens, teaching your body in a pavlovian sense to freak out every time you think you hear them, training yourself to go into this positive feed back loop where the more it happens, the more you think of it NOT happening, which causes it to happen because you're thinking so hard about how to make it stop but nothing works and omfg I just wanna' dieeeee and PANIC AND WTF IS EVEN!?!?!?!111 one one oe one one

So, choose accordingly.

i don't think this is exactly the right place to post this but i need to vent. here's my whole shitty dumbass story.

>friend (who i have always known has BPD and depression) calls themself a monster all the time, i assume they're just putting themselves down
>they tell me today that they genuinely think they're "a monster in human skin", not quite akin to a otherkin thing because they seriously think like this
>i start panicking because i thought that despite their mental problems they were mostly normal and well-grounded
>really care about them and worry about the mindset of not even thinking that you're human, consider it damaging
>they are at a loss as to why i'd even care that they think this way
>was getting really close to them and worry now that they're just completely deluded
>last best friend i had was fully deluded and manipulative, made me feel miserable, start being reminded of this
>calm down
>think that even though they think this way, i still love them and want to continue being their friend, they're pretty much normal besides this, don't want to lose their friendship
>look back in chatlog and realize i've hurt them, unsure if my reaction was warranted
>start self-hatred
>think that i overreacted and that i'm a horrible shitty friend who always ruins every friendship i have since i make a big deal out of things that aren't that big a deal
>hate myself to the core, hate everything about me that makes me who i am
>think about all my negative traits
>want to die but don't want to commit suicide, just want to stop existing forever
>log out of all chat things for the night and plan to be completely alone at least tonight because i deserve it
>plan to drink heavily
i deserve to be alone. also if the person out there in question is here, i'd honestly want to kill myself if they read this.

When i go to sleep i wish for death , hate waking up and try to sleep more and more.

We need more bumps and stuffz

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i love my wife.
i love my child.
i love my job.
i wake up every single day and the first thing i mutter to myself is "i hate my life".
yet.
it's not really true, it just feels true.
i don't really hate my life.
i hate what i do with my life.
i waste time watching videos and fapping to porn.
i waste time reading the news and trying to make sense out of this world.
i waste time dreaming about how much better my life would have been if i had just made one different decision.
but its too late.
its always too late. to change the past. to not say something. to do something different.
that's not the point. the present is slipping away and the future is the problem.
that only changes my depression into anxiety.
i feel more comfortable with depression.

>she will never love you as much as you love her

I pretty much got out of the hospital today, from taking 4 bars of Xanax and a case of Budweiser, got out of rehab gave up drinking after that, and also put myself on a anti drinking medicine so is I ever get lonely it I won't relapse again, I just want to be happy, but Everytime I got to a good state of mind my life would somehow spiral out of control

Hey man. It's alright, it'll be fine. You've done nothing wrong. That feeling of being subhuman is something some of people dealing with mental illness, including myself, can feel. Shit, I said the same thing to my friend on quite a few occasions. I don't feel like a person, I'm genuinely shitty and don't really feel deserving of being acknowledged as a person at times.

Speak to your friend about how much you love them, they will appreciate it. My friend has saved my life just by being there to talk about the simplest things. You aren't at fault here at all, and you don't have to hate yourself. From your post I can tell you genuinely give a shit. You haven't ruined anything man.

It's alright.

But .. It can't be true

>i deserve to be alone
>better head to Sup Forums and vent

People can find the anonymity comforting, they have no obligations to the people they know IRL here. I think of all places to vent a feels thread is appropriate.

i don't know what else to do with myself. also i'm an attention whore (that's something else i beat myself up over all the time)

you're probably right. i'm still going to try and drink myself to death tonight though.

it is

>tfw she left you and hasn't looked back once, while you still can't stop thinking about her

Rekt

We've gone too far to let this die.

there's always another bus every 15 minutes

>and then they point out that you broke normalcy by doing so outside of their perceived boundaries

Good post

Take some time tonight. Let yourself process things. Sober up tomorrow and if you feel it will help, send a message to your friend. Take care.

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Sorry to hear that user, but you dont want her to look back. Her looking back is way worse trust me.

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>be me
>virgin
>Anxiety disorders, Depression, and mild PTSD
>Just Graduated high school
>survived by the skin of my teeth
>none of my friends live close by
>depression kicks back in
>the voice in my head telling me I'm worthless
>Parents think that I'm a lazy bum.
>depression sucking away my energy, don't want to live
>suicide comes back to me
>can't go through with it because guilt
>enter qt3.14 from out of the blue
>thinks I might have a shot
>she wants boy advice
>I give her the advice, the guy and his friend are screwing with her
>she says she's done with boys for now
>tell her I need girl advice (for different girl)
>she doesn't give me shit, other than, "just ask her"
>I get upset, tell her that I hate myself and I want to self destruct
>she says she doesn't need that sort of drama, stops texting
>tries texting other friends for support
>nothing
>sinks deeper into depression
>brother calls me a retarded bum, says I'm a pussy.
>Job interviews seem to never pan out
>College calls me
>says that because i'm taking a gap year, they are going to need me to reapply
>lose needed scholarship.
>parents blame me, say that I ruin anything I touch.
I'm probably gonna go speeding down the highway and wrap my car around a tree soon, been nice knowing you guys, you made the last year of my life a bit more colorful

>Meet cute girl who obviously is interested but know that your life situation would never let it work

how is he going to tip the chair over once he gets his head in the noose?

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I feel ya user, I don't feel happy when I'm sober so I get drunk as balls every single night
But being drunk doesn't make me feel happy... just doesn't make me feel anything at all, neither sad nor happy - but I guess it's better to feel nothing than to constantly feel sad and wear down everyone you know

We're here for you user

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I get that people think that me killing my self is selfish, but in reality, they won't regret my death for the rest of their lives, and some of them might come to be thankful that I'm gone

where did any of that even come from? do you just enjoy your pain?

Then there might be someone that actually will miss you but never told you that they loved you

better to just steer clear. dont want to involve pure people into our tainted lives

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> anxiety comes from my closet status
>depression comes from me feeling like my only worth to my parents was being smart and having a future
>PTSD comes from watching a plane hit the building where my parents worked (they lived but still, I have nightmares of that shit)

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when people love people they will fight through their fears of rejection and come out. its the sad truth

> they don't care. the only person who might care is my doctor, but then again they have a clinical detachment

none of these things even involve you directly at the root. you're doing this to yourself

dont you want to see what happens next in life and reality though? You never really know what could happen. That alone makes living worth it imo.

this

dude I don't care about what happens next. I should just stop the process. all I am is a drain on resources

Our situations are incredibly similar user (right down to the gap year), I hope you feel better soon, you deserve to feel better.

where's this self entitlement coming from?

Today is my birthday. The last time I celebrated it was with my therapist in Mc Donald's 5 years ago. I wish I could hold someone's hand

I don't deserve it. I've failed at the one thing I was good at, being smart and having a future, and ive ruined people I barely knew by being an asshole to cover my own flaws

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I'm gonna be a 20 year old kissless virgin in a few weeks. I feel like the fact that I can't even do something that literally everyone else is doing means there is something really wrong with me and it's probably the fact that I'm ugly af

Happy birthday user
Even my dog doesnt love me it pushes away everytime i try to love it

I don't deserve it, it's just a milestone.

you really shouldn't have done those things. nothing you can do about it now, it's best to not let it get to you, if it does then you're fucked

Hey, user. I'd hold your hand. If we cuddle, could I be big spoon?

Sure

We all deserve something sometimes (:

I don't deserve to be here, farewell

I wouldn't mind sending you a birthday present in the mail. That's help another friend get through rough times.

What was the name of this film!?

legit question. i want to know how to feel self value

Happy birthday user :D

something tells me you're still in this thread, might be wrong though as i have been before so many times

all I feel in terms of value is that I'm a tool for thers to use and dispose of as they se fit

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+1

>She will never call me again just to say how much she loves me.
>She will never come to visit for tea like she did every day when she was well.
>I will never hug her or hear her voice ever again.

She didn't know she saved my life when she would come to speak with me every day when I had no one else. When I was housebound for months on end because I was too afraid to go outside. When she would give me kind words of encouragement and never expect anything in return. I've been hearing voices for quite a while now (a few years), but they've taken this as an opportunity to make me hate myself more. I miss her so much. It doesn't feel real, I still expect her to come knocking on the door with that same jovial expression and things from the local bakery and tell me everything's alright. We'll sit down and make some tea and she'll tell me about her week. That's all it took for me to keep going some days.

The last time we spoke before she died she said she would like to come visit for tea, but that she knew she couldn't. She went very quiet after that. The last thing she said was "come visit again, won't you?", she died before I returned.I hate myself for that.

During her funeral I couldn't bring myself to look at the open casket. I held it together the entire day until I had to place a flower on her coffin. Then it hit home. I left straight after. My dog knew something was up because he wouldn't leave me.

I am glad I have my friend. I promised I would not kill myself as we need eachother, and she is all that I have now, but every waking moment I think about the noose in my drawer and want to use it. I have for years now.

I know how that feels, user. It sucks, but then I realized the other guy she's with is trash. I know both of them which nakes me feel a lot better. Just don't think negatively about it and you'll feel better eventually.

sorry to hear it man. you are lucky to have known someone that kind and special.

Here's a bit of hope spot for you Sup Forumstards.

I met my fiance on Sup Forums a couple of years ago on a thread similar to this one. It was about the horrible things our parents had done/said to us and during that thread we got to talking. She gave me a throwaway to keep in touch and as the weeks went by we saw how compatible we were.

We lived in completely different countries and when the time was right I went over to be with her.

It's been almost 2 years since we've kept our relationship going and are getting married in december once she moves in with me, if everything works out and the paperwork goes through.

We're both severely fucked up in our own ways and have our own demons to take care of but we managed to find happiness with each other on Sup Forums, and we weren't even looking at the time.

Point is, life is weird and happiness comes to us at the absolute strangest moments.

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